Monday, May 27, 2024

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Impact Write-Up (March 17th, 2011): The Street Fight That Never Was…

My, how the time flies. I feel like I just did this. Haha. Last week, we saw a six way tag team match between The Beautiful People and their paranormal counterpart against a midnight snack, a bowl of spicy salsa and their mile-wide hip…ster, Angelina Pivarnick. We also saw the quick and fruitless return of former TNA Knockout, Roxxi, to the Impact Zone. Needless to say, it was a definite sight to see. This week, we have yet another installment of the championship open challenge, as well as a mixed tag team street fight that is bound to leave us all scratching our heads. Are you as excited as I am? Oh come on. I know you are. It’s time to flip the switch and shine the light! Vamos!

Our fight glimpse comes from the trailer park behind the arena, where Angelina Love and Velvet Sky are seen prepping for their match later in the night. Well, A. Love is grooming her blonde locks while Velvet seems far too pumped. She tells Angelina to go after the little one while she finishes some unfinished business with Sarita. A. Love, all the while, seems none so interested and almost spaced out while Vel Vel rambles on, talking about how excited she is that they are finally going to be teaming up again. Because they totally didn’t do that a couple of weeks ago or anything. Geez! Anyway, in comes Winter, much to Velvet’s dismay and she informs Velvet that it will not be her in the street fight. Instead, Vel is out and Winter is in, due to Velvet’s jealousy this past Sunday at Victory Road. Winter goes to pull Angelina away but Velvet is hellbent on trying to convince A. Love that it wasn’t her fault they lost at the pay-per-view. She is sticking to her guns that she was only trying to help them. All Angelina can do is simply look annoyed and confused, albeit even, under the influence of drugs. I’m pretty sure Winter is slipping her ruffies.

The first “match” of the evening, comes in the form of the Madison Rayne open challenge for the TNA Knockouts Championship. For weeks, she has been inviting women from the past and present to take her on for her title. She is bored with current competition and wants to step it up a notch. First, she’s taken out ODB, then Roxxi and now, she’s about to take on the returning Alissa Flash. In a slight switch, the challenge comes out first, looking incredible until she gets knocked down the ramp by an upcoming Madison Rayne and her bodyguard, Tara, who is holding onto the belt. Tara looks like a walking St. Patrick’s Day advertisement. She cheers Madison on while she lays the kicks, knees and fists to Lady Flash, finally rolling her into the ring. The bell sounds and the self-proclaimed Queen of the Knockouts division, rubs her opponent’s face into the mat then slowly takes her down with the Rayne Drop. The pin…the three and within the blink of an eye, Alissa Flash’s return is over.

But is Madison ever done? No. Because SHE’S A KILLER QUEEN! Her music blasts but she begins raking at the eyes of Flash until Mickie James runs down the ramp, clad in an age old outfit and brand new red hair. Her music doesn’t even hit until she gets down to the ring, chasing Madison and her fruit loop, Tara, back to the ramp. Mickie tells Madison to get back in the ring but naturally, The Queen declines the invitation. Mickie tells her that week after week, she’s watched her do these open challenges for the title and she is sick of it. She says that Madison prides herself on being a fighting champion, so why not fight her? What does Madison have to lose? Absolutely nothing. However, Madison wants to know what makes Mickie think she can waltz in and demand multiple title shots. As far as Madison is concerned, unless Mickie can make it worth her while, she is out of shots.

Mickie, without hesitation, asks Madison what the Princess wants. Madison, The Queen, corrects her on her position within the royal ranking and tells her that she wants it all. A nice little hair flip and Madison wants it all. She tells Mickie that she wants her trademark, those gorgeous, auburnish colored locks of hers. If she’s going to put her title on the line, she wants Mickie’s head. She wants to scalp Pocahontas in the ring at Lockdown, after she beats her and humiliates her in front of everyone. What does Mickie have to say to that? “You got it!” And it’s game, set, match!

And of course, last but not least, is the six way mixed tag street fight. Out first are the Mexican American trio of Hernandez and the new TNA Knockout Tag Team Champions, Sarita and Rosita. Do they look like they’re about to compete in a street fight? Hell no. They look like they’re about to hit up the club down the street. I mean, really. Anyway, they’re cute and unfortunately, we have to listen to Hernandez talk a little trash before the match. He tells all us gringos, Welcome to Mexican America, which is basically another version of LAX, if you ask me. Nonetheless, the team of Angelina Love and Winter are out next, to Winter’s creepy little lullaby theme song. Angelina, herself, kind of looks like she is ready to dance the night away while Winter looks more like a thief of the night. Hide your valuables, ladies and gents. Their tag team partner, Matt Morgan, is out next and he is ready to get the show on the road.

In they slide and nuLAX is on them like a pack of dogs on a lone rabbit. They’re vicious on the attack, the girls brawling on the outside while Hernandez wraps a towel around Morgan’s throat in the ring. After a moment, the Loco Latinas make it to the apron but are quickly taken back down to the floor by Winter and A. Love, leaving them to brawl on the outside while the main focus seems to be on the men of the match. A few camera glimpses and the pair of Locas are back up, this time climbing on Matt Morgan like a jungle gym. He picks them both up and carries them halfway across the ring, dropping them like ragdolls. In crawl Angelina and Winter, who picks Rosita up and cracks her like an egg at breakfast with a backbreaker. Into the pin and you can bet your ass she gets the three count, winning the match for her team. However, before a victory can truly be celebrated, an unknown man dressed in street clothes runs the ring and begins attacking Matt Morgan, taking the girls by surprise.

They aren’t sure what to do but all they can do is yell at them to stop. A few stomps and kicks later, the two men finally turn their attention towards the former Knockouts Tag Team Champs and this doesn’t looks pretty. But, what they don’t see, is Matt Morgan hulking it up at the ropes. Naturally, like real gentlemen, Hernandez and his new mystery tag partner throw A. Love and Winter toward Morgan and make a quick escape to the ramp, talking trash like only they know how. Who joins them? Only the Loco Latinas, of course. I told you it was a sight to see.

Thoughts: Well, all together we go about 10 minutes of Knockout action this week. I guess we should be grateful we got it at all. Not much of a pair of matches, if you ask me. Both were pretty squash and swift. I think it is a little crappy that Alissa Flash wasn’t alotted more time. I believe she is very talented but we know she’ll keep shining on the indy scene. As for Mickie’s new locks, I like it. Whether or not she gets to keep them, we’ll see. The street fight, I won’t even touch. That was quite frankly the worst street fight I think I’ve ever seen. It was just a messy six way mixed tag with no tags and little spots worth my attention. Not very happy with TNA this week so hopefully, it gets better next week. Until then, my lovies. xoxo

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