Wednesday, August 10, 2022

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Impact Write-Up (May 13th, 2010): Two Times the Tara, Lacey Von Face?, More Randomness

So it’s been awhile since I’ve had to do an Impact Write-Up and to be honest, I’ve enjoyed my little vacation from the asinine side show that has become Total Non-Stop Action. I, for one, am incredibly glad that TNA copped out on this whole Monday Night Wars 2.0 thing because they were getting anally raped and not in some sadistic, kinky way. Once upon a time, the Knockouts flourished on Thursday nights. They ran the company with their perfectly manicured hands balled into tiny iron fists. They set the standard for women’s mainstream wrestling and made the Divas seethe with envy over their greatness. If there truly is a wrestling god (I’m talking to you, JBL!) then this move for TNA back to Thursday nights will light a fire under the collective asses of “management” over there and us Knockout fans will get to see our girls shine like the sun on a perfect, late Spring day. No more clouds in the sky for the Knockouts. Use them wisely, TNA. They are your ratings!

How’s that for an intro?

So this week’s Impact is the first official Thursday show, not to mention the last show before TNA Sacrifice. There was a lot of Knockout action tonight and you know, it actually seems slightly interesting. Tara competed not once, but twice tonight against Taylor Wilde and Sarita. The Beautiful People had a backstage segment and Madison Rayne finally told everyone they needed to let the new girl run with the ball and basically just accept the fact she is champion. Velvet Sky continued to be snarky towards Lacey Von Erich, who showed the first signs of what I feel could be a face turn coming in her future. And Chelsea starred in a fun angle that basically dominated the entire show. I hope you guys are ready for all the HKA… hot Knockout action!

The Beautiful People are backstage with Jeremy Borash and it’s basically Madison’s chance to get people hyped up for Sacrifice. She calls Tara out on her ridiculous behavior and psycho-like obsession for the Knockouts Championship. Madison reminds everyone that she is champion now and that basically it’s her turn to run the Knockouts division. Madison puts over the fact that she’s a fresh face for the division and then Velvet chimes in that all the gold will stay where it belongs come Sunday because she says so. Lacey Von Erich, who’s been spastic this entire time, cuts Velvet off before she can finish, steals Velvet’s line, and basically runs off to pee. Velvet gets seriously irritated but Madison gently reminds her that Lacey is really pretty and the segment fades back to the ring area. Tara versus Taylor Wilde is next.

Taylor Wilde is out to the ring first and she has Sarita with her. They do their horrible ring entrance (what’s up with female tag teams having choreographed entrances now?) and then Tara makes her way out. She’s looking fit and feisty, and we get reminded about all the drama she had last week with Taylor and Sarita. Wilde is attempting to look tough at this point and honestly, her acting makes me laugh. She’s like a little poodle who’s trying to stare down a raging bulldog and it’s not going to end pretty for her, I’m sure. The referee orders Sarita out of the ring and now we have two former Knockouts Champions about to go at it.

Tara turns her back to Wilde, and begins to badger Sarita. That gives the Canadian a chance to catch Tara off guard and she fights the bigger woman down to the mat. The referee pulls Taylor off of Tara, and Tara rolls out of the ring. She attempts to collect herself, but Taylor is perched on the ring apron and comes flying off. Tara is taken to the ground, mounted, and punched repeatedly in the face and head. Taylor is once again pulled off Tara and she’s not really overjoyed by it. Tara rolls into the ring and when Taylor follows after her, Tara attempts to take her down. Taylor ducks and takes Tara down with a knee to the abdomen.

Tara backs up to the ropes and begs Taylor to stop. The blonde is understandably weary at this request and motions at Tara to come at her. Tara is pleading with Taylor, saying that they’re friends and whatnot, and all Taylor can do is glare. She’s not buying it and for some reason, she gets the bright idea to charge at Tara. Tara sends her flying through the ropes and Taylor lands on the entrance ramp. Tara gets out of the ring and slams Taylor’s face off the floor only once before tossing her back inside. She grips the ropes and attempts to somersault onto Taylor, but Taylor moves and Tara lands on her pancake!

Taylor springs into action via the middle rope and launches herself off. Tara catches her with a sloppy kick to the stomach but Taylor sells it anyway because that’s her job. Tara goes for the cover and gets the three count, which is a shady ending to a pretty nice little match but oh well. Tara rips off her own kneebrace and begins to beat down Taylor with it. Taylor acts like she’s getting nailed to the cross. Apparently the pain she’s feeling from this post match attack is excruciating. Sarita finally makes the save and Tara bolts, receiving a nice round of applause and a light chant on her way out.

After the match and the shenanigans, we go backstage once again where things are kind of interesting. Security is crowded around Chelsea and her man, Desmond Wolfe. Wolfe is screaming for everyone to get out of the way and Chelsea is crying and freaking out basically. Something weird has definitely happened. As the night progresses, this whole Chelsea angle continues and thanks to Christy’s on site reporting, we find out that Chelsea was allegedly attacked but that they’re not going to release the name of the attacker until that person is arrested. Later on in the night, Abyss is scheduled for a match against some guy but when his music begins to play, he never comes out. Low and behold, Abyss is seen being arrested and I reckon he’s the one Chelsea named as her attacker. Abyss is denying that anything has happened and Wolfe is livid, and takes a cheap shot at Abyss. Hogan is about to cry because he feels that his monster is innocent and he even puts a hood over the head of Abyss so no one can see the poor thing’s face.

Now, in my humble opinion, this is where things take an interesting turn. Hulk Hogan and his eighty-seven inch pythons are seen on camera talking to someone who is off camera. Lacey shows up and tells Hogan that he needs to watch the video that she’s taken with her camera phone. Since Hogan likes young blonde girls, he does what Lacey has requested and once all is said and done, the head honcho is left reeling. Uh oh. Cue the commercial break. Once Impact returns, we’re treated to the sexy Eric Bischoff talking to Tara. Apparently he doesn’t really like her attitude and to punish her, he is forcing her to wrestle again tonight and this time, she’ll be facing Sarita. Bischofflicious wants to know why Tara has such a crappy attitude as of late and our girl sets him straight by saying that we’ve just seen a sample of what she’s going to do Sunday at Sacrifice.

As Sarita comes to the ring, a video of what happened earlier between Taylor and Tara is played. As we learned from my bb Eric, Sarita requested this match and she’s going for revenge against Tara. Sarita meets Tara on the ramp and the two women begin to brawl towards the ring. Sarita’s in firm control of everything and eventually she forces Tara inside the ring. As the bell rings, Tara does some scrambling and finally just crawls right to the other side and out of the ring. She doesn’t want any of Sarita at this point. The speedy Sarita is right on Tara’s heels and she makes sure Tara’s face eats the steel ring steps. Tara staggers back and wildly swings in Sarita’s general direction, but the brunette beauty ducks that and drop kicks Tara back towards the ring post.

Finally, Sarita gets the action back to the ring and she throws Tara inside. She then climbs to the top rope and goes to fly. Tara moves out of the way but the talented Sarita lands on her feet, rolls through the move, and takes Tara down with a great looking clothesline. Once Tara is back to her feet, Sarita nails her with an elbow, and finally plants her with a flashy little take down. Sarita’s flurry of offense is impressive, to say the least, and Tara is forced to back up to the ropes. Tara appears to be crying now and she’s wanting Sarita to just leave her alone. Sarita doesn’t fall for it and she goes at Tara. Tara tries to send Sarita over the ropes, but Sarita manages to use the momentum to her advantage and keep her upperhand on Tara. Sarita actually shows some personality and just starts bitching about what’s been happening and she goes at Tara like a woman on a mission.

Tara senses Sarita has a screw loose at the moment and grabs onto the ropes. She holds them in a death grip as Sarita comes forward. The dark-haired Canadian goes right for Tara’s knee brace and starts stripping it off. The referee gets involved and pulls the crazy Sarita away from Tara which sucks, but oh well. He pays the price for getting involved because Sarita ends up nailing him in the face. It’s a pretty good looking shot and Sarita is shocked at herself and tries to check on him. That gives Tara an opportunity to use her knee brace as a weapon and dispose of Sarita. She cleverly covers the brace with her body and the referee makes the three count. Tara has won her second match of the night and looks like a million bucks going into Sacrifice. She even gets in a few cheap shots on Sarita.

The night ends on a fun note for the Knockouts, in addition to the matches were able to see. The footage from Lacey’s phone is shown to the three people who watch Impact on Spike and to those who actually pay money to watch the show taping. Desmond is seen on camera ripping Chelsea’s dress and telling her to play like she got attacked. They go over her lines for the cops and basically Lacey is a modern day Sherlock Holmes.

Dramatic night.

The Good: Well, I can’t really complain about the lack of Knockout action or storylines tonight, now can I? Sacrifice was hyped pretty well and we weren’t blinded by Beautiful People body glitter this week. I LOVED the angle with Chelsea and Desmond and kind of marked when Lacey busted them for their lie. I hope beyond hope that this is the beginning of a face turn for Lacey, because she’s getting on the nerves of the Beautiful People. If TNA were smart, they would continue with this. Surely Chelsea and Desmond are going to be furious that Lacey of all people stuck her nose where it didn’t belong and ratted them out to Abyss’ BFF. And also, they’ve got to be pissed that Lacey was spying on them, right? I know I would be. There is a lot of promise in this angle and TNA would be stupid to just blow it and forget it even happened.

We got two matches tonight, both featuring Tara, and it’s a fitting end should this be the last time we ever see her on Impact. She got to be the star of the show, in a way, and her match with Madison at Sacrifice is probably going to deliver. I have mixed feelings about Tara leaving TNA, but it’s probably better for her that she does. Tara has nothing left to prove to the wrestling industry. We all know how fantastic she is and at this point in her life, she should do whatever is going to make her the happiest. We know she’s going to be a success because Tara is the type of woman who is going to work her butt off for whatever it is that she wants. I respect that and I know that the majority of you do as well.

I like the fact that Velvet always seems to be annoyed by Lacey. Her bitchy attitude towards her teammate is pretty funny and the fact Lacey is oblivious to it makes it even better. Madison has a golden opportunity this weekend to cement her status as the queen bee of the Knockouts and I believe she’ll do just fine. She’s making me believe she really wants to be a respected champion, especially when she said she wishes everyone would just let the new girl take the ball and roll with it. Sunday is going to be a big night for Madison Rayne and I hope she’s ready to take that huge step.

The Bad: I don’t really know what was bad this week. I’m not used to doing a Write-Up that’s all sunshine and roses so it’s kind of weird that I’m sitting here and trying to find something to complain about. Some people will probably be a bit miffed by the fact both Taylor and Sarita were destroyed by Tara, but I didn’t see anything wrong with it. Taylor didn’t get demolished until after the match was over and Tara was unable to get a clean win over Sarita. Lets face it. TNA hasn’t given anyone much of a reason to care for Taylor and Sarita at this point, so hopefully their fans can take this with a grain of salt and just appreciate the fact both women got to be on television this week. With Tara leaving and Daffney and Angelina injured, we may get more of Saritaylor in the upcoming weeks so that’s definitely not a bad thing.

We’re going to skip the Ugly section this week because I’m feeling generous, or maybe I just can’t be assed to be that picky this week. TNA wasn’t God’s gift to wrestling this week but their effort certainly doesn’t deserve to burn in hell either.

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