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Impact Write-Up (November 24th, 2011): Don’t Cross the Boss

Hello everybody, and welcome to another thrilling, chilling edition of your weekly Impact Write-Up. As you all wind down from your large meals and early bird shopping specials, Impact rewards us with a dose of THANKSGIVING…THONG…THUNDER! That’s right, say it three times fast and a thong clad turkey appears before you a la Beetlejuice or Bloody Mary. Everyone’s favorite VP of the Knockouts division, Miss Karen Jarrett took it upon herself to book a six Knockout “Lingerie Bowl” involving Tara, Brooke Tessmacher, and Velvet Sky against Winter, Angelina Love, and Madison Rayne, but on top of that we also get to see the bright and shining faces of Mickie James, Aunt Traci Brooks, and the gold clad, Gail Kim!

Alright, let’s get things going before that thong wearing bird shows up to hijack our write-up.

The first Knockout related segment takes us to a recap of last week’s well received gauntlet match, that showed Mickie James emerge as the new Number One Contender. From there, we take it to the arena where the beautiful angelic theme of Miss Karen plays across the sound system. Out walks the benevolent queen herself, along with her cohorts in this battle for Knockout Supremacy, Madison Rayne and Gail Kim. Also close behind is none other than Aunt Traci, whom we’ve all come to know and feel jealous of, in that she gets to work alongside Miss Karen.

The four ladies execute their weekly entrance where Aunt Traci is forced to hold the ropes open for her three fellow Knockouts, as Miss Karen takes a microphone and demands that Angelina, Winter, Tara, Brooke Tessmacher, and Velvet Sky get their booties out to the ring right this second! The five ladies do as told, as they enter the squared circle and listen to what the stunning starlet of Impact has to say. Miss Karen tells them all to stop, before directing her attention to Velvet. She claims that they have a dilemma before them, as despite all of Miss Karen’s efforts to clean up the division, the nasty, disgusting, horny, perverted freaks in the crowd want to see more skin!

Miss Karen states that there are a few of the ladies who won’t have a problem with this being they walk around flaunting themselves all day long, but that there are some of the knockouts who think they are real athletes. She provides them with a newsflash, in that there is only one real athlete in this division, and it’s the woman holding both titles, Gail Kim! Miss Karen proclaims that tonight will be the first ever Knockouts Lingerie Bowl, which is soon to become a Thanksgiving tradition! She orders them to go in the back and get their skimpiest pieces of lingerie and bring them back out here.

Miss Karen says that Velvet should know exactly what she’s talking about due to the pole she slides up and down on when the perverts shove dollar bills in her bottom! She says that if anyone has a problem with this, they can walk out the door because there are hundreds of girls who would kill to have their spot on the roster! With that, Miss Karen and Velvet have a stare off, as all of the knockouts exit the ring and head to the back and get ready for their upcoming match.

As we return from a commercial break, we head back to Christy Hemme, as she stands by with Velvet, Tara, and Brooke to discuss their feelings on Miss Karen’s decision to book a lingerie bowl. Tara proclaims that she is sick of being treated like a joke; that she thought she left this crap behind her! She runs down a list of degrading matches females have taken part in, questioning if TNA just wants them to wrestle naked. She says that they aren’t here to be nude, rather they are here to be the best wrestlers there are. Tara wraps it up by claiming that she is not happy with this decision at all.

Brooke Tessmacher then takes the mic and says that this is a slap in the face to the division. She says that at home, she takes pictures and she models because she enjoys to do it, but when she’s here at her job, she wants to wrestle and become a serious athlete that can whoop some ass. She says that this is a joke to the division, as Velvet takes over and says that this is very degrading for her considering she just came off a Knockouts Title Reign. She brings up that a week ago, she was Knockouts Champion, and now she’s wrestling in lingerie.

Velvet relates this back to that “monster” (her words, not mine) Miss Karen; how she’s had a personal vendetta against Velvet for months now and she’s begun to drag Tara and Brooke into it as well. Sky says that she’s sick to death of Miss Karen, but that right now she’s going to keep her cool. They agree to go out there and show that they won’t let Karen get to them and vow to put on the best damn lingerie match possible. With that, they head out to the ring and get ready for competition.

Before the match, we head backstage again to see the intelligent being that is Gail Kim, as she praises Miss Karen and claims that she would NEVER question a decision made by her. (you and me both Gail) Out of nowhere comes the country lass, Mickie James, who storms into the room and demands to talk to Gail in private. She tells Madison to back off, as the two head into a room in the back, and Mickie states that she can’t believe what Gail is doing. She says that of all people, everything Gail said and did prior to coming here is wasted by agreeing to support this idea of a lingerie match.

Mickie believed that Gail was going to come here and make a positive impact on the division instead of setting it back ten years. Gail claims that she has made a great impact, as Mickie says this is crap and she knows it. She cant believe Gail would stand for such a stipulation after everything that she said in various interviews, as Gail gives the BEST ‘WTF’ face I have ever seen in my life. She orders Gail to go to Karen and put a stop to this right now, but Kim claims if Mickie isn’t happy that she can just hand in her notice and leave.

Mickie says that perhaps if Gail wasn’t shoved three feet up Karen’s backside, she would see what a hypocrite she’s being. James goes to two step her way on out the door, but Gail tries to attack her from behind and the two ladies brawl around the room. Mickie throws Gail into a wall, but the ever so caring, Madison Rayne quickly charges inside and slams James into the lockers. Gail tosses Madison out of the way and begins going crazy on Mickie, screaming “HOW DARE YOU, YOU TRASH!~”. As I wish to relive how brilliant this segment was, we must now go to the match itself.

The frightening chime sound effect plays, as a cold chill runs across the Impact Zone. Christy Hemme announces both Winter and Angelina to the ring, as they walk out… but it seems the brilliance that is Winter decided to try and cover up as much as possible. The duo steps into the ring, as out next comes Madison Rayne, dressed in her pink robe. Rayne enters the fray and removes the robe to reveal something that actually does cover more than almost all of her wrestling gears. Up next comes Brooke, sporting a men’s striped shirt, and Tara, sporting actual lingerie like Angelina. Velvet Sky follows, displaying a large shirt like Brooke.

Once all six females are inside the ring, the bell sounds and Winter takes it upon herself to pose on the turnbuckle. This sparks Brooke Tessmacher to follow suit, and remove her men’s shirt to reveal some blue get up. She tosses the shirt outside but misses the camera, only to blatantly see the camera man catch it and cover the lens up himself. Angelina is up next with her posing to boos, before Tara joins in to cheers. Madison finishes it up for her team to a not so good reaction, as Velvet removes her shirt to cheers and reveals what I think is a dress? The bad female trio poses together to more boos, as the fan favorites follow suit to cheers…until finally Angelina, Winter, and Madison attack each of them from behind.

All six go at it in the ring, until Madison kicks Brooke out and Angelina does the same to Velvet. Winter chokes Tara on the ropes with her boot to a count of four, as the crowd begins to get behind the veteran. Winter slams Tara into a corner and begins to punch her relentlessly. She tosses Tara around some more, as we head to a commercial break. Once we return, Tara is in control as she drops Winter with a few clotheslines and a bodyslam. Tara sets herself up and executes the Standing Shimmy Moonsault for a two count.

Tag into Tessmacher, as they double team Winter with a clothesline/asstastic combo in which Brooke screams for Winter to eat it! A pair of armdrags follow, as they trade Irish Whips and Brooke connects with a dropkick to send Winter into her corner. Madison tags in and attacks Tessmacher from behind, before sending her into the corner and choking her with her boot. She waves to her adorning fans, and goes to charge into Brooke, only Tessmacher moves and takes control with some punches.

Rayne sends Tessmacher into the opposing corner, but meets a boot to the face for her troubles. Brooke then goes to kick Madison, but the Killer Queen throws her legs over the middle rope and slams her head into the canvas. Madison chokes Brooke in the ropes as the crowd begins to get behind her and Winter tags back in. Winter with a backbreaker to the knee for a near fall, before the pasty wildcat toys with Brooke and tags in Angelina. The two of them connect with a double team clothesline, as Angelina covers for a two count.

Brooke tries to fight back, but Angelina drags her away and drops an elbow. She then begins to choke Tessmacher out, before going for a Suplex that Brooke counters into a roll up for a two count. Angelina locks in a submission hold, before driving her knees into Brooke’s back. She Irish whips Brooke into the ropes, but the two connect with a double facebuster to send both ladies down. They crawl to their respected corner, as Angelina tags in Madison and Brooke tags to Velvet Sky! Velvet charges with a series of clotheslines to all three of her opponents, before running off the ropes with a bulldog on Madison. Sky looks to go for the Sky High Facebuster, but Winter stops it and is met with a spear by Tara.

All six ladies are going at it in the ring now, as Angelina, Madison, and Winter try to send the three to collide in the center of the ring, only they stop each other and take down their evil opponents with clotheslines. Tara and Tessmacher take out Angelina and Winter, as Madison hits the Rayne Drop on Velvet. She notices the referee’s back turned, and goes to grab her title, but out of nowhere, Mickie James runs out and snaps Madison’s head off the ropes, leading towards Velvet hitting the Sky High on Madison for the victory! She, Tessmacher, and Tara pose for the fans, as we wrap up the first ever Thanksgiving Thong Thunder match.

Thoughts: A jam packed, surely controversial week in Knockoutland. I don’t even know where to begin with all of this. I will say that I think TNA handled the Lingerie stipulation well, and gave us a multitude of great segments to show that they weren’t just pleased to be there and do it. I think it helped a lot to know that the faces want to be taken seriously, and so they don’t just agree to go out there, smile to the crowd, and wave to say look at me. The Mickie/Gail segment was my favorite, and it was definitely needed to keep the momentum for their feud building. I can’t wait to see what they do next week, but I demand more of this because I think they work insanely well off each other in segments. Gail’s attitude towards Mickie’s claims that she expected more from her was stellar and I can’t say enough good things about that segment.

The match was what it was. I think it was pretty much a standard Knockouts match anyway, and like I said, some were wearing more than they do for gear anyways. It was still fifteen minutes long (shh, i’m disregarding that five of those were for posing), and I thought all six looked and performed great. TNT is becoming one of my highlights of the show, and I think they are a great team that works so well off one another. I do wish they still had the tag team titles because I would love to see them feud with Winter & Angelina, but as long as I keep getting to see them every week I’m good. Enjoyed the show even if it was surrounded with controversy.

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