For the first time in the history of my SmackDown Redux, I’m going into the A-List show absolutely cold turkey, unsure of what exactly is going to happen. On Tuesday night I took a serious vow to remain spoiler free this week and to not watch the show until it airs in the U.S. on SyFy. I’m pleased to report that I stuck to my vow and as I write this, the show is getting closer to starting. All I know is that the main event features the team of Kelly Kelly and the World Heavyweight Champion, Edge, taking on the team of Michelle McCool, Layla, and Dolph Ziggler. As cool as mixed tag matches are, this one gets even better because on Raw, Vickie Guerrero announced that this match would be for Edge’s championship. Call it his punishment for using the banned spear at the Royal Rumble. I call it freaking epic because this is going to be the best Redux in the history of Reduxes.
I really should not be this excited for a taped wrestling show.
And so the show begins. We kick things off with Booker T in the ring announcing that he is the newest addition to the SmackDown broadcast team. This upsets me because I am a Matt Striker fan. I’ll miss you blue eyes. Anyway, Booker T does his spinaroonie thing in the ring and as that concludes, Vickie Guerrero and Dolph Ziggler make their way to the ring with extreme, massive heat. Vickie is screaming excuse me and they get in the ring with Dolph helping his girlfriend get in like a true gentleman! Vickie says that tonight will be a SmackDown we will never forget. She has set up qualifying matches for the SmackDown elimination chamber and then she begins to talk about tonight’s main event. She calls Dolph the uncrowned world champion and she brings up Kelly. She calls her a tramp and orders her to come to the ring.
RIGHT NOW KELLY KELLY.
Kelly finally comes out to a massive pop and Dolph and Vickie look at her in disgust. They are not happy with the gorgeous blond princess. Vickie demands to know who Kelly thinks she is because she put her hands on her (Vickie) at the Royal Rumble. She blames Kelly for costing Dolph the match at the Rumble and she wants an explanation. Vickie claims that she has thought about what to do to Kelly all week and as easy as it would be just to fire her, she would much rather humiliate her and strip her of her dignity, piece by piece. Vickie wants Kelly to feel what it’s like to be a distraction and she wants her to live with the fact that she is going to be the reason that Edge loses the World Heavyweight Championship. Vickie sneers and tells Kelly that Kelly must have forgotten who she was dealing with.
Kelly has her own microphone phone and she just laughs. She says that everyone knows who Vickie is. She says that Vickie is the person who is constantly backstage rifling through her stuff and unfairly invading her personal life. Kelly says that she’s sick of it and instead of Vickie firing her, maybe she should just quit. Vickie replies that she has no clue what Kelly is even talking about and Kelly gets up in her face and says that Vickie is nothing more than a power-hungry, vindictive, paranoid witch. Kelly then screams that everyone is sick of Vickie which brings the former Intercontinental Champion to his girlfriend’s defense.
Dolph points at Kelly and says that he doesn’t care about Kelly’s accusations towards Vickie. All he knows is that Kelly cost him HIS world heavyweight title. Dolph is pissed and tells Kelly she has nothing to say and that when she ran down and attacked Vickie, that allowed Edge to take advantage of the situation and use the banned spear to finish off the match. Dolph wants to know if Kelly forgot that little tidbit of information and he points at the ‘Tron and tells her to take a look.
Cue Royal Rumble footage that isn’t really footage. It’s merely a screencap of Dolph getting speared. Lulz.
Dolph glares at Kelly and says that Vickie can’t reverse the referee’s decision but he wants Kelly to know that he is the UNCROWNED World Heavyweight Champion. He continues on his tirade by telling the sunshine blond that the only reason she is allowed to stand in the presence of himself and Vickie is because Kelly will likely be the reason that Dolph does become the champion later on tonight. Kelly is fuming and Dolph continues to verbally bitchslap her by telling her that until the main event, she is of no use to anyone. He tells her to get out of the ring and practically tries to shoo her towards the ropes. When Kelly refuses to comply with his demands, Dolph gets irritated and screams “NOW!” Kelly narrows her blue eyes and reaches back, and slaps the holy living shit out of Dolph Ziggler.
The bleached blond championship contender hits the mat, grabbing his face in pain, and Vickie attempts to get up in Kelly’s grill. Kelly shoves Vickie right on her butt after blocking a slap, and she bucks up to Vickie. The trash talking and insults are flying, and Lay-Cool come rushing to the ring. They bump Kelly away from Vickie and bully her into the corner. They look like they want to attack but Edge comes flying in the from the back and slides in the to protect his tag partner. Lay-Cool wisely back up and Dolph attempts to attack Edge. Edge sends Perfection flying from the ring, orders Kelly out, and Lay-Cool and Vickie wisely get out as well. Edge joins Kelly and both sides stare one another down while SmackDown goes to commercial break.
What an opener, ohmygod.
Observations: My God what an opening segment. I’m fairly certain we can all agree that it was the biggest moment in Kelly’s career and she made the most of it. Her passion and fire were evident and wow that slap to Dolph nearly took his head off. Homegirl brought the emotion and she blossomed into a full blown force to be reckoned with right in front of our eyes. I don’t know if this means the Kelly/Drew storyline is done, but at this point I don’t give a crap. This is better. This will mean more for Kelly in the long run than some pointless angle with McIntyre that no one cared about from the start.
I’ll be honest, I was so baffled about Kelly’s random run-in at the Rumble. Now, I’m just grateful and excited that the WWE writers came up with it. Tonight is going to be epic.
Later on in the night Edge and Kelly are backstage. He is moaning about his title reign coming to an end tonight because the deck is clearly stacked against them and he is telling Kelly that he didn’t think things would end like this. Kelly looks incredibly annoyed and she comments, “so you don’t have faith in me?” Edge tries to cover it up by saying that Kelly can’t beat two Divas at once and Kelly once again repeats herself, saying that Edge doesn’t have faith in her. That gives her a chance to rant and she compares Edge to Drew McIntyre, saying that men were all the same. Edge seems confused and asks what Drew has to do with things and Kelly says it doesn’t matter. Edge tries to apologize in his Canadian language but Kelly shakes it off. She says that sorry just isn’t good enough and she walks off leaving the champion shaking his head.
Observations: Edge’s Canadian accent is so sexy. Anyway, I like the fact Kelly mentioned Drew here because it basically explains why this storyline has abruptly come to an end. Thank you wrestling god (JBL).
To cap off this amazing night we get into the main event of the evening. I don’t know about you but it’s basically been the only thing wrestling-wise I’ve cared about all week! Lay-Cool, Ziggler, and Vickie are the first team out and they head out to Dolph’s theme song which I sing at the top of my lungs every morning when I do my make-up (true story). Layla, Michelle, Dolph, and Vickie look like a force to be reckoned with and the ring entrance Lay-Cool and Ziggler come up with is truly gorgeous. I love these three so much I swear to goodness. Wow.
Out next is Kelly Kelly. She gives the fans a smile and but turns serious as she makes her way down the ramp. She smartly decides against entering the ring on her own and waits for her tag team partner, Edge. His music hits (which I know every word too as well and sing on the way to work each morning; again, true story) and he looks positively delicious. He joins Kelly and together they make their way inside the ring. Dolph taunts them both and even rubs his cheek in homage to the vicious slap Kelly gave him earlier. “Metalingus” by AlterBridge dies down and Tony Chimmel begins to make the introductions. He introduces the challengers first. Lay-Cool are greeted with heat (so please people don’t comment by saying Lay-Cool do not get heat) and Ziggler’s reaction basically mimicks the girls’. Their opponents are announced and Kelly Kelly’s pop is superb. Edge is announced as the champion and we’re basically set for the greatest match of all-time.
Or so we think…
Ziggler and Edge get ready to square off and while the referee is showing off the belt, Vickie gets on the microphone. She declares that if Edge uses the spear in any way, shape, or form he will be stripped of the championship effective immediately. Edge is not amused. The bell rings and we are set to go. Dolph and Edge circle one another before getting down to business.
Why isn’t this part of the match taking place at my house?
Dolph levels Edge with a kick to the stomach and begins to pound him down to the mat. Apparently he has a lot of pent up anger and frustration over being the uncrowned champion and instead of finding more productive ways to deal with it, he just beats the heck out of Edge of thirty seconds. Alright then. Dolph gets back to his feet and Edge has to use the ropes to help pull himself up. Dolph takes advantage and whips Edge across the ring. Edge manages to duck a clothesline and when Dolph spins around Edge takes him down. He follows it up with a wicked clothesline, throws Dolph into the corner, and then throws him up in the air. Dolph’s gorgeous face crashed to the mat and Edge backs up looking for the spear. Vickie teases him and tells him to go for it, but of course Edge can’t. It doesn’t matter anyway because Dolph rolls out of the ring to avoid further punishment.
Edge has other plans.
Dolph looks to climb back inside the ring but Edge greets him with a dropkick right through the ropes. Dolph crashes hard and Edge gets out, and throws his challenger back inside the ring. Dolph scrambles to his corner and reaches out to Lay-Cool and both girls tag him. Layla and Michelle hit the ring and almost immediately the referee orders one of them to get out. Layla argues with the ref while Michelle assures her bestie that she has things completely under control. When Michelle turns around, Edge is waiting for her and she jumps. She tells the Rated R Superstar that he has to get out of the ring and the referee finally tells him that he really doesn’t have a choice. Edge reluctantly turns around and glances at Kelly who actually seems ready for this opportunity. She nods her head as if to assure Edge that everything is going to be alright and without having a choice really, Edge exits the ring and stands on the apron.
Kelly gets inside and looks at Michelle and just when the girls get set for action we are sent TO A FREAKING COMMERCIAL BREAK. THANKS WWE.
After what seems like forever, SmackDown returns with Michelle beating the tar out of Kelly in the corner. She’s squeezing her face and yelling at her, and when the referee finally forces her to back off, Michelle turns to Edge and starts taunting him. Epic. She turns back to Kelly who kicks her and grabs her up by a handful of hair. Kelly ends up positioning herself on Michelle’s shoulders with her legs wrapped around the neck of the former multi-time Diva’s Champion. She falls back into a handstand and starts choking Michelle. Dolph and Layla are freaking out while Michelle screams for her life. Kelly breaks the hold by backflipping down to the floor. She jerks Michelle’s feet out from underneath her and pulls the FSU alumni to the mat. Kelly drops down beside Michelle, grabs her by the head, and starts pounding her face into the ground. Kelly looks at Dolph and Layla and sends a mental “eff you” towards them as she climbs back up on the apron. Layla charges her but Kelly kicks her square in the stomach and to the outside. Michelle gets up and knocks Kelly on her back but when she goes to grab her, Kelly kicks her away. Michelle goes back but Kelly locks her hands on the bottom rope and attempts to get her legs around Michelle’s neck again. Michelle grips her tightly and Kelly relinquishes her grip on the ropes. Michelle spins her around as Kelly tries to fight out of the hold and she just slams Kelly Kelly into the guardrail.
Goodness gracious that was one of the sickest bumps I’ve ever seen.
The side of Kelly’s head smashes into the steel and she’s laid out on the floor. How that didn’t knock her out is beyond me but my God, Kelly is down. Michelle seems shocked at what just happened but she finally claps her hands and dusts them off for a job well done. Michelle gets Kelly back in the ring and goes for a cover, but the referee won’t allow it to happen because Michelle’s feet are underneath the ropes. Michelle responds by kicking Kelly more towards the center of the ring, while Dolph goes off on the ref for his questionable decision making. Michelle improvises by stomping on Kelly some more while Dolph taunts the helpless girl by yelling “stay down, Barbie.” Michelle points at Layla and asks her if she wants some, and of course Layla is always game. The girls make the tag and Michelle whips Kelly right into devastating clothesline courtesy of Lay. Layla smiles proudly and goes for the cover, but Kelly is able to get the shoulder up.
Layla forces Kelly back into the Lay-Zig-Ool (sorry Kaval) corner and makes the tag to Michelle. Michelle comes in only to have Kelly tossed in her general direction. Michelle wraps her arms around Kelly’s waist and plants her into the mat with a beautiful belly-to-back suplex. Michelle locks her eyes on Edge as she goes for the cover. Kelly manages to get her shoulder up much to Michelle’s disgust. Kelly reaches towards Edge for a tag and tries to get to him, but Michelle stops her via a handful of hair. She picks up Kelly but Kelly is able to flip out of her hold and nail Michelle with a huge slap to the cheek. Michelle goes down but all of Kelly’s energy has been exerted and she still can’t make the hot tag to the champ. Michelle gets up first and kicks Kelly even further away from her partner. She stiffly kicks Kelly and finally throws her into the heel corner. Then she makes the tag to Layla.
Layla comes back into the match, stomps Kelly in her throat, and flips her onto her back. Layla follows it up by wrapping her legs around the neck of Kelly and trying to send her to la-la land. Edge hops around on the apron and starts clapping his hands which brings the hot crowd to their feet. They are solidly behind 2K and the champ. Dolph and Michelle scream at the fans to shut up and they get louder which brings Kelly back to reality. She manages to kick Layla in the head which causes the last-ever WWE Women’s Champion to release her submission hold. Slowly, but surely Kelly inches her way towards Edge but Layla staggers to her feet and drops Kelly with a double axe handle to the lower back region. Kelly collapses and Layla turns to rub some more salt in Edge’s wounds.
She goes back to work and drags Kelly to her feet. Layla seems to have a plan but Kelly gets her fiftieth wind of the match and is able to faceplant Layla into the mat. Edge marks while Dolph freaks out and both former Extreme Expose members are down for the count. I’m loving this. It’s brilliant. The crowd is wild and this brings Kelly to the point where she is literally millimeters away from Edge’s hand. Seeing his championship opportunity slipping away, Dolph runs into the ring. He is intercepted by the referee who fights with him to get back on the outside. All the while poor Kelly has finally tagged in Edge. Thanks to Dolph’s distraction, the tag went unnoticed and Edge is told by the ref he has to remove himself from the ring. Edge is in shock and while he’s arguing, Layla grabs Kelly and kind of throws her towards Michelle. Michelle comes into the ring, as does Dolph, and things break down. Edge says piss on this and he attacks Dolph, sending the Bikini-bottom loving Ziggler to the outside. Dolph is thrown almost head first into the guardrail but inside the ring, Layla has scooped up Kelly. Michelle is set to finish off Kelly and win the championship for Ziggler with a big boot but Kelly ducks it and Michelle knocks out Layla instead!
Layla goes down like a ton of bricks (I feel the need to make that reference at least once a week) and Michelle looks absolutely dumbfounded over what has just transpired. She quickly tries to fix it but Kelly fights her off and kicks her out of the ring. A dazed and confused Kelly looks around for Edge who isn’t in position. He finally makes his way to their corner but Kelly has gone to the wrong one. She’s out of it. Edge calls her name and then he encourages her to go for the spear. On the opposite side of the spectrum, a groggy Layla is getting up and she has no clue what is about to hit her. With tears in her eyes, Edge chanting ‘spear’, and the crowd in the palm of her hand Kelly summons all her energy and spears Layla straight into the mat. She rolls over, makes the cover, and she gets the one, two, three.
Josh Mathews is freaking out on commentary and Vickie has gotten up from her seat. She looks sick to her stomach. A teary Kelly has made her way to her feet and she is greeted by Edge who gives her a hug. It’s a gorgeous moment for Kelly, and a great one for the Divas and personally, I’m a bit emotional myself having witnessed this main event and basically the maturation of Kelly Kelly as a performer in front of my eyes. Kelly clings to Edge in the ring after he raises her hand in victory. After a moment, Vickie makes her way into the ring, microphone in hand. She sarcastically claps for Kelly and Edge. After a second, she raises the microphone to her lips and congratulates the pair of them in true Vickie fashion. She fires Kelly on the spot which reduces the younger girl to tears. Edge is shocked but Vickie isn’t finished. She screams that she doesn’t give a damn about Kelly and berates her the entire time Kelly is sobbing up the ramp, mascara and eyeliner streaming down her face. Vickie says that SmackDown is her show and she wants Kelly out of her arena.
Behind her Edge is literally seething. He looks ready to spear Vickie straight to Hell but she keeps her eyes locked on Kelly. Kelly chokes back sobs and turns away from the scene which prompts Vickie to turn her attention to Edge. She tells Edge that next week he will be the former World Heavyweight Champion because next week he will have a rematch against Dolph Ziggler. And as if that wasn’t enough, Vickie says that this time there will be a special referee calling the match. It will be her. She laughs maniacally at Edge’s plight and the horrified champ goes to walk away. Ziggler comes back in the ring and destroys Edge with the ZigZag, perhaps a prelude to things to come next week?
SmackDown fades with the image of Dolph standing tall over the champion.
What an amazing night.
Honestly, it’s impossible for me to look at this match and this night as a whole from an objective stand-point. What transpired tonight is everything I could have possibly hoped for and then some. As a wrestling fan this was everything to me. As a Diva fan this meant the world to me. Moments like these are why I continue to support the WWE because every now and then they throw us a truly beautiful moment that we can cherish forever. Kelly’s fight back from death tonight, Vickie’s harsh words after the match, the sheer emotion on Kelly’s face as she won the match for Edge are images that I won’t soon forget. Michelle’s boot to Layla, Kelly slapping Dolph Ziggler to the mat, and the opening segment from tonight are some of the best moments in SmackDown history, at least for me. As a true fan of all six people involved in this storyline I got everything I wanted and then some. I’m so glad I went spoiler free and waited to watch the whole episode because it was worth every single minute I spent waiting. Michelle McCool, Layla, Kelly Kelly, and Vickie Guerrero completely owned SmackDown tonight. Edge and Ziggler, you were great eyecandy pieces for us Diva fans who are happy to see the roles reversed for a change. I have no idea what is going to come from all of this and I can’t predict whether I’ll like it or not.
Personally, I don’t want to speculate. I want to soak in the amazing Diva-centered SmackDown episode I just watched. And that’s exactly what I plan on doing.