Wednesday, December 6, 2023

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TNA One Night Only: Hardcore Justice 2 in Review: Vaseline, Latex Stilettos & a Flask Full of Unidentifiable Liquid!

What's up Knockout fans and welcome to the first review of a special TNA “One Night Only” PPV that features the Knockouts in action – it's Hardcore Justice II! On this special, we were treated to a Hardcore match pitting current Knockout ODB against Diva Dirt Legacy Award winner, Jackie Moore! ODB is rough, Jackie is tough and having already watched this match already, I know that I couldn't get enough. I'm sure you will share the same positivity that I have regarding this match, so let's jump right into some hardcore territory!

The first sighting of a Knockout is So Cal Val (is she really a Knockout?) who is on backstage duty as Jeremy Borash is at the announce booth. In all seriousness, it's a shame that TNA don't use Val more often in this role. She seems to be like the Rosa Mendes of TNA in that we all still wonder how she survives being released but she is actually quite natural and charismatic in a backstage announcing role. Before I rant further at TNA's misuse of the SCV, Val introduces our favorite beer swilling wrestler, Steve Austin Sandman ODB! ODB grabs an array of her body parts as she checks out Val's leather outfit of choice. ODB says speaking of hardcore, where is Val's whip. SO NOT PG! Oh wait, wrong company. And to be fair, only 5 people have bought this PPV, so let's hope no-one is offended by comments relating to whips and leather – that would be unlucky!

ODB declares that Jackie is “one tough bitch” and over the years, they've made both the girls and the men cry by pulling out the odd eyelash and ripping at the occasional weave! ODB said that tonight after she's beaten Jackie's ass, maybe she'll make Val cry. ODB proceeds to spank Val's behind and we cut to a video package demonstrating the physicality of both women.

Out in the Impact zone and the sound of a slow southern jam can only mean one thing; no, it's not the TNA debut of Audrey Marie, it's Jackie Moore! The troublesome Texan looks focused and ready and she even cockily basques in the applause that she knows she deserves. Out next is her former tag team partner and opponent for tonight, the “One Dirty Biotch” herself, ODB! ODB bumps flasks with a fan at ringside and I'm sure Mrs Eric Young is as usual, off her face drunk!

The bell sounds and ODB smacks her female area to get things under way – lovely… Jackie immediately tries to flee the ring, perhaps to grab a weapon, yet ODB yanks her by the hair and drops her across the ring like a bad habit. ODB then makes a dash for the ringside area yet Jackie returns the favour, tossing her former tag partner with ease. The 'Pride of Tennessee' (yes, she's billed from both Tennessee and Texas) then yells at the crowd, who have started rallying for ODB. Jackie manages to escape the ring and almost gets a weapon from behind the ring skirt, yet she doesn't quite complete her goal as ODB spanks her tush and chucks her around like a rag doll. ODB then tries to find a suitable weapon for herself, yet Jackie keeps things even with a clubbing blow to the back.

Jackie's momentum continues to build as she whacks ODB's face off the ring apron and then she sends her flying into the barricade with an irish whip. Following a brutal clotheslines, Jackie sends ODB back into the ring and is successful in finding some goodies under the ring. Like most women's hardcore matches, Jackie finds an assortment of stereotypical female weaponry such as a broom, deodorants and vaseline – because cosmetics and cleaning are all women care about, right? [/WrestlingChauvinism]

The Pretty Mean Sister charges at ODB and clobbers her with the Vaseline tub (other lubricant brands also available). Following a few stomps, Jackie chokes ODB with her foot and she makes sure she takes advantage of the fact the referee cannot disqualify her. The former manager of Beer Money then batters ODB with her fists and some spray cans, yet the three-time Knockouts Champion fights back, and she decides to cover Jackie's back and backside with shaving foam, emphasizing the notion that all Knockouts and Divas are obsessed with using or abusing each other's rear ends!

ODB maintains the upper hand and grabs some more so-called “weapons” including some hair straighteners, lipstick and a veil/tutu/decaying Taryn Terrell hair extensions that have gotten moldy under the ring after they fell out – I can't quite tell! ODB then tries to use a latex boot as part of her arsenal, yet Jackie once again regains control of the match, snatching the risque footwear and using it herself! Jackie then grabs the aforementioned veil/tutu and chokes the life out of her foe. Jackie then channels her inner Wicked Witch of the West and starts to pummel ODB with a broom. Jackie's weave is going all kinds of crazy as she chokes ODB, yet this hard knock remains undeterred by the crazy moves of her haircut. ODB eventually gets to her feet and she tosses Jackie to the mat.

ODB then begins to pick up some steam and she delivers a combination of shoulder tackles, booby tackles and one solid bronco buster – she is one classy biatch! Although Jackie has just tasted a lot more of ODB than she was bargaining for, Jackie isn't at all bothered, and she throws powder into ODB's eyes. After a sideslam that only got a two count, Jackie keeps the pressure on thanks to some stiff hair straightener shots yet ODB has had enough! The Minnesota native takes a gulp of liquid courage and spits it right into Jackie's face. Following the BAM, this one is over.

Thoughts: A technical classic this was not, but it was SO fun! Even though TNA chose for the women to use very stereotypical weapons, they did help make for some entertaining moments and definitely some interesting commentary! ODB's BAM was pretty sloppy yet ODB's charisma and ease at being able to pander to the crowd made up for that. I feel that I may have enjoyed this match more because it was so fresh, yet there was barely a moment in the match where the Knockouts seemed to be making it up on the spot. Although some elements in the match were throwaway, there was a nice flow to the match and both women definitely have charisma.

And with that, stay tuned, Jack will be back!

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