Sunday, June 23, 2024

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TNA Sacrifice in Review: The King and Queen(s) Take a Royal Beating

It’s the moment you’ve all been waiting for! Okay, so maybe a couple of moments. We’ve seen weeks upon months of back and forth between all competitors in tonight’s matches. Whether it’s the self-proclaimed “Queen” of the Knockouts division or the Queen of the Mountain, I have a feeling that tonight, someone is going to get overthrown. So much is on the line tonight. The Knockouts Championship and the contract of a scorned henchwoman, to the physical stature of Little Mama and Big Daddy. The return of a female phenomenon to the ring after ten years has the Impact Zone on fire tonight. I have a feeling there are definitely going to be fireworks. I hope you brought the marshmallows for roasting because there’s going to be heat.

Our real and true action for TNA Sacrifice starts out in the form of Jeff Jarrett and his Queen of the Hillside, Karen Jarrett. They slowlly make their way onto the stage, hand on the ribcage, crutches in hand and a boot on the foot. Say what?! Karen is dressed like she’s on her way to the prom, heel and all. Jeff hands her the crutches and they make their way to the ring, slow enough for another population to have enough time to develop on a foreign planet. When they finally reach the apron, Jeff helps her up and through all the pain and anguish, she limps to the middle of the ring. Jeff takes to the microphone, stating that unfortunately, and being an adorable, caring wife and mother. Please, give him all of your attention because he has a very important announcement to make! Listen people! Listen!

Friday morning, when Karen was making her rounds like a nurse at a mental institution, handing out her orders to the slaves at Casa de Jarrett…

Cue the “bullshit” chants.

Apparently, Karen slipped and fell on one of her son’s action figures, guessing it was a Jeff Jarrett. I’m going to assume that because we all know how many slip-ups he’s had in his career. Ahem. According to the “doctor”, Karen has a Grade 3 sprain and her ankle is broken in two places. Two, for those counting on Jarrett’s fingers. That’s not Big Daddy’s diagnosis, it’s the doctor’s and he is as disappointed as everyone else. And according to the “doctor”, there won’t be a match tonight against Kurt Angle and Chyna. They hate it. Honestly. But doctor’s orders are doctor’s orders and thank you all for understanding. Oh wait…BANG BANG!

The network rep, Mick Foley, has something to say and he is quick to make his way to the ring. Mick confirms that he did see the x-ray and it was fractured in two places. Wait, I thought it was a sprain and a double break? From someone who has had ankle injuries(break, sprain and fracture), you name it, I definitely smell bullshit. Although, Karen should be keen on that smell by this point. Mick says, as it turns out, you can tell a few things by an x-ray, such as the gender of the subject. In certain cases, you can tell the race or even the size of a subject. Karen is quick to defend that the x-rays belong to her but Mick says, out of all the adjectives to describe her, a 6 foot 6 inch African American male is not one of them! Oh snap!

Karen immediately calls him a liar and Mick asks Jeff if he knows where they are standing. Where?! Tell us where Mick! A wrestling ring. What takes place in a wrestling ring? Wrestling matches. And why? Wrestling matters! Karen, always on top of things, immediately starts defending that she has nothing to wear but Mick is already two steps ahead. Jolene has prepared Karen something special to wear tonight when she steps into the ring with Chyna! But Mick has good news AND bad news. The bad news is she is likely to get her butt kicked all over the Impact Zone but the good news is, she is going to look so good doing it!

Cue a magnificient temper tantrum. Karen even takes off the corrective boot and, along with her crutches, throws that boot right at Mick Foley. Thankfully, she is a bad aim and Mick walks away scathed only by her harsh words of hatred.

Backstage, we see Tara standing with Jeremy Borash, talking about the TNA Knockouts Championship match set to come up next. JB tells Tara that, given the outcome of this match, her life could change very drastically. Tara says that she’s in a very awkward position and she’s torn. Madison Rayne got her job back and she was set to come back to protect the “Queen” but she’s been treating her like crap. However, if Mickie James wins then Tara is free of Madisonland. JB drops the bomb question, asking Tara who she wants to win the match tonight but before she can answer, we get an interruption. Although, I can’t decide if I’m more thrown off by Madison’s horrible attitude or that wretched colossal crown on her head.

The challenger in tonight’s title match steps into the picture, stating that she wants to hear the answer to this question. But, before Tara can given an answer, she tells her to shut up and that she doesn’t care what Tara wants. It’s all about what Madison wants and tonight, what Madison wants is for Tara to stay put, backstage, because she doesn’t want or need her out there. The last thing Tara wants to do is go out there and cost Madison this match tonight. By the way, you’re welcome for your job back, Tara. Snaps! Excuse her.

Cue the recap video of the history between Tara, Madison and Mickie.

It’s finally time for this Knockouts match to start. Madison is out first, finally in a new outfit that I can definitely agree with. However, that atrocious concoction on her head, not so much. She steps out onto the stage, waving to the crowd and even gives us all a bow before she heads to the ring. She barely gets up on the turnbuckles, attempting to balance that crown before HARDCORE COUNTRY! rips through the Impact Zone. Did I mention Christy Hemme is announcing at the pay-per-view as well?! Go Christy. Way to boot Jeremy Borash to the back and take charge.

Anyway, the Knockouts Champion has a new outfit of her own. A tiny top, even smaller daisy dukes and shiny new pink boots. She bounds to the ring and takes her time, showing off that fancy gold strap. All the while, Madison is screeching that it belongs to her and gets completely ignored in the process. The official does his duty and calls for the bell, the two competitors circling one another but it seems like the final member of this troublesome trio is a little late to the action. Tara’s music blasts throughout and Madison instantly starts freaking while her bodyguard slowly makes her way to the ring. Brattycakes is not happy and she jumps down to the floor, demanding to know why Tara is out to the ring when she gave her an order. She owns her, why is she out there?! Tara, paying attention to the counting official, points out to Madison that she is going to get counted out. I’m surprised anyone could hear him over the nails on a chalkboard protruding from Madison’s mouth.

Nonetheless, Madison quickly turns back to the ring and attempts to slide in but gets a nice dropkick from Mickie, knocking her back. Mickie slides down and gets a rough clothesline takedown. A bit of tension comes about between Mickie and Tara, who clenches her fist in the champion’s direction. The distraction tends to be just enough for Madison to slap Mickie down against the steel steps when she comes back after her. Madison slides into the ring and goes right after her when Mickie rejoins her. A kick to the head with a pin attempt, feet on the ropes but the referee catches it after the first count. WHAT?! You’ve never seen feet on the ropes before?! Come on!

Attempting to correct it, Madison pulls her opponent into the middle of the ring and pins again but it’s a no-go. Madison turns her frustration back towards Tara, bitching as usual but this gives Mickie just enough to come back. She nails Madison with sharp punches to the gut and then one to the face. A whirlaround and they’re across the ring, in the corner. Mickie gets a leg up but Madison tosses her legs over the top rope, taking a huge chunk of her hair. A warning from the official and Madison slams Mickie back, landing her rough on the mat. Um..ouch. Another pin attempt but Madison hasn’t quite won this one yet. They head back across the ring, right in front of Tara and Madison lays Mickie’s throat right across the middle rope, a leg draped across the back of her neck. “What are you doing?!” Well, Madison, I’m standing here, watching you beat up on Mickie James with my fists clenched like so. What does it look like?

Releasing the hold, Madison gets down on the floor and in Tara’s grill, asking her if she’s gonna do something. Why is she out there?! Tara looks as if she wants to knock Madison’s little ass backwards but Madison quickly reminds her that she owns her. What a nightmare. Madison, all smiles, gets back in the ring and gets a couple of stiff shots from Mickie. A nice hanging neckbreaker and both women are down on the mat. Tara, the ever so supportive one, starts slamming her hands down on the apron. Mickie is the first one to her knees and she uses the ropes for support, almost looking to get a nice right hook from Tara but the conflicted veteran refrains. Oh come on. Just hit someone already! I’m game for it.

But Madison is up now and pulls Mickie away from the ropes but gets a reverse into a roll-up. One count. Another flip and Mickie goes for a jacknife bridge pin, another attempt at a backslide but Madison forces Mickie’s arm right into the referee’s face. A back kick into Mickie and the champion is down while the challenger rolls to the outside. Under the ring, Madison reaches for that loaded glove that we haven’t seen in a few weeks. However, finally gathering some wit about her, Tara jumps onto the apron and rips it off almost as soon as Madison can get it loaded up. Assert yourself, girl! Way to stand up to the…woman. You know what I mean!

Mickie, playing to opportunity, comes back and looks to be going for that DDT but Madison reverses and goes for a roll-up, yanking on the tights. But no! So close but no cigar. Both women are back up and Mickie is just laying into Madison, forearms and flying clotheslines galore! Up she goes and a one arm flapjack, kipping back up to her feet. Onto the top rope and Madison is staggering but she is fast to move out of the way, causing Mickie to drop the Thesz press right onto the official! He just rolled over like a tumbleweed! Mickie can’t believe it but a drop from Madison takes her down.

But Madison’s mouth proves to be a distraction because just as she sets Mickie up for the RayneDrop, the champ counters with a nice takedown. Mickie demands that Madison get up and goes for DDT once more but Tara is in the ring now! She’s adorned with that glove and she is loading it up like a world class boxing champ! Oh boy. It comes down to this. Does Tara choose the woman who has controlled her life for months on end or the woman who is attempting to free her of those shackles? Madison is in her face, demanding she take out Mickie, who is just waiting for the decision. Tara looks back and forth between the two, finally making a decision on what looks to be Madison. The dictator instantly changes her story, dropping to her knees, telling Tara to do the right the thing. She’s her friend. And I’m the Queen of England. Pip Pip! Cheerio! Whatever.

Tara turns her attention to Mickie, seeming to apologize for what is about to come but just as she raises her arm, she swings it around and nails the living hell out of Madison Rayne! OH MY GOD! Without a blink, Tara grabs the official and forces him over while Mickie goes for the cover. ONE! TWO! THREE! TARA IS FREE! She can’t believe it! She scurries out of the ring and is trembling like a scared chihuahua on a stormy night. Her contract with Madison is now null and void and Mickie James is STILL The TNA Knockouts Champion! There will never be anyone more happy than Tara right now.

The following is a tag team match, with girl on girl and guy on guy. Um…what the hell, Christy? Haha. I don’t even want to know. Whatever happened to, “The women must face the women and the men must face the men.”? So much for the formality. Out first, are the team of Karen and Jeff Jarrett and well, Mick wasn’t lying about the outfit. For someone who has never wrestled, Karen’s gear is definitely something to talk about. The two are semi-matching in their black, silver and gold but Karen is still not happy. While Jeff stops to bicker with fans in the audience, she nearly looks like she’d rather jump off a bridge. But, Jeff is doing his best to smile and has them pose for the crowd. Nice cut out on the back of Karen’s top. She may look miserable but I do love the attire.

Next to the ring is Kurt Angle, with a shit eating grin on his face as he rises from under the stage. He struts down the ramp and when he smiles at Karen, she screams at him that it is not funny. All the games are over now, though because Chyna is on her way to the ring now. Her new theme hits and the anticipation builds. I have to give her props, where her outfit looks like a generic Medusa knockoff from back in the day, she’s sporting the American colors to support her partner. She looks happy and ready for this match-up, waving to the crowd with a giant smile on her face. Can you imagine what’s going through the mind of Karen Jarrett? I’m pretty sure she’s close to peeing herself in front of millions. If I were her, I probably would be. But thank God for small miracles.

Making a mess and a timeline out of getting in the ring, Jeff gets up on the apron and tells them all to get back before Karen gets on the apron. The loving couple embrace and Jeff continues to tell Chyna that she isn’t going to lay a hand on his wife. Still unable to contain his excitement, Kurt circles around Jeff but stops to give a grand wave in Karen’s direction. Oh he’s like a kid in a candy store on Halloween. But Karen? Someone give her the number to a therapist. She’s going to need it after tonight. Especially after she nearly has a stroke just watching Jeff and Kurt switch it up in the ring.

The crowd is behind the Olympic gold medalist, however, but eventually, the “We Want Chyna” chants begin and Kurt points to his partner. The crowd erupts and with a twist to Jarrett’s arm, Kurt tags Chyna in. Now remember what Christy said, it’s girls on girls. Jeff zips out of the ring and tells the referee that it has to be Kurt in the ring, not Chyna. So the official distinguishes that Chyna cannot Jeff, who tells her he will break her in half. The ref goes on to inform us that the one who must face off against Chyna is indeed a Jarrett…Karen Jarrett. Chyna, never one to back down, steps over to Karen’s corner but she is on the floor, demanding that her husband get in the ring. But he can’t. You know the rules, Big Daddy.

Karen, who begins sobbing when the crowd chants “Chyna’s Gonna Kill You!”, still hasn’t made her way into the ring. She practically begs Jeff not to make her get in the ring but she does so reluctantly, until Big Daddy comes up with an idea. While the official and Chyna are paying attention to The Drama Queen of the Mountain, Jeff begins attacking Kurt and demands that the ref get Chyna out. Jeff is still the legal man and so long as he is active in the ring, I suppose that means Kurt is the legal man again as well. Jarrett never tagged in Karen and he tells Chyna to get out and stay out. She is never going to touch Karen, who gets a hug on the outside from her hubby. How grotesque.

Another exchange from the men leads to a counter powerbomb and the ankle lock applied. Karen, trying to be sneaky, attempts to slide under the middle rope but stops in her tracks. Kurt releases Jeff and grabs Karen, tossing her over his shoulder and tries to take her to the corner towards Chyna. A chop block to the knee of Kurt takes them down and Karen gets slammed down, but I suppose since she was so scared, she easily escapes to her corner. Adrenaline rush, perhaps? As Mike Tenay points out, Big Daddy didn’t seem to care too much about how Little Mama was going to land. Oh well. He’s too busy taking out the ex-husband and slinging his sweat at Chyna, who keeps telling the Jarretts that Karen is dead. Yes, please. PLEASE!

Meanwhile, the men keep battling it out and Karen is just waiting for this match to end so she doesn’t have to face off against Chyna. A couple of near falls and they’re still going, leading into multiple German suplexes from Angle to Jarrett. Oh! The straps are down and Karen is screaming like she’s in a horror movie. A counter from Jarrett and it doesn’t seem like we’re going to see the two women mix it up in this match. I’m all for a great technical match but we’re here for the women’s action, right? That’s what I thought. Another pin attempt from Kurt onto Jeff and Karen demands that her husband kick out. He does but his arm reaches out for a tag but Karen isn’t having it. An attempt from Angle to reach Jarrett’s hand toward his ex-wife leads her down to the floor and gets Angle a back kick to the crotch for his efforts. Good thing you’ve already got kids, huh Kurt?

Always one to bounce back, Kurt takes this time to tag in the pacing tigress on the outside and Chyna is finally legal! Karen is on the outside and that leaves Big Daddy in the ring. Oh noes! He turns around and gets a slam to the mat. Add a suplex to the equation and Chyna points her attention to Karen, who starts to walk away, only to come back around into the ring. She backs up, attention on her stalker and backs right into her ex-husband. There is certainly no love lost here because no matter how much she begs, he isn’t letting her go anywhere. Chyna, slowly catching up, rolls into the ring and we’re about to see what we’ve all been waiting for! EXCITEMENT!

Karen, backing into the corner when she should be running away, gets sandwiched by Chyna and falls flat only to get pulled up and set up for the Pedigree. Or as Mike Tenay so kindly puts it, a double underhook DDT style move. Whatever. It’s a Pedigree. You know it. I know it. Deal with it. Chyna executes and Kurt is down on the mat, telling Chyna to lock in that ankle lock on Karen. Chyna does as instructed but before Karen can smack her hand down on the mat, Big Daddy slides into the ring and holds his wife hand in the air. However, he leaves his own ankles open and Kurt takes advantage, locking Jeff into an ankle lock submission of his own. It isn’t a blink of the eye before The Royal Queen of the Hillside is slapping her hand down on the mat.

The winners of this match: Kurt Angle and Chyna!

Thoughts: Well, I can definitely say that this pay-per-view went over a lot better than I had anticipated. I honestly thought the championship match would be a major hot mess, not to mention the return of Chyna to the ring after ten years. It’s hard to know what to expect when someone returns after that long. But, I can say that she really did not do bad at all. It could have been so much worse and I’m proud that she was able to hold her own and stay true to herself after all this time. As for Karen, all I can say is, I have a number to a great chiropractor.

Now that Tara is free, I’m curious to see what happens. I’d love to see her feud with Madison and possibly go on to face Mickie for the Knockouts Championship. I’d like to see her have a good title run before she retires, which I’m thinking might be sooner rather than later. I’d hate for this to be the last thing she does before that, however. As for Mickie and Madison, please let it be over. I can’t take anymore! There’s only so much you can do and it’s been done. Please. And another note on Chyna, I’m still not convinced we’ll see more of her after this but only time will tell. Not a bad night overall.

Rating: 4/5

What did you guys and gals think of TNA Sacrifice? Let me know in the comments below!

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