Thursday, April 11, 2024

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Total Divas Redux: ‘New Diva on the Block’

Okay so first of all, I violently slammed my iPad into the table at the restaurant I was having lunch at yesterday when it deleted my original Total Divas Redux. Secondly, thank God this show is back in my life on a weekly basis. It’s so annoying to have nothing to watch on Sundays and even more frustrating to have a day out of the week where there is absolutely no drama going on in my life. Luckily, that has been rectified in a big way and this past Sunday’s season premiere of Total Divas delivered. Well, sort of. The ending left me angry, ragey, and screaming at the television.

VIEW VIDEOS FROM THE EPISODE »

We have waited for months to see if Nikki Bella and her soulmate, John Cena, were able to come to an understanding and patch their relationship up thanks to John’s reluctance to get married again and have children. And obviously, now, we have to wait another freaking week to see if the reconciliation happened. It’s bad enough the show went on hiatus for like ever, and still having those unanswered questions hanging in the air is just ugh! I’m all for cliffhangers but don’t do it when you already left us with one for months!

Poor Nikki, bless her heart.

Things just didn’t go her way. Her twinny, Brie, and Daniel Bryan tried to lift her spirit’s by taking her shopping, but unfortunately it was for their own wedding registry. Yeah, lets take the person who just lost the love of her life wedding shopping for two other people. Not the best decision, to be honest, but at least Nikki tried to give it a go. To make things worse, we also found out that Nikki has been staying at Mama Bella’s San Diego condo, but Mama Bella wants to sell it! So there’s that whole possibility of being homeless thing looming, and then when it came to the twins’ milestone birthday, John sends BRIE a text message wishing both of them a happy birthday. He also declined the invitation to join them but seriously, I think the whole point of this is that he text Brie and not the woman he claims to love.

The whole stupid cliffhanger thing came when Nikki got a text from John saying he was en route to Sam Diego and wanted her to meet him at the pier. Nikki immediately called Brie and they freaked out over whether or not he was going to propose. When Nikki was mulling over what to wear, Daniel took the phone and gave his future sister-in-law some tough love advice that Nikki seemed to embrace. It prompted her to put on the smallest and shortest red micro-mini dress that I have ever seen in my life and waltz up to that pier in some fierce Loubies while John stood there waiting with roses.

And that was it.

Seriously. That is how it ended. I was so irritated.

Eva Marie‘s overbearing family also irritated me, although I suppose they had the right to be awful in this episode. Low and behold, our favorite redhead went off and eloped with Jonathan, much to the dismay of her family. And get this, her family was the last to know. Eva Marie sure didn’t tell them and who knows if she ever would have if Jonathan hadn’t outed them by “accidentally” wearing his wedding ring when he came over to his own home to visit.

I’m just so torn on this situation because Eva never should have left her family out in terms of getting married. That being said, we see how her family is. Whilst I can give her father a pass because she’s his baby, those terrible brothers need to get a life. When Eva and Jonathan finally started standing up for themselves, I cheered. Then to make things even more delightful, Eva absolutely dragged them for living in sin with their respective girlfriends. I truly, truly hope they aren’t as controlling with their women as they are with their little sister because if that’s the case, then kudos to the live-ins for putting up with that. Of course, coming from me, that sentence is stupid because I love domineering men hence the reason I have secret fantasies about my boss.

Good thing he has no clue I lead a double life or else he might read this and that could be totes awkward…

Yeahhhhhhhhh.

I think it’s fair to say that Sunday’s episode revolved around three major storylines and the third one is the introduction of new girl, Summer Rae. Almost immediately the claws came out when our precious Mark decided to pair up Summer and Eva for the road. No one seemed receptive to Summer’s new found fame and popularity and they definitely didn’t want her in the middle of their little group.

Not sure how all that is going to shake out but if the previews are anything to go by, Summer Rae is going to be one bitchy ballroom dancer. But lets be honest, that’s why we’re all going to love her and along with Summer, comes Fandango and we all want to know what’s going on between those two!

This show gives me so much life and it almost seems unfair that I have to narrow down the hidden gems of the week to just give. But regardless, I have a job to do so here we go. Coming in at number five this week is Nattie‘s overwhelming urge to be the only blonde on the roster. Summer absolutely slayed that comment with a remark about Nattie not being a natural blond and I’ll be honest with you, I laughed my butt off. It was beautiful. Continuing our countdown with the fourth hidden gem of the week, we have Brie and Daniel’s wedding registry. Special oyster shuckers and recycled underwear fabric… need I say more? Also, Daniel gets the nod for the third hidden gem of the week. Who doesn’t want motivational advice from a tree-hugging bearded hippie?!

The second hidden gem of the week involves Queen Sandra. At the beginning of the show she was at her sassy best when she gave Eva Marie a piece of her mind about not letting her parents know she got married. Sandra is such a voice of reason for the Divas and they are lucky to have her. I love her tough love attitude because it proves just how deeply she cares about them. And last, but certainly not least, our number one hidden – or not so hidden – gem of the week involves the Bella Twins and their Dirty Thirty birthday. From Mama Bella dancing and drinking at the clue, to Nattie grinding on Vincent, to Cameron and Nattie almost getting arrested….

Just pure awesomeness.

I do want to give a shoutout to Natalya for her honorable mention.

You gotta love someone who just embraces every bad thing that happens to her because surely with a comment like that, we’re not going to forget that she peed her pants a little in the ring.

LOVE YOU NAT!!!

Until next week…..

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