Sunday, September 19, 2021

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Raw Redux (March 26th, 2012): Eve and Kelly Face Off in a Night of Divas, Dancing and Delight

Welcome everybody to another edition of the Raw Redux!~ As I type this, I believe Cryssi is currently on her way to Miami so here’s to a safe trip to her! On last night’s Raw, we actually managed to get not only a lot of Diva appearances, but also a match that didn’t feel like a “blink and you miss it” type shtick between Kelly Kelly and Eve Torres. Our loyal Glamazon and Divas Champion, Beth Phoenix stood tall in Eve’s corner for the bout, as fellow Divas, AJ, Naomi, Cameron, Rosa Mendes, Brie, & Nikki Bella also made their presence felt throughout the night in a variety of different ways. So like always, let’s scroll on down and get into things shall we?

Out to the arena we go, and yes, SHEEEEEEE looks good to me graces us all with it’s captivating presence. Not only that, but so do both Eve Torres and a Mad Men-esque looking Beth Phoenix! Judging by their choice of attire for this evening, we can assume Eve will be wrestling in a singles match, and it’s soon revealed that her opponent will be none other than Kelly Kelly. We return from a commercial to find out that a song called “Girl Gone Wild” by Madonna will be a WrestleMania theme this year. Out from the back next comes Kelly Kelly, who looks great in a new gear type. Kelly poses for the fans following a match graphic promoting this Sunday’s big tag team bout involving these three ladies and Extra’s Maria Menounos.

The bell then sounds as Kelly orchestrates a “Hoeski” chant from the crowd. Beth distracts her, but not enough to be attacked by Eve as she scores with a jackknife cover for a close count. Eve then takes the advantage with a nice kick to the face, before beating her down on the canvas and slamming her into the corner. Eve then proceeds to choke Kelly on the corner as Beth screams for Kelly to apologize to Eve for the earlier chant. Torres continues on with a nice choke in the corner for a two count, as she then locks in a submission hold and the crowd starts to get behind K2!

Kelly then fights out, but Eve knees her in the stomach. She sends K2 off the ropes, but the fiery blond comes back with the whirlybird headscissors! Kelly then goes for some punches in the corner, but Eve slams her off and ascends to the top rope. She goes for it… and YE– NO! Kelly rolls out of the way and Eve misses the moonsault! K2 then rolls Eve up for the victory out of nowhere and heads up the ramp to celebrate her stunning victory over the conniving Eve.

We head backstage later on to see Brie and Nikki Bella arguing about who to support between Teddy and Johnny. Oh, and hey, I see Abraham Washington in the background! They are suddenly interrupted by the Long Island Iced Z, Zack Ryder. Brie calls him a loser, but Nikki tries to defend Zack as Brie claims she changed her feelings towards Zack, to which Ryder replies stating maybe she should change her face. What he doesn’t realize at the time is that he just basically shot himself in the foot with Nikki, being they are twins and well… share the same face. Both women head off, but suddenly in comes Eve!

Ryder tries to apologize to Eve, to which she claims she forgives him and it was a heat of the moment type deal on SmackDown due to the stress of WrestleMania. She then asks what hotel he’s staying at in Miami, and he replies that all of Team Teddy were going to stay together. She faults this, being that she was hoping he would stay at hers! He leans in for a kiss, but she stops him and says to wait until after WrestleMania for the big celebration they will have! Oh my…


Cameron and Naomi (God, I love typing that name in these Raw Reduxes) grace us with their angelic voices as they welcome the only living, breathing Funkasaurus in captivity, Mr Brodus Clay, to the ring! We pan to a shot of a beautiful disco ball, and then to the even more beautiful duo that is the Funkettes! Naomi (it will never get old) and Cameron pop out from the back in some shiny red gear, as they incorporate a few new moves to their dance group! The three strut down the ring, before the ladies hop over towards the ring apron and execute their butt to butt pose.

They all climb into the ring and slide from side to side. Suddenly the #NaomiRumpShake (trend it folks) transpires before my very eyes and the three pose to pyro! We find out that tonight Brodus will be facing Curt Hawkins, which does kind of bum me out because, don’t get me wrong, while I’m beyond thankful the three are back on TV, he needs to get out of these squash matches fast. Nonetheless, Hawkins slides into the ring as Jerry Lawler mistakes his name for the first of an upcoming three times. Lord.

The bell rings as Clay does a shimmy in the ring, sparking Hawkins to run right into a clothesline. He then ducks another one and takes the leg out of Brodus, before scoring with a patented bulldog. Curt goes for a cover, but Brodus fights out and connects with a huge headbutt, then punching him in the stomach and kneeing him in the face. Clay hits the SHEEEEPLEX, and then runs off the ropes with the huge splash for the win! The AMAZING screams of Naomi and Cameron fill my ears with sunshine and joy, as they run into the ring elated for Brodus’ win. From there, they hope all over him and the spotlight hits as the trio gets FUNKAY.

Also check out AJ, as she stands ringside AND gets involved in a tag team match pitting Randy Orton & Sheamus against Daniel Bryan & Kane:

AND also check out my favorite freakin’ Costa Rican, Rosa Mendes, who tries to aid Primo in toppling the Big Show:

Thoughts: An okay-ish Raw this week, match wise. I did appreciate that it got more than the usual 20 seconds, but I feel like Eve is not yet used to portraying a heel in terms of wrestling. A lot of her moveset has had to be taken away and transitioned into a more slow, dominating style and it will just take time. Turning her heel was the best thing that could have ever happened to her though, and she’s nailed it every week in terms of character development.

Also, I don’t understand why Kelly was victorious tonight. Don’t get me wrong as I really like Kelly and her new gear was awesome, but if she can beat Eve by herself when Eve had backup, what does Maria Menounos bring to the table? I think having Beth distract Kelly for Eve to sneak the win would have been the better option as it would’ve built to the tag more in that Kelly couldn’t essentially overcome a two on one scenario, so bringing in Maria is what would’ve helped set the stage.

I want to discuss the WrestleMania match for a little bit, also, so indulge me. I know I preached before about my thoughts on the match, and yes, it does just feel like a random tag that we could see on any show. To be fair though, in terms of ring work, I feel this match has the most potential to be the best Divas ‘Mania match since Mickie and Trish faced off at WrestleMania 22. You have Beth Phoenix, who has consistently put on stellar pay per view matches for over half of the past year; Eve, who has improved drastically and can put on great matches on her own merit; and Kelly, who has proven that she can step up her game when needed at the big events. What we’ve seen of Maria in the past honestly was solid, but to her unfortunate injury, I’m guessing Kelly will work most of the match anyways.

I guess what I’m trying to say is, yes, I do wish this match actually felt special and not just something that could be booked on Superstars or Raw, but I’d rather see a good match that surprises everyone due to a lack of build up than a match that gets so much build and then disappoints when it comes down to it. I believe that the four of them can deliver on the big stage, and I’m insanely excited to see what they pull out. Personally, I’m hoping for Maria Menounos to just bust out a 450 splash and shock the world!

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