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Impact Write-Up (July 22nd, 2010): Confusion Reigns Supreme But Not On Our Part For A Change

Last week on Impact, the Knockouts took an unexpected, yet welcomed step in the right direction in terms of their booking. Whoever wrote the show or whatever gave all of us long suffering KO fans a well deserved treat in the form of a brilliantly scripted and well acted in-ring segment and a pretty darn good streetfight. Personally, it was almost to much for me to handle you know what I’m sayin’? This week, the action wasn’t overwhelming but it was still great, and very enjoyable to watch.

Tonight’s Knockout portion of Impact kicks off with a segment featuring Madison Rayne, Sarita, Velvet Sky, and Lacey Von Erich. Sarita and Madison are hanging out in the women’s lockerroom and they’re gossiping. Eventually the subject gets switched to Velvet, and Madison starts to run her mouth unaware that Velvet and Lacey have both walked up behind her. Lacey attempts to cover Velvet’s ears so she can’t hear the mean things Madison is saying, but it fails and Sarita goes quiet. Madison wants to know what’s going on and of course, Velvet is standing behind her when she turns around. Lacey begs them to stop, but Velvet’s not having that and she looks down her nose at Madison. She tells Madison that if she has something to say then she better say it to her face. Sarita is in the background smirking, but Velvet calls her out next. She basically accuses Sarita of being the mystery biker chick and tells her that she should keep the helmet on her big ass head. Bitching ensues and once again, Lacey tries to break it up. Both Madison and Velvet snap at Lacey like she’s a five year old, and then Madison gets all cocky, saying that tonight she is going to be handed back her TNA Knockouts Championship. Velvet just rolls her eyes and mentions that she still has her title because she never lost it. Both girls try and buck up to one another, and poor Lacey. She’s just stuck in the middle of all of this and getting treated like crap. Sarita and Madison both walk away, and Velvet and Lacey go off in the opposite direction. TNA goes to commercial.

After a bit of pointless crap, Angelina Love and Taylor Wilde make their way to the ring. Angelina is still wearing the Knockouts Championship but that’s about to change. The Beautiful People music hits and Sarita walks out with Madison. Sarita and Taylor are jawing back and forth at one another during the entire entrance  and Madison is literally bouncing to the ring with a bright smile on her face. Once all that is finished, senior referee, Earl Hebner, stands in the middle of the ring with a microphone in his hand. He informs Angelina, as well as the crowd, that the Board of Directors have no proof that a member of the Beautiful People was riding that bike therefore Angelina has to surrender the championship. Madison starts demanding that she be handed the belt, but after Angelina passes it off she cold cocks Madison right in the kisser. Taylor attacks Sarita and the fight between these four talented ladies is underway!

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NXT Lay-Kav-Ool Watch (June 20th, 2010): Kaval Speaks On The Mic. Reminds Me Of The Old Spice Guy While Doing So.

In a tragic twist of events, the adorable NXT trio affectionately known as Lay-Kav-Ool (Layla, Kaval, and Michelle McCool) played no real part in the show last week due to the presence of the dastardly (and oh so sexy) Nexus and the absence of Laycool. It was a dark, dark day in NXT history and I had high hopes that this week would bring about a well deserved does of awesomeness. That didn’t really happen and it’s unfortunate because an elimination is coming next week and the last thing we want to see is Kaval sent packing. One thing I did discover during this week’s episode is that Kaval’s deep voice reminds me of the Old Spice guy from the new commercials. For those of you who don’t know the Old Spice guy, go YouTube Old Spice “The Man Your Man Could Smell Like.” It’s television commercial brilliance if I do say so myself.


skip ahead to 4:13

The Kaval portion of NXT sure did take it’s time getting here tonight and it’s very sad that he had to share the stage with that freak, Eli Cottonwood. If Cottonwood doesn’t go home next week, then there’s no justice in this world. Now the reason why Eli, Kaval, and their pros are on stage is because throughout the show, NXT host, the delicious Matt Striker, has been asking all of them why their guy should be number one in next week’s NXT poll. Kaval is the second to last one to speak, but before we could enjoy him, we had to suffer through Eli Cottonwood’s promo first. Laycool begin to boo as John Morrison begins to speak on behalf of his rookie. I can’t blame them for booing because whenever you begin a sentence with “Last week I was sitting in the airport eating a breakfast burrito…” you know this is automatically going to be a fail. But according to Morrison, while he was eating that darn breakfast burrito, the NXT rookies all walked by him. A little kid who was sitting close to Morrison asked his mother who the big tall guy was. Morrison just found it oh so amazing that out of all the rookies, the little kid would pick out Eli Cottonwood. Morrison says he feels as if Eli could be the long term investment and that he keeps learning and improving.

Sorry, JoMo. That’s still not enough reason to vote for Eli especially since I just realized he has the same stupid facial expression as my ex-thing (not worthy enough for the title of “boyfriend.”) I kind of want to scream right now. Ugh.

Eli takes the microphone and goes over to Matty and asks him who he is going to vote for. He gets all up in Striker’s grill and demands to know who Striker is going to vote for. Matt finally agrees to vote for Eli, and then Eli starts to go off on some tangent about how no one is more intimidating that he is. Thankfully, Striker cuts him off and goes to Laycool.

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Raw Redux (July 19, 2010): The Champ Isn’t Here

After losing yet another title match at Money in the Bank, Eve Torres is set out to redeem herself against former Divas champion, Maryse. Check out the match below:

Out first is Eve in her orange and gold gear from Money in the Bank. Unlike my colleagues, I really like this color on her. The gold is a bit much, but I think she looks great. Next out is Maryse, who is being accompanied my Ted Dibiase. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again… Ted DiBiase is bland as all get out and Maryse is really outshining him in this pairing. I’m actually having trouble distinguish which of them is the eye candy here.

Before the match starts, Maryse removes her expensive jewelry (Why did you wear it to the ring in the first place?) and gets in Eve’s face in her usual arrogant fashion. Apparently, Eve isn’t in the mood for Maryse attitude tonight, so she piefaces her to kick things off. Eve tries to capitalize but is taken down by a kick to the gut and a slap to the face. Maryse then kicks Eve towards the ropes and chokes her out from behind.

While Maryse is pummeling poor Eve, Ted makes sure to let the commentary team and that Maryse is NOT a golddigger (very convincing) and that this is also a #1 contender’s match. Good to know… halfway into the match. *Sigh*

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