Thursday, June 13, 2024

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WWE Main Event Redux (September 2nd, 2014): Rosa Loses, Becomes Butt of All Jokes

Diva fans, I bring you the following meme I tirelessly created myself:

Rosa Mendes‘s full moon was exposed last night and the whole world thought she had somehow turned into an actual Barbie doll from the waist down. That was one shiny backside and one really bad attempt by the WWE camera feed trying to cover it up!

Hello one and all and welcome to this week’s Main Event Redux. WWE’s D show put on another display of Total Divas (+ Layla) turmoil last night in preparation for Sunday’s Season Three premiere. The Slayers, Layla and Summer Rae, squared off against the team I will call “The Freakin’ Dungeon Dwellers”, Rosa Mendes and Natalya. Natalya was trained in the Hart Dungeon, and Rosa, well…

Will the makeshift team of the manners-forgetter and the jumprope Queen be able to defeat the newly formed BFFs?

TO THE VIDEO!

The video begins with a promo for the one and only Jerry Springer appearing on Raw next week to conduct an intervention with Brie and Nikki Bella. I am so bloody psyched for that!

Out first this week are The Freakin’ Dungeon Dwellers and Natalya is rolling her eyes so far back into her head, I thought she had been possessed by The Undertaker. She is not liking Rosa’s posing or her new fiery dressing gown. You should be dressed to compete Rosa! After a promo for that show that no-one has ever heard of Total Divas, and one of which sets up Rosa and Nattie’s teaming up in this match. The Slayers are already in the ring and Rosa kicks things off with Summer.

After a shoving battle, Rosa rolls Summer up with a schoolgirl and nearly pulled off her first ever pinfall win. Yet she didn’t. Following some nice armdrags, Rosa hits a dropkick and gets a one-count. Rosa then hits a suplex and kicks Summer out the ring. Summer is reeling and I am starting to think hell may have frozen over! Rosa throws some forearms like they are going out of fashion and then rolls Summer back into the ring. Whilst the referee’s back is turned, Layla reveals Rosa’s latex-looking buttocks to the entire WWE Universe, and I assume slamming Rosa back first to the mat.

Layla tags herself in and brings a no-doubt mortified Rosa back into the ring. Rosa’s face meets the mat before #LOL locks in a stiff looking submission. After some rough covers, Layla goes to tag in Summer yet Rosa mounts a short comeback, nearly making it to Tal. Layla stops the Freakin’ Costa Rican in her tracks and manages to tag in Summer, who hits a major clothesline. Layla makes her way back into the match, choking Rosa out…

AS A ROSA MENDES CHANT BEGINS! Her 14 fans must be beside themselves. I hope there is a support group you can all mark out at.

Layla utilizes another submission, this time over the top rope, after which she trips Rosa down. Keeping themselves fresh, Summer tags back in yet again, gaining a two count after a Layla dropkick. Summer goes for a leg drop yet Rosa has the where-with-all to avoid it and she tags in a very fresh Natalya.

Nattie hits her usual clothesline, suplex, snapmare, run-over basement dropkick and Nattie-by-nature discus combo and the crowd are loving it. The Dungeon Diva goes for her patented Sharpshooter yet Summer shoots back with a piercing kick to the face. Layla gets tagged back in and her and Natalya collide with a double crossbody. Rosa then tags herself in and pleads with Natalya to give her a chance. After too much talking and not enough action, Rosa turns round into a Bombshell kick and The Slayers have won this one.

Thoughts: She may not have won her first match, yet Rosa shone in this match for. She looked phenomenal, her selling was on-point throughout, her expressions and storytelling were great and she even acted like nothing ever happened when her arse got revealed – a true professional! I honestly think Total Divas could finally signal the real beginning to Rosa’s career… 8 years after it started. She still obviously has a long way to go yet good luck to her!

As for the Slayers, they acted heelish yet were definitely Faces on Raw so I don’t know what is going on with them. Neither does WWE by the looks of things. With the spotlight being thrust on so many other Divas right now, some girls sadly have to be lost in the shuffle in terms of character development, yet at least both Summer and Layla are wrestling and getting wins. And they are performing well doing it. Layla was solid and Summer did well, with the exception of her clothesline selling. She can never fall in a way that looks nice after being hit with Nattie’s discus clothesline.

As for our favourite Canadian prude, Nat was a trooper as usual. I really wish the “I’m going to make you humble” TV character would disappear and Natalya is allowed to be her E! network self, a self-entitled, old-fashioned prude. She plays that character perfectly and I’d love to see a heel Nattie to freshen things up.

Well, that marks everything for this week’s Main Event. Join me next week to see The Bellas clash, all whilst Jerry Springer is there to provide a helping hand. I wonder if they have a pole and members of the audience flash their chests?

JERRY! JERRY! JERRY!

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