Raw Redux (October 5th, 2009) – First Annual~! Diva Bowel Movement Bowl

raw5oct09

Last night, Diva fans were ‘treated’ to the first annual~! Diva Bowl featuring girls from all three brands. What’s that I hear you cry? “Lulz ‘all three brands’ sure, more like they called in the troops because most of the Raw Divas are injured.” What? You mean to say that the first annual~! Diva Bowl isn’t an auspicious occasion that calls for all three brands uniting?! Divas Champion, Mickie James led the babyface troop to battle against the heel troop headed by Women’s Champion, Michelle McCool in the first annual~! Diva Bowl. Did I mention that it’s the first annual one? Watch below:

Oy vey, where to begin? I don’t know about you, but nothing screams ‘entertainment’ more than grown women parading around in a sorority rush week ‘sport’ [albeit, minus the beer-soaked shirts though I'm sure someone on Creative pushed for that]. Boy, the people over at the Lingerie Bowl must be feeling pretty ticked off right about now…

We kick off with the two teams making their entrances, blah blah… but oh wait, what’s that? We have a straggler! Gail Kim [one boob intact] appears, rather unauspiciously, as our guest referee.

Let’s do a headcount as to who’s in the match: Team Mickie consists of Melina, Eve, Maria, The Bella Twins & an injured Kelly Kelly. Team McCool consists of Beth Phoenix, Alicia Fox, Layla, Jillian, Rosa Mendes & Natalya. Sorry Katie & Savannah, no love for you here — though some might consider you lucky.

We are ready to begin as all the Divas clear the ring leaving Mickie & Rosa, then they all get back in the ring. Did they forget the layout of the match already?! So they all get in the ring and we get a football-esque scrimmage. So that leads to a catfight and I have no idea who’s on top of who and frankly, I haven’t got the patience to try and work it out. The Divas then clear the ring again, allowing for Rosa and Mickie to start the match again. Rosa does some weird kung-fu thing, well I guess if you have Rosa’s aptitude for wrestling it’s best to arm yourself with some sort of martial arts. Rosa gets a lovely Long Kiss Goodnight, I’d like to think that was on behalf of all the fans. Rosa tags out to Mickie’s challenger from the night before, Alicia Fox…

Alicia with a kick to Mickie’s gut, but Mickie comes back with forearms. Mickie goes for her patented legscissors from the corner but Alicia throws her over the top rope, Mickie with a shoulder to the gut and then hits a different legscissors than her usual one. That looked really good. It just goes to show if/when Mickie puts in effort, she can hit some nice spots & not rely on her usual ones. The Divas Champ follows through with a neckbreaker and a pin attempt but it’s broken up by Natalya. And let’s begin the Diva spots…

So, in comes Eve who clotheslines Nattie and then hits a senton. Eve gets a face buster from Jillian. Jillian gets that step-up legdrop from Kelly Kelly. Kelly gets a Layout from Layla. Layla gets a bulldog from Maria. Maria gets a sideslam from Rosa [lulz]. Rosa gets a double dropkick from The Bella Twins [lulz]. The Bella Twins get double clotheslined by Beth Phoenix. Beth gets a split leg-drop by Melina. Melina gets a big boot from Michelle McCool. Michelle gets a tornado DDT from Mickie James.

But if you thought the Women’s Champ was going to job out to the Divas Champ [which would be highly stupid], think again! Alicia stumbles back onto the scene and gets pinned with a victory roll. Yeah, so after all that, a victory roll wins the match.

Highly predictable multi-woman slop served up for attention deficited fans. Apparently one spot after another is all that can grab the viewer’s attention when it comes the Divas these days. Imagine if you will, that this match was the equivalent of kindgarten books. Very paint by numbers, very simple, very predictable. I would like to think I, and our readers, have a higher intellect than reading [read: watching] ‘Cat in the Hat’ for the billionth time [read: watching the same old spot-by-spot multi-Diva booking for the billionth time]. At this point, I would accept the Twilight equivalent of Diva booking, though I’d be scared to see what that actually entails.

And for those of you who enjoyed it, did I mention it’s only the first annual~! Diva Bowl?! I’m sure you’ll all be on tenterhooks for next year. I know I’m having my jersey and foam finger especially made for it…

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  • xxChristinaxx

    I hate how every other diva did their finisher besides Alicia when she have one of the best diva finisher right now.

    It looked like Alicia and Mickie will continue with the backstage thing with Santino. I hope that Alicia push is still going on since she was the one in the middle with Mickie and actually said something.

  • (QUEENOFXTREME)LITA

    I thought it was an okay match every diva looked gorgious and btw Maria omfg there is just something about that girl she is just so pretty its sickining lol. You have to remember Monday Night Raw is more about the entertainment aspect of wrestling just look how every night they have special guest entertainers not actual wrestlers coming in and out of the arena also all that mic work with John Cena lame acting skills, Randy Orton constipated face exspressions and DX 5th grade comedy sketches. But have to say gots to give Mickie some props you can only tell by this match that she is the number one diva on raw getting those huge moves on Alicia and getting that sick DDT on the womens champion Michells McCool that has to tell you something. So you know what diva rules backstage and deserves it also is my girl Mickie James. I think we all got something out of that match it was just great how the audience was into it and what the hell was up with Rosa that was really funny how she was doing those kung fu moves i was like what the hell and lauged a little bit. But other then that the entertainment side of the match, which is what Raw is all about was 95%, but as for the wrestling i give it a 65%. You can’t win them all. Also did you watch the backstage segment that was pretty damn funny Santino telling Mickie and Alicia to kiss and make up infront of him lol.

  • jaj

    Michelle Big Boot > Everything else.

  • Kaledrina

    Agreed with the big boot being the best comment. The K2 looked terrible and Melina’s legdrop wasn’t too great either. It was also nice seeing McCool getting ddt’d – she actually sold a move and did it well.

    Overall, the entire “match” looked too scripted. And it was a shame seeing Gail in there as the Referee. I’ve always hated special nonsense referees. At least when Jacqueline did it, she actually had training, and Traci was in a position of power, but Gail and Maria, refereeing? Seriously? I’d rather they just be left off the show.

  • Chris

    @jaj:

    I agree. That was the ONLY highlight of the match.

    I’m so sorry to say this but the divas match to open Raw last night really well, sucked. I think they made Michelle get punked on purpose to make Mickie look good because how would it look if the Divas champ totally got owned on her show by a SD diva? Had this been on SmackDown, Michelle would’ve won. What was up with the fashion, too? The faces come out all decked in Steelers jersey & the heels get these plain white practice football jerseys?? Hell at least give ‘em Eagles jerseys or something. I know Michelle would be pissed about that considering her fave NFL team is the Steelers & her QB was the host. Anyway, all in all not, a good match on Raw & and a real crapfest. :l

  • mah

    i really enjoyed tht “signature frenzy” part…they did it good

  • chrisP

    I was surprised to read this, but on his blog today, Jim Ross stated that he prefered this match over Mickie vs. Alicia at the PPV.

  • http://diva-dirt.com Tiffany

    If you notice…Justin Roberts credits everyone BUT Maria as the winners of the match. Understandable, seeing as it is rather difficult to account for more than one Diva at a time. Though, take from that what you will.

  • Shan

    Gotta say Rosa was hilarious in this. I couldn’t help laughing when she did the weird Kung Fu thing, maybe she should take up a comedy roll? Other than that I was pretty much appalled at what the heels were wearing. I mean seriously, what the heck was up with Layla’s and Alicia’s shirts?!! And the Bellas looked like brightly painted clowns to me.

    As for the wrestling I actually enjoyed Mickie in this. She showed some spark again, guess her and Alicia have that chemistry that’s been lacking. Oh and that kick from Michelle was SICK!!

  • http://bleacherreport.com/users/90483-steven-davison Steven_D

    I have to say, Alicia bumps well. Everytime she hits the mat it’s like she’s been hit. Reminiscent of Curt Hennig back in the day.

  • Glen

    Ok yes, everyones finishers were sloppy minus Michelles, buuut i think Jillian did a good job with hers. Although if u watch it was Jillian who screwed up the K2.

  • Godzilla

    I didn’t think the match was that bad. it could have been a lot better but it wasn’t as bad as Melenie makes it out to be. I also am not 100% buying that Gail has ruptured an implant… True, she has been MIA for 2 weeks and was mysteriously pulled off the house shows 2 weeks ago, and her 1rst match back she didn’t wrestle but as it would require surgery i think it that rumour was true, then we would have heard about long before her TV return. I would also think that if the rumour was true that now that she was back on TV, the surgery would have already happened and she would have both boobs intact…although I think the writer was trying to be cute when she wrote this, As odd as it seems I did think this match was better then HITC match….

  • dan333

    I thougt this match was pretty good. Better then some tag matches minus the dumb ass Rosa bit, that just makes Rosa more of an idiot IMO. I loved seeing Mickie hit Michelle with the DDT, it just makes a future Champion vs. Champion match so much more intresteing. A couple of months ago Mickie was in a state, she was really not happy with the matches she was having and was pretty sloppy in the matches but I think she is stating to get her mojo back, even if she is doing the same moves all the time in order, you have to think there are plenty of other wrestlers who do that. Also it was a good ending as they changed it up. Usually in these mixed tags, it would have been Alicia hitting the scissors kick on Mickie but they changed it and had Mickie roll up Alicia. The backstage segment also made it so that Mickie & Alicia will have one more match in the forseeable future.