- Total Divas
What’s up Diva fans and welcome to the first ever WWE Main Event Redux! The Divas have finally made their way into action on WWE’s Number 3 show and do I hear you say “Which Divas are featured Jack?” Well you’re obviously not saying that as you can see three of the combatants in the above picture but let’s pretend you haven’t seen that yet. The Divas appeared in the final match of the show (I’m classing it as the main event) and Aksana teamed with Tamina Snuka to face…. THE FUNKADACTYLS! Yes, your eyes are not deceiving you and no you are not dreaming. Cameron will be competing in her first WWE match that isn’t a battle royal and Naomi has once again (and rightfully so) been given a chance to shine. Will funk be on a roll after this match or will Tamina “make a statement” like she has promised 470464363.52 times already? Let’s have a look, shall we?!
We kick off with a glimmering glitterball, some gyrating Funkadactyls and a giddy Funkasaurus as the only three inhabitants of Planet Funk (it borders The Bottomless Pit and Parts Unknown) strut their way into the arena. Brodus Clay has a mic in his hand and starts to rally the crowd as his bootylicious babes diplo my docus! As you interpret that pun in anyway you like, the inner Booker T in my head screams…
OH MY GOODNESS!
Out of nowhere, Cameron and Naomi just got blindsided by Aksana and Tamina. A brawl ensues outside the ring as Brodus just stands there and proves that he is as much use as a chocolate lampshade! A commercial break is about to take place and to be honest, I think I need it after what we just witnessed – it’s very rare anything like that happens at all, let alone for the Divas!
Back from the break and the bell sounds with Cameron and Tamina starting off the match-up. Tamina gets the better of the early going by kicking Cameron in the gut before beating her upper back. The Samoan Princess then whips her funky foe off the ropes but Cameron kicks Tamina in the face. Cammy then does what I can only (in)correctly call a wheelbarrow split armdrag, and regardless of what it’s called, it looks pretty snazzy to me. I can only guess Cameron sought inspiration for that move from one of her idols – Melina or Alicia Fox!
As Tamina attempts to re-cooperate in the corner, Cameron is shakin’ her thang. We then cut to a shot of Brodus Clay which I’m assuming is because Rosa Mendes has hijacked the gallery and is jealous of Cameron’s dancing screen time and when the camera finally returns to the action, it looks like Cameron is about to monkey flip Tamina. Ms Snuka throws Cameron off of her and charges at her, but Cameron kicks her Chaotic Exotic foe in the shin before hitting a bulldog. Cameron manages to get a one count for her troubles and then she proceeds to run at Tamina, who avoids danger and hangs Cameron up on the ropes.
The momentum has definitely shifted now as the daughter of Hall of Famer Jimmy Snuka scoop slams Cameron. Tamina then hits a pair of leg drops in quick succession but then she decides to slow down the pace with a sleeper hold. Cameron tries her best to escape the hold but she is thrusted back to the mat by her neck and she sells the living crap out of it! Tamina then drags her by the hair and tags in Aksana.
Michael Cole describes Aksana and the “Lithuanian Bombshell” and I’m not feeling it due to the lack of alliteration or rhyming. Aksana places Cameron’s throat over the middle rope and starts to choke her but the ref eventually pulls her off. Tamina then slaps or strokes Cameron (I’m not entirely sure) and Aksana drills the former Tough Enough contestant with a sideslam. The Lithuanian Lovely (much better nickname) then does her sexy snail impression before collecting a two count. In another attempt to get the win, Aksana channels Tamina and grasps a headlock on Cameron, but lightning strikes twice and the Funkadactyl escapes the submission. Cameron reaches for a tag but her opponent knees her in the face.
Something is then said about how Aksana called Naomi “Kofi”, saying that she is like Kofi Kingston; and what an insult, Naomi has way more charisma than Kofi ever will! Aksana whips Cameron into the corner and runs towards her, but Cameron avoids contact and manages to schoolgirl Aksana yet a win slips from her funky fingers. Cameron then avoids a clothesline and then dropkicks Aksana’s legs, knocking her down. Is this the chance Cameron has needed? It certainly is, and for the first time in the match, here comes Naomi!
Naomi zooms into the ring and hits a seamless hurricanrana, which she follows up her a somersault elbow. Tamina tries to get involved but Naomi dropkicks her out of business and speaking of out, Aksana is tossed from the ring. Naomi then decides to go into a flip-frenzy and she spins over the ropes several times to confuse her opponents before kicking them both with a dropkick. The NXT Season 3 runner-up then jumps over the ropes as nonchalantly as taking out the trash and she puts Aksana back in the ring. Diva Dirt’s Bobby’s favorite woman then perches on the top rope and like every good Funkadactyl should, she soars through the air and hits a gorgeous crossbody – yet she only manages a two-count! Undeterred by her near fall, Naomi then wallops Aksana with her Nightmare Leg Lariat and picks up the win!
Thoughts: If this match is starting the way the Divas are going to continue peforming on Main Event, then I can’t wait to see more matches on this show. Whilst it wasn’t brilliant, it was good and it will certainly be a match that I’ll Youtube in the future when I’m bored on a rainy Sunday afternoon. Cameron’s first proper wrestling match on WWE TV and Naomi’s fantastic flips provide this match with definite comeback value and to be quite honest, I already want to watch this match again.
As for the heels, both performed competently in this match and I liked how Aksana took the pin, thus avoiding Tamina from looking weak. The behind the back attack before the match was also a really nice touch, as it soldified Aksana and Tamina’s characters very well. Aksana has a reputation of attacking people when they least expect it and Tamina has already stated that she is “not your average Diva”, and you have to admit, when was the last time we saw something like this? I hope this match leads to Tamina vs Cameron or Naomi on Raw as a way for Tamina to gain momentum towards a match with Divas Champion Kaitlyn and only time will tell to see if I’m right. And with that, stay tuned, Jack will be back!