Wednesday, May 25, 2022

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Impact Write-Up (April 21st, 2011): The Sh*t Has Hit the Fan!

Hello there! Didn’t I just see you guys like four days ago? Geeze! I love you. Really. Last week, we saw two BFFs finally combust into a fiery pit of despair. We also saw a number one contender, gimp arm and all, come into her inner strength. This week, we’ve got a tag team match for the Knockouts Tag Team Championships and some backstage antics that could leave you either majorly excited or scratching your head in question. Either way, I’m determined to make this fun so grab your refreshments, take a comfy seat and turn up the volume because I’m going to need your full attention. I demand it! Do you know who I am?! Who do you think you are?! I’m the Queen! Me! ME! Oh just go read the Write-Up already! =P

We start things off backstage where it seems like the cameras are spying on Madison Rayne and Tara. The former Knockouts Champion is all up in Tara’s grill, telling that it was her fault she lost her title to Mickie James four days prior. She says that for all she knows, the two of them are in cahoots. Tara reminds her that it was her locked in the cage with Mickie and Madison goes on to say that she wasn’t there when she needed her. From what I recall, Madi, you demanded Tara stay in the back and play with little dollies while you unceremoniously got your ass beat. But that’s just one person’s reflection. Oh wait..nope, Tara remembers it the same way I do. Maybe we’re in cahoots! CAHOOTS!

Madison, getting more pissed off by the second, snaps at Tara to zip it and tells her the only way that she may be able to get back in her good graces would be to win the TNA Knockouts Tag Team Championships tonight. Anything else is going to be unacceptable. Is that sinking in?! UNACCEPTABLE! Did you get that? Just making sure you’re taking notes.

After a random segment between Kurt Angle and Eric Young, a couple of horses and a large can of beans…we finally get to the Knockouts tag team match. It is actually quite funny and could be a view of things to come but if you don’t care, skip ahead to the 2:26 minute mark.

The current Knockouts Tag Team Champions, Sarita and Rosita, are out to the ring first, accompanied by Hernandez and Anarquia/Anarchia. I have no idea how it’s spelled and I really don’t care. Nor do I really care about the Charlie person he starts ranting about. He tells us all that we can say goodbye to the red, blanco (white, for those paying attention) and blue. Then goes on to tells us we say hello…shouldn’t it be hola?, to the Mexican America. VIVA MEXICO! VIVA! I am so not impressed. Where I understand why they are out there, I think their presence and obnoxious behavior tends to overshadow the champions. It should be about them, at least in this match-up.

SHE’S A KILLER QUEEN! Opting out of the nightly tricycle ride, Madison and Tara step onto the ramp and Madison wants to make sure that Tara sticks around for her royal antics. This is basically a typical bratty case of the child wanting the older sister to do whatever she wants, meanwhile, the older sister is plotting her death. I can see it in her eyes, especially when Tara goes to taunt the crowd and Madison, pout intact, yanks her off the ropes. I’m honestly waiting for her to throw a tantrum at any moment but thankfully, we go to commercial.

Back from the break, we get an eyeful of Tara being tossed across the ring by Rosita via hurricarana. Tara gets up and tries to tag Madison in but the “Queen” demands her to get back in there and finish it. I’m going to safely assume that Madison doesn’t want to mess up her freshly styled coif. But, Tara isn’t having it and she slaps the hell out of Madison’s back, tagging her into the match. All Madison can do is point and yell at Tara until Tara gets in her face, which provides enough of a distraction for Sarita to sneak into the match. She slams into Madison from behind, sending her into the ropes and then back into what looks a rather rough backdrop slam. Up she dances and corners Madison, giving her fists, boots and knees before rambling off something about Mexicanos. I really need to brush up on my Spanish if I’m going to keep doing these write-ups.

Switching up the momentum, Madison slingshots Sarita into the opposite corner and sets her up on the ropes, dropping her back on her head. Sarita gets up to her feet but Madison drops her with a tough boot to the head, getting in faces of both of the Loco Latinas. Then what does she do? Of course, she heads back over to Tara and just begins berating her like she stole something. This sends the sneaky Mexican America crew into action and while Hernandez and his fellow muchacho distract the referee, Rosita sends Madison right into a clothesline from Sarita. A quick cover and Sarita gets the three count on Madison, while Tara counts on her fingers just to make sure.

The winners dance their back up the ramp while Madison screams at Tara who just stands over her with a look of major disappointment on her face. This continues as they gets out of the ring and Tara is not impressed at all. Can you blame her? I, personally, would drop Madison like the four-year-old brat that she is then melt down all her tiaras and turn them into a lead pipe to beat her with. Now THAT is how creative magic should be mixed up!

Later on in the show, due to her immense sacrifice at Lockdown, Karen Jarrett was crowned the Queen of the Mountain by her husband, Jeff. We all know he is the King of the Mountain so naturally, it is only fitting that his wife take her throne next to him. Those horses we saw earlier? They rode in on those and well, let’s just say that after Karen takes her seat on the throne, crowned in all her glory, the horses take a ride on her. The talk about buckets was a formulated plan by Kurt Angle to dump horse manure all over his ex-wife, white dress and all. Not even Jeff Jarrett wants to touch her after she’s covered.

Kurt comes out, slams Jeff Jarrett and tells Karen that if she thinks she’s in a world of shit right now, literally, she needs to wait until she sees what he has planned for her next. Being the gentleman that he is, he would never lay a hand on the mother of his children but he’s sneaky and knows someone who will. He tells Karen that she can call her his “mistress”. It’s strictly business, but she can call her Ms. Angle for right now. She’s all about pain and no pleasure and she cannot wait to meet Karen. Really. Meanwhile, Karen is just horrified and has no idea what’s going on. I’m curious to see who this “mistress” is and I can’t wait to see Karen finally get what’s coming to her. Oh, but one last thing, you might wanna get that shit off your face before you leave here tonight.

Speaking of shit to clean up, Velvet Sky is seen backstage, talking about Angelina Love again. She says that after Angelina gave her a DDT onto a steel chair, it was unacceptable, even if she hasn’t been of her own body and mind. What’s a girl to do, ya know? In strolls Winter and she tells Vel Vel that what she needs to do is stop bitching and moaning about something she clearly knows nothing about. It seems like Velvet is accusing her of something and that is unconscionable. I so had to google the spelling for that one. Don’t judge me.

Winter, aggravated, asks Velvet what it is exactly that she is trying to say. Velvet, obviously PMSing, wraps her hand around Winter’s throw and pins her up against the handy barricade, yelling that she knows EXACTLY what she is trying to say. EXACTLY! She knows for a fact that she drugged Angelina and she wants to go to the authorities but the only reason she hasn’t, is because she wants to take care of it herself. Cue an awkward choking sequence here with Velvet screaming “How dare you!” until Angelina Love comes in from behind, clubbing Velvet in the back. She goes down with a damn determination and Angelina kicks her for the after shock. One last slam into the wall and Angelina’s fierce outfit goes to waste because, along with Winter, she turns out of the room, leaving Velvet writhing on the floor in pain. Winter tells her that they’ll take care of the rest of it next week.

Also on Impact! this week, Miss Tessmacher made a return with a powerful backstage promo:

Thoughts: Well, well, well! What a rather…odd duck of a show we had this week. Tara finally grew a pair and stood up to Madison while Karen finally got the ass end of things. Haha. I slay me. I enjoyed this week. The match was okay for what it was worth. I certainly didn’t hate it. I think I enjoyed the Karen segment mroe than anything. I am very, very curious to see who former hubby, Kurt, has in store for his ex. God only knows who it could be. As for Angelina and Velvet, I am waiting for the moment that Angelina snaps out of it and cracks Winter’s neck. Now that will be a sight worth seeing but I’m still enjoying the zombie hotness. And HELLO! Where did Miss Tessmacher come from?! Totally took me back because I wasn’t expecting it at all. Here’s hoping she lives up to her words. Until next week, my lovies! xoxo

What did you guys think about this week’s Impact? Tell me about it!

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