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Impact Write-Up (December 16th, 2010): Now That’s a ‘Knockout’ Victory…

It is that time once again, folks. Time to dive back into a total recall of full throttle action by TNA’s Knockouts. Last week, we saw an epic cage match between Mickie James and Tara, The Beautiful People advanced in the newly announced Knockouts Tag Team Title tournament and our resident Scream Queen, Daffney returned to the Impact Zone. This week, the tournament continues. Who will go on to face Angelina Love and Velvet Sky for the gold? I know you are all chomping at the bit to find out what happened this week so onward we go!

Our first, earth shattering glimpse of TNA beauty comes in the form of Cookie this week. She escorts her slick haired guido, Robbie E. to the ring in an X-Division Title rematch against Jay Lethal. I am still not sure about these two. I have never been a fan of the Jersey Shore and everytime I see them, I feel like I am being forced to watch bad MTV reruns. Nonetheless, Cookie is sporting all black with the purple streaks. Love a curvy woman being on the roster but that outfit was not flattering, Cooks.

The match starts off quick, as does Cookie’s interference in the match-up. She easily flattens Lethal with an ankle grab, sending him to the mat. This prompts the flaming firecrotch, Christy Hemme to charge the ring, wasting little time taking the Guidette to the ground. Christy, barefoot and dressed like she stepped out of a Knockouts Christmas card, whips out a silver set of handcuffs. Yes, this is definitely a Jersey Shore rerun. With a little effort, Christy manages to cuff herself to Cookie, who is not happy at all. Ladies and Gents, I do believe we have a ‘Situation’ on our hands.

Back from commercial, we get a nice slice of action inside the ring that I won’t even bother to talk about. This is about the Knockouts after all. Outside the squared circle, both Knockouts are screaming for their boys to kick it up a notch. I am pretty sure that Cookie could take place of all megaphones in the future. At one point, Christy yells at Cookie, “Oh My God! Just shut up!”. Oh how peaceful that would be. However, Cookie highly disagrees and responds with a shout to Christy’s face, which earns her a nice jab to the stomach and hammer to the back. I am pretty sure the entire Impact Zone was a fan of that one. I am sure they all value their eardrums. I know I certainly do.

After moments of severe cheerleading, Lethal manages a superplex off the top rope on Robbie E. which sends Cookie into a frenzy. She ships a lazy knee into Christy Hemme’s midsection and attempts to hand off her secret spray to Robbie E. I am willing to bet it’s a nice little aerosol can of pickle juice. Anyone with me?

Christy is too quick for Cookie because she snatches the can right out of her hand and turns it around on her. The mist hits Cookie’s face and sends her right to her knees. With the distraction, Lethal is able to pick up the win which sends Christy happily into the ring. She celebrates with the new X-Division Champion, sealing it with a dip and a kiss. TNA’s next power couple? I’m not sure I could stomach it. Haha. All else aside, it was nice seeing Christy without a microphone in her hand.

Later on, AJ Styles and Doug Williams are brawling in TNA’s awesome trailer set locker rooms. They end up busting in on Madison Rayne and Tara, both of which are in shock. I mean, how would you feel if you were getting all dolled up in your double wide and were rudely interrupted? Poor Tara gets caught in her leopard print bra and Madison instantly turns to shriek mode. Shoes are thrown, glares are shot and the battle continues. AJ shouts, “That’s how it’s done, ladies!” which sends the possible new Knockouts Tag Team Champions into another fit. Tara throws more shoes but AJ Styles isn’t giving in. He continues through to another room, both women still screaming at the top of their lungs for him to get out. A nice little “Shut up, hooker!” stems from Styles towards Madison.

Really? Really?! Madison Rayne may be a lot of things but I doubt a hooker is one of them. Perhaps he is just jealous that she is still an actual champion, which is more than we can say for him. However, in the end, AJ walks away victorious and poor Madison has a ruined locker room and a half dead man on the floor. Not really a sleepover type of environment, if you ask me.

Mickie James is seen running up to Eric Bischoff backstage. She is practically begging him to tell her who her mystery tag team partner is for the evening. Bischoff drops the bomb that her partner is…Miss Tessmacher. Mickie kindly points out that she is not a wrestler. You think? Obviously not happy, but stuck either way, Mickie quickly gives the Bisch a dose of sarcastic gratitude and heads off. Round two in the TNA Knockouts Tag Team Champion tournament is up next!

The team of Tara and Madison Rayne are out first, riding in on Tara’s black and orange crotch rocket. The veteran, Tara, is clad in her bondage gear and hard elbow guard while the Knockouts Champion is decked out in some form of medieval garb. I honestly feel like she should be serving beer at Medieval Times in that outfit. A hooker? No. A beer wench? I could see it. HARDCORE COUNTRY! Mickie James and Miss Tessmacher are out next, looking every bit the southern girls that they are. Mickie is wearing those daisy dukes and a plaid crop top while Miss Tessmacher is sporting short and sweet denim attire. This is going to be interesting to watch.

Right out of the cage, Madison says she wants a piece of Tessmacher. Mickie hesitantly tags her rookie partner in and Madison is quick to bully the former assistant. Miss Tessmacher is not impressed and she shoves the champ back, sending Madison into insta-bitch mode. She goes after her opponent but to everyone’s surprise, Tessmacher executes a trio of arm drags on Madison, sending her into the corner. Stunned, Madison comes back out but Tessmacher gives her a flip and a dropkick, sending her right back.  Nice, quick reflexes on Miss Tessmacher. Definitely nice to see some new blood in the TNA ring.

Madison isn’t happy that the newbie has the upper hand and it isn’t long before she rips it away from her. Raging away from the turnbuckles, Madison works Tessmacher to the other side, staying on her with a wicked assault. Eventually, it leads to a harsh hair grip and blatant chokes straight to the referee’s four count. Choke me. Spank me. Pull my hair? I’m just saying. Anyway, back to the match we go. Madison sets Miss Tessmacher up for that double leg hook face slam she does, dedicating the maneuver to Mickie James. Does that move even have a name yet?

Opting out of a pin, Madison taunts Mickie some more, pulling Tessmacher’s arm. “You want to make a tag, Mickie? Huh?”, she says in a baby voice. This gives Miss Tessmacher the perfect opportunity for a roll-up attempt which leaves her close but no cigar. Madison quickly goes back on the assault, but after a failed crossbody, Tessmacher gets the tag in on her partner. Mickie James explodes into the ring like a ball of fire and quickly keeps Madison Rayne down. The Number One Contender takes her future opponent out with a crisp neckbreaker and turns her attention to Tara. These two had a grueling match-up last week that would send most feuds down the river but there is still bad blood boiling. Tara opens her mouth and Mickie tries to shut it with a failed slap attempt. Take that, you nasty words!

The distraction gives Madison just enough time to gather her strength and fight Mickie into the ropes. A Thesz press from James onto Rayne, in close promixity this time. With a kiss blown to Tara for luck (of course!), Mickie sets Madison up for her coveted Tornado DDT finisher. Behind her, Tara starts shooting off at the mouth and Mickie has had enough. She dumps Madison to the mat and reaches over, grabbing a couple handfuls of Tara’s hair. SMACK! Tara drives that hard elbow support right into the nose of Mickie James, dropping her to her knees. Well, at least now we know what it’s REALLY for. *wink wink*

Taking advantage, Madison gives her one last shot for good measure and goes for a cover. Three seconds later, Mickie James is out cold and Madison picks up the win for her team. Winners via pinfall: Tara and Madison Rayne! They go on next week to face The Beautiful People, Angelina Love and Velvet Sky, in the final round of the TNA Knockouts Tag Team Champion tournament!

Thoughts: Obviously, as a whole, not quite as exciting as last week’s episode. There was no extreme match or random Winter sightings. However, we learned the following: Cookie’s voice is the equivalent of nails on a chalkboard, Jay Lethal probably has a new girlfriend in Christy Hemme, Miss Tessmacher CAN indeed hold her own in the ring and next week, we will have new TNA Knockouts Tag Team Champions. Will it be The Beautiful People or TaRayne? I personally am voting for TBP. Madison already has the TNA Knockouts Championship around her waist so the last thing I want is for her to have more gold. Sure, it’s fun for a little while when one person holds it all but it quickly goes up in smoke.

I am a big Beautiful People fan and I think they are gonna pull out the win next week. What form will Winter take during this exchange? I am very, very curious to find out. I have always been a fan of her previous work and I am excited to see her in TNA, finally. She holds and executes a great talent. I am also very curious to see where the Angelina Love/Winter storyline will go.

Also, apparently, the Mickie/Tara feud is NOT over but it looks to be changing up a bit. I see Madison coming into the fold a lot more, especially with their title match at Genesis being announced. Will Mickie James finally capture TNA gold? I sincerely hope so. I am by no means becoming a Mickie mark but Madison has proved a pretty pointless champion this turn. It would be interesting to see what Mickie could do with a new title in a new company. Until next week, may you all be blessed with towers of Starburst!

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