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Impact Write-Up (January 10th, 2013): A Night of Romance Blossoms, as One Female Gets a Kiss and Another Gets a Ring!

Good day everyone, and welcome to this week’s handy dandy Impact Write-Up. Before the show aired, Impact Wrestling announced that Tara and Jesse — Hollywood’s Greatest Couple — would team up to face off against Robbie E and a Knockout of his choosing. Judging from the title of this article, as well as the photo, video, and knowledge we posses now, we all know that was revealed to be one Brooke Tessmacher. (Who, for some reason I always want to refer to as Brooke Lynn… thanks, Wrestlicious) On top of that, we also have a revelation involving Brooke Hogan that may leave you speechless, distraught, and either anticipating/dreading the next Thursday night to come.

Without any further ado, let’s begin!

Backstage, Robbie E and Robbie T are shown chatting up someone backstage. He lists the reasons as to why he’s entered a depression, including the ending of Jersey Shore as well as the fact that he has to face off against Jesse and Tara this evening. He wants the mystery woman to team up with him, and after the big reveal of the Knockout being propositioned as Brooke Tessmacher (who is already in gear, so smart decision on that one Robbie), she announces that he utterly disgusts her! Tessmacher calls him an idiot, and states that she will only agree to this match if she can tag with someone who can actually win i.e. Robbie T. She walks off engaging in her best pageant wave, as Robbie T exits as well and the smaller Rob lets out a loud “BRO” while staring at what I believe is the nearby floor. Therefore, I will assume he saw a roach and felt the need to relate to it in order to keep it moving in a direction far away from him. (Partly because I want to know someone else does this and it’s not just me.)

We head to the ring with no pan up shot of Christy Hemme, which is surprising considering I saw many a tweet from fellow employees of Impact Wrestling that praised what she decided to wear tonight. Jesse is hoisting Tara in the air, as they are then interrupted by Robbie E, Robbie T, and Brooke Tessmacher. Brooke looks to have shortened the length of her coat, but before we can get a better look, we are transported to a world where Rob Terry can bust a move. Back to the ring, Jesse ambushes Robbie and tries to gain the advantage, but Robbie T controls the match early on with a big bodyslam. Jesse makes the tag to Tara, with Brooke charging in and hitting a series of clotheslines! She follows it up with a running forearm, then sending Tara into the corner and nailing the facebuster.

Brooke scores on the Ass-tastic, which causes more damage than any other move in the history of wrestling because it makes the veteran, Tara, scurry to her corner and tag in Jesse. Robbie T steps in and goes for a chokeslam, but turns it into a throw into the corner and then a huge powerbomb for the victory. Brooke celebrates, as Robbie E claps at ringside. Suddenly, a bit of music hits that sounds like Aksana‘s theme on acid, as Robbie T and Brooke Tessmacher bust a move and bring us all back to the glorious days of Extreme Expose! Rob plants a kiss on Tessmacher, which causes her to faint and leave Robbie E both speechless and jawdropped much like myself at the segment coming up riiiighhhtttt now!

Note: If the announcement was missed, later on in the show they announced that there would be a #1 Contenders Gauntlet at Genesis this Sunday involving Velvet Sky, ODB, Mickie James, Brooke Tessmacher, and Gail Kim!

(I honestly can’t bring myself to recap 2.5 minutes of Hulk Hogan speaking, so skip to 2:47.)

As we stand in the ring, Bully Ray has a microphone and looks flustered with what he’s going to do tonight. He grabs Brooke Hogan by the wrist and begins to look even more nervous. He’s a hard ass, not a feely-emotional type of guy. But… when he’s with Mizz Hogan, he’s a different man — a better man! She is the wind beneath his wings… the Thelma to his Louise… the Pam to his Jim… okay, I may be improvising a little, but bear with me. She makes him laugh, and I also choose to believe he dances to her songs, “About Us” and “Everything to Me” like every red-blooded manly man.

Hulk looks like he wants to take a poop, but just then, Bully Ray falls to one knee! This can only mean one of two things — either he’s in need of life alert or he’s about to propose to Brooke Hogan! Brooke is in happy shock, as Hulk is in not-so-happy shock, but before either can say a word, Bully pulls out the ring and puts it on her finger! The crowd chants “YES” to her, and he says that he loves her. Their entire relationship has played out on TV, and that doesn’t even bother him. Bully asks Brooke to make him a happily married man, and she says…


The two engage in a kiss, as Hulk Hogan and Sting attempt to waddle off. Just then, Bully announces a wedding date that might turn Brooke from a bride to be into a bridezilla, giving her just one week to prepare all the arrangements. Nonetheless, she looks happy as can be right now, as Hulk Hogan looks to be frowning, although his mustache gets in the way but it actually works because his mustache actually does resemble a frown. The happy couple close the show in a makeout session, as we prep for the upcoming nuptials!

Thoughts: Even though there wasn’t really any build up to the gauntlet at Genesis, I actually did enjoy what we got tonight. Mixed tags are usually always fun for me to recap, and while this wasn’t really anything we hadn’t seen before, it was still enjoyable. Loving that Brooke is still getting to be a featured Knockout almost weekly, but I do hope Velvet makes a return to form soon, and we also haven’t seen the last of Mickie. The Jesse/Tara dynamic reminds me so much of Victoria and Stevie Richards minus the psycho. They’re goofy, fun, and don’t mind mixing it up with whatever gender steps in their way. I have to say I am enjoying Tara’s reign as champion, primarily because she actually has a presence felt each week again. Pairing her up with Jesse was probably the best thing to happen to her after winning the title because it pretty much gave her an added advantage into being used every week unlike some of the past champions that have unfortunately seen weeks off TV with no explanation.

Looking into the gauntlet, I fully expect Velvet Sky to win. She’s pretty much the only one involved that a feud with Tara would feel different and fresh since they haven’t really had a big go together before, especially with Tara being the heel and Velvet being the face now. Mickie, Brooke, and ODB all got some form of feud with Tara, and as much as I’d love another match involving she and Gail, I don’t see them going that route. Nonetheless, I’m really looking forward to the match on Sunday and it’s awesome to have something different focused on a pay per view than just your standard title match. I like when companies get creative with their womens divisions and throw them in different scenarios or segments, so hopefully whoever wins will go on to have a great feud with Tara that can delve deeper into an interesting story.

I’m not going to lie… Brooke Hogan’s wedding has got me interested. I like her (sue me), and while I don’t really get Bully Ray being the guy in this role, I think it makes it kind of amusing to see him doing something out of his comfort zone of being the badass heel. I won’t make like everything with it is picture perfect to me though, because there are some things that bother me (like when she calls him “Mark” on the phone calls), but for the most part it’s something different. I know not everyone will see it that way because of how much he was praised for the badass style heel he was before this story started, but I’m intrigued to see what’s going to happen next, and to me that feeling is much better than having no care at all when it comes to a storyline. Plus, wrestling weddings are always a blast to cover because they’re the most wacky thing in the world. Next week may truly be one of my favorite reduxes ever, but until then we can spend our time helping Brooke Hogan prepare and hoping that her entire family shows up to support her on the big day!

Until next week, peace!

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