Tuesday, February 27, 2024

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Impact Write-Up (March 10th, 2011): The Beautiful People Send Angelina Swimming Back to the Jersey Shore

So last week, we saw a monstrosity of a wedding that never should have happened in the first place. I mean, who renews their vows after only six months of marriage? Exactly. We also saw the continuing battle between Velvet Sky and Sarita which turned into a fist pumping party for Angelina from the Jersey Shore. This week, we’ve got that oh so awaited six way match featuring Miss Pavarnick as well as another installment in the Madison Rayne Open Challenge series. I know you’ve waited a week for it. Don’t lie. So grab a slice of humble pie, this show is about to get interesting.

Our first glimpse into Knockout beauty comes in the form of a backstage segment between The Beautiful People, Velvet Sky and Angelina Love. They are seen sitting down, lacing up their boots for their six way tag match later in the evening. They’re talking about the Jersey Shore girls and how they just can’t get enough of TBP. Naturally, as if on cue, the trio of Angelina Pavarnick, Cookie and Sarita come strolling in, much to the delight of Vel Vel and A. Love who have them confused with the football team. I’ll admit. I choked on my sweet tea. Anyway, Angelina from the Shore, tells the entire room to shut the f*** up and states that Jersey girls tell someone they’re gonna kick their ass before they actually do it. Really? Is it that important that it deserves a pre-notification? She claims it is proper etiquette and she’s going to embarass them in front of their whole crew. Who that crew is, I have no idea.

Cue the missing link of Winter, who strolls up to the picture in such a casual way, it was like she was always there. She tells the little Jersey girl that when she addresses Angelina, she addresses her. Naturally, this starts the trash talk and Winter’s gorgeous accent just stands so out of place. Winter tells them all to get out of the locker room with bite and they turn to walk away. Velvet tells them to get their breadsticks (wtf?) and Angelina waves goodbye to the boys. It is the girls locker room afterall, correct? This gives Velvet some type of complex about Winter…again. She warns Angelina that she is only going to tell her one time. Her girlfriend better be on the same page as they are tonight or she and Angelina are going to have problems. Angelina takes it a tad bit lightly while Velvet just storms out of the room. I believe she gave new meaning to huff and puff.

Everyone knows you missed it last week so this week, Madison Rayne is going to make it extra special. SHE’S A KILLER QUEEN! She is back to continue on with this open challenge to defend her TNA Knockouts Championship against any woman, past or present. Two weeks ago, we saw her successfully defend against the returning ODB, who had recently left the company. She returned brash as ever but, unfortunately, failed to cross the finish line. This week, Madison is back and dressed in that horrid black beer wench outfit, donning new gloves and her bodyguard, Tara. Does anyone else know why Tara insists on dressing like she comes complete with a safe word? Anybody? Me either.

Madison makes her way to the ring and takes to the microphone, stating that there is a reason why the women in TNA are called Knockouts. She says that because everytime one of them steps in the ring with her, that is exactly what she does to them. Tara agrees. The crowd does not and Madison tries to quiet “her people”. She against states that she has grown bored with her competition and confirms her continuation of the open challenge. She then proceeds to encourage her lucky lady of the week to come to the ring so she can make her famous. Oh Madison. The rock music starts and that oh so familiar name we all know flashes across the stage screens. Here comes Roxxi! For those fuzzy on the details, it was Madison Rayne who “retired” Roxxi from TNA in a title versus career match last year. So, of course, Roxxi has some definite vengeance in mind on this round.

I have to say that Roxxi is looking fierce with her cute hairstyle and amazing body. I know from her Twitter that she has been working out on an incredible level so it is nice to see the benefits of that. Into the ring she goes and Madison is quick on the attack, laying fists to Roxxi’s backside. Madison wrenches her neck and drags her to the feet, drilling her with knee. Onto the ropes and Madison is still in charge, tossing fists to Roxxi’s chest. But back across the ring, the tides turn and Roxxi comes back with fury, with multiple takedowns. Roxxi is doing her best to pump it up and she knocks the champion into the corner, going for a rebound but Madison sidesteps, sending Roxxi’s leg over the middle rope. And down Roxxi goes, while Tara cheers from the outside. I just noticed that Madison is still wearing those ridiculous gloves like she is five and playing dress-up.

Anyway, Madison comes back at Roxxi who picks her up and drops her down to the mat with spinebuster authority. A pin attempt but the official only gets to three, much to the disappointment of the challenger. But she turns around and goes back in, getting a jawbreaker for her efforts, however, this does not thwart her race to the goal line. Roxxi flips Madison over for a roll-up but again, only comes away with the two count. This leads to a small exchange and Madison sets her opponent up for the RayneDrop, executing with ease. Down Roxxi goes and Madison covers for the three count, getting the pin.

The winner of this match and still TNA Knockouts Champion, Madison Rayne!

In true fashion, however, Madison still is not content and she begins the beatdown on the fallen Roxxi. She begins punishing her for even considering to attempt this challenge but before Madison could even really dig in her claws…HARDCORE COUNTRY! Mickie James comes down the ramp, having not been seen since Against All Odds. First she goes after Tara, taking her down without a second thought and slides into the ring, chasing Madison off. Madison grabs her title and screeches something I can’t understand before backing off. Being the lip reader that I am, Mickie lets Madison know that she’s got her number. Indeed.

Ladies and Gents, it is now time for the football team versus the cheerleaders. I mean, the Jersey girls and their Loco Latina against The Beautiful People and their Paranormal Psycho. Out first, to Cookie’s fist pumping techno sickness come Angelina P., Cookie and Sarita with little cousin Rosita in tow. They come out liek they’re ready to drink it up and party, not put on a wrestling match. I guess we’ll find out. Second to none and always ready to show it up, out next are TBP and Winter. As usual, Vel Vel and A. Love put on their little entrance show but Winter breaks it up as soon as they raise their hands to the sky, basking in her own glory, much to Velvet’s disgust. Let me just say that Winter so does not fit in. But nonetheless, it time for Taz’s favorite thing in the entire world….LET THE PIGEONS LOOSE!

A. Love shakes it while Winter watches on, quick to jump on the apron and perform Velvet’s part of the twosome entrance. Needless to say, Velvet is not impressed. Up to the middle ropes they go and the crowd is just eating it up. Finally, it is time to get this circus on the road and Angelina P. seems like she is ready for some action. There is a bit of disagreement on the Jersey side whereas on the Beautiful side, Velvet is ready to fight. A decision finally comes to ahead and not surprisingly, Angelina P. is going to start things off for her team. I have a feeling this is going to be a trainwreck but you just can’t look away.

Angelina P. talks some trash and ends up backing Velvet into the corner, causing her to get a slap to the back of the head from Sarita. The L goes to the forehead and Sarita steps down, which gives ample room for Angelina P. to shove Vel Vel’s face into the turnbuckle. Oops. Velvet turns her attention back to Angelina P. only to be tripped up by Sarita and Cookie. This sends Angelina P. into a frenzy and she topples Velvet, choking her and throwing ghost punches that you can obviously see. However, Velvet flips it over after a moment and begins slamming her opponent’s head into the mat. This is an apparent invitation for all women involved to enter the ring. Winter goes after Cookie while A. Love goes after Sarita. This leaves Velvet and Angelina P. in the ring alone but only for a second because Robbie E. and his hairspray hairdo come swinging into the ring, grabbing Velvet from behind. He grabs Velvet’s arms and holds her back while Angelina P. goes after Velvet with both hands. Riiight.

A few seconds later, Cookie rolls back into the ring and is apparently trying to convince Angelina P. to do things her way. But who comes in between them? None other than Winter who breaks them up and wants a piece of Velvet all to herself…or so it seems. She looks to get ready to strike but instead, turns her violence towards the two Jersey girls and their fist pumping fiasco Robbie E. He throws down a little taunt and plays with Winter’s hair only to receive a vampiric bite to the inside of his wrist. Now I know that had to hurt that WalMart watch. Behind Winter, Angelina P. begins stalking, only to back up a few steps when Winter jerks around, bringing them face to face. This gives Velvet just enough space to roll Angelina P. up and get the lazy three count from the official.

The winners of the match, The Beautiful People and Winter!

The Jersey clan is not happy but TBP and Winter are definitely celebrating. A little shit talk from Angelina Pavarnick and Velvet steps over the middle rope, lets her pigeons loose and gives a few generous slaps to her own backside in their direction. Very classy, Vel Vel. All that aside, next week, Winter and Angelina Love will finally defend their TNA Knockouts Tag Team Championships against Sarita and Rosita. Who will stand victorious? Tune in to find out.

Thoughts: Oh my. Such a classy episode of Impact, let me tell you that. I can definitely say that it was great to see Roxxi back in the ring. She looks great and it is unfortunate that she lost the match. I’m hoping that her run with TNA isn’t a one night stand. As for Mickie James running back in the picture, literally, I had hopes that the Mickie/Madison feud was over but I guess not. However, we did get a break so I guess I can’t ask for much more. Mickie looks like she’s toned up a bit so that is always fun to see. I wonder who will answer Madison’s open challenge next time.

Now, for this Jersey Shore fiasco that continues…I’m not sure what Angelina Pavarnick has gotten herself into. I hear she’s been training to wrestle so I’m wondering how that is going to work out. She looks like she’s got the attitude but I’m bias when it comes to my dislike for The Jersey Shore. You’ll have to excuse me on that. Interesting turn in the Winter/Velvet/Angelina angle. Curious to see where that is going. All in all, it was an okay show. Nothing too special but hey, they can’t all be incredible. Until next week, my lovies, I wish you all shiny new cars!

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