Tuesday, June 25, 2024

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Impact Write-Up (May 1st, 2014): What Happens When a “Beautiful” Celebration Backfires?

Welcome everyone! If you’ve come here looking for Chris, I’m sorry to report that I am not him. He’s off visiting Aunt Dixie for a few weeks as she attempts to enlist in all the help she can to comb the leftover scraps of beard off her face following some hairy actions at Sacrifice, therefore I, Bobby, have come to fill in.

Now, there’s some good and bad news that comes with this. The good is that I’m excited to finally return to the Impact Write-Up where I started out here a few years ago. The bad though, is that my semester just got over and Impact has always coincided with a few other things… thus I am a horrible Knockouts fan and haven’t gotten to keep up to date with it as much as I would like to. Yes, yes… throw your paper airplanes at me. Call me every name in the book. However, don’t worry because I’m gonna make it… cause I can take it *busts out finest Jenna Morasca ropes entrance dance*

Up on the docket tonight, we’ve got Angelina Love and Velvet Sky hosting a celebration unlike any other to honor the historic title win of Angelina’s last Sunday at Sacrifice. Will surefire challengers like Madison Rayne and Gail Kim have anything to say about this though? And is my fav, Brittany still wish us? For God sakes, someone at least tell me Dixie Carter is still a southern belle when she speaks?!

I guess there’s only one way for me to find out what I’ve been missing out on… let’s begin!

First up, we spot Angelina and Velvet walking backstage, with Miss Sky letting Lady Love know that their celebration for Angelina’s record breaking title win is going to be nothing short of… wait for it… beautiful! They tout that tonights festivities are going to be bigger than anything we’ve ever seen in TNA before, claiming they cant wait until the other Knockouts get a load of what they have in store (Note: This message is put into the universe while simultaneously twirling and posing because when you’re a beautiful person, you get to twirl and pose without it looking at all strange. If I even attempted to do that while speaking, someone would probably think I had a nervous tick and admit me to a local hospital).

The next chapter in tonights saga starts with a shiny pink slipper. Modern day version of Cinderella you ask? Nah, although I guess you could call it Velve-rella? No matter what you decide to do with that, we spot Velvet approaching Angelina backstage, who reveals she’s reading a letter they just got which informs her that she can’t act out in an unprofessional manner now that she represents them as champion.

They want her to change her:

Attire – They feel it’s currently a bit too crass and MUCH too revealing (even though she’s got about the most clothed ring gear of the whole roster)

Oh dear. From now on, it’s expected that Angelina and Velvet will begin dressing as classy women, which confuses Velvet and her pink heels. Sky challenges whoever is responsible for this, but once Angelina reveals it’s the Board of Directors, she changes her tune a bit and questions what they’re going to do. Ever the opportunistic champion though, Angelina Love has a plan… and it involves evening gowns! Neither of them are okay with taking orders from anyone, so they’re just going to play along with this as long as they get to have their celebration inside the ring. Although… she does throw in a little foreshadowing that they might not exactly end the night wearing them. Again, oh dear.

Before we get things started, may I just say that I am both hollering at The Beautiful People’s dancing curtain entrance and getting Christy Hemme/Carmella (aka one of the best feuds of our lifetime) Taboo Tuesday 2004 vibes? The curtain drops as the two pose in their gowns with Angelina’s title and make their way down the ramp to the ring. Love grabs a microphone and runs down the whole Board of Directors letter for us all again, citing the dress code as something that The Beautiful People simply will not abide by. If the Board of Directors says they can’t do something… they’re going to do just that. Angelina now says it’s time for them to take it all off right now (Oh dear #3 for those of you keeping track) and orders the sound system guy or gal to hit their music!

The two start removing their gloves and hip shaking around the ring as Love goes to pull Velvet’s strap down. Of course though, in true Beautiful People fashion, they stop before giving the audience exactly what they want and let us know that we disgusting people don’t deserve to see their goodies!

And now taking the lead for Bobby’s personal quote of the year award:

“You couldn’t get girls like us if you went to Nevada with a fist full of fifties” – Angelina Love

That delivery was so spot on I had to pause for a few minutes to regain my composure. Velvet reveals that THEY wrote the letter as a trick to the audience by taunting them with something the fans will never have. Love then… I can’t. She offers up another candidate for quote of the year (and this is solely based on delivery) with:

“So everybody please rise and pay respect to the greatest Knockouts wrestler of all-time… MEEEEEEEE!”

I seriously want to give Angelina Love a statue for that. Suddenly though, they are interrupted by Gail Kim who looks pissed off. I’m just over here singing along to her theme song, but I’m almost immediately cut off by a rushed entrance so she can get her point out (which is okay… this week. I better get a full theme next Thursday though Gail.)

Kim is sick of their little LOVEfest (get it?!) and feels that they are doing nothing more than making a mockery of the house that Gail Kim built. Well, she’s going to make sure that the two of them get stripped of everything… which is so not something I ever see Gail Kim really wanting to say but we’ll go with it and just assume she’s meaning like 99% stripped of the title and 1% their clothes only because she was forced to say it. From there, Gail gets into true Kim-mode and begins the attack! She kicks Angelina and ambushes Velvet, dropping Love with a clothesline and going after her dress. The Beautiful People escape though, and charge up the ramp as Kim poses with Angelina’s title.

Unfortunately for them though, they run into Madison Rayne and my fav, BUHHHRITTAANNYYY, who run up from behind and strip them both of their evening gowns. Gail’s facial expressions are perfection right now as she looks kind of pleased, but more focused on the title than either Rayne or Brittany. And with that, we come to a close on this weeks storyline involving the division itself.

Additional videos for the week come first with Tanea(?) aka Rebel, who I have to admit I’m not insanely familiar with but am actually really interested in getting to know a bit more, as she and Knux take a little car trip to pick up some family members in preparation for The Menagerie to debut next week:

And in tonight’s first stop aboard the Dixietrain, we spot the southern belle backstage as she arrives to the arena, before being confronted by Rockstar Spud about his concern that Bully Ray is coming after her following her bearded actions last Sunday at Sacrifice:

Finally, Dixie is also seen cutting a promo in the center of the ring about Bully Ray until the man himself dare steps out and interrupt her… Bless his heart:

I may have just died and gone to heaven at this country remix of Dixie’s theme song. God yes, and now she’s sitting on a table with her name on it while cutting a promo! Guess what darlin’… I am not okay right now.

Thoughts: Well it should come as no surprise to most who know me, but I have quite a ton of thoughts about all of this. Now like I said earlier, I’ve been on again-off again with TNA as of late, but I’ve tried to keep up as best I can through recaps at the very least. Is there a reason why Gail Kim was being so pro stripping The Beautiful People? I’m so used to her being all athletic and focused on the wrestling over the sexual stuff, and while I personally have no problems at all with segments like these, I just found it kind of weird since I’m so used to hearing her do interviews about how she doesn’t really enjoy these kinds of things. Granted, she wasn’t the one partaking in it and it DID perfectly fit in line with The Beautiful People’s shtick, I was just a little uncomfortable hearing her talk about them getting stripped of everything and being so gung ho to tear off Angelina’s dress. Maybe I’m just used to heel Gail that this tweenerish version hasn’t really set in with me yet, but other than that I actually really enjoyed the segment as a whole!

Angelina was hysterical out there, and this is coming from someone who has never really been huge on her. I did always feel she excelled with promos and was a good wrestler, she just was never my cup of tea per say, which is understandable as you can’t be everyone’s favorite. She had me cracking up hard though, and I can give credit where it’s due. The whole evening gown stuff truthfully did work for me from an explanation perspective because The Beautiful People promised it would be unlike anything we’d seen before so the whole plan of writing a phony letter to fool the crowd into thinking they were going to put on a strip show made perfect sense. Plus it’s exactly something they’d do because they thrive on one-upping not only their fellow Knockouts, but the fans as well. It may not have been as serious a segment as the Knockouts have been in the past, but I like fun. It was harmless, served its purpose as a celebration for Angelina, got all of the girls who are currently active out there for some camera time, and kept Gail looking perfect as a tweener in between the faces and heels.

There doesn’t need to be a match every week, so getting promo time like this is great for them as it furthers the stories without using up all the potentially fresh match combos we’ve got early on. To be honest though, I would like to see TNA maybe swoop up another girl to join The Beautiful People for six Knockout tags. She doesn’t even need to be a third member of their group, but just sort of an equalizer so they can face off against Madison, Brittany and Gail all at once. The more the merrier (when it comes to Knockouts at least), so I’m here for it.

And of course, I loved Dixie Carter in all her perfection, and I can’t wait to see what The Menagerie is like because I kind of liked how Rebel and Knux played off of each other in the car segment. I’m hoping it’s something wacky and different, and since I’ll be with you guys again next week, I’ll actually get to recap it in all its glory!

Welp, that’s it for this week. We’ll meet again next Thursday unless one of us loses Internet connectivity in which case I’m either sorry for you or I’ll be going insane.

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