Wednesday, September 28, 2022

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Total Divas Redux: ‘Inhale, Exhale’

Last night’s episode of Total Divas was filled with nothing but D-R-A-M-A. Rhinestone drama. Relationship drama. Nose drama. Career drama. Blah… blah… blah… blah. It might not have been my favorite ever episode of Total Divas, but it was entertaining and fun, which is something I needed after Game of Thrones brought us the Purple Wedding (which was PERFECT and something I will rewatch forever).

Our favorite Canadian, Natalya, kind of took center stage this week. The aftermath of that slap from Summer Rae was the focus because during a little get together with some of the other girls, Nattie’s nose started to bleed. That kind of struck a chord in the third-generation Diva, who despite getting slapped on the opposite side of her face, decided to have everything checked out by a specialist. The specialist told Natalya she needed to have surgery to correct the problem and that caused a tearful Nattie to blame Summer, stick her with bill should she get surgery, and debate her next career move. You see, before the visit to the specialist, Nattie was going to meet with Mark to let him know she was injured and didn’t want to risk it getting worse. But of course, Mark had his own agenda. He told Nattie that she was going to get a chance to compete for the Divas Championship at TLC.

In Nattie-land, TLC is the WWE equivalent for the Golden Globes, since WrestleMania is the Oscars, and she was flipping out to say the least. Now, in this wrestling fan’s humble opinion, TLC is probably the MTV Movie Awards or something, while SummerSlam is the Golden Globes, but regardless, Nattie gets her moment. That changes her entire outlook on things and she decides to fight through her issues and pain, and compete against AJ Lee for that belt.

Nattie didn’t win her match, but she was proud of her work and so were Tyson Kidd and the other girls. Nattie came to the conclusion that fighting through all the adversity was worth it (including having a match with Summer the week prior to TLC), and she came away with her head held high. Awwww Nattie! We love you.

We also love “Nena” and all their dysfunction. John Cena and Nikki Bella both have a lot of issues but they’ve both managed to find solace in the comfort of one another. I’m pretty sure John’s seemingly never-ending bank account helps. I want new Loubies in three different colors. Don’t you guys have a wrestler friend you can hook your favorite Diva Dirt writer up with? I’m totally trophy wife material… my bank account just doesn’t allow me to fully embrace my potential. Sigh.

I love Nikki. And I also want to say congratulations to her for getting her real estate license. That’s an impressive accomplishment for someone with her kind of schedule and I absolutely admire her drive and determination to have something else in her life other than wrestling. Since rekindling her romance with John, the two have been staying together in San Diego. This episode focused on John being unusually secretive and Nikki being a little insecure over it.

Thanks to Eva Marie and Naomi, Nikki chalked up the secrets to the fact John was having an affair and after calling Brie in for backup, she decided to follow him. John claimed to be going to the gym, but obviously he wasn’t there. Nikki kind of freaked out over it, and I don’t blame her. I would have had a similar reaction, and perhaps a little crazier to be honest, and when she got home she made sure to confront him. John was clearly caught off guard and Nikki didn’t want to hear any excuses. She handled it pretty well and went to get ready for work.

While she was at work, John showed up much to her disbelief. Nikki wasn’t into talking about their problems while she was waiting for her client to show up, but John had a bombshell for her. He admitted to seeing another woman but not to cheat on Nikki. He was seeing this Sara to set up an appointment with Nikki, so he could buy this property for her that she loved so much.

Needless to say, they had a happy ending.

Naomi and her music video almost didn’t have a happy ending. The whole thing just seemed doomed from the start when Naomi went to Sandra‘s house to pick up her completed costume for the shoot. The costume wasn’t up to Naomi’s standards and she got upset about it, and for the first time we got to see Naomi really act like a diva. Her attitude rubbed Sandra the wrong way, and eventually Naomi decided to pull an all-nighter and finish the costume herself.

Things got worse for Naomi during the video shoot. She ripped said costume during her dance, and thankfully Sandra was on hand to help her with that. At one point, the cops tried to shut the entire thing down because of an issue with the permit. They kept getting behind and eventually Naomi just got fed up. Her love convinced her that everything was going to be okay, and our favorite hilarious couple, Naomi and Jimmy Uso, had a sweet moment that left me super excited for their wedding next week.

Naomi’s video shoot all came together, as did this episode of the best show ever, and everyone had a happy ending this week.

A tame episode compared to some in the past but the previews for next week look promising. Eva Marie is going to pee blood and Nattie is going to have anal sex explained to her. Oh my.

Our hidden gems this week are pretty tame compared to some of ours from the past, but alas, here we go. In at number five this week, is Business Suit Nikki. For someone who loves to flaunt her body, the curvy Bella sure does look fabulous all covered up. Talk about absolutely slaying professional work attire. Stephanie McMahon, take notes!!!! Hidden gem number four came during Natalya’s nose bleed during breakfast/lunch/dinner. I’m not sure what meal they were having but the backhanded disgusted remarks about all of them losing their appetites and not being able to eat made me giggle. I love catty women. Number three this week is the fashion statement made by Brie Bella when Nikki picked her up. I love a gorgeous maxi dress and I love statement necklaces. When paired together in such a simple way, you have magic. Well done, Brie. Well done.

Speaking of Nikki, she is involved in our hidden gem runner-up this week. After finding out that John was her client, and that he was purchasing the property, Nikki proposition him to come with her to break in the bed. I think they’re great challengers for Jimmy Uso’s “Horniest Person” championship. Which brings us to the best hidden gem this week, and it’s honestly no surprise. Sandra is the epitome of perfection and we love her every time she appears on the show. This week was no exception. When Naomi tried to give her attitude, Sandra gave it right back, proving that she is no pushover. I consider Sandra the mother of the Divas, and I love the fact this show has given us a chance to meet some of the people who help out backstage.

Next week looks wonderful. Lets hope it lives up the hype and lets hope that this wedding for Naomi and Jimmy goes off without a hitch!

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