Morning/afternoon/evening folks. Jack is back for another edition of the WWE Raw Redux! With a distinct lack of a certain camera-hogger John Cena last night, you would think there would be potential for more Divas action than in recent times, yet sadly, we had to settle for a sole match last night. At least we got a match! This is not 2012 and this is not Layla‘s title reign. Thank Neysus.
Last night, we were treated to appearances from Lana (thanks Neysus again that she didn’t have two weeks off), Natalya (who stuck between an Irish rock (Sheamus) and a pathetic place (Tyson Kidd) and Stephanie McMahon, who wasn’t exactly happy with the return of her Daddy, good ol’ Vinnie Mac. In addition to those tidbits, we also saw Nikki Bella face off against Emma. WWE Divas Champion AJ Lee and her sharp wit were at the commentary desk whilst Brie Bella was at ringside.
Before I get into the action, I have a bone to pick with you WWE. Paige has just released a new t-shirt and a feud is starting between her and Alicia Fox and neither get a chance to expand on their recent tension on Raw. Shame on you!
Right, let’s get to what we did get to see!
The first segment of the night features our Messiah, Stephanie McMahon-Levesque. Not sure about her outfit though. With that pink, she looks like a fossilised Barney the Dinosaur…
Vince says that as much as Survivor Series is epic enough, he wants to raise the stakes. If Team Authority lose at Survivor Series, then they are no longer in power. Stephanie and that distinctive jawline of hers doesn’t look happy yet Vince says he know they can do it. HHH and Steph don’t look so confident.
After the break, HHH and Stephanie are with Mr. McMahon in the parking lot and they look they can’t get rid of him fast enough. After a little tension, Vince leaves and Stephanie waves him off. I thought Steph would make the classic WWE mistake of then dissing her Dad or kicking up a fuss yet she never. Good job Steph. She’s got the brains all right. She realises her Dad can easily watch the segment back after he left so well done for not calling him names in front of the cameras!
Our first showing of in-ring action features the guys as Sheamus faces Tyson Kidd yet don’t worry, our good ol’ sour puss Natalya is here. I feel for her and this sodding marriage. Towards the end of the match, Tyson shoves her right in Sheamus’ path, and although Tyson got his comeuppance in the end in the form of a Brogue Kick, Tyson got the win. The little creep!
After the man who could sell ice to eskimos, Dolph Ziggler, makes his way to the ring, he is interrupted by the Authority. We only have gotten one Divas match tonight yet have a bazillion Stephanie segments – awesome!
Stephanie takes to the mic says that as she is a winner, she is excited to fight for her spot in power at Survivor Series. She berates John Cena for saying that they will be here and take their potential problems on the chin, yet where is Cena leading his team? HHH tells Dolph that being a passenger on Team Cena is the worst thing ever and it is hilarious! Dolph is offered to join The Authority yet he does the whole face schtick, with the fans, and me eating it up. Stephanie then snarls like only she can and Dolph, well it didn’t end well for him last night!
After Randy Orton interfered in Dolph Ziggler and Seth Rollins’ match, we see Orton berate Stephanie backstage. Stephanie is starting to fret now about Survivor Series yet she still doesn’t stupidly badmouth Vince, who will now be watching at home. I am shocked at how Stephanie has learned from her mistakes over the years! Oh, that lovely, clever milf.
Later in the night, catch Steph and HHH scouting Mark Henry for their team. Who wouldn’t want to add a bit of Sexual Chocolate to their team? *stops sarcastic voice*
Next up, it’s Divas time and joining the announce team, it’s the champion herself, Pai… oh wait, she isn’t champion anymore or even in the title picture. Weird. Anyway, AJ is going to try and keep JBL talking less for a few minutes. Hallelujah.
Backstage, we go to the Ghost of my Redux past, Renee Young and her radiance makes me gutted that I never normally feature her on my reduxes. Your appearances are too sporadic Renee and I promise not to ignore you again…. until you once again a man of no relevance to this site. I miss recapping NXT at times due to missing Renee’s sweet commentary. You win some, you lose some!
Anyway, back from the massive tangent, Renee interviews Brie Bella and asks how being Nikki’s assistant is going. Before Brie can even answer, a very brash Nikki Bella enters the shot. She tells Brie that she didn’t get permission to do an interview, so she better “GOOOAA” to the ring. Off we “GOOOOAAA” to the ring then!
But first… had Renee interacted with a man and it is actually relevant to me?! Erick Rowan of all people makes his return to Raw and strokes Renee’s hair. He calls her pretty and as creeped out as she was, she was nice enough to say thanks – what a gem!
Out in the arena, Nikki Bella is looking mighty DAYUM fine during her entrance in her baseball jacket. Hell yes. Mmm mmm. Ok, I’ll stop now. I seriously need to contain myself tonight. This is getting awkward…
Speaking of awkward, Brie is tailing Nikki and I’m sure she is having the time of her life being in that egotistical personal space. *stops sarcastic voice* More awkwardness appears as the clumsy Emma is revealed as Nikki’s opponent. She’s got a jobber entrance, AKA no entrance, so I guess she’s lost this one.
CM Punk chants erupt as Nikki gets aggressive with Emma right away, transitioning from a collar and elbow tie-up to a waistlock and then a throw to the ground. Nikki hits Emma with a shoulder block as AJ explains that pouring milkshakes on people’s heads is for 12 year-olds. Cue hundreds of 12 year-olds across the world randomly creating milkshakes to pour all over their siblings. If my sister watched Raw, I’ll go with Banana flavor.
Emma tries to fight Nikki off yet she gets decked with a major spinebuster for her troubles. Nikki giving me major Trish Stratus vibes with that follow-through spinebuster! Emma shows her resiliance by kicking out, yet then she is dropped with an arm-trap front slam.
Following a submission in which Nikki dug her knee into Emma’s back and out-stretched her arms, Emma manages to get back in the swing of things and starts her offense by using her dance ability as weaponry. It is harmful enough just looking at the dancing, nevermind being touched by it! Emma keeps the good times rolling with a crossbody and the DilEMMA, yet it all comes to a crashing halt.
Nikki Bella counters the Emmamite Sandwich attempt with a stiff dropkick and then she shows off those guns of hers and destroys Emma with a Rack Attack. Looks like Emma will have to get a hot water bottle for that back pain and sit back, relax and watch a movie… on the iPad she ‘acquired’ a case for. I’m sorry. It’s not stopped being funny yet. I’m not sorry.
Next up, it’s Lana time, who ahead of Rusev’s post-Raw, WWE Network exclusive United States Title win (that gets a genuine WOW! from me), Lana first witnessed Rusev absolutely demolish Zack Ryder. All that needs to be said about the squash was LOL.
Lana demands that the crowd “SHU TUP” and she immediately has my attention. I’m not even sure I dare keep typing as I feel she can hear me do so from the other side of the world in some form of time-travelling fashion, yet I’ll power on for the sake of you guys.
She says that tonight, Rusev and her will fulfil Putin’s goal of securing the United States title. The fact they have to get through an Irishman to do so is absolutely hilarious to me. WWE didn’t think that through properly. At least they’ll be fine for when they decide to have Rusev unify both mid-card belts and face Dolph. Make it happen, WWE!
Finally, check out Stephanie during the aftermath of the Main Event in which she shows off her best ‘Boss Bitch’ face that would look rather splendid as a meme. Someone please make it happen.
Thoughts: There wasn’t a lot of wrestling but the Divas made up for it with talking. It was so great tonight to see so many women recieve mic time. Every Diva but Emma and Nattie had something to say and even Natalya was vocal in her segment, just not on a loud mic.
WWE continued 4 storylines tonight involving women and back to a point I made right at the start of the Redux, I know there are so many Divas battling for a spot on TV, yet I feel that Paige and Alicia should have been featured to pick up from where they left off on Raw and SmackDown. I really hope Main Event can deliver the goods in that respect.
Right, I’m off to patiently wait for Paige’s new t-shirt to drop on WWE’s Euroshop. Let’s hope I can brag about having one this time next week.