Hola my little churros! It is that time again, for another edition of the Diva Dirt TNA iMPACT! Write-Up! You all know who I am and I know who most of you who are. We’re forming a bond here so let’s keep it strong. Last week, I missed iMPACT! due to a bout of bronchitis that hit me like a speeding truck so I want to thank Melanie for filling in for me. She’s gorgeous. Much love to her. I do know that last week, we saw the highly anticipated debut of Sarita‘s familia in Rosita, the newest Knockout to grace the scene. That was a rather interesting eight Knockout tag team match.

This week, Muy Caliente(oh it’s gonna stick) is taking on The Beautiful People in a tag team match that is bound to be salsarific! We also got a random dose of fist pumpin’ this week in the form of hairspray highhats and self tanner. And we all know how TNA loves to surprise us, so if you haven’t watched by this point, buckle up. It’s going to be a bumpy ride! Vamos!

Our Knockouts action for this week really starts out in a match between the X-Division Champion, Kazarian and the contender, Robbie E. We all know his loudmouth counterpart, Cookie from the Jersey Shore. Oh yes. She was most definitely there, dressed in all her drunken stupor glory. Before the match started, Robbie E. is seen cutting a little promo in the ring, talking about how TNA management through a grenade at him this past Sunday at Against All Odds. Oh darling, I would NOT catch a grenade for you. Sorry Bruno Mars. Anyway, he claims he was ready to take on two dudes, not one dude but TWO. But now, he’s ready. He’s got Cooks, his hairgel, self-tanner and random letters on his crotch that mean nothing to the world. He is so ready because Jersey’s in the house, bitches!

Backstage, we see Kazarian with his lips all over, who else, but his real life wife, Traci Brooks! This is the first time we’ve seen Traci on TNA television since February of last year and honestly, she looks great from the ribcage up. Haha. The two have a mini makeout session, no doubt a good luck before the match and Kazarian makes his way to the ring. It was a good going on Mike Tenay’s part, re-stating that Traci was the original Knockout. Indeed, she was. On to the matter at hand, Kazarian spends a little time pre-match, cutting a promo as usual. He says that TNA was built on the foundation of the X-Division. “Maybe not as much foundation that’s on Cookie’s face right now, but you get the point.” Oh how true it is.

Cue the major malfunction meltdown from TNA’s Jersey Shore princess.

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