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Impact Write-Up (July 22nd, 2010): Confusion Reigns Supreme But Not On Our Part For A Change

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Last week on Impact, the Knockouts took an unexpected, yet welcomed step in the right direction in terms of their booking. Whoever wrote the show or whatever gave all of us long suffering KO fans a well deserved treat in the form of a brilliantly scripted and well acted in-ring segment and a pretty darn good streetfight. Personally, it was almost to much for me to handle you know what I’m sayin’? This week, the action wasn’t overwhelming but it was still great, and very enjoyable to watch.

Tonight’s Knockout portion of Impact kicks off with a segment featuring Madison Rayne, Sarita, Velvet Sky, and Lacey Von Erich. Sarita and Madison are hanging out in the women’s lockerroom and they’re gossiping. Eventually the subject gets switched to Velvet, and Madison starts to run her mouth unaware that Velvet and Lacey have both walked up behind her. Lacey attempts to cover Velvet’s ears so she can’t hear the mean things Madison is saying, but it fails and Sarita goes quiet. Madison wants to know what’s going on and of course, Velvet is standing behind her when she turns around. Lacey begs them to stop, but Velvet’s not having that and she looks down her nose at Madison. She tells Madison that if she has something to say then she better say it to her face. Sarita is in the background smirking, but Velvet calls her out next. She basically accuses Sarita of being the mystery biker chick and tells her that she should keep the helmet on her big ass head. Bitching ensues and once again, Lacey tries to break it up. Both Madison and Velvet snap at Lacey like she’s a five year old, and then Madison gets all cocky, saying that tonight she is going to be handed back her TNA Knockouts Championship. Velvet just rolls her eyes and mentions that she still has her title because she never lost it. Both girls try and buck up to one another, and poor Lacey. She’s just stuck in the middle of all of this and getting treated like crap. Sarita and Madison both walk away, and Velvet and Lacey go off in the opposite direction. TNA goes to commercial.

After a bit of pointless crap, Angelina Love and Taylor Wilde make their way to the ring. Angelina is still wearing the Knockouts Championship but that’s about to change. The Beautiful People music hits and Sarita walks out with Madison. Sarita and Taylor are jawing back and forth at one another during the entire entrance  and Madison is literally bouncing to the ring with a bright smile on her face. Once all that is finished, senior referee, Earl Hebner, stands in the middle of the ring with a microphone in his hand. He informs Angelina, as well as the crowd, that the Board of Directors have no proof that a member of the Beautiful People was riding that bike therefore Angelina has to surrender the championship. Madison starts demanding that she be handed the belt, but after Angelina passes it off she cold cocks Madison right in the kisser. Taylor attacks Sarita and the fight between these four talented ladies is underway!

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Impact Write-Up (July 15th, 2010): Vintage Knockouts!

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A lot of fans, myself included, were absolutely horrified at the hot mess that was the Victory Road pay-per-view. The Knockouts match had one shit-tastic ending and I don’t know about you, but I made the decision then and there to write TNA off. It’s hard enough to watch it these days anyway, but when you end a title match in such a ridiculous fashion, it’s enough to turn a fan off for good. Fortunately, my Diva Dirt duties require me to watch the KO action every Thursday and wow! I’m super glad I had to do just that this week. In addition to a pretty good match, we got a massive segment featuring the new champ, the Beautiful People, and that not so mysterious mystery biker chick. I know it’s probably hard for all of y’all to fathom that Impact was actually a good watch, but believe me it is. I even double checked it myself to make sure I wasn’t dreaming. The proof lies within the confines of this Write-Up so stop wasting your time reading this pointless introduction and watch the videos!


skip ahead to 5:40

The Knockouts waste no time getting down to business tonight. Sarita and Taylor Wilde are shown backstage, and according to Taz, the ladies are scheduled to meet in a street fight later on tonight. It seems like both girls have decided to start the match early, because Sarita slams Taylor into one of the backstage walls. The fight is on and Sarita is basically dominating it. She’s screaming at Taylor that she’s finally getting rid of the dead weight, and that now, everything is going to be about her. Taylor takes several stiff shots, but she fights back hard. She gets Sarita down and begins to punch and choke her. Sarita is back up soon enough and the fight spills into another part of the backstage area. Sarita throws Taylor into several walls, and eventually Taylor is able to muscle Sarita off of her. The ex-Knockouts Champ throws Sarita into a door and takes off. She’s seemingly searching for some type of weapon, but comes away empty-handed. That brings Taylor back to a waiting Sarita. The sexy brunette takes her turn bouncing off the wall, and then gets knocked into a piece of equipment. While Sarita is doubled over, Taylor starts to beat on her. Sarita is able to gain the advantage back and she starts telling Taylor that she has always been better than her, and that everyone knows it. Taylor is thrown into a piece of backstage furniture, and then kicked down to the ground.

Taylor bounces back up and grabs a steel pipe, which she swings wildly. Sarita, thankfully, ducks and the pipe slams into the wall above Sarita’s head. Sarita gets up and kicks Taylor away, but the blonde grabs a chair and starts to smack her former tag team partner with it. Sarita is momentarily stopped by this, but it doesn’t last long. She overpowers Taylor and throws her into the photo shoot area. Taylor has her head slammed into the ground and Sarita gets down with her. She finally locks Taylor into a submission move and starts bitching at her some more.

So of course Impact goes to commercial break.

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Impact Write-up (July 8th, 2010): What’s Worse? Daffney Reduced To Jobber or Madison Dissing Someone’s Weave?

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Last week on Impact, Knockouts Champ, Madison Rayne, faced off against Taylor Wilde in a match that was overshadowed by several superficial things and a very memorable backstage brawl. Angelina Love would end up getting involved and you had the makings of a really decent Impact. This week, the shoe was on the other foot as Angelina got into the ring. She took on Diva Dirt favorite, Daffney, in a lopsided match and stipulations were placed on this Sunday’s championship match. Post-match promo hilarity ensued and there was no follow-up to the Saritaylor falling out. Oh well.

To kick off our Impact coverage tonight, everyone’s favorite goth queen, Daffney, is in the ring and she’s set to take on Angelina Love, the number one contender to the Knockouts Championship. It’s nice to see the crowd react so warmly towards Daffney, and Angelina’s reaction is just as nice. After Angelina completes the posing portion of her ring entrance, the two femme fatales begin to stare one another down from opposing ends of the ring. As soon as the bell rings, both Knockouts lock-up and Angelina immediately takes control by working over Daffney’s wrist. Zombie Hot is able to turn that in her favor in almost no time but Angelina no sells the armbar and slams her knee into the gut of her opponent. Daffney doubles over in pain, but she doesn’t release the hold, so Angelina does it again. This jars Daffney’s grip and Angelina is able to whip Daffney into the ropes and take her down with a clothesline.

Daff bounces back to her feet, but Angelina just knocks her down for a second time. This time, Angelina pulls Daffney up and locks her in a side headlock. Daffney attempts to fight out of this with a few elbow shots to Angelina’s stomach, and she gets sent to the ropes. She comes flying at Angelina but the crafty, blonde Canadian sends the Scream Queen down once again with a flying spinning heel kick. Daffney is very slow to get to her feet, but when she does, she manages to send Angelina across the ring and towards one of the opposite turnbuckles. She charges forward, but Angelina is waiting on her and catches Daffney with an elbow. This sends Daffney reeling and Angelina once again pounces with a pretty standard headlock.

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Impact Write-Up (July 1st, 2010): ECW Originals, Weaves, And Bad Fashion Distract From What May Have Been A Good Match

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Before I even get started, I want to give a big, Southern Belle thanks to Jennifer who graciously stepped in for me last week and forced herself to write about Impact.  I know that at times it can be depressing and rather unfortunate, but Jennifer was able to preserver and shed a beautiful, shining light on something I found repetitive and downright excruciating. She has inspired me to look at TNA this week with an open mind and a glass half-full approach, so Jennifer thank you for that. I will definitely be thinking of sunshine, rainbows, naughty time with my husband, Justin, and lots of ice cream.

Wow, did I really just use “Justin” and “rainbow” in the same sentence? Damn you all.

Ahem! Moving on to more important things tonight’s action. TNA Knockouts Champion, Madison Rayne, took on former champion and TNA Tag Team Champion, Taylor Wilde. Number one contender, Angelina Love, made her presence felt and in addition to the match, we got a fun backstage brawl involving Sarita, and a Chelsea appearance. Lots to talk about for a change.

Taylor Wilde is the first competitor in the ring. They make sure we know she’s a former Knockouts Champion and her outfit just leaves me scratching my head. Taylor, between you and I, that is not a flattering look for you! The champ, Miss Madison, is out next and she’s looking mighty lovely. Yeah, who am I kidding? Madison looks downright awful with her new hairdo. That’s a crying shame because she was so pretty before. Blah. Her outfit is great though. As Madison’s entrance takes place, the commentators run down Angelina’s dominance over Lacey and Velvet the previous two weeks, and finally it’s time for the match to get started. The girls lock up and Taylor takes Madison down early. She rolls over her, attempts a headlock, but Madison wiggles free and brings both back to their feet. She jerks Taylor’s head back by the hair and starts screaming in her face and waving her finger. Sheesh Madison. The referee slaps Madison on the arm to get her to stop and that understandably pisses off Madison because you’re not supposed to hit a woman. Madison whirls around to question his actions which allows Taylor to get back in the swing of things. She turns Madison around and slams her in the jaw with a convincing punch. Madison staggers but regains her balance and goes for a spear. Taylor ends up down on the mat and that gives Madison a chance to mount her and start punishing her.

The feisty little Knockout begins to slam Taylor’s head into the mat over and over, until the referee starts to bitch again. Madison unleashes her verbal fury on him but nonetheless, she gets up and drags Taylor over to the ropes. Taylor finds herself in a world of hurt as Madison starts choking her and pulling on her face. Madison backs off and sends Taylor to the opposite side of the ring. The blonde Canadian ends up using her momentum to reverse Madison’s offense and bring her down with a lazy looking hurricanrana. She attempts another fancy move, but Madison somersaults out of it. In the end, Taylor maintains her control and Madison ends up on the receiving end of another shot to the face. Taylor motions for Madison to get up and when she does, she pushes her against the ropes and chops her across the chest. Taylor goes to throw Madison across the ring, but the savvy BP member hangs tough and jerks Taylor down by the hair. Madison turns her back and Taylor takes the opportunity to run towards the top rope and spring onto it.

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Impact Write-Up (June 24th, 2010): Bowling for Beautiful People

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Please Note: Due to problems with her computer, Cryssi will be away for a few weeks. In the meantime, please welcome Diva Dirt reader JenniferL134 who will be filling in.

Last week, Angelina Love declared her mission: to demolish The Beautiful People and regain “her” Knockouts Title at Victory Road. She said she would take out TBP one person at a time. She did so, starting with Lacey Von Erich, planting her head into a steel chair at the end of last week’s match. It may have gotten Love disqualified, but she couldn’t have cared less. The camera caught her saying, “One down… two to go.” The next person to feel her wrath is her former BFF, Velvet Sky. Will Vel-Vel come out victorious or will the Love Express roll over her? Watch below…


Skip to 04:40

We catch Madison Rayne and Velvet Sky in a restroom, Madison primping her hair (which has some prominent black streaks in it, like Velvet’s) in the mirror while we see Vel in the background, head down, very somber look on her face. (A public restroom? For shame ladies! I would’ve thought TBP had their own private, sparkling bathroom. I am aghast!) Madison talks about Lacey being in the hospital: “At least she’s used to lying on her back!” She laughs but notices Velvet didn’t respond. She turns and puts a hand on Vel’s face, forcing it upwards, asking if she was paying attention since she made “a funny!” Velvet takes Madison’s hand and removes it rather forcefully. At that point, Rayne tells Sky to get her head in the game because Angelina’s coming to take back what she thinks is rightfully hers. Velvet doesn’t reply; instead, she just stares at Madison and then walks away.

Part two of the match after the cut:

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Impact Write-Up (June 17th, 2010): Welcome To The Angelina Love Express. Destination: Victory Road.

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I just ripped off a Sue Sylvester quote for my title this week. I’m so sorry.

I don’t know about you guys, but the lack of Knockouts on last week’s Impact left me pretty bitter and disgusted. It was the last show before their pay-per-view extravaganza, Slammiversary, and they did absolutely nothing to build up to Roxxi versus Madison Rayne for the TNA Knockouts Championship. As awful as that was, the worst was yet to come as we witnessed an absolute travesty take place at Slammiversary. Roxxi was unceremoniously fired from TNA with little, to no explanation and we had to watch her once again sacrifice herself for this company that seemingly has no respect for her sacrifices and work ethic. The way TNA has treated Roxxi is despicable, but life goes on and now I suggest that all of us fans move on as well. As we found out tonight, Angelina Love is now back in action and she already has a title shot at TNA’s next PPV, Victory Road. With that in mind, Angelina stepped into the ring against Lacey von Erich, the woman who replaced her in the Beautiful People. The match wasn’t to shabby which is a lot more than I can say for Angelina’s ugly ring gear


skip ahead to 1:40

Mid-way through the first half of Impact, the camera cuts to a backstage shot of a pair of nicely tanned legs. One of the TNA Knockouts is laying down, or laying out, and as the camera pans up the female’s body, the guys who watch are treated to a barely covered backside. On said backside sits one of the TNA Knockouts Tag Team Championship belts and upon further review, the Knockout who is getting a massage is our girl, Lacey. She’s smiling and at peace with her surroundings as the masseur goes to work on her lower back. One of the commentators (Mike Tenay if I remember right) makes a remark that Lacey has an odd way of preparing for her match tonight.

Angelina made her way to the ring later on. We didn’t really get to see the ring entrance thanks to a video package of some TNA action figures that no one is going to buy, but whatever. I’m not exactly bothered. Angelina is already talking and she mentions that because she’s been sitting on the sidelines for the past six weeks thanks to an injury, she now knows how precarious an athlete’s position in life can be. It basically put everything in perspective for her, because Angelina realizes that every match could very well end up being her last because of all the risk factors involved in wrestling; one wrong move can end everything. Angelina says she is not going to waste another second of her career. She calls out Lacey, saying that it’s them two tonight, and come next week, she’s going to get Velvet. Angelina continues on by saying that at Victory Road she will regain her Knockouts Championship against Madison. Angelina tells Lacey to get out there now and the BP’s theme music hits.

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Scrapped Knockouts Match Airs on International Impact (Full Match Report)

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Diva Dirt reader, David Myles wrote in to tell us that a match scrapped from this past Thursday’s episode of Impact has aired internationally, particularly in Australia and the UK.

The match pit #1 Contender Roxxi and newcomer Rosie Lottalove against The Beautiful People’s Lacey Von Erich and Velvet Sky on the go-home show before tonight’s Slammiversary pay per view.

The Motor City Machine Guns came down on commetary, Roxxi’s music played and her and Rosie made their way to the ring in a pretty funny entrance. (Roxxi again wearing the brown outfit). The guns are horrified they have to be on commetary watching Rosie just to get on TV, but they call her ‘hot’ nonetheless. They replay the events from last week with Madison and Rosie. The opponents Velvet and Lacey enter (sans Madison Rayne), and the Guns compare entrances of Rosie and TBP. A few fat jokes and we get to the match.

Rosie starts off against Velvet, Velvet mocks Rosie by shaking her ‘thang’, to which Rosie shakes her own. Velvet charges and gets knocked down by Rosie before tagging in Lacey, who also mocks Rosie by walking in with her arms outstretched (a la trish mocking ‘fat’ lita), before shoving Rosie, who doesn’t move, Rosie shoves Lacey back and sends her into next week.

Lacey composes herself before attempting to bodyslam Rosie (yep…) even with Velvet’s encouragement she fails to lift Rosie, and Rosie easily slams Lacey before tagging in Roxxi who hits a sloppy dropkick on LVE, before Lacey tags in Velvet. Velvet charges and is dropped with a drop toe hold, she grabs Vel Vel with an arm wrench before allowing Rosie to tag herself in (after being slightly out of reach and missing the first tag attempt ~lulz) Rosie hits a standing axe-handle to Velvet before continuing to work over the arm. Roxxi (for some reason) is trying to get into the ring or around to Lacey, but anyway, manages to accidently distract the referee, allowing Velvet to pull Rosie’s hair and get her in position for LVE to hit her across the back of the leg with the infrequently seen ‘ugly stick’. Rosie sells it like she had been shot in the leg, and Lacey tags in and hits a double team ‘wish bone’ on Rosie, Lacey works over the leg before tagging Velvet back in.

Read the rest:

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Impact Write-Up (June 3rd, 2010): Making An Impact, Rosie Style!

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Today’s Impact Write-Up is brought to you with a heavy heart and a rather somber approach. Last night, my precious kitty, Tygrr, succumbed to the afterlife after a very brave fight. She wasn’t but six weeks, but I was attached, and sadly she’s no longer with me. As sad as I am about her passing, it’s a relief to not have to watch her suffer any longer. This Write-Up is dedicated to my little baby and like the great Freddy Mercury once sang, “The show must go on.”

It did go on last night and in a big way, no pun intended of course. TNA saw the debut of a new Knockout; one who’s hiring was rather controversial in the first place. Rosie Lottalove made her first televised appearance against the number one contender to the Knockouts Championship, Roxxi. I’m pretty sure none of us looked at this match on paper (or computer screen) and expected an instant classic. Personally, I can’t believe someone who brutally injured another Knockout got a job but it is what it is (still my favorite saying). Rosie was the first woman to make her way to the ring and good lord. Words don’t even begin to do her outfit justice so I’m not even going to try. She’s certainly got a sparkling personality. I love the way she was announced too.

Instead of focusing on Rosie’s ring entrance, TNA showed their class by highlighting Rosie’s tryout match against Daffney. You can bet that alone is going to make my “Ugly” section because a lot of rude things are coming to mind right now. Maybe I’ll calm down before I get to the ranting part of this column. Nonetheless, the video package gives Taz the opportunity to put Rosie over by saying Daffney is now on the injured reserved list and that’s why we haven’t seen her in quite some time.

Question: Taz, why haven’t we seen ODB and Hamada in “quite some time”?

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Impact Write-Up (May 27th, 2010): Impact Fails To Impress. Water Is Wet. Turbatu Is Red Clay. C’est Le Vie.

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It’s just after 4 AM and I’m feeling quite sprightly at the moment. The French Open is on my television. Rafa Nadal is playing. The entire Impact show is up on YouTube so I don’t have to leave the comfort of my livingroom desk and big screen TV in order to recap the Knockout action for each and every one of you. At the time of this introduction, I have yet to watch the match itself but it features Lacey Von Erich. That fact alone makes this an epic in the making and I know that secretly all of you are closet Lacey fans. Without Lacey, you’d have nothing to look forward too or complain about! And speaking of our girl, she her part of the show involved a tag team title defense alongside the devious Velvet Sky. The two Beautiful People were in action against Sarita and Taylor Wilde, who to my knowledge have done nothing to earn a tag title shot, but whatev. At least they’re on television for like the third week in a row so I’m not going to complain.

The Knockout portion of Impact starts with a stupid promo for Halfpint Brawlers which isn’t a surprise if you read spoilers. Something named Puppet is sitting at the commentary table with Taz and Mike Tenay. Apparently he’s the owner of the new midget show and he puts it over before we go to the backstage area. Christy is standing by with Roxxi, who last week defeated Madison Rayne in a non-title match. Roxxi is wearing her ugly brown outfit again, but Christy sports a pair of fit jeans and a white wife beater. Christy talks about Roxxi’s victory over Madison and welcomes her back to TNA with open arms. Roxxi replies that it’s great to be back and that she’s looking forward to her time in TNA. As she’s talking, the video of her injury is being played. I’m totally shutting my eyes because it’s just far to gross to watch again. Roxxi says that the position she’s in now is a familiar one but this time, she’s not going to let her chances slip through her fingers. Roxxi’s pretty pumped and ready to go, and Christy decides to drop a bomb. She mentions to Roxxi that because of her (Roxxi’s) victory last week, Roxxi will be Madison at Slammiversary for the TNA Knockouts Championship. Roxxi gets all excited over the opportunity and basically freaks out. Christy is super giddy herself and Roxxi finally takes the microphone and tells Madison that she will meet her at Slammiversary.

Christy sends it back to the ring area where Sarita and Taylor are waiting for the Beautiful People. Puppet is invited to stick around for commentary (oh joy) and the BPs begin to make their way to the ring. I refuse to talk about their entrance ever again so to take up this writing space I want to say that Rafael Nadal is wearing my favorite color combination at this year’s French Open – lime green and turquoise. True story. Instead of discussing the in-ring action, the announcers and the midget begin to talk about Halfpint Brawlers. Shocking. Velvet and Sarita are looking to kick things off and Sarita catches Velvet around the waist. Velvet reverses whatever Sarita was planning and hiptosses her to the mat. Velvet’s super proud of herself but Sarita’s not down for long. She Shawn Michaels’ up to her feet and when Velvet turns around she shrieks and goes back at Sarita. Sarita brings her down and goes for a quick roll-up, but she only gets a two count. Velvet’s back up in a flash but is brought down with an elbow. Sarita makes the tag to Taylor, then splashes Velvet just to do it. Taylor mounts her first bit of offense by somersaulting on top of Velvet and she goes for the cover. Another two count.

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