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Impact Write-Up (April 28th, 2011): Zombies, Tailor Maids and Conspiracies! Oh My!

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Good lard! Has it been a week already?! I have no idea where my time has gone but we’re back with another edition of the Impact Write-Up brought to you by your good friends at The Colon Cleanse! They’ll clean your crap while you take a nap! Last week, we saw a major shit storm hover right over the King and Queen of the Mountain, with promise of a new intruder to their kingdom. We also saw another break in the bond between a former chumpion and her minion. Not to mention that rabid beatdown in the locker room. This week, we have a match between two feuding BFFs, one of which is missing all her screws. We are also sucked into the dreaded conspiracy of the one who hunts Lady J. Who could it be? We may find out sooner than you think! So ride along little ones!

FINALLY! A show that starts out with the TNA Knockouts, pretty much all of which are in the ring when the show hits the air. It seems we’re in the middle of Karen Jarrett, lining them up and going down the line, one by one. She starts out with someone who appears to be the TNA seamstress, given the measuring tape over her shoulder and her statement of getting his measurements. Karen, being the ever so witty one, tells her to take her dancing fingers and dance them out of the ring. After that line, I’m pretty sure Karen should just be revoked from ever speaking on the microphone. Ever.

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Impact Write-Up (April 21st, 2011): The Sh*t Has Hit the Fan!

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Hello there! Didn’t I just see you guys like four days ago? Geeze! I love you. Really. Last week, we saw two BFFs finally combust into a fiery pit of despair. We also saw a number one contender, gimp arm and all, come into her inner strength. This week, we’ve got a tag team match for the Knockouts Tag Team Championships and some backstage antics that could leave you either majorly excited or scratching your head in question. Either way, I’m determined to make this fun so grab your refreshments, take a comfy seat and turn up the volume because I’m going to need your full attention. I demand it! Do you know who I am?! Who do you think you are?! I’m the Queen! Me! ME! Oh just go read the Write-Up already! =P

We start things off backstage where it seems like the cameras are spying on Madison Rayne and Tara. The former Knockouts Champion is all up in Tara’s grill, telling that it was her fault she lost her title to Mickie James four days prior. She says that for all she knows, the two of them are in cahoots. Tara reminds her that it was her locked in the cage with Mickie and Madison goes on to say that she wasn’t there when she needed her. From what I recall, Madi, you demanded Tara stay in the back and play with little dollies while you unceremoniously got your ass beat. But that’s just one person’s reflection. Oh wait..nope, Tara remembers it the same way I do. Maybe we’re in cahoots! CAHOOTS!

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Impact Write-Up (April 14th, 2011): Come Over to the Dark Side, Angelina (We Have Free Drinks)

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Oh oh Oh oh Oh! Oh oh Oh oh! Oh oh Oh oh Oh! The Right Stuff! Wait…this is totally the wrong website for that. I’m sorry. Where was I? Oh yes. It is time for yet another Diva Dirt edition of the TNA iMPACT Write-Up, brought to you by yours truly! Last week, we saw a zombie finally turn on her BFF. Brainssssss! We also saw a motorcycle accident leaving a fallen contender with a more than a few scrapes and bruises. This week, the theme is retribution and you had better believe someone’s going to get it! So if you’re all for the heroic story or even a healthy beatdown or two then step into my office. We need to have a little chat.

Our first glimpse of the TNA Knockouts comes to us from backstage where Velvet Sky is banging on what appears to be the locker room of Angelina Love, giving the fact that Velvet is screaming her name like a banshee. A second later, Winter opens the door and steps out, telling Velvet to keep it down. Velvet screams that she isn’t talking to her and Winter tells her that Angelina is resting and in case Velvet hasn’t noticed, Angelina wants nothing to do with her former BFF. Vel Vel, obviously stressed, demands to know what Winter has done with her TBP partner but Winter takes it as an insult. Angelina is a big girl and can make her own decisions, having decided she wants nothing more to do with Velvet. Winter tells her to just live with it.

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Impact Write-Up (April 7th, 2011): Oh Snap! Madison Plows Through the Competiton…

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Last week, during iMPACT!, we saw a singles match between two rival Knockouts, battling for the affection of a drugged out and clearly twitterpated, blonde Canadian. It saw a sad defeat and a declaration of rescue, made by a scorned best friend, set for vengeance. This week, our beloved Beautiful People are set to challenge for the TNA Knockouts Tag Team Championships, in hopes of possibly rekindling the fire of their friendship. Will we see a positive reunion between the two blonde BFFs or has the sinister wicked witch finally ripped them apart for good? There is only one way to find out. Saddle up, boys and girls.


skip to the 6:30 minute mark.

Our first major glimpse of Knockouts action comes in the form of a backstage segment that shows Angelina Love, with her back to the camera. Winter is at her side, clearly stressed out and attempting to persuade Angelina, once again, that Velvet Sky does not care about her. She states that Velvet doesn’t have Angelina’s best interest at heart like she does. She tells Angelina that she loves her and will always be there for her. With a twirl of the chair, that damn mystery red cup rears its ugly head and Winter tells her new playtoy to drink her drink, it will calm her nerves. I’m pretty sure the only one needing calming of ther nerves here is Winter. Give that woman some prozac or something. Perhaps even a straight jacket will do the trick.

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Impact Write-Up (March 31st, 2011): Winter Puts a Chokehold on the Beautiful People

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Welcome back, once again, to the another edition of the TNA Impact Write-Up here on Diva Dirt. You all know who I am so there is no real need for formal introductions. If you don’t know, you have a bit of catching up to do, don’t you? ;) Last week, we saw a definite improvement, in regards to Knockout matches, between two rival women who just can’t seem to get enough of beating the hell out of each other. We also saw a rather eerie and even, science fictionesque turn in the land of The Beautiful People. I can definitely say that I saw that one coming. This week, we’ve got a singles match between two newer rivals, who can’t stop fighting over a favorite blonde Canadian. There is bound to be blood.

Our first wacky glimpse of the Knockouts, comes in the form of Angelina Love and Winter standing backstage. Angelina has a red plastic cup of some concoction in her hand and Winter is stroking her hair, telling her everything is going to be alright. This is all just a small bump in the road. Winter tells her that her drink will calm her nerves. She goes on to say that Velvet Sky is a big girl and that she cost them their titles out of jealousy, she wants Angelina all to herself, to control her. Winter just couldn’t let that happen. She claims she is just trying to protect Angelina, nothing personal against Velvet.

Cue recap video package of recent months, reminding us all how this weird development came about. All those weird and SyFy channelesque moments that no one can seem to wash from their memory, leading up until last week.

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Impact Write-Up (March 24th, 2011): Take a Step Into The Twilight Zone…

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Oh here we go! It is that time of the week yet again and I am back with another rendition of the Impact Write-Up! Yes, it is yours truly and I can definitely say that after last week, I’m hoping TNA went for a little redemption factor this week. Last week, we saw a three minute “streetfight” between four of TNA’s Knockouts and their respective male partners. We also saw a flash in the pan(har har) return from former Knockout Alissa Flash in a very unsuccessful try against the TNA Knockouts Champion. This week, we’ve got a match between two women who just can’t seem to get enough of beating the hell out of each other. And..we are also going to explore another chapter in the new developing saga of the troop of Mexican Americans looking to stake their claim on the company. Buckle up, strap in, do whatever it takes to secure yourself to your location. You’re in for a ride.

HARDCORE COUNTRY! Our first glimpse of Knockout action comes in the form of Mickie James, bounding to the ring in those classic daisy dukes and a teal fringe top with gorgeous red hair. She is set to take on Tara, who we see backstage, straddling her crotch rocket. Out of nowhere, Madison Rayne storms up and demands that Tara destroy Mickie, or else! Tara questions it but Madison is quick to let her know that this isn’t a classroom, she doesn’t need to ask questions. She just needs to go do her job. Job? Yes. Go do your job, Tara. Do all of Madison’s dirty work so she can squash Mickie at Lockdown. Winning. Duh. BROKEN! BROKEN! And out she rides, complete with the giant bow on her backside and no sooner than she can climb the apron, the veteran is flipped over to her backside. Good thing she brought that extra cushion, huh?

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Impact Write-Up (March 17th, 2011): The Street Fight That Never Was…

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My, how the time flies. I feel like I just did this. Haha. Last week, we saw a six way tag team match between The Beautiful People and their paranormal counterpart against a midnight snack, a bowl of spicy salsa and their mile-wide hip…ster, Angelina Pivarnick. We also saw the quick and fruitless return of former TNA Knockout, Roxxi, to the Impact Zone. Needless to say, it was a definite sight to see. This week, we have yet another installment of the championship open challenge, as well as a mixed tag team street fight that is bound to leave us all scratching our heads. Are you as excited as I am? Oh come on. I know you are. It’s time to flip the switch and shine the light! Vamos!

Our fight glimpse comes from the trailer park behind the arena, where Angelina Love and Velvet Sky are seen prepping for their match later in the night. Well, A. Love is grooming her blonde locks while Velvet seems far too pumped. She tells Angelina to go after the little one while she finishes some unfinished business with Sarita. A. Love, all the while, seems none so interested and almost spaced out while Vel Vel rambles on, talking about how excited she is that they are finally going to be teaming up again. Because they totally didn’t do that a couple of weeks ago or anything. Geez! Anyway, in comes Winter, much to Velvet’s dismay and she informs Velvet that it will not be her in the street fight. Instead, Vel is out and Winter is in, due to Velvet’s jealousy this past Sunday at Victory Road. Winter goes to pull Angelina away but Velvet is hellbent on trying to convince A. Love that it wasn’t her fault they lost at the pay-per-view. She is sticking to her guns that she was only trying to help them. All Angelina can do is simply look annoyed and confused, albeit even, under the influence of drugs. I’m pretty sure Winter is slipping her ruffies.

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