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Jersey Shore Angelina’s In-Ring Debut is a Ratings Dud

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The in-ring debut of Jersey Shore star Angelina Pivarnick this past Thursday on Impact proved to be a dud in the ratings. Pivarnick’s match, which saw her team with Cookie and Sarita against The Beautiful People and Winter, scored the lowest quarter hour of the entire show at just a 1.12, according to ProWrestling.net. Angelina’s … Read more

Impact Write-Up (March 10th, 2011): The Beautiful People Send Angelina Swimming Back to the Jersey Shore

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So last week, we saw a monstrosity of a wedding that never should have happened in the first place. I mean, who renews their vows after only six months of marriage? Exactly. We also saw the continuing battle between Velvet Sky and Sarita which turned into a fist pumping party for Angelina from the Jersey Shore. This week, we’ve got that oh so awaited six way match featuring Miss Pavarnick as well as another installment in the Madison Rayne Open Challenge series. I know you’ve waited a week for it. Don’t lie. So grab a slice of humble pie, this show is about to get interesting.

Our first glimpse into Knockout beauty comes in the form of a backstage segment between The Beautiful People, Velvet Sky and Angelina Love. They are seen sitting down, lacing up their boots for their six way tag match later in the evening. They’re talking about the Jersey Shore girls and how they just can’t get enough of TBP. Naturally, as if on cue, the trio of Angelina Pavarnick, Cookie and Sarita come strolling in, much to the delight of Vel Vel and A. Love who have them confused with the football team. I’ll admit. I choked on my sweet tea. Anyway, Angelina from the Shore, tells the entire room to shut the f*** up and states that Jersey girls tell someone they’re gonna kick their ass before they actually do it. Really? Is it that important that it deserves a pre-notification? She claims it is proper etiquette and she’s going to embarass them in front of their whole crew. Who that crew is, I have no idea.

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Impact Write-Up (March 3rd, 2011): Angelina Washes Up from the (Jersey) Shore

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Welcome, my darlings, to the ever so late Impact Write-Up. I apologize for the serious tardy on my part. Unexpected twelve hour shifts at work are never a pleasant surprise. Now, onto the business at hand…last week, we saw the return of yet another former TNA Knockout in ODB in an answer to Madison Rayne‘s open challenge. We also saw an array of backstage segments between several other Knockouts that lead up to current happenings. This week, Impact is coming from Fayetteville, North Carolina and there is a special guest set to show up. We’ve got the ill-awaited “final” battle between two of TNA’s top Knockouts, set to end this war once and for all. Not to mention, that we’ve all been invited to a wedding! Oh Yeah. Why are we still discussing this? Let’s get this ball rolling!

In the ring first, accompanied by her tiny tot cousin Rosita, is Sarita. There’s a tongue twister for you. Set to due battle against Velvet Sky for the “final” time, to settle all the scores, Sarita is looking to dance her way through this match. I don’t really know what to make of their outfits so I won’t even being to scratch that surface. Obviously out next is Velvet, dressed in her signature color of pink and ready to get get this match started. It has been weeks after weeks of torment from Sarita and finally, Velvet has a chance to prove what she’s worth. She is accompanied to the ring by Angelina Love who looks glistening as always. Sorry guys but the pigeons are going to have to stay in the coop this week because Velvet is wasting no time getting in the ring and all up in Sarita’s grill.

Let me remind you, as Taz and Mike Tenay do several times, this match could very well be Velvet Sky’s last match in TNA if she can’t bring home the win. Anyway, Velvet is ready to do this but Sarita is set on playing games, turning around to cross her arms. The purpose? Don’t ask me. Haha. Grabbing a handful of Sarita’s hair, Velvet almost looks to pull her back but Sarita kicks back that leg, only to be caught at the ankle. Velvet comes at her with a clothesline and with a quick lift-up, Velvet counters on Sarita with a falling crossbody pin attempt. It is a quick no good and they’re both back up. A kick and a slap, double time and they’re going across the ring. I swear I got severely dizzy for a moment. I’ve been staring at a computer screen all day. Literally.

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Impact Write-Up (February 24th, 2011): I Hope ODB Knows How to Count to Three!

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Oh what a week it has been! I am so glad that now is the time for the weekly Diva Dirt TNA Impact Write-Up! I want to thank you for joining me and strapping in for this rollercoaster ride! Last week, we saw a beautiful former TNA Knockout return to the Impact Zone in the form of Traci Brooks. She took out the mean mugging Cookie to help her man, Kazarian. We also saw a hot sauce feud begin to come to an end between two current Knockouts and we were given a sneak peek into this week’s Impact. This week, we finally get to see how this Open Challenge fiasco is going to work for the self-proclaimed “Queen” of the Knockouts division. We are also graced with a load of backstage happenings that I can’t even begin to describe so let’s put this baby in gear and get on the road! It’s time for some action!

Our first glimpse of the Knockouts comes in the form of The Beautiful People, Angelina Love and Velvet Sky in their dressing room(aka the trailer park). Angelina seems to be trying to talk her BFF out of the career threatening match with Sarita, a challenge issued last week. Velvet says she’s aware of what Angelina is trying to say but what would Angelina do in her situation? A. Love comes back with the fact that Sarita is the point and Sarita is just loco. Not to mention, her little chihuahua of a cousin, Rosita, running around behind her. Angelina even goes on to say that it isn’t Velvet’s ability(like everyone else thinks) but it’s Sarita and she’s crazy. Velvet says it’s nothing personal but she just needs to be alone. She needs to be alone to collect her thoughts and that’s just what she gets. Angelina leaves Vel Vel to pinch her nose and battle her demons on her own. Oh Velvet. I feel for you but I hate your outfit.

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Impact Write-Up (February 17th, 2011): Sarita Rules and Velvet Drools!

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Hola my little churros! It is that time again, for another edition of the Diva Dirt TNA iMPACT! Write-Up! You all know who I am and I know who most of you who are. We’re forming a bond here so let’s keep it strong. Last week, I missed iMPACT! due to a bout of bronchitis that hit me like a speeding truck so I want to thank Melanie for filling in for me. She’s gorgeous. Much love to her. I do know that last week, we saw the highly anticipated debut of Sarita‘s familia in Rosita, the newest Knockout to grace the scene. That was a rather interesting eight Knockout tag team match.

This week, Muy Caliente(oh it’s gonna stick) is taking on The Beautiful People in a tag team match that is bound to be salsarific! We also got a random dose of fist pumpin’ this week in the form of hairspray highhats and self tanner. And we all know how TNA loves to surprise us, so if you haven’t watched by this point, buckle up. It’s going to be a bumpy ride! Vamos!

Our Knockouts action for this week really starts out in a match between the X-Division Champion, Kazarian and the contender, Robbie E. We all know his loudmouth counterpart, Cookie from the Jersey Shore. Oh yes. She was most definitely there, dressed in all her drunken stupor glory. Before the match started, Robbie E. is seen cutting a little promo in the ring, talking about how TNA management through a grenade at him this past Sunday at Against All Odds. Oh darling, I would NOT catch a grenade for you. Sorry Bruno Mars. Anyway, he claims he was ready to take on two dudes, not one dude but TWO. But now, he’s ready. He’s got Cooks, his hairgel, self-tanner and random letters on his crotch that mean nothing to the world. He is so ready because Jersey’s in the house, bitches!

Backstage, we see Kazarian with his lips all over, who else, but his real life wife, Traci Brooks! This is the first time we’ve seen Traci on TNA television since February of last year and honestly, she looks great from the ribcage up. Haha. The two have a mini makeout session, no doubt a good luck before the match and Kazarian makes his way to the ring. It was a good going on Mike Tenay’s part, re-stating that Traci was the original Knockout. Indeed, she was. On to the matter at hand, Kazarian spends a little time pre-match, cutting a promo as usual. He says that TNA was built on the foundation of the X-Division. “Maybe not as much foundation that’s on Cookie’s face right now, but you get the point.” Oh how true it is.

Cue the major malfunction meltdown from TNA’s Jersey Shore princess.

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Impact Write-Up (February 11th, 2011): Rosita is Muy Caliente in TNA Debut

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Last night’s Impact saw the debut of a new Knockout, Rosita, who was introduced as the ‘cousin’ of Sarita. How would the newcomer measure up in her debut night? And how would TNA give Mickie and Madison’s big title match this Sunday one last push? Let’s find out…

Earlier in the evening, we catch Angelina Love’s cohorts, Velvet Sky and Winter arguing backstage before she proceeds to shut it down and try to get them on the same page. Obviously, that’s not going to work. Anyone who’s been torn between a friend and a lover who don’t like each other can probably attest to that. Which begs the question – who is the ‘friend’ and who is the ‘lover’ in this scenario? Winter or Velvet? You decide.

Anyhoo, it’s match time and we are ready to meet our new Knockout! Regardez:

Sarita is out first and her cousin Rosita is not far behind. The duo salsa down the ramp before doing a little skit in the ring. Next out is the team of Tara & Madison Rayne. On the babyface side, the BPs and Winter come out which leads to a funny yet awkward situation as Winter, like Velvet, tries to crawl through Angelina’s legs for her entrance. Angie acts violated while Winter looks rather pleased with herself. Next out is Hardcore Country herself, Mickie James. By my count, that’s eight Knockouts — okay, we’re ready to go!

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Impact Write-Up (February 03rd, 2011): The Queen Raynes Supreme!

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Oh skittles! Here we go again! It is that time again. That time where you sit down, curl up with a nice warm blanket and join me for yet another lovely entry into the TNA iMPACT Write-Up vault. Last week, we got a show full of Knockouts, bouncing all over the place. We saw a boiling rivalry finally come to a head between Winter and Velvet Sky, not to mention a certain champion getting a taste of her own medicine, self delivered. We also saw another few pages written in the saga that is The Jarretts versus Kurt Angle. Deep breath!

This week, we are subject to a ridiculous video ensemble from the power couple of TNA, which I don’t recommend watching before eating. We also have the saving grace of a true Knockouts match between two polar opposites when it comes to the squared circle. So I tell you what, take a seat in the back, settle with your popcorn and get ready for a cinematic feature. Okay. So it isn’t the Masterpiece Theatre but dammit, it’s TNA! It’s Diva Dirt! It’s the Write-Up! Let’s do this!

Our first glimpse is a video package with Karen Jarrett and her husband, Jeff. They are allowing the TNA audience into their home, cheesy MTV Cribs style. They talk about how they met, Karen being just a random employee but then Cupid stuck his arrow right in Jeff’s heart. We weren’t lucky enough for it to do any actual damage but we can hope, right? Karen says that she was married before for twelve years, but she was alone. Now she isn’t alone and she’s got Daddy Jeff to thank for that. Granted, their home in Hendersonville, Tennessee is very nice but is it really worth exploiting your children over? Karen walks around the house, dressed in all black, looking like a gothic character from an Austin Powers movie. Yeah. I said it.

Long story short, the kids come in, dressed like they’re ready for a Christmas photoshoot. Karen is showing off the pictures in Jeff’s office when the kids point out their favorite picture. It is one of everyone in TNA, with Jeff Jarrett standing next to TNA President, Dixie Carter. The girls call her “Aunt Dixie” and their father is quick to correct him. All the kids apologize, calling him Daddy Jeff which makes me sick. Then picking on Kurt Angle’s little boy, with his mother urging him on. Someone call child services. Seriously.

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Impact Write-Up (January 27th, 2011): The Beautiful People Need a Wintervention

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First, I want to apologize if I am running behind this week. Lack of internet and a brain on behalf of my internet provider has put me on a slow schedule. Nonetheless, I welcome you to another edition of the weekly TNA iMPACT Write-Up! Last week, we saw a fourway Knockouts match take place between four of your favorite Knockouts. A few delivered some new techniques while others fell short of their recent glory. We also saw a rather tumultuous and dramatic soap opera begin to unfold between TNA’s power couple and her ex-husband. It wasn’t pretty and it only lead to further development this week. We’ve got screaming, fighting and a whole lot of Knockout action on iMPACT this week so let’s get this ball rolling!

Our first major action of the night; a six Knockout tag team elimination match. Sarita is out first, doing her little shimmy to the ring, dressed in attire that I actually cannot disagree with this week. I can dig it a lot better than the long sleeves, which are not flattering. She’s working the cleavage, but I’m sure no one enjoyed it long  considering she almost killed herself trying to flip into the ring. Perhaps if she learned to put the “L” for loser on the other hand, that might not happen. Just saying. SHE’S A KILLER QUEEN! Out next are her partners, the team of Tara and the Knockouts Champion, Madison Rayne. They come roll to the ring on Tara’s crotch rocket, in usual style and Madison is still wearing that crown and sash. But thank the queen herself! Madison has a new outfit this week! A whole new outfit! Black and white certainly fits her, especially with that coveted glove. Shock and awe!

A quick slap to the backside and a kiss for good luck, the Rayne of Tara duo(there you go) get into the ring and begin waving to their oh so dedicated fans. I’m not really sure what Tara is wearing this week. It looks like pajamas but the key is that elbow brace. We most definitely have to keep an eye on that. HARDCORE COUNTRY! On the other side of the ring will stand Mickie James, who bounds out to the ring like a child hyped up on pixie sticks. As usual, she is wearing her cut off daisy dukes and plaid tie up. Oddly enough, I just realized how much I actually like her boots. Huh. Anyway, her partners for the evening are the original Beautiful People, Angelina Love and Velvet Sky. The music hits, lights go up but instead of an entrance, we’re taken backstage. TBP are ready go to and give each other a double high five to cement that. And yes, they are wearing Hustler dresses. Well, I’m assuming that is what they are. Why you would wear a dress to the ring, I’m not certain but if anyone can do it, they can.

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Impact Write-Up (January 20th, 2011): The Young and the Wrestlers

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Well, I’ll be a coal miner’s daughter! It is that time again, people. The time of glorious wrestling drama and kinky Knockouts action! Alright. I’m a little bland when it comes to introductions this week so I’ll just get straight to the technical stuff. I promise, next week, I’ll do better!

Last week on Impact we saw the return of the flawless Karen Jarrett, hellbent on making her ex-husband’s life a living hell. We also saw a rather mediocre yet quizzical tag team match for the TNA Knockouts Tag Team Titles which gave Winter her first TNA submission victory. This week, Karen is back and ready to strike while four of the other Knockouts are set to take action in the ring, fatal fourway style. Plenty of action and lots to cover so it’s time to jump on the train and speed on the down the track. Let’s do it!

Our beloved Knockouts action starts out this week with a non-title fourway Knockouts match-up. Out first is Sarita, who gets a short yet hip shaking entrance, donned an orange version of her wrestling attire. Just once, I’d like to see her look as fierce in the ring as she does out of it. Speaking of fierce, out next is the lovely Velvet Sky, sporting brand new hot pink and silver attire that I have to say definitely flatters her. Similar design but thank cheese, she got rid of that crushed velvet material. Haha. In true fashion, Velvet “lets the pigeons loose”, playing it up as always. HARDCORE COUNTRY! Third to the ring is Mickie James, looking like she just stepped out of the barn in that lumberjack flannel. Nice to see she’s recovered from that concussion. SHE’S A KILLER QUEEN! Finally, last but not least, comes the Knockouts Champion herself, Madison Rayne. Now, the title of this week’s Impact is coined “Dirty Laundry” and rightfully so, considering our self-professed queen is donning that same damn beer wench outfit. I was really hoping she’d burned that but instead, she covered it up with a sash and accessorized…with a crown and side ponytail. Oh Madison.

Staying true to character, the champion screeches at SoCal Val, who is nice enough to hold onto the Queen’s items while she’s performing. Obviously just doing her job, poor Val just looks so confused as she walks away. Thank heavens, this match is finally going to kick off. Let me remind you, this is not a tag team match. Two in ring, two on the outside and tags must be made but there are no teams. The first Knockout to score a pin fall or submission walks away the winner. Madison and Sarita are the first to step out of the ring while Mickie and Velvet are both roaring to go. Velvet can’t wait to get her hands on Sarita while Mickie isn’t quite ready to give up her chance either. The two pull back and forth for a moment, trying to determine who will start things off but instead, come to a great compromise. Let’s just fight each other! Whatever happened to just flipping a coin? Is all the shoving necessary? Can’t we all just get along? No? Okay then. Lock it up!

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Impact Write-Up (January 13th, 2011): The Wrath of a Woman Scorned

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Could it be?! Oh yes! It is time for yet another edition of the weekly Impact Write-Up with yours truly. Last week, we witnessed a rather weird tag team match-up between two teams that had to have been picked out of a hat. However, with an assist from the Elbow of Death, evil prevailed once again. This week, we have a returning Knockout surrounded by major controversary. We also have yet another tag team match but this time, the TNA Knockouts Tag Team Titles are on the line. Will the current odd couple champions maintain or will the power duo come by yet another knockout victory? What kind of trouble will the former Mrs. Angle get herself into? You’re only going to find out by following me down the rabbit hole! Don’t be afraid. I’ll hold your hand and in the end, I promise to give you cookies. Yes, the soft kind. Now GO!

Our first glimpse into Knockout beauty this week, comes in the form of a returning Karen Jarrett. She starts out the show, as the Knockouts should every week, by arriving to the arena with her husband, Jeff. Karen looks gorgeous, as usual, fabulous in a bright blue strapless dress that I adore. New marriage does a body good, apparently. The couple canoodle and smooch before heading into the arena. A little while later, they are caught walking to the Immortal locker room when Jarrett stops her. He wants to make sure that she’s ready for this encounter. Karen says that she’s been sitting at home for two years and she’s never been more ready in her life. You go girl! Rawr!

Later in the show, Karen and Jeff Jarrett are seen walking down the backstage corridor. Jeff cuts a small promo on Kurt Angle, who just happens to be Karen’s ex-husband and his opponent at Genesis. Karen admires her man and he blushes on her just as much. He asks her to do just one thing which is not to lose her temper. Karen claims she’s as cool as a cucumber but by the look on Jeff’s face, he thinks otherwise. I think we all know that if your ex-husband was making your life hell and you’d sat back for two years watching, you’d be like a ticking time bomb. It is time to let the drama unfold!

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