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Impact Write-Up (December 23rd, 2010): Walking in a Winter Weirdo-Land

Back for the TNA Impact Weekly Wailing, I see. I knew you would return. That’s right, folks! It is time for yet another edition for the Diva Dirt TNA Impact Write-Up brought to you by yours truly.  Last week, we saw two Knockouts handcuffed together and a fairly new Knockout make her official in-ring debut. This week, we head into the final round of the TNA Knockouts Tag Team Title tournament to find out who will finally take home those nice shiny objects of obsession. So take a little ride with me on the TNA fast track. I might even let you be the caboose!

Our first sight of the lovely TNA Knockouts comes from the trailer (literally) of the Knockouts Champion, Madison Rayne and her tag team parter, Tara. They’re caught on camera, primping and prepping for their tag match later in the evening against The Beautiful People. Madison says they might be going into the match with one body but those two share one brain. Tara reminds her that her elbow brace is tough as nails but she also wants to make sure it doesn’t make her look…fat?! How on earth can an elbow brace make you look fat? I shake my head. Tara wants to make it quick so she can skip off to her party with Gen Me. They giggle, gaggle and go back to the art of applying lipgloss.

We see the back of, who we later find out is Sarita, with a gold strap behind her back. She enters the locker room of Velvet Sky and after a sneer, closes the door behind her. As shown after the commercial, during the break, Sarita proceeded to beat the living hell out of poor Vel Vel. She slashes her back with that leather weapon of choice, prompting Velvet to tag Sarita as a “crazy bitch”. Like we didn’t already know? This quickly goes into a rabid choke and after a moment, the Loco Latina sends Velvet careening out into the hallway.

Sarita once again taunts Velvet about not being able to face her one on one. At this particular point, I find myself wondering, why in the hell are these two still feuding?! Okay. I know this is probably going to link back to not wanting to see feuds but it is BORING. It’s like a very violent edition of Mean Girls minus Lindsay Lohan and her cocaine addiction.

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Impact Write-Up (December 16th, 2010): Now That’s a ‘Knockout’ Victory…

It is that time once again, folks. Time to dive back into a total recall of full throttle action by TNA’s Knockouts. Last week, we saw an epic cage match between Mickie James and Tara, The Beautiful People advanced in the newly announced Knockouts Tag Team Title tournament and our resident Scream Queen, Daffney returned to the Impact Zone. This week, the tournament continues. Who will go on to face Angelina Love and Velvet Sky for the gold? I know you are all chomping at the bit to find out what happened this week so onward we go!

Our first, earth shattering glimpse of TNA beauty comes in the form of Cookie this week. She escorts her slick haired guido, Robbie E. to the ring in an X-Division Title rematch against Jay Lethal. I am still not sure about these two. I have never been a fan of the Jersey Shore and everytime I see them, I feel like I am being forced to watch bad MTV reruns. Nonetheless, Cookie is sporting all black with the purple streaks. Love a curvy woman being on the roster but that outfit was not flattering, Cooks.

The match starts off quick, as does Cookie’s interference in the match-up. She easily flattens Lethal with an ankle grab, sending him to the mat. This prompts the flaming firecrotch, Christy Hemme to charge the ring, wasting little time taking the Guidette to the ground. Christy, barefoot and dressed like she stepped out of a Knockouts Christmas card, whips out a silver set of handcuffs. Yes, this is definitely a Jersey Shore rerun. With a little effort, Christy manages to cuff herself to Cookie, who is not happy at all. Ladies and Gents, I do believe we have a ‘Situation’ on our hands.

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Impact Write-Up (December 9th, 2010): A Hardcore (Country) Main Event

We are pleased to welcome new Diva Dirt writer, April, who is taking over the Impact Write-Up.

This week on Impact was just saddlebags full of Knockout action. First, we saw the vacating of the Knockouts Tag Team Championship, the return of the Scream Queen, Daffney and a first for TNA: a Knockouts steel cage as the main event, between Mickie James and Tara. Take a deep breath, you’re gonna need the oxygen…

Our first glimpse of the TNA Knockouts on this episode of Impact comes via video package from August 05, 2010 where Taylor Wilde and Hamada win the TNA Knockouts Tag Titles. Mike Tenay announces that Hamada has left the company due to passport issues. With Hamada gone, the titles are obviously up for grabs and their new owners will be determined tournament-style. It is announced that Sarita will be teaming with the returning Daffney (odd team, much?) against The Beautiful People, Angelina Love and Velvet Sky.

Later, Tara is seen backstage, tuning up for what is meant to be Tara: Live in Concert. Pray to whatever God you pray to because this is going to take some major miracle workmanship. Generation Me is with her. All means of importance go out the window here. True, they may appear to look like Knockouts but they, indeed, are not. Tara’s attempt to one up Mickie James is up next.

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Impact Write-Up (December 2nd, 2010): Kick Your Ass Back to its Roots!

Mr Glamazon wasn’t the only one serenading women’s wrestling fans this week. Oh no! Not to be outdone by our favourite Glamafan, Mickie James performed her entrance song, ‘Hardcore Country’ live (*cough*) for the crowd at the Impact Zone! But with a big Falls Count Anywhere match against rival Tara this Sunday, it should be of no surprise that the Vicious Vixen was close by…

Mickie’s performance was interrupted first by Eric Young in chaps, following an earlier segment in which he wanted to be part of Mickie’s band. However, while this interruption was more comedic, it was the second interruption that really put a dampener on things. Mid-song, Tara crashes the party (or saves us?) by clocking Mickie from behind and a brawl ensues! Tara smashes Mickie face-first into a speaker before Eric Young intervenes. Tara strikes him across the back with his own cow-bell. Womp womp, Eric. The two Knockouts exchange blows as Mickie tries her hardest to keep her dress from falling apart. (If you know you’re taping a brawl — why would you go strapless?) The ladies crash into the drums and begin catfighting as security pulls them apart. That concludes this opening segment, but the night is just getting started…

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Impact Write-Up (November 25, 2010): It’s a Thanksgiving Miracle! Sarita Stuns the Champ

Last night’s Impact had a smorgasboard of Knockouts all over the place! Apparently the holiday spirit hadn’t infected these ladies just yet as they were all set on beating the hell outta each other. Which made for some great television! Find out what happened below…

Backstage, we see Angelina Love and Velvet Sky chattering by a food table, discussing their individual action figures, which are in their hands. Ric Flair walks up, inviting them both to Fortune/Immortal’s Thanksgiving party. He promised the guys he’d bring back candy (I’d be pulling out the mace at that point…) and Angelina grins, saying, “Eye candy?” They seem to be interested, when Mickie James walks up, wanting to speak to Angelina. She extends a hand, thanking the blonde for a great match last week. Velvet interrupts, putting her hands over Angelina’s ears, singing. Mickie gives her a look, “What are you, 12?” In response, Angelina holds up her action figure, extends the tiny hand, and says, “Talk to the hand.”

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Impact Write-Up (November 18, 2010): The Beautiful People No Match for Hardcore Country & Jersey

We had more Knockouts action tonight than you could shake a stick at! (Although why you’d want to shake a stick at them is beyond me…) Let’s dive right in, shall we?

Prior to their match, we see Generation Me walking towards the entrance backstage when Tara comes up and wishes them luck. She makes sure they know she’ll be watching VERY closely, emphasizing this with a smack to not just one but both men’s backsides. Woo, you go Tara!

Switching gears to the ring, it’s going to be a mixed tag team match pitting Jay Lethal, the Motor City Machine Guns and Velvet Sky vs Generation Me, Robbie E and Cookie. For a minute, I think something’s wrong with Cookie’s eyes until I realize she has extended blue eyelashes on. Oookay. Last out is Velvet, in her pink attire. As she enters the ring, Sabin takes a seat and puts all his focus on her as Tazz and Tenay make mention of those two dating. Even Jay has a grin on his face. Perhaps he’s thinking he finally has found an equalizer in his fight against Robbie and Cookie.

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Impact Write-Up (November 11, 2010): Jersey Knows How to Fight… and Run

Coming off the heels of one hell of a brawl at TNA Turning Point, one would assume that the powers that be would continue to build the feud between Mickie James and Tara, leading up to another action-packed match. Right? Right? Think again, this is TNA we’re talking about. It should be TMNS – Totally Makes No Sense. Last night, we received no follow up, no segments, no interaction between the two. What we did get is a mixed tag match that follows up on the feud between Jay Lethal and Robbie E. Jay has recuited one half of the TNA Knockout Tag Champions, Taylor Wilde to be his partner against Robbie E and Cookie. Can the Jersey kids keep the party going or will it be canceled?

Prior to the match, we see Robbie E and Cookie walking towards the stage. Cookie is trying to talk to Robbie about said match, but he’s too busy admiring the X-Division Championship belt. As they near the camera, Cookie has a message for Taylor. “I may not be a wrestler, but I’m from Jersey – I know how to fight!” (Must be a Jersey thing…) She tells Robbie she’s going to make him proud of her tonight.

Back from commercial, out first is Jay Lethal and Taylor Wilde, her tag belt around her waist. (Wasn’t there some kind of rule that said you had to defend your belt before 30 days were up or you were stripped? Oh wait, that would require continuity…) Whoever does the women’s makeup in TNA ought to be fired. Taylor’s sporting a blue top and skirt instead of silver, which looks lovely on her, but the makeup is horrid. It’s unnecessary how they cake it on. Her hair looks cute though, flipped up on the edges.

Next out is Robbie E and Cookie, but looks like Cookie’s having second thoughts. She’s screaming at Robbie, who’s paying her no attention, too absorbed in the belt he’s carrying. She’s sporting an outfit that looks more suited to clubbing, not wrestling, huge boots with fishnets and those huge hoop earrings are a hazard in this environment. Robbie gets into the ring, celebrating with the belt, but Cookie remains on the outside, waving at Robbie, refusing to get in the ring. Only when the referee starts counting her out and Rob yells at her to get in the ring, does she scurry between the ropes, still pouting. Fade to commercial.

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Impact Write-Up (November 4, 2010): Knockouts, Knockouts Everywhere

Heading into Sunday’s “Turning Point” pay-per-view, we had plenty of action featuring the Knockouts last night. Let’s get right into it, shall we?

The first match will feature Sarita taking on Velvet Sky, but before we get to that, we see both members of the Beautiful People in the back. Angelina and Velvet are primping in the mirror, chatting as Vel Vel gets ready for her match. Surprising me, she tells Angelina she wants to do this on her own without any back-up. Angel doesn’t take offense, sending her off with a hug and words of encouragement. Sky leaves…which signals the appearance of the mysterious Winter in the mirror. Angelina calls her a “creeper” (LOL!) and wants to know what she’s doing there. Winter tells her quietly she doesn’t have to worry, “I won’t leave you. You’ll never have to be alone again.” At which point, Love says she likes being alone and makes her escape. The camera pans back to the mirror – empty.

Musings: Creepy! Still loving it, still interested. I could listen to Kat speak for hours, her voice is so soft and pretty. Maybe it’s my partiality for accents, I’m not sure. I also liked the fact Velvet wanted to go it alone against Sarita. I take it as a sign she doesn’t want to rely overly much on Angelina’s assistance in her solo matches, which is a good point. Both women are strong characters on their own, they don’t need to have tag matches all the time.

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