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Making Sense of Last Night’s Slammy Shocker

slammysense

Last night’s WWE Slammy Awards were the nail in the coffin for what has been a year of disappointment. From the Miss WrestleMania battle royal to the ‘Mayweather Melee‘ to the Diva Bowl and not forgetting the ‘Indians vs Pilgrims‘ match leading into Maryse’s lackluster return. Given the track record WWE has had with it’s Divas this year, in hindsight, we were far too optimistic for the Slammys to be the exception to the rule. From the nominations fiasco to the award being handed out on Raw, it’s been a marred process.

Clearly, it hasn’t been a good year for the Divas and last night summed up precisely what was so wrong about it. But try to make sense of the situation:

Maria’s win
Before we even begin, I’m not going to sit here and blast Maria for winning Diva of the Year, her win wasn’t under her control and it’s unfair to judge her personally for being chosen to win. It’s her moment and good for her. I can’t say I think she deserves the award but I’m not going to hold it against her.

Who deserves the blame
Let’s direct this annoyance at the people that it should be directed at — WWE. As the opening paragraph suggests, this whole year has been letdown after letdown at the hands of WWE. A year that could make even the most unrelenting Diva fan question why they continue to watch. Whether the vote was truly the results of a fan vote or if it was booked in Maria’s favour we’ll never know, but I’m sure there are theories to suggest both.

As pointed out in the Post-Raw Show and in the Raw Redux, Maria is set to be part of a big ensemble cast for the Celebrity Apprentice on NBC next year. Perhaps Maria’s Slammy win was their way of pushing her in that series. If you hear Donald Trump putting her over on the show as WWE’s Diva of the Year, then you’ll know. Especially since the show has already filmed. I mean, you gotta compensate Maria on that show somehow right? The show often boasts about the celebrities’ accolades in creating a competitive atmosphere. “Maria, WWE Diva” doesn’t have quite the same ring to it as “Cyndi Lauper, multi-platinum selling artist” does it? “Maria, WWE Diva of the Year” is a little more grandiose.

One of the things everyone, fans and critics alike, have pointed out is if this was truly fan voted, wouldn’t Mickie James win? Mickie is usually the winner of all of these fan polls and is unarguably, the most popular Diva in the WWE right now. That’s not to downplay Maria’s popularity — because she is up there. She and Kelly have a great rapport with the fans and are usually second or third in past fan-voted contests. But given Mickie’s current disposition with the company, would they really award her the Diva of the Year prize? Probably not. You’re pretty much calling the girl ‘fat and ugly’ every single week with all the ‘Piggie James’ BS that we’ve seen, you’re not going to give her an award. The conspiracy theorist in me suggests that Mickie probably topped the poll but they went for the second highest polling Diva.

It’s clear that WWE has positioned the Divas division to be so much of an afterthought that the average fan won’t care what they do with the girls. And as such, they can get away with murder. I mean in reality, we’re but a fraction of the total audience, right?

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Raw Redux (December 14th, 2009) – What’s Wrong With This Picture?

Last night’s Raw, in all its bloated 3 hour glory, was the annual Slammy Awards edition. Among the awards to be handed out were Diva of the Year, which was to be voted on by the fans at WWE.com. As we waited on pins and needles (not) to find out who won the award, we pondered whether the award would be given to support a storyline via rigging by the WWE or a popularity contest held by the voting public. As is turns out, it was neither, and I’ll explain my theory as we come to it.

We start our Divas action (not counting the Divas presenting awards throughout the night) with a Jerry Springer-esque evening gown tag team match. The babyfaces–Mickie James, Melina, Brie & Nikki Bella, Kelly Kelly, Gail Kim, and Maria are taking on the heels–Michelle McCool, Layla, Maryse, Beth Phoenix, Natalya, Alicia Fox, and Rosa Mendes. Most look out of place and trashy in their gowns, and I would critique them (I’ll save that for this week’s Style Jury), but I’m much more distracted by the fact that they’re WRESTLING IN EVENING GOWNS. Well, this’ll be one mesmerizing clusterfuck:


Skip to 2:52

They start with a line-up face-off, trading verbal barbs before heading off their their respective corners. Mickie and Rosa start off the match, Rosa takign advantage and tossing Mickie around, pounding her head on the mat. They trade slaps, and Rosa tosses Mickie into the corner. Mickie blocks her attack, locking her head with her legs and hitting a hurricanrana. She then pulls her to her feet, hitting her Mickie-T to get the pin an the win for her team.

I have to say, this is one of the few moments where I’m glad that a Diva match was cut short. I’m glad that no more than two Divas had to humiliate themselves by wrestling in their dresses. Mickie and Rosa did as awkwardly as I expected, but hey, someone had to take the bullet. Now that the match is over, it’s time for the Diva of the Year Slammy to be awarded. The girls line up in anticipation as MVP and Goldust present the award.

Our winner is announced as, drumroll please…. Maria??? MVP’s reaction right before he reads her name says it all, and Maria looks as shocked as the rest of us as she goes up to accept her award, saying a typical acceptance speech before being interrupted by Batista in a douche costume, doing a Kanye West impression that’s not only awful but over 3 months old. If the joke were a carton of milk, it would have expired into a living organism at this point and, ironically, would be more worthy of a Diva of the Year award than Maria. Maria plays Taylor Swift as she left the stage and allowed Dave to be “escorted” off by security.

But as we watch the wild pink-polo-wearing douchebag be captured in his natural habitat, we’re left to ponder the reasoning behind this decision to crown Maria as Diva of the Year. Was is it truly a popularity contest, and she was just the most popular Diva among the fans? Or was it rigged for storyline purposes? As I said earlier, I believe it was neither, because I have a theory. Yes, Maria is popular, and I do not doubt that fans flocked to vote for her in the poll, but I don’t believe her star power amongst the casual fans is that much stronger than, say, a Mickie James or a Kelly Kelly.

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TLC in Review: Michelle & Mickie Bow Out 2009 with a Hit

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It’s usually this time of year that fans begin to tune out in the build up to Christmas. The December pay per views aren’t really remembered as well as the months prior. However just before the year goes out, the SmackDown Divas have delivered a sleeper hit. Women’s Champion, Michelle McCool successfully defended her belt against Mickie James last night but unlike a myriad of past Divas pay per view matches, this bout seems to be only an opener to a brewing feud. Last night’s match seemed to come as close to ‘feature length’ as WWE will allow the Divas to be and also featured an unusually lively crowd eating up the action. Watch below:

The match kicks off with a cat and mouse chase as Michelle jumps out of the ring immediately, staving away from the four-time Women’s Champion. Upon entering once again, the two Divas lock up in a powerful tussle that sees them roll out of the ring. And already, we’re out of the ring! Still locked up, Mickie thrusts Michelle into the barricade and Michelle retaliates, shoving Mickie into the side of the ring. Nice touch there, showing the intensity between the two Divas. Mickie gets in Michelle’s face in a heated verbal exchange and the expression on Michelle’s face says it all, both Divas did a great job of selling that heat. They carefully get back in the ring, eyes still locked on each other. Mickie screams at Michelle: “I know how to play games, Michelle.” And don’t we know it! Perhaps a slight nod to her first WWE feud.

With the Divas now back on their feet, the champion and challenger go for each other’s hair before being separated by the referee. Mickie quickly goes for a jack knife pin but Michelle kicks out. Mickie manages to knock Michelle off her feet a further two times and goes for a further two pin attempts. Michelle now takes charge, clubbing Mickie and throwing her against the ropes, Mickie manages to lock in a Gail Kim-like christo of sorts while Matt Striker on commentary says, “How can she support that weight.” Wow, Vince and co are going hard for Mickie. It seems such words come all too easily out of Striker’s mouth, I do hope Striker [the person] feels somwhat hesitant when saying them.

Michelle backs Mickie into the corner, slamming her into the turnbuckles and Mickie lays motionless for a good few seconds. Michelle takes control with knee drops followed by knees to the back as the pace of the match begins to slow down. Michelle wipes the mat with Mickie’s face before slamming it back down on the canvas rather viciously. Michelle applies a chin lock as Mickie tries to fight back but Michelle just knocks her back down. Michelle effortlessly throws a few kicks Mickie’s way, suggesting she’s not sweating her opponent.

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Slammy Nominations Revealed

The nominees for the 2009 Slammy Awards have finally been revealed! In a twist, there are no Diva of the Year nominees. Instead, fans will get to vote for the winner in a poll on WWE.com tomorrow. That’s right, instead of taking the time to narrow it down to a whole four nominees, who perhaps … Read more

SmackDown Redux (December 11th, 2009) – Table for Two at TLC

With the last minute addition of a Women’s Championship match to this Sunday’s TLC pay per view, the Divas of SmackDown were given a brief build-up to the event. After Maria‘s return last week,  we saw the obvious tag team match as she made her in-ring return, teaming with Mickie James against Layla and Michelle … Read more

Women’s Title Match Added to TLC

In a minor spoiler from last night’s SmackDown taping, a match between Michelle McCool and Mickie James has been made official for this Sunday’s TLC pay per view. Mickie became the #1 Contender for the Women’s Title last week, defeating Beth Phoenix and Natalya. Join us on Sunday evening for our TLC live blog at … Read more

SmackDown Spoilers: December 11th, 2009

Spoilers for this week’s SmackDown tapings are in. Click the ‘+’ to read. Show airs on Friday, December 11th:

EDIT: More detailed spoilers added.

SmackDown - December 11th, 2009
Mickie James and Maria defeated Michelle McCool and Layla. The crowd loved Mickie. McCool and Layla were not met with heat but rather indifference. Mickie threw Layla into the ropes to collide with McCool as Layla rebounded Mickie got the roll up. Michelle recovered just in time to see the ref count three. (Source: Wrestleview.com)

Thoughts after the cut:

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Raw Redux (December 7th, 2009) – A (Relative) SmörgĂĄsbord of Divas

With Maryse two weeks into her return, fans have been less than impressed with her all-around performance. Her return was more head-scratching than anything else and her match last week didn’t show her in-ring skills as much as a more refined affinity to sneak out a win. Will she continue on that path this week, or will we see a more ring-focused Maryse?

We start our night seeing that Kelly Kelly has been handed the duty of announcing the night’s first Divas match. I’m not all the surprised that they saddled Kelly with this random job, since the WWE has a tendency to stick Divas in announcing positions when they don’t know what else to do with them. We’ll see if this becomes a regular thing or was just a plot device to bring in Melina post-match.

The match in question is Gail Kim vs. Maryse. I’m psyched to see Gail get some one-on-one action, as she’s usually stuck in tag team matches (aside from the odd Superstars match). Let’s see if she can pull some good things out what’s so far been a lackluster return angle for Maryse:

The match starts off with a requisite show of arrogance by Maryse–she actually shoves Gail by the head twice. Gail seems to keep her annoyance in check until she spears Maryse to the mat, pounding on her until she’s shoved off. Maryse darts to safety at the other side of the ring, but Gail keeps on her, tossing her by the hair and whipping her into the ropes. Maryse hangs on to the ropes, but Gail drags her back to the middle of the ring by a leg, making Maryse hop along. Gail tosses Maryse’s leg aside, spinning her, and then slamming her down with a hard clothesline.

Maryse crawls to the corner, and once she’s to her feet, Gail charges at her, slipping out of the ring and back in under the ropes, out-smarting Maryse and rolling her up into a pin attempt. Maryse kicks out at two and wanders to the next corner, only to be sandwiched into it by a flying Gail. Maryse drops to her butt, and Gail proceeds to drive her knee into her neck, using her standing leverage to apply the pressure. Gail eventually backs off and Maryse gets to her feet, simply slapping Gail in the face in rebuttal.

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FCW (Must) Watch: Gail Kim vs. Mia Mancini

Gail Kim may have had a disappointing year upon her WWE return but perhaps the standout of her time is this little gem from the television series for WWE’s farm territory, FCW. Gail takes on former SHIMMER standout and current Queen of FCW, Mia Mancini. Watch below: This is a definite step up from Mia’s … Read more

Raw Response: December 7th, 2009

Tonight’s Raw is hosted by eccentric entrepreneur and the Dallas Maverick’s owner Mark Cuban. Discuss tonight’s show in the comments below! If you have a Twitter account, feel free to tweet us your feedback on the show–we’ll be retweeting the best ones!!

FCW Watch: Mia Mancini vs. Tiffany

Coming off the heels of two successful title defenses against AJ Lee and Savannah, FCW queen Mia Mancini takes on ECW General Manager Tiffany in a non-title match. Watch below: To be honest, I wasn’t impressed with this match. In fact, I haven’t been very impressed with Mia since her FCW debut. Her new heel … Read more

SmackDown Redux (December 4th, 2009) – Best Divas Action in Years!

Congratulations are in order for the Divas of SmackDown as I can positively say that this week’s episode was the best Divas action that I’ve seen in quite some time. From the #1 Contenders Match featuring three of the most talented women in the WWE, actual storyline set up afterwards and the return of a Diva — WWE managed to pack a lot into 10 minutes [which is pretty long for a Divas segment on TV] but it all came across as being important. Watch the action below:

On paper, the triple threat match between Beth Phoenix, Mickie James and Natalya seemed full-proof and it was. The work between all three Divas was fantastic, particularly the interaction between the power houses of WWE’s women’s division — Phoenix and Natalya. The way the pair cleared the ring of Mickie James in the early going and then fought among themselves was a great touch. Natalya is probably one of the most talented Divas to ever step foot into the WWE but hasn’t received the same opportunities as Phoenix or James. If we didn’t have spoilers prior, Natalya would be the one I would be rooting for — and to be completely honest, even though I knew the outcome, I still kind of did hope for her to win!

Some beautiful spots in this match including Mickie’s hurricanrana on Natalya, and Natalya’s discus clothesline on Mickie. But perhaps the most impressive is Beth’s effortless Glam Slam on a woman that equals her in stature. A fantastic spot.

The end sees Mickie James dropkick Beth out of the ring and ‘steal’ the victory. I really liked Mickie’s placement in this match, she couldn’t conceivably be considered as physical as Beth or Natalya, so they used her as a scrappy underdog fighting against the larger Divas.

Meanwhile, the real greatness in this match was the work between Beth and Natalya. I’d absolutely love to see a secondary between these two as a result of this week’s show, in addition to Michelle-Mickie. With Beth squashing Divas left, right and center, here she got an opponent that can step toe-to-toe with her and have a knock-down fight with. Perhaps market Natalya as almost an equal to Beth and see which Diva comes out on top.

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Raw Redux (November 30th, 2009) – The Greeks Take Troy (Again)

Following Maryse‘s turkey-costumed return, fans came to a general consensus that it was pretty disappointing. But with this week came the opportunity to add some legitimacy to this blossoming feud. Would Maryse deliver, or would she–like the turkey she disguised herself as–not even get off the ground?

We begin the night with an entrance by Melina and Gail Kim. The feed cuts to Maryse and Jillian walking backstage, only to be stopped by Josh Matthews, asking Maryse what provoked her to attack Melina last week:

She explained her motives as this: Melina was holding her Divas title (not that Mickie held the title long before Melina and actually won it from Maryse in the first place) and provided a Trojan Horse, which for Melina turned out to be the turkey. I don’t want to go all history nerd and explain the many ways in which that makes no sense, but really.. I know the common usage of the Trojan Horse metaphor is with a “any trick that causes a target to invite a foe into a securely protected bastion or place”, in reference to the tale of the Greeks hiding inside of a giant horse that they left outside the gates of Troy, which when brought inside the gates (as a victory trophy) allowed them to overtake the city at night and win what has been a 10-year siege. But is the WWE ring really considered a securely protected place? Maybe the fact that Melina let the Gobbledy Gooker stand behind her qualifies as that, but that’s stretching it quite a bit. And, correct me if I’m wrong, but wasn’t accepting the Trojan Horse (and ignoring the warnings of others) a sign of vanity? They believed that the Greeks were surrendering and accepted their “victory trophy” without suspicion, and were ambushed and slaughtered for doing so. I doubt Maryse was preyinf on Melina’s vanity with her scheme.

Either way you look at it, Maryse’s metaphor oversold the thing to a ridiculous level. It actually managed to make it look even more stupid, as she (AKA the WWE’s writers) tried to sell it as some mastermind’s trick. However, when the trick involves one party dressing up in a Gobbledy Gooker suit, I think trying to make it look like any sort of “master plan” is more foolish than the idea itself.

But enough of that. Maryse says “gobble gobble” to Josh (which I guess serves as a goodbye), which Jillian sings in repetition, and the two head to the ring. Melina and Gail’s reaction to this says it all, mouthing “wow” to each other a few times. As Maryse and Jillian make their entrance, Michael Cole recaps how Maryse lost the Divas Championship at Night of Champions and–rumor has it–when into a state of depression following her loss. What a crappy excuse.. I mean, is it really that hard to just say she got injured–which she actually did? All that does is perpetuate the stereotype of the “fragile woman”. Though, Maryse’s character is approximately 99% vanity, so such a blow to her ago could probably crush her in such a way. But still, around 5 months on the shelf due to depression? That’s treating pretty lightly what in real life is a big deal–a serious mental illness. But I guess, as we’ve seen several times already this night, analyzing the WWE’s motives is a lost cause.

I really need to stop sidetracking this thing. Let’s get on to the match.

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Raw Response: November 30th, 2009

Tonight’s Raw is hosted by actor Verne Troyer of Austin Powers fame. Discuss tonight’s show in the comments below! If you have a Twitter account, feel free to tweet us your feedback on the show–we’ll be retweeting the best ones!!

SmackDown Spoilers: December 4th, 2009

Spoilers for this week’s early SmackDown tapings are in (the brand taped the show early due to a conflict with the Tribute for the Troops taping). Click the ‘+’ to read. Show airs on Friday, December 4th:

SmackDown - December 4th, 2009
Mickie James beat Beth Phoenix and Natayla to become the Number One Contender for the Women’s Championship. It wasn’t specified when she’d get the shot but after the match, since Michelle McCool and Layla were ringside at the announcer’s table, Mickie James attacked them and got double teamed until Maria came out and helped Mickie fend them off. (Source: PWInsider.com)

Thoughts after the cut:

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FCW Watch: Mia Mancini vs. AJ Lee

Two of FCW’s standout Divas, Mia Mancini and AJ Lee locked horns on the company’s television series over a month ago — footage of which is now online. As well documented, both have previous wrestling experience; Mancini is particularly known for her work in SHIMMER while Lee has worked for WSU. On paper, this match … Read more

SmackDown Redux (Nov. 27, 2009) – The World’s Shortest Interview

If, like me, you watch SmackDown only for the Divas, let me save you the trouble: Mickie’s not leaving SmackDown. Yeah, that’s all you need to know. Seriously, no need to even watch the show — just read those four words and you’re good to return to your Thanksgiving-induced food coma or Black Friday shopping. … Read more

SmackDown Spoilers: November 27th, 2009

Spoilers for this week’s SmackDown are in. Click the ‘+’ to read. Show airs on Friday, November 27th:

SmackDown - November 27th, 2009
– Backstage, Mickie James is asked about Michelle McCool’s video last week. James said that no matter how juvenile Layla and McCool get, she’s worked hard to get here and she’s not leaving Smackdown. (Source: PWInsider.com)

Thoughts after the cut:

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What Will It Be for TLC?

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We may have just put one pay per view behind us but the trail rolls on, because in just three weeks we get WWE’s next pay per view: Tables, Ladders & Chairs. Now before y’all get excited about a Divas stipulation match, may I remind you about the Hell in a Cell pay per view? Like that, it’s likely that only the main events will be contested in those matches.

With three weeks to go, we have two clear feuds on Raw & SmackDown. The Divas Championship race narrowed last night when Maryse made her return and targeted Melina, while there’s been ongoing animosity between Michelle McCool and Mickie James which could lead to a Women’s Title match. Which brand should get the match? Your Raw & SmackDown Redux writers argue for their show:

Raw (Argument by Erin)
Maryse’s return brings a feeling of immediacy to this pay-per-view opportunity. Whatever heat she has built up from her return (even though I doubt returning while wearing a turkey costume builds much heat) will evaporate soon, and the WWE needs to capitalize on this (relatively) fresh feud ASAP. To pass up this opportunity for a big-scale Divas Championship match would be a mistake; They already blew a similar shot with Alicia and Melina by rushing to have the match before Survivor Series. Though Melina and Maryse won’t have enough time for a proper and full build-up, this match could serve as a formal kick-start to their feud. And, to be honest, I’d much rather see this light the fire under the feud than a bloody Gobbledy Gooker attack. Whether or not a Divas Championship match at TLC would result in a Maryse win, I feel that a worthy feud could be built off of it–Maryse could flaunt her quick win in Melina’s face and start a babyface title chase, or Melina could simply frustrate the arrogant Maryse by batting her away in her first title shot. Either way, it could make for an entertaining feud.

The alternative–a Mickie/Michelle match–has been in the works for much longer, but with the high school mentality that feud has had, is it worthy of the “big time” just yet? What kind of feud can be built off of fat jokes and clothes-cutting? I think those two need to build something more legitimate before they have what is destined to be their “blow off” match. Besides, they just had a big PPV match in the form of the Survivor Series tag team match; I mean, it was literally branded “Mickie vs. Michelle”, wasn’t it? Does SmackDown deserve another PPV match so soon? I think if they were to have another PPV match this soon after the “Team Mickie vs. Team Michelle” match, it might put the brakes on the feud altogether (PPV matches signal the end of feuds, quite often), and they need more room to grow before they reach that endpoint and shift to something else. It would be a case of “too much too soon” in my book. I think it’s time that Raw get the spotlight.

For SmackDown follow the cut:

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Raw Redux (November 23rd, 2009) – A Turkey of a Return

Back in the 1920s, showbiz had a slang term for a failure or flop: they’d call it a turkey*. Fitting, given the failures we witnessed tonight on this Thanksgiving episode of Raw where a certain Diva went so far as to dress in a turkey costume for her big return. So, was it cleverly self-referential or just a bad idea? I think we know the answer to that, but just in case let’s watch the situation unfold and decide for ourselves:

Predictably, the Divas have dressed up for a “Mayflower Melee”, AKA Thanksgiving-themed 6-Diva tag match. The faces–Mickie James, Melina, and Kelly Kelly–are decked out in (*cough* super un-P.C. *cough*) Native American garb, while the heels–Michelle McCool, Layla, and Jillian–are Pilgrims. All look pretty ridiculous, even Kelly, who apparently decided to put on a tan dress and some Nikes and call it a day. But hey, at least she doesn’t look like she’s doing a Kindergarten Thanksgiving play like Michelle & co. I must say, I love how pissed they looked to be dressed in those Pilgrim costumes. At least they’re acknowledging how lame the idea is, unlike so many times in the past.

Before the match starts they are joined by the guest time keeper, the Gobbledy Gooker! …You know, the giant turkey that hatched on live television in what was known as one of the biggest “WTF” moments in WWE history? I guess since they had two Thanksgiving cliches represented, they decided to go for the trifecta. Gooker stands in the corner and awkwardly rings the bell, signaling the start of the match.

Melina and Jillian start out the match, probably praying that they can scrub off some of the bad mojo they’ve had with each other as of late. They start with a tie-up, Melina getting the upper hand by wrenching Jillian’s arm. Jillian gains control, slamming Melina to the mat. Melina reverses an irish-whip into the corner, sending Jillian into the turnbuckle and proceeding to send a shoulder into her stomach. She lays Jillian across the second ropes, prepping her a double-knee attack. Before she can do it, however, Jillian yanks her by her dress, pulling her to the mat. She tosses Melina by the hair and taunts the crowd a bit.

Jillian whips Melina into the ropes but Melina hangs on. Before she can do anything, though, Jillian meets her with an elbow to the face. She whips Melina into the turnbuckle, prepping for her handspring elbow attack. Before she can do any damage, Melina catches her with her legs, choking her and chopping her on the head. Once back on their feet Melina takes down Jillian with a (almost malfunctioned) facebuster. She goes for the pin, but Jillian kicks out.

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