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The Tiffany Guide to Impact: Beatdowns, Behemoths and Ugly Sticks

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This week on Impact, TNA gives us a double dose of Knockouts action. But first, we’re treated to the second installment of  The Beautiful People’s ‘movie’, “Meanest Girls.” Oh joy… Watch below as Velvet, Madison and Lacey find a surprise while searching for the Tag Team Champs, Saritaylor:


Skip to 2:15

TBP make their way into the Knockouts locker room, expecting to terrorize Saritaylor, but are met by the Knockout Champion ODB instead. After tossing some insults their way, ODB gets the jump on the ‘STD Sisters’ (lulz) and takes Lacey out with a kick to the gut. As expected, the number game comes into play as TBP overpowers ODB, and give her a ‘makeover’ (now with full body bag!).

I hate to admit it, but I rather liked that segment. Maybe it was because of ODB’s foul mouth, but everything came together perfectly. Take note WWE, this is how a backstage segment should be done. All the dialog was delivered well without sounding like it was being read directly off a script. Well done, TBP. Now if you could only put on a decent match…

Next up, Hamada takes on Tara in singles action. Dream Match much?:

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Impact Spoilers (Night #2): November 12th, 2009

Spoilers for next week’s Impact taping are below! The show airs November 12th on Spike. Click the ‘+’ to read:

Impact - November 12, 2009
Pre-taping match/webmatch
Alissa Flash vs Traci Brooks
Alissa Flash defeated Traci Brooks by submission.
Winner – Alissa Flash

After the match, Traci attacked Alissa

– Daffney returns
Daffney appeared at ringside during the Abyss vs Stevie Richards match. Afterwards, she posed with Richards and the returning Raven. (Source: PWInsider)

Thoughts after the cut:

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Impact Spoilers for Thursday Night: November 5th, 2009

Spoilers for this week’s Impact are now out, courtesy of our TNA tapings correspondent Camden! The show airs November 5th on Spike. Click the ‘+’ to read:

Impact - November 5th, 2009
Taylor Wilde vs Madison Rayne
Seemed to be less than a 2 minute match. Taylor rolled Madison up for the win.
Winner – Taylor Wilde

Velvet and LVE came out and attacked her with a pink night stick that says “Lacey’s ugly stick”. ODB and Sarita came out for the save.

Tara vs Hamada
Winner – Tara

Kong came out down the ramp to go after Tara but security stopped her. Tara then ran after her and attacked her instead.

(Not sure if this is for next week or was a dark match):
TBP & Kong vs ODB, Sarita, Taylor, & Tara
Winners – TBP & Kong when Kong pinned Taylor

Note: When using our news/spoilers please provide the appropriate credit i.e. a text link back to this page.

Thoughts after the cut:

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The Tiffany Guide to Impact: RIP Raisha Saeed

It’s the Tiffany Guide to Impact… without Tiffany? While our TNA correspondent vacays it up, yours truly will be providing the Impact commentary this week! And what an episode to come in on! Following an underwhelming Bound for Glory pay per view, we were lured with the promise of Awesome Kong vs Raisha Saeed, a match that seemed inevitable from the moment one Melissa Anderson donned the burkha and hijab back in January 2008. And so it would be…

But first, we start out with a ‘fluff’ segment as the Beautiful People debut their reality show/movie/they can’t quite seem to decide what it is, entitled ‘The Meanest Girls’:

Well, I guess if you’re in a group that is wrestling limited, you have to do stuff like this to push your feud, which by the way doesn’t seem to be ending. Are we really going for Saritaylor vs TBP for the third time? Even after they won the first two matches? Some would consider that a blow-off to move on. Then again, it’s not as though there’s any other team waiting in the wings.

So unbeknownst to Saritaylor, they are being screen tested by Lacey and co. Lacey looked good here and she seems to be much more comfortable speaking than Madison Rayne, so she’s got that going for her even if her wrestling isn’t good. Not much to say about this segment, it was rather dumb but worked somewhat.

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Raisha Saeed Character Written Out

As you will have noticed just moments ago on Impact, Awesome Kong threw her former manager Raisha Saeed off the stage and through a table following the conclusion of their match tonight. These scenes will serve as Saeed’s final curtain call in TNA. Not to worry though, fans will still be able to see the … Read more

Impact Spoilers (Night #2): October 29th, 2009

Spoilers for next week’s Impact are now out, courtesy of our TNA tapings correspondent Camden! The shows airs October 29th on Spike. Click the ‘+’ to read:

Impact - October 29th
Alissa Flash vs Tara
Great match! Lots of top rope spots, power moves. Tara did botch one big move which she redid for production to edit. Tara gets the win.
Winner – Tara

While Alissa is knocked out, Kong comes out and knocks Tara out. She then picks her up for an implant buster on top of Alissa. Kong leaves both girls laid out in the ring.

The Beautiful People vs ODB, Hemme, & Hamada – 6-Knockout Tag Team match
Rayne did most of the work with a few tags to Velvet. Lacey got in the ring twice. First time, she did one move. Then, second time, she came in to chokeslam Hemme and get the win for TBP.
Winners – The Beautiful People

Kong’s music hits and she comes out. Tara runs out, jumping Kong from behind. Security runs out to separate the girls. TBP run while Hamada, Hemme, and ODB look on from the ring as security drags kong and Tara out.

Note: When using our news/spoilers please provide the appropriate credit i.e. a text link back to this page.

Thoughts after the cut:

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Impact Spoilers for Thursday Night: October 22nd, 2009

Spoilers for this week’s Impact are now out, courtesy of our TNA tapings correspondent Camden! The show airs October 22nd on Spike. Click the ‘+’ to read:

Impact - October 22nd, 2009
Awesome Kong vs. Raisha Saeed
Good matchup. They actually did a backstage promo first where Saeed tells Kong she knows every move she makes because they have been together so long.

Saeed got in a bit of defense against Kong, but Kong ended up on top, getting the 3 count.
Winner – Awesome Kong

After the match, Kong had Saeed at the top of the ramp and threw her off the side through a table. They took her out on a stretcher with the cameras still rolling.

– In a backstage promo, TBP announce that they have a new “reality show” called “Meanest Girls”. They go to catering and have a food fight with some of the other Knockouts.

Note: When using our news/spoilers please provide the appropriate credit i.e. a text link back to this page.

Thoughts after the cut:

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The Tiffany Guide to Impact: A Beautiful Mess

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This week on Impact, TNA finds new ways to bring the ratings lulz (SUPER 3 hour promo show… really?) while The Tiffany Guide finds its way into your hearts via a computer screen.  Velvet Sky, Madison Rayne, and Lacey Von Erich take on Awesome Kong, Tara, and ODB in tag team competition.

First off, let it be known – I’m not a fan of choreographed entrances in any capacity.  They just seem so unnatural, gratuitous, and rather lame.  So… I’m not really feeling this new Beautiful People entrance.  It just seems far too unrefined and hokey (not to mention homoerotic.  Come on, Taylorita had that market cornered first).  As relatively simple as it was, the original entrance was just fine.  I was hoping that Lacey would just take Angelina’s place in the original choreography.   Understandably, this new group will take some getting used to – the viewers need to get comfortable with the new lineup just as much as the members do.  Plus, it seems like they might’ve been pressed for time and might’ve thought to just throw something together on the fly.  That being said, the “Beautiful People” has slowly transformed into somewhat of a parody of itself.  This entrance is merely Exhibit A.  What was once comical and somewhat charming is now in-your-face and reminiscent of high school glory days.  I can almost see it in Madison Rayne’s face – poor girl looks distressed, and who wouldn’t be?  Though, Lacey (who has somehow managed to escape the notorious clown makeup and mini-skirt getup) looks pretty incredible.  Looking at her, I feel like I should have no room to complain.  Well, at least they all match right?

Tara makes her way to the ring (looking as stunning as ever), and Awesome Kong enters the Impact Zone with Raisha Saeed in tow.  Funny thing is, I completely forgot about ODB.  Her involvement in this match didn’t cross my mind until she made her entrance.  What could be a testament to my ailing memory, I’d rather blame on TNA’s booking inability.  The title holder and forefront of the division = forgettable?  That’s rather unfortunate.

At the start of the match, Awesome Kong quickly takes down her squabbling partners.  The Beautiful People fly in like vultures to pick at the leftovers.  The boiling rivalry between Kong and Tara comes to a head yet again.  Meanwhile, ODB endures the 3 on 1 onslaught.  The Beautiful People continue to cut the ring in half with the Knockouts Champion until Tara crawls back to her rightful corner.  ODB overpowers Madison Rayne (who has proven herself as the star of this match) which results in a near double count-out.  Both ladies make the tag out to their respective partners.  Tara hurries into the ring, bulldozing both Velvet and Madison down in her path.  She appoints a nice slap across Lacey’s face for good measure.  Tara sets Velvet up for a moonsault, but ODB makes a blind tag.  ODB sets Velvet on top of her shoulders for the apparent finish, but Tara disrupts in retaliation.  A staredown commences between the two Knockouts before Tara finally takes ODB down with a superkick.  Velvet quickly makes the pin and picks up the win for her team.  More gratuitous ass!

Somehow, I don’t feel so apologetic for discounting ODB’s presence.  The way she’s booked, it doesn’t seem like TNA could give much of a care either.  This three-way rivalry lost its purpose long ago; I’m just pulling for a conclusion come Bound for Glory.

On the other hand, Lacey did not get as much time in the ring – not that I expected her to, really.  Lacey has plenty of time to prove her in-ring ability, and it’s in TNA’s best interest to be patient.  At the very least, she has proven to have some amount of charisma thus far… right?  She seems very comfortable in the role of a Beautiful Person (as opposed to Madison) and doesn’t seem to have many inhibitions. If all else fails, let Madison be the muscle (so to speak).  She has already shown that she can work her way around a six-sided ring – at least with much more skill than her sorority sisters.

Next up: the Hamada vs. Alissa Flash grudgefest continues.

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The Tiffany Guide to Impact: To the Victors Go the Spoils

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This week on Impact marked a Knockout Elimination tag team match and a Knockouts Title match.

First, Team Hamada/Christy Hemme/Sarita/Taylor Wilde take on Team Velvet Sky/Madison Rayne/Traci Brooks/Alissa Flash.

Hamada and Traci briefly lock up, but Hamada takes Traci down.  Hamada attempts a springboard moonsault, but Traci dodges in the nick of time.  When Traci goes for the Sunset Flip, Hamada rolls out, allowing Traci the opportunity to avoid a kick and attempt a school boy roll-up.  Hamada kicks out, ducks a clothesline, and finally connects with a kick.  Hamada goes for the cover, but Traci gets the shoulder up.

Christy Hemme gets tagged in.  She isn’t able to put up much of a fight before being eliminated ala a jawbreaker courtesy of Traci.  Taylor then enters the match on her team’s behalf and covers Traci following a dropkick.  Alissa Flash distracts Taylor for a moment, and Traci capitalizes with a clothesline before tagging in Alissa.  Alissa bestows the Curb Stomp upon Taylor, who gets the shoulder up at 2.  Taylor retaliates with a double knee backbreaker and a tag out to Hamada.  Hamada drops Alissa with a resounding front dropkick from the top turnbuckle.  With a bit of residual aggression from their bubbling feud, the fight between the two adversaries spill out to the back.

Meanwhile, Sarita takes Velvet to the limit with a series of armdrags.  Velvet kicks out.  Sarita tags in Taylor, and in a double team display, Velvet is taken down by a drop toehold and a dropkick.  Velvet kicks out yet again.  In yet another pinning predicament, Velvet kicks out of a double wrist clutch Northern Lights Suplex.  In somewhat of a surprise element at play here, Velvet Sky is able to ensure a victory over Taylor Wilde with a DDT.  It comes down to 3 on 1.

Sarita enters the match, attempting a dropkick but she misses.  Velvet tags in Traci, who is quickly eliminated by a belly-to-belly suplex.  The Beautiful People bum-rush Sarita and are able to get the upper hand for the majority of the remainder of the match.  That is, until Sarita is able to outsmart the duo and eliminate Velvet with the Small Package.  Madison Rayne goes for a suplex, but Sarita counters with yet another inside cradle.  Madison kicks out, and she kicks out again from a schoolboy attempt.

Alissa Flash seems to be making her way down the ramp onscreen, at the perturbation of the referee.  Back in the ring, Sarita takes Madison out with a powerbomb, however the referee is distracted long enough for Lacey Von Erich to approach the ring and plant Sarita with a lifting body slam.  Madison gets the win for her team.

With a few high spots, this was an overall decent match.  A few of the eliminations were just a tad weak, but it served its purpose – which was to sustain the feuds.  Velvet was made to look somewhat strong in this match, being able to kick out of a few predicaments and to score a pinfall the way she did.  That will be a rub going into the Tag Team title match. Lacey Von Erich also fulfilled her role rather fittingly.  That lifting body slam was eloquently executed, and to her credit Lacey is already differentiating herself by adopting a less Diva-oriented moveset.  Which, ideally, complements the whole “third generation” persona.  In the words of Roddy Piper “old school is cool!”  For what it’s worth, the Beautiful People now seem to work for the best interest of the team.  Looking back, that isn’t something we’ve seen often from them.  Definitely, a new side of Mi Pi Sexy in more ways than one.

Next, is the TNA Knockouts Championship competition between Tara and ODB.

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Impact Spoilers (Night #2): October 15th, 2009

Spoilers for next week’s 3-hour Impact are now out, courtesy of our TNA tapings correspondent Camden! The show airs October 15th on Spike. Click the ‘+’ to read:

Impact - October 15th, 2009
Xplosion:
Traci Brooks vs Taylor Wilde (w/ Sarita)
Taylor instantly takes control, throwing Traci around with arm drag after arm drag. Traci crawls out of the ring. Traci attempts several choke holds but Taylor manages to get out. Quite a fast-paced match from the two girls.
Winner – Taylor Wilde

Impact:
The Beautiful People (as a trio) vs Tara, Awesome Kong, & ODB (I assume there is one heck of a backstage promo to explain this nonsense)
Lacey never got in the ring. Ending is Tara kicking ODB, which gave Velvet the pin on ODB.
Winners – The Beautiful People

Hamada vs Alissa Flash – Falls Count Anywhere match
Hamada out first. Alissa didn’t even let her walk to the ring, as she attacked from behind. Great match with these two! Hamada sets up a table and lays Alissa out on it then hits her with a flip off the top turn buckle.
Winner – Hamada

Note: When using our news/spoilers please provide the appropriate credit i.e. a text link back to this page.

Thoughts after the cut:

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Impact Spoilers for Thursday Night: October 8th, 2009

Spoilers for this week’s Impact are now out, courtesy of our TNA tapings correspondent Camden! The show airs October 8th on Spike. Click the ‘+’ to read:

EDIT: More spoilers added!

Impact - October 8th, 2009
Sarita, Taylor Wilde, Hamada & Christy Hemme vs. Velvet Sky, Madison Rayne, Alissa Flash, & Traci Brooks – Elimination match
Traci pinned Hemme, who’s eliminated first. Alissa and Hamada were eliminated by count out. Velvet pins Taylor. Sarita pins Traci. Sarita pins Velvet.

Lacey comes to the ring from the side to sneak up (and trips, followed by laughter and mumbles of how she sucks and shouldn’t use her VE name). Lacey kicks Sarita and jumps out with Madison getting the pin and the win.
Winner – Madison Rayne

Tara (accompanied by Poison) vs TNA Knockout Champion ODB – Knockouts Championship match
Kong comes out with a giant hammer mallet-looking thing and grabs So Cal Val (as ring girl) by her hair. She distracts Tara, who kicks Kong through the ropes. ODB pins Tara to retain her title.
Winner – ODB

Note: When using our news/spoilers please provide the appropriate credit i.e. a text link back to this page.

Thoughts after the cut:

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The Tiffany Guide to Impact: Uninspired Impact is Uninspired

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This week on the ever-so-inaptly-named program we’ve come to know as Impact, we saw two Playboy bunnies stink up the six-sided ring, a Knockouts title match, and the debut of TNA’s newest Knockout entity.

First Knockouts match on the card: Christy Hemme vs. Traci Brooks in a Playboy something-something match.  I have no idea why Christy is dressed up as a Chippendale dancer, but the ever so bodacious Traci forces her against the ropes and into a pin attempt.  Christy kicks out at 2, and Traci follows up with a mat slam.  Traci follows Christy into the corner, but receives a boot to the face.  Christy lands a charging 180 spinning facebuster.  Christy delivers an axe kick to the back of Traci’s head, but Traci kicks out as well.  Christy attempts the FFG, but the only thing catching her firecrotch is the unforgiving canvas.  Traci covers Christy which results in a nearfall.  A stinging chop to the tatas later… Traci falls into a Sunset Flip pin and Christy Hemme picks up the win.

Traci blindsights Christy from behind with an uninspired attack.  So short, it was almost painless.  As gracious as Traci Brooks is, I cannot bring myself to peg this match in a positive light, unfortunately.  Not your best, TNA. Simply put, gimmick matches just don’t fit in with the M.O. of the Knockouts division. This Playboy exhibition was moreso reminiscent of WWE pre-2008.  It just doesn’t seem right to put Christy Hemme over Traci Brooks, although I do realize that either one could do better. Moving on…

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The Tiffany Guide to Impact: The Strong Shall Prevail

This week on Impact, the new Knockout Tag Team Champions, Taylor Wilde and Sarita take on Tara and the Knockouts Champion, ODB:

Taylor Wilde and Sarita’s entrance continues to rise many questions.  Is this an ode to Patrick Swayze’s rendition of Dirty Dancing?  Because I sense some major sexual tension between Taylor Wilde and Sarita in that entrance.  Is that the vibe they are going for?  If so, then they certainly hit the nail on the head: a lesbian couple in heat doing the tango.  All that jazz and strobe lights – I feel like I’m watching an anime.

In somewhat of a dream match up, Sarita and Tara square off at the start of the match.  As a show of respect, the two share a handshake.  The two lock up and Tara overpowers Sarita with a headlock and a takedown.  Sarita traps Tara between the legs with a headlock of her own.  Tara flips out of the move and covers Sarita, but Sarita bridges out of the pin attempt.  Tara attempts to counter the sunset flip, but misses the front dropkick.  Sarita also misses an elbow.  The two pause for a moment, but Tara goes back in with an arm lock.  Sarita rushes to the corner.  Tara catches her in what seems to be the makings of the Spider’s Web (fireman’s carry into a swinging sidewalk slam), but Sarita brilliantly counters that with a headscissors.

Taylor Wilde makes the tag and lands a diving crossbody from the top.  With an assist from Taylor, Sarita lands a moonsault onto Tara and Taylor capitalizes with a senton for the 2-count.  Meanwhile, the commentators banter about a piece of hair that has inconspiciously found its way into the center of the ring.  All signs point to Tara. (Hmm…did anyone check Slick Johnson?)  Tara grounds Taylor with a powerslam, but Taylor kicks out.  Tara tags in the Knockouts Champion.  ODB with a shot to the midsection, carries Taylor into the corner by the throat.  An assault ensues…

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Impact Spoilers (Night #2): October 1st, 2009

Spoilers for the second night of Impact tapings are now out, courtesy of our TNA tapings correspondent Camden! These will air a week from Thursday (October 1st) on Spike. Click the ‘+’ to read:

Impact - October 1st, 2009
Kong (w/ Raisha Saeed) vs ODB – Knockouts Championship match
Tara is at the commentating table. Saeed goes to Tara and interrupts her. Tara removes her headphones and goes after her.

As Tara walks towards the ring Kong reaches over the ropes and grabs her hair to pull her into the ring, but Tara counters and Kong hits the ropes and falls back. ODB grabs her for the pin.
Winner – ODB

Saeed and Kong leave while Tara and ODB exchange words in the ring. Kong runs back and attacks both girls, leaving them in the ring.

Later…

Velvet Sky and Madison Rayne come out and apologize to the fans and the Knockouts for their behavior the last year. Due to contractual agreement issues Angel is no longer with the TBP. They said Angelina made them monsters and everything they did was because of her. They called out Taylor and Sarita to apologize to them. They shook hands and as Sarita and Taylor walked away Velvet and Madison attacked them from behind and missed. Taylor and Sarita instantly counter and as they dominate TBP, Lacey comes in for the save and lays Taylor and Sarita out.

Thoughts after the cut:

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Impact Spoilers for Thursday Night: September 24th, 2009

Spoilers for this week’s Impact are now out, courtesy of our TNA tapings correspondent Camden! The show airs September 24th on Spike. Click the ‘+’ to read:

Impact - September 24th, 2009
Sarita & Taylor Wilde vs. Tara & ODB – Knockouts Tag Team Championship match
Kong came out and attacked Tara. They went to the back while ODB was left alone with Taylor and Sarita. Taylor gets the pin on ODB to retain the tag team titles.

Tara came out and apologized to ODB and both stared each other down.
Winners – Sarita & Taylor Wilde

Thoughts after the cut:

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The Tiffany Guide to Impact: There’s No ‘I’ in Team

This week on TNA Impact presents Round Numero: God-Knows-What of the Knockouts tag team tournament.  With a little something extra, of course.

First match of the night pits Velvet Sky and Angelina Love vs. Tara and Christy Hemme.

As the competitors make their way to the six-sided ring, I can’t help but notice just how awkward Christy Hemme looks while spazzing out next to Tara.  Moreover, this must be the first (and inherently last) time I’ve ever seen Angelina Love and Velvet Sky actually match.  Are we in Bizarro World?

Tara and Angelina start off the match.  Velvet distracts Tara long enough for Angelina to capitalize.  Tara suffers a stinging chop as a result.  Angelina makes another attempt, but Tara counters and maneuvers Angelina into the Hair-pull Gory special.  Tara flips Angelina face first onto the mat.  Christy gets tagged in and is used for the essentially lifeless weight that she is.  Angelina Love takes her down with a drop toe hold and Velvet Sky makes the tag.  Play-fighting extraordinaire, Velvet, takes the moment to make a mockery of her opponents and even takes the initiative for the first pinfall of the match.  Whaddyaknow?  Christy kicks out and Velvet tags out to Angelina Love.

Christy is taken down with a snapmare and a bit of tandem action.  Angelina goes for a cover, but there’s a kick-out at 2.  When Christy regains her strength, both women are taken down with similar offense.  Both ladies make a hot tag to her respective partners.  Tara takes Velvet out with a snap suplex and with a standing moonsault for a near fall.  Christy gets tagged in and serves a steaming mouthful of firecrotch to poor Velvet, but Angelina breaks up the pin at the 2-count.  Tara takes the fight to Angelina to the outside.

Meanwhile, Madison Rayne makes a surprising appearance.  There is an exchange among them that leads to Madison spraying hairspray in Christy’s eyes.  Shocker.  Velvet rolls Christy for the win.

After the match, Madison pleads her case to her former Mi Pi Sexy leaders with some half-assed apology.  I don’t think I’ve ever felt so apathetic toward an emoticon.  In any case, Angelina and Madison seemingly “forgive” and invite their lost lamb back into the stable.

Well well well, looks like this turn of events couldn’t have come at a more opportune time.  Seeing as this was Angelina Love last TNA appearance (for the time being), Madison and Velvet will continue to live out the Beautiful People name in the tournament.  No, I’m not ready to say goodbye to Angelina just yet!  Not for nothing, but way to book Madison like such a pussycat.  At least Madison seems to be right at home in the tag team circuit.  Velvet?  …eh, not so much.

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