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The Tiffany Guide to Impact: Deck the Halls Knockouts

This week on Impact, ODB gives Tara a panic attack, Dixie Carter spills the beans, Kristal lays down the law, Lauren gets woman-handled a la Mi Pi Sexy, and Jeff Jarrett tells TNA to kiss his ass!  Meanwhile, Tazz responds with a sturdy “WHO?” to the mention of Lacey Von Erich.  The Tiffany Guide to Impact: sharing the same sentiments with TNA’s road agents since 2009.

While that pretty much summarizes last night’s episode in a nutshell, TNA still manages to squeeze in a 5-minute Knockouts bout in the 3/4 hour.  Hamada vs. Sarita takes center stage in this installment.

Hamada and Sarita lock up, and Hamada grabs Sarita from behind.  She takes Sarita over successfully the first time, tries for a second, but Sarita lands on her feet.  Sarita leads Hamada into an arm drag.  However, Hamada ducks a clothesline and flips Sarita into an arm drag of her own.  Sarita reiterates the exchange with yet another arm drag, and both Knockouts go for a dropkick.  Hamada and Sarita both kip up, and in typical Knockout fashion, they have a stand-off.

Readying themselves back into the match-up, the ladies link hands.  Hamada breaks the hold with a kick to the midsection and a series of chops and headbutts to Sarita.  Hamada runs the ropes, ducks Sarita’s knee, goes for a leg feed Enzuigiri but misses.  A couple kicks to her opponent later, Sarita runs the ropes and utilizes this momentum to hop onto Hamada’s shoulders.  This leads into an impressive hurricanrana.  Sarita powers up, however Hamada quickly recovers and catches her with a superkick.  Hamada covers Sarita, and Sarita barely gets the shoulder up at 2.

Always the risk taker, Hamada sails to the top rope and plants Sarita with a front dropkick. Transitioning this into a pinning position, it only results in another near-fall. Unperturbed by this close call, Hamada picks Sarita up by the hair and drags her into position for the Hamada Driver.  Sarita is quick to counter into a victory roll, which surprisingly only renders a 2-count.  Not to be outdone, Sarita swiftly grounds Hamada with a float-over DDT.  Hooking Hamada’s leg, she goes for the cover again, but Hamada gets the shoulder up in time.

Here, the match takes an interesting turn as Sarita rolls Hamada into a rather complex (though aesthetically effective) submission maneuver.  The hold doesn’t quite sustain Hamada, who maneuvers into a modified crucifix pin but only generates a 2-count for her troubles.

Consequently, Sarita staggers to her feet only to succumb to two nasty-looking spinning kicks to the side of the head.  Hamada takes a brief moment to signal her signature driver, which she bestows upon Sarita for the 3-count and the win.

It was only a matter of time until the golden girls of the TNA Knockouts division would cross paths.  While Sarita and Hamada have both managed nearly spotless records on Impact, this ménage à quatre (also involving Alissa Flash and Taylor Wilde) comes to a head with Hamada coming out on top.  Hamada is quickly climbing the ladder in terms of Knockout stardom, and it will only be a matter of time before this winning streak calls for something extra.  Hopefully, TNA will have something new and exciting in store for the incredibly talented Hamada.  As far as Sarita and Taylor Wilde go… at least they can now bond over the fact that they have both been laid out by one of the greatest.

Next, Tara guest stars on “Trash Talk with ODB.”  The Knockouts Champion and the #1 Contender come to blows, and a few interesting sentiments are exchanged.

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Impact Feedback: December 3rd, 2009

Tonight on Impact: – Hamada vs Sarita Tune in at 9 pm EST on Spike and discuss all the Knockouts action here as the show airs! Click here to view spoilers for the show. (Tonight’s match was filmed as part of another set of tapings).

The Tiffany Guide to Impact: The Knockouts Go Cold Turkey

With the quality you’ve come to expect and the enthusiasm you’ve come to enjoy, the Tiffany Guide to Impact helps you come down from your cramp-inducing turkey high: with a steaming plate of reheated Knockout action, and a side of stale competition.  In perhaps the greatest Knockout tradition of all, this TNA Knockout battle royale … Read more

The Tiffany Guide to Impact: Not So Friendly Competition

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This week on Impact, we’re treated to double the dose in Knockout action.  As per usual, we try not to overdose on TNA’s overwhelming generosity.

In the first contest, Hamada takes on one half of the TNA Knockout Tag Team Champions, Taylor Wilde.  Taylor enters the Impact Zone by her lonesome and does the tango with herself.  (Not to be confused with the type of solo-activity recently made famous by Carrie Prejean).

At the start of the match, Hamada and Taylor lock up.  Taylor maneuvers into a headlock, but Hamada counters into a headscissors.  Back into the lock-up, Hamada falls into the headlock, but this time Taylor catches her in the headscissors.  The hold is broken as the two indulge in a bit of showboating.

Taylor and Hamada partake in a show of respect with a quick handshake.  The two Knockouts link hands, but Taylor spins Hamada into an arm drag.  Taylor leaps over Hamada, who then rolls over Taylor.  Taylor runs the ropes and follows through with a headscissors takedown.  Unfazed, Hamada plants Taylor Wilde with an Impact DDT.  Hamada goes for the cover, but Taylor kicks out at 2.

Hamada lifts Taylor for a back suplex, but Taylor counters by landing on her feet.  She takes Hamada by the hand and leads her into a springboard arm drag and a swift kick to the head.  Taylor covers Hamada, but Hamada gets the shoulder up.  Ducking a clothesline, Hamada dazzles Taylor with a super kick.  Hamada climbs up to the top rope (while Taylor nudges into position a tad too obviously) and delivers a moonsault.  Taylor kicks out once again.

Hamada sets Taylor up for a powerbomb, but Taylor refuses.  Hamada pulls Taylor into a powerbomb again, but this time Taylor rolls into a sunset flip pin.  Hamada kicks out.  This is the consecutive tone for the crucifix pin and the hurricanrana Taylor also pursues.   Always quick to recover, Hamada rocks Taylor’s marbles with a leg-feed enzuigiri.

Signaling her finisher, Hamada sets Taylor up for the Hamada Driver.  Instead, Taylor lands on her feet, grabs her from behind, and attempts to lift her into a German suplex.  However, Hamada sandbags, breaks the hold, and nails a spinning kick to the side of Taylor’s head.  She delivers the Hamada Driver, successfully this time, which renders a 3-count and the win.

This was an entertaining and high-impact match, which is a staple for a combination such as Hamada and Taylor Wilde.  I’m not sure what this spells for either Knockout at the moment, other than to put on a fleeting clinic for appreciative fans.  Every so often, there are Knockouts that push the envelope in singles competition.  They also just happen to remind those of us who might’ve forgotten just what makes this a highly credible division.  Nowadays, it’s a treat to find either Taylor Wilde and Sarita in action without the package deal of Saritaylor.  Now that the Knockouts Championship has been pushed from the forefront for the time being, perhaps this will allow both ladies more time in the limelight as single competitors.

Speaking of the luchadoress, Sarita meets Alissa Flash in their only second bout.

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Impact Taping Spoilers from Last Night, PPV Match Announced for December

TNA continued to tape Impact last night. This will be airing next week as part of the Thanksgiving episode. Click the ‘+’ to read:

Impact - November 26th, 2009
Tara won a Knockout Battle Royal for a title shot at Final Resolution which included The Beautiful People, Taylor Wilde, Sarita, Daffney, Hamada, and Tracy Brooks. ODB was out at ringside as a “special ref” to watch the action. After Tara won ODB got in the ring and raised her hand, Tara went to shake her hand but ODB slapped her hand away and walked out of the ring.

Hamada def. Sarita
These two had a really good back and forth match which ended with Hamada hitting the Michinoku Driver.

Thoughts after the cut:

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Impact Spoilers For Thursday Night: November 19th, 2009

Spoilers for this week’s Impact taping are below! The show airs November 19th on Spike. Click the ‘+’ to read:

Impact - November 19, 2009
– Hamada defeated Taylor Wilde with a Ki Krusher.

– Sarita defeated Alissa Flash with a kick to the face. After the match, Traci Brooks runs to the ring and attacks Flash on the ramp. Security has to separate Flash and Brooks.

– Bobby and Kristal Lashley come to the ring. Bobby says that he has nothing to say to Steiner and all of his talking will take place at Final Resolution. Kristal calls Steiner sick and says that she has never been disrespected like this at Bobby’s MMA fights. Kristal says that when she barks, Bobby bites. (Source: PWInsider)

Thoughts after the cut:

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The Tiffany Guide to Impact: Business Just Picked Up…Kinda

With Knockouts pushed into the headlines and into the unemployment line this week, this has proven to be a rather dim past several days for TNA.  In an effort to boost the Knockouts’ morale, the Tiffany Guide makes its long-awaited return – still finding a way into your hearts via a computer screen and still … Read more

The Tiffany Guide to Impact: Beatdowns, Behemoths and Ugly Sticks

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This week on Impact, TNA gives us a double dose of Knockouts action. But first, we’re treated to the second installment of  The Beautiful People’s ‘movie’, “Meanest Girls.” Oh joy… Watch below as Velvet, Madison and Lacey find a surprise while searching for the Tag Team Champs, Saritaylor:


Skip to 2:15

TBP make their way into the Knockouts locker room, expecting to terrorize Saritaylor, but are met by the Knockout Champion ODB instead. After tossing some insults their way, ODB gets the jump on the ‘STD Sisters’ (lulz) and takes Lacey out with a kick to the gut. As expected, the number game comes into play as TBP overpowers ODB, and give her a ‘makeover’ (now with full body bag!).

I hate to admit it, but I rather liked that segment. Maybe it was because of ODB’s foul mouth, but everything came together perfectly. Take note WWE, this is how a backstage segment should be done. All the dialog was delivered well without sounding like it was being read directly off a script. Well done, TBP. Now if you could only put on a decent match…

Next up, Hamada takes on Tara in singles action. Dream Match much?:

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Impact Spoilers (Night #2): November 12th, 2009

Spoilers for next week’s Impact taping are below! The show airs November 12th on Spike. Click the ‘+’ to read:

Impact - November 12, 2009
Pre-taping match/webmatch
Alissa Flash vs Traci Brooks
Alissa Flash defeated Traci Brooks by submission.
Winner – Alissa Flash

After the match, Traci attacked Alissa

– Daffney returns
Daffney appeared at ringside during the Abyss vs Stevie Richards match. Afterwards, she posed with Richards and the returning Raven. (Source: PWInsider)

Thoughts after the cut:

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Impact Spoilers for Thursday Night: November 5th, 2009

Spoilers for this week’s Impact are now out, courtesy of our TNA tapings correspondent Camden! The show airs November 5th on Spike. Click the ‘+’ to read:

Impact - November 5th, 2009
Taylor Wilde vs Madison Rayne
Seemed to be less than a 2 minute match. Taylor rolled Madison up for the win.
Winner – Taylor Wilde

Velvet and LVE came out and attacked her with a pink night stick that says “Lacey’s ugly stick”. ODB and Sarita came out for the save.

Tara vs Hamada
Winner – Tara

Kong came out down the ramp to go after Tara but security stopped her. Tara then ran after her and attacked her instead.

(Not sure if this is for next week or was a dark match):
TBP & Kong vs ODB, Sarita, Taylor, & Tara
Winners – TBP & Kong when Kong pinned Taylor

Note: When using our news/spoilers please provide the appropriate credit i.e. a text link back to this page.

Thoughts after the cut:

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The Tiffany Guide to Impact: RIP Raisha Saeed

It’s the Tiffany Guide to Impact… without Tiffany? While our TNA correspondent vacays it up, yours truly will be providing the Impact commentary this week! And what an episode to come in on! Following an underwhelming Bound for Glory pay per view, we were lured with the promise of Awesome Kong vs Raisha Saeed, a match that seemed inevitable from the moment one Melissa Anderson donned the burkha and hijab back in January 2008. And so it would be…

But first, we start out with a ‘fluff’ segment as the Beautiful People debut their reality show/movie/they can’t quite seem to decide what it is, entitled ‘The Meanest Girls’:

Well, I guess if you’re in a group that is wrestling limited, you have to do stuff like this to push your feud, which by the way doesn’t seem to be ending. Are we really going for Saritaylor vs TBP for the third time? Even after they won the first two matches? Some would consider that a blow-off to move on. Then again, it’s not as though there’s any other team waiting in the wings.

So unbeknownst to Saritaylor, they are being screen tested by Lacey and co. Lacey looked good here and she seems to be much more comfortable speaking than Madison Rayne, so she’s got that going for her even if her wrestling isn’t good. Not much to say about this segment, it was rather dumb but worked somewhat.

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Raisha Saeed Character Written Out

As you will have noticed just moments ago on Impact, Awesome Kong threw her former manager Raisha Saeed off the stage and through a table following the conclusion of their match tonight. These scenes will serve as Saeed’s final curtain call in TNA. Not to worry though, fans will still be able to see the … Read more

Impact Spoilers (Night #2): October 29th, 2009

Spoilers for next week’s Impact are now out, courtesy of our TNA tapings correspondent Camden! The shows airs October 29th on Spike. Click the ‘+’ to read:

Impact - October 29th
Alissa Flash vs Tara
Great match! Lots of top rope spots, power moves. Tara did botch one big move which she redid for production to edit. Tara gets the win.
Winner – Tara

While Alissa is knocked out, Kong comes out and knocks Tara out. She then picks her up for an implant buster on top of Alissa. Kong leaves both girls laid out in the ring.

The Beautiful People vs ODB, Hemme, & Hamada – 6-Knockout Tag Team match
Rayne did most of the work with a few tags to Velvet. Lacey got in the ring twice. First time, she did one move. Then, second time, she came in to chokeslam Hemme and get the win for TBP.
Winners – The Beautiful People

Kong’s music hits and she comes out. Tara runs out, jumping Kong from behind. Security runs out to separate the girls. TBP run while Hamada, Hemme, and ODB look on from the ring as security drags kong and Tara out.

Note: When using our news/spoilers please provide the appropriate credit i.e. a text link back to this page.

Thoughts after the cut:

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Impact Spoilers for Thursday Night: October 22nd, 2009

Spoilers for this week’s Impact are now out, courtesy of our TNA tapings correspondent Camden! The show airs October 22nd on Spike. Click the ‘+’ to read:

Impact - October 22nd, 2009
Awesome Kong vs. Raisha Saeed
Good matchup. They actually did a backstage promo first where Saeed tells Kong she knows every move she makes because they have been together so long.

Saeed got in a bit of defense against Kong, but Kong ended up on top, getting the 3 count.
Winner – Awesome Kong

After the match, Kong had Saeed at the top of the ramp and threw her off the side through a table. They took her out on a stretcher with the cameras still rolling.

– In a backstage promo, TBP announce that they have a new “reality show” called “Meanest Girls”. They go to catering and have a food fight with some of the other Knockouts.

Note: When using our news/spoilers please provide the appropriate credit i.e. a text link back to this page.

Thoughts after the cut:

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The Tiffany Guide to Impact: A Beautiful Mess

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This week on Impact, TNA finds new ways to bring the ratings lulz (SUPER 3 hour promo show… really?) while The Tiffany Guide finds its way into your hearts via a computer screen.  Velvet Sky, Madison Rayne, and Lacey Von Erich take on Awesome Kong, Tara, and ODB in tag team competition.

First off, let it be known – I’m not a fan of choreographed entrances in any capacity.  They just seem so unnatural, gratuitous, and rather lame.  So… I’m not really feeling this new Beautiful People entrance.  It just seems far too unrefined and hokey (not to mention homoerotic.  Come on, Taylorita had that market cornered first).  As relatively simple as it was, the original entrance was just fine.  I was hoping that Lacey would just take Angelina’s place in the original choreography.   Understandably, this new group will take some getting used to – the viewers need to get comfortable with the new lineup just as much as the members do.  Plus, it seems like they might’ve been pressed for time and might’ve thought to just throw something together on the fly.  That being said, the “Beautiful People” has slowly transformed into somewhat of a parody of itself.  This entrance is merely Exhibit A.  What was once comical and somewhat charming is now in-your-face and reminiscent of high school glory days.  I can almost see it in Madison Rayne’s face – poor girl looks distressed, and who wouldn’t be?  Though, Lacey (who has somehow managed to escape the notorious clown makeup and mini-skirt getup) looks pretty incredible.  Looking at her, I feel like I should have no room to complain.  Well, at least they all match right?

Tara makes her way to the ring (looking as stunning as ever), and Awesome Kong enters the Impact Zone with Raisha Saeed in tow.  Funny thing is, I completely forgot about ODB.  Her involvement in this match didn’t cross my mind until she made her entrance.  What could be a testament to my ailing memory, I’d rather blame on TNA’s booking inability.  The title holder and forefront of the division = forgettable?  That’s rather unfortunate.

At the start of the match, Awesome Kong quickly takes down her squabbling partners.  The Beautiful People fly in like vultures to pick at the leftovers.  The boiling rivalry between Kong and Tara comes to a head yet again.  Meanwhile, ODB endures the 3 on 1 onslaught.  The Beautiful People continue to cut the ring in half with the Knockouts Champion until Tara crawls back to her rightful corner.  ODB overpowers Madison Rayne (who has proven herself as the star of this match) which results in a near double count-out.  Both ladies make the tag out to their respective partners.  Tara hurries into the ring, bulldozing both Velvet and Madison down in her path.  She appoints a nice slap across Lacey’s face for good measure.  Tara sets Velvet up for a moonsault, but ODB makes a blind tag.  ODB sets Velvet on top of her shoulders for the apparent finish, but Tara disrupts in retaliation.  A staredown commences between the two Knockouts before Tara finally takes ODB down with a superkick.  Velvet quickly makes the pin and picks up the win for her team.  More gratuitous ass!

Somehow, I don’t feel so apologetic for discounting ODB’s presence.  The way she’s booked, it doesn’t seem like TNA could give much of a care either.  This three-way rivalry lost its purpose long ago; I’m just pulling for a conclusion come Bound for Glory.

On the other hand, Lacey did not get as much time in the ring – not that I expected her to, really.  Lacey has plenty of time to prove her in-ring ability, and it’s in TNA’s best interest to be patient.  At the very least, she has proven to have some amount of charisma thus far… right?  She seems very comfortable in the role of a Beautiful Person (as opposed to Madison) and doesn’t seem to have many inhibitions. If all else fails, let Madison be the muscle (so to speak).  She has already shown that she can work her way around a six-sided ring – at least with much more skill than her sorority sisters.

Next up: the Hamada vs. Alissa Flash grudgefest continues.

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The Tiffany Guide to Impact: To the Victors Go the Spoils

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This week on Impact marked a Knockout Elimination tag team match and a Knockouts Title match.

First, Team Hamada/Christy Hemme/Sarita/Taylor Wilde take on Team Velvet Sky/Madison Rayne/Traci Brooks/Alissa Flash.

Hamada and Traci briefly lock up, but Hamada takes Traci down.  Hamada attempts a springboard moonsault, but Traci dodges in the nick of time.  When Traci goes for the Sunset Flip, Hamada rolls out, allowing Traci the opportunity to avoid a kick and attempt a school boy roll-up.  Hamada kicks out, ducks a clothesline, and finally connects with a kick.  Hamada goes for the cover, but Traci gets the shoulder up.

Christy Hemme gets tagged in.  She isn’t able to put up much of a fight before being eliminated ala a jawbreaker courtesy of Traci.  Taylor then enters the match on her team’s behalf and covers Traci following a dropkick.  Alissa Flash distracts Taylor for a moment, and Traci capitalizes with a clothesline before tagging in Alissa.  Alissa bestows the Curb Stomp upon Taylor, who gets the shoulder up at 2.  Taylor retaliates with a double knee backbreaker and a tag out to Hamada.  Hamada drops Alissa with a resounding front dropkick from the top turnbuckle.  With a bit of residual aggression from their bubbling feud, the fight between the two adversaries spill out to the back.

Meanwhile, Sarita takes Velvet to the limit with a series of armdrags.  Velvet kicks out.  Sarita tags in Taylor, and in a double team display, Velvet is taken down by a drop toehold and a dropkick.  Velvet kicks out yet again.  In yet another pinning predicament, Velvet kicks out of a double wrist clutch Northern Lights Suplex.  In somewhat of a surprise element at play here, Velvet Sky is able to ensure a victory over Taylor Wilde with a DDT.  It comes down to 3 on 1.

Sarita enters the match, attempting a dropkick but she misses.  Velvet tags in Traci, who is quickly eliminated by a belly-to-belly suplex.  The Beautiful People bum-rush Sarita and are able to get the upper hand for the majority of the remainder of the match.  That is, until Sarita is able to outsmart the duo and eliminate Velvet with the Small Package.  Madison Rayne goes for a suplex, but Sarita counters with yet another inside cradle.  Madison kicks out, and she kicks out again from a schoolboy attempt.

Alissa Flash seems to be making her way down the ramp onscreen, at the perturbation of the referee.  Back in the ring, Sarita takes Madison out with a powerbomb, however the referee is distracted long enough for Lacey Von Erich to approach the ring and plant Sarita with a lifting body slam.  Madison gets the win for her team.

With a few high spots, this was an overall decent match.  A few of the eliminations were just a tad weak, but it served its purpose – which was to sustain the feuds.  Velvet was made to look somewhat strong in this match, being able to kick out of a few predicaments and to score a pinfall the way she did.  That will be a rub going into the Tag Team title match. Lacey Von Erich also fulfilled her role rather fittingly.  That lifting body slam was eloquently executed, and to her credit Lacey is already differentiating herself by adopting a less Diva-oriented moveset.  Which, ideally, complements the whole “third generation” persona.  In the words of Roddy Piper “old school is cool!”  For what it’s worth, the Beautiful People now seem to work for the best interest of the team.  Looking back, that isn’t something we’ve seen often from them.  Definitely, a new side of Mi Pi Sexy in more ways than one.

Next, is the TNA Knockouts Championship competition between Tara and ODB.

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Impact Spoilers (Night #2): October 15th, 2009

Spoilers for next week’s 3-hour Impact are now out, courtesy of our TNA tapings correspondent Camden! The show airs October 15th on Spike. Click the ‘+’ to read:

Impact - October 15th, 2009
Xplosion:
Traci Brooks vs Taylor Wilde (w/ Sarita)
Taylor instantly takes control, throwing Traci around with arm drag after arm drag. Traci crawls out of the ring. Traci attempts several choke holds but Taylor manages to get out. Quite a fast-paced match from the two girls.
Winner – Taylor Wilde

Impact:
The Beautiful People (as a trio) vs Tara, Awesome Kong, & ODB (I assume there is one heck of a backstage promo to explain this nonsense)
Lacey never got in the ring. Ending is Tara kicking ODB, which gave Velvet the pin on ODB.
Winners – The Beautiful People

Hamada vs Alissa Flash – Falls Count Anywhere match
Hamada out first. Alissa didn’t even let her walk to the ring, as she attacked from behind. Great match with these two! Hamada sets up a table and lays Alissa out on it then hits her with a flip off the top turn buckle.
Winner – Hamada

Note: When using our news/spoilers please provide the appropriate credit i.e. a text link back to this page.

Thoughts after the cut:

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Impact Spoilers for Thursday Night: October 8th, 2009

Spoilers for this week’s Impact are now out, courtesy of our TNA tapings correspondent Camden! The show airs October 8th on Spike. Click the ‘+’ to read:

EDIT: More spoilers added!

Impact - October 8th, 2009
Sarita, Taylor Wilde, Hamada & Christy Hemme vs. Velvet Sky, Madison Rayne, Alissa Flash, & Traci Brooks – Elimination match
Traci pinned Hemme, who’s eliminated first. Alissa and Hamada were eliminated by count out. Velvet pins Taylor. Sarita pins Traci. Sarita pins Velvet.

Lacey comes to the ring from the side to sneak up (and trips, followed by laughter and mumbles of how she sucks and shouldn’t use her VE name). Lacey kicks Sarita and jumps out with Madison getting the pin and the win.
Winner – Madison Rayne

Tara (accompanied by Poison) vs TNA Knockout Champion ODB – Knockouts Championship match
Kong comes out with a giant hammer mallet-looking thing and grabs So Cal Val (as ring girl) by her hair. She distracts Tara, who kicks Kong through the ropes. ODB pins Tara to retain her title.
Winner – ODB

Note: When using our news/spoilers please provide the appropriate credit i.e. a text link back to this page.

Thoughts after the cut:

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