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Unwrapped: Eye Candy for the Week of May 17th, 2010

Welcome to this week’s edition of Unwrapped! As always, we will be grading all of the new photoshoots (or “eye candy”, as we like to call them) from the week gone by, judging them like so:

Sweet (Great)Bland (Iffy)Sour (Awful)

You, the reader, will also get the chance to grade the “eye candy” yourself by giving your opinion on each shoot and voting for your favorite out of the whole bunch. Now, dive in!

Savannah’s Blue in Green

GradeSweet. This week in “Savannah Poses with Furniture” is actually an upgrade from last week’s shoot.  The color and shape of the dress compliment Savannah quite nicely.  Also, there appears to be a wider range of facial expressions and poses.  While there is always room for improvement, there’s no denying that Savannah comes out on top in this photoshoot.

Click to see the rest of the photoshoot.

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Unwrapped: Eye Candy for the Week of May 10th, 2010

Welcome to this week’s edition of Unwrapped! As always, we will be grading all of the new photoshoots (or “eye candy”, as we like to call them) from the week gone by, judging them like so:

Sweet (Great)Bland (Iffy)Sour (Awful)

You, the reader, will also get the chance to grade the “eye candy” yourself by giving your opinion on each shoot and voting for your favorite out of the whole bunch. Now, dive in!

Beth Phoenix’s Lady in Red
Grade: Sweet.  Beth Phoenix may have had a short stint as the current reigning Women’s Champion, but at least she left a pretty decent photshoot in her wake!  This attire is possibly the most appealing Beth has in her repertoire.  Luckily, the red-and-black combination photographs just as well as it looks on television.  A couple of the poses are more imaginative than your typical stone-faced vogue-ing.  These bits of playfulness and cheerfulness show a different (and more pleasant) side to the Glamazon.
Click to see the rest of the photoshoot.

Natalya’s Change of Hart Grade: Bland. The title of this photoshoot may serve to be ironic as there appears to be little to no variety between Natalya’s photos.  This is your typical series featuring Natalya donning her Hart badge of honor.  It is not quite ‘sour’ as she earns points for consistency (not to mention color coordination)!  However, what Natalya’s portfolio could use is a little less pink and a little bit more imagination.
Click to see the rest of the photoshoot.

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Christmas Classics: Merry Trish-mas 2008

It’s the most wonderful time of the year! And over the next few days, we’re going to be reliving some of the goodies that TNA and WWE have put under our Christmas trees! Looking back at the Christmas themed matches we’ve seen the Divas and Knockouts involved in, the DD team will each be picking … Read more

The Tiffany Guide to Impact: This is a Joke, Right?

Often imitated but never duplicated, it’s the Tiffany Guide to Impact.  This week, TNA’s creative team takes a nap.  Meanwhile, this week’s episode of TNA Impact is laced with a boost of testosterone that could only be matched by that of Tiger Woods.  First off, we’ll go right ahead and expunge the pink elephant in the room: The Beautiful People (Velvet Sky vs. Lacey Von Erich ft. Madison Rayne) in a mud wrestling match.

I’m on the fence about this “match” purely because any way I go about it, someone’s going to have some reason to complain. Whatever. For what it’s worth, this was a five minute erm… exhibition that went against the grain of most Knockout matches.  Was it raunchy?  Sure.  Is it degrading?  Eh perhaps, for some.  The way I see it: it was a goofy segment that’s better suited to just disappear into the depths of pro-wrestling history.  With the decent overhaul of Knockout action we we’ve been blessed with recently, this one silly Beautiful People segment gets a pass (and a well-received “yawn”).  As long as it doesn’t become a usual occurrence, all should be forgotten soon enough.  It’s not often that Velvet Sky wins a match single-handedly, so it’s best to just enjoy it while it lasts.

Next up, Hamada challenges the TNA Global Champion, Eric Young.

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The Tiffany Guide to Impact: Deck the Halls Knockouts

This week on Impact, ODB gives Tara a panic attack, Dixie Carter spills the beans, Kristal lays down the law, Lauren gets woman-handled a la Mi Pi Sexy, and Jeff Jarrett tells TNA to kiss his ass!  Meanwhile, Tazz responds with a sturdy “WHO?” to the mention of Lacey Von Erich.  The Tiffany Guide to Impact: sharing the same sentiments with TNA’s road agents since 2009.

While that pretty much summarizes last night’s episode in a nutshell, TNA still manages to squeeze in a 5-minute Knockouts bout in the 3/4 hour.  Hamada vs. Sarita takes center stage in this installment.

Hamada and Sarita lock up, and Hamada grabs Sarita from behind.  She takes Sarita over successfully the first time, tries for a second, but Sarita lands on her feet.  Sarita leads Hamada into an arm drag.  However, Hamada ducks a clothesline and flips Sarita into an arm drag of her own.  Sarita reiterates the exchange with yet another arm drag, and both Knockouts go for a dropkick.  Hamada and Sarita both kip up, and in typical Knockout fashion, they have a stand-off.

Readying themselves back into the match-up, the ladies link hands.  Hamada breaks the hold with a kick to the midsection and a series of chops and headbutts to Sarita.  Hamada runs the ropes, ducks Sarita’s knee, goes for a leg feed Enzuigiri but misses.  A couple kicks to her opponent later, Sarita runs the ropes and utilizes this momentum to hop onto Hamada’s shoulders.  This leads into an impressive hurricanrana.  Sarita powers up, however Hamada quickly recovers and catches her with a superkick.  Hamada covers Sarita, and Sarita barely gets the shoulder up at 2.

Always the risk taker, Hamada sails to the top rope and plants Sarita with a front dropkick. Transitioning this into a pinning position, it only results in another near-fall. Unperturbed by this close call, Hamada picks Sarita up by the hair and drags her into position for the Hamada Driver.  Sarita is quick to counter into a victory roll, which surprisingly only renders a 2-count.  Not to be outdone, Sarita swiftly grounds Hamada with a float-over DDT.  Hooking Hamada’s leg, she goes for the cover again, but Hamada gets the shoulder up in time.

Here, the match takes an interesting turn as Sarita rolls Hamada into a rather complex (though aesthetically effective) submission maneuver.  The hold doesn’t quite sustain Hamada, who maneuvers into a modified crucifix pin but only generates a 2-count for her troubles.

Consequently, Sarita staggers to her feet only to succumb to two nasty-looking spinning kicks to the side of the head.  Hamada takes a brief moment to signal her signature driver, which she bestows upon Sarita for the 3-count and the win.

It was only a matter of time until the golden girls of the TNA Knockouts division would cross paths.  While Sarita and Hamada have both managed nearly spotless records on Impact, this ménage à quatre (also involving Alissa Flash and Taylor Wilde) comes to a head with Hamada coming out on top.  Hamada is quickly climbing the ladder in terms of Knockout stardom, and it will only be a matter of time before this winning streak calls for something extra.  Hopefully, TNA will have something new and exciting in store for the incredibly talented Hamada.  As far as Sarita and Taylor Wilde go… at least they can now bond over the fact that they have both been laid out by one of the greatest.

Next, Tara guest stars on “Trash Talk with ODB.”  The Knockouts Champion and the #1 Contender come to blows, and a few interesting sentiments are exchanged.

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The Tiffany Guide to Impact: The Knockouts Go Cold Turkey

With the quality you’ve come to expect and the enthusiasm you’ve come to enjoy, the Tiffany Guide to Impact helps you come down from your cramp-inducing turkey high: with a steaming plate of reheated Knockout action, and a side of stale competition.  In perhaps the greatest Knockout tradition of all, this TNA Knockout battle royale … Read more

The Tiffany Guide to Impact: Not So Friendly Competition

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This week on Impact, we’re treated to double the dose in Knockout action.  As per usual, we try not to overdose on TNA’s overwhelming generosity.

In the first contest, Hamada takes on one half of the TNA Knockout Tag Team Champions, Taylor Wilde.  Taylor enters the Impact Zone by her lonesome and does the tango with herself.  (Not to be confused with the type of solo-activity recently made famous by Carrie Prejean).

At the start of the match, Hamada and Taylor lock up.  Taylor maneuvers into a headlock, but Hamada counters into a headscissors.  Back into the lock-up, Hamada falls into the headlock, but this time Taylor catches her in the headscissors.  The hold is broken as the two indulge in a bit of showboating.

Taylor and Hamada partake in a show of respect with a quick handshake.  The two Knockouts link hands, but Taylor spins Hamada into an arm drag.  Taylor leaps over Hamada, who then rolls over Taylor.  Taylor runs the ropes and follows through with a headscissors takedown.  Unfazed, Hamada plants Taylor Wilde with an Impact DDT.  Hamada goes for the cover, but Taylor kicks out at 2.

Hamada lifts Taylor for a back suplex, but Taylor counters by landing on her feet.  She takes Hamada by the hand and leads her into a springboard arm drag and a swift kick to the head.  Taylor covers Hamada, but Hamada gets the shoulder up.  Ducking a clothesline, Hamada dazzles Taylor with a super kick.  Hamada climbs up to the top rope (while Taylor nudges into position a tad too obviously) and delivers a moonsault.  Taylor kicks out once again.

Hamada sets Taylor up for a powerbomb, but Taylor refuses.  Hamada pulls Taylor into a powerbomb again, but this time Taylor rolls into a sunset flip pin.  Hamada kicks out.  This is the consecutive tone for the crucifix pin and the hurricanrana Taylor also pursues.   Always quick to recover, Hamada rocks Taylor’s marbles with a leg-feed enzuigiri.

Signaling her finisher, Hamada sets Taylor up for the Hamada Driver.  Instead, Taylor lands on her feet, grabs her from behind, and attempts to lift her into a German suplex.  However, Hamada sandbags, breaks the hold, and nails a spinning kick to the side of Taylor’s head.  She delivers the Hamada Driver, successfully this time, which renders a 3-count and the win.

This was an entertaining and high-impact match, which is a staple for a combination such as Hamada and Taylor Wilde.  I’m not sure what this spells for either Knockout at the moment, other than to put on a fleeting clinic for appreciative fans.  Every so often, there are Knockouts that push the envelope in singles competition.  They also just happen to remind those of us who might’ve forgotten just what makes this a highly credible division.  Nowadays, it’s a treat to find either Taylor Wilde and Sarita in action without the package deal of Saritaylor.  Now that the Knockouts Championship has been pushed from the forefront for the time being, perhaps this will allow both ladies more time in the limelight as single competitors.

Speaking of the luchadoress, Sarita meets Alissa Flash in their only second bout.

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The Tiffany Guide to Turning Point: A Means to an End

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Setting women’s relations back faster than Tila Tequila and the Home Shopping Network, the Tiffany Guide returns just in time for yet another TNA PPV!  With the same quality you’ve come to expect, and the unbridled TNA commentary you’ve come to enjoy.

Good appeared to conquer all evil last Sunday night at Turning Point.  First in Knockout action sought the Beautiful People (Madison Rayne/Velvet Sky/Lacey Von Erich) vs. ODB, Sarita, and Taylor Wilde with all titles at stake.  Of course, what would a TNA match be without some complicated stipulations?  If ODB is defeated she loses her title; if Saritaylor is defeated they lose their titles.  Simple enough, right? I suppose this is the part where I go “TNA rulez!  WWE droolz!” or something to that effect…

The Beautiful People make their way to the ring looking very shiny and, erm… accessible. Before the sound of the bell, we are treated to even more gratuitous ass shots courtesy of Mi Pi Sexy – to bring even more credibility to this bout, of course.

Taylor Wilde and Velvet Sky kick off the match with a lock-up.  The referee tries his best to cop a feel while Velvet takes her aggression out on the Wilde one.  The ever-confident Velvet is distracted long enough for Taylor to trip her and drag her to the opposing side.  Tags alternate among the babyfaces as they all seem to take particular interest in Velvet’s nether regions.  ODB mounts her opponent, but Velvet says neigh.  Velvet powers out and leads ODB into her corner, tagging in her partner Madison Rayne.

Madison takes a break to indulge in a bit of self-admiration.  As per usual, Madison proves her salt personality-wise.  There is a way to be cleverly gimmicky without being overly gratuitous, and Madison masters that quite brilliantly.  Her beautiful partners should take note.

Madison’s exhibition buys ODB enough time to recharge and tag in Sarita.  Sarita outsmarts Madison with a series of flashy predicaments.  She then makes the tag out to Taylor, who she then assists into a moonsault onto Madison (rather flawlessly, if I may add).  However, Madison kicks out at 2.  Taylor draws her into a clutch and sends her down with a springboard arm drag.  Before she can even begin to capitalize on said move, Lacey Von Erich blindsights her with a clothesline.  Cue a very convenient wide-angled shot of a fan in the front row holding a “Lacey Von Botch” sign.

Madison regains control of the match with a swinging neckbreaker onto Taylor Wilde, but Taylor kicks out at 2.  Velvet Sky requests a tag and makes the assist into a double reverse DDT.  Taylor attempts to escape, but Velvet mounts her with a few punches and a very suggestive cover.  Taking a moment to tease her competition, Velvet flattens Taylor with a stiff kick to the back and a running front dropkick.  Taylor kicks out yet again.

There it is: the moment we all awaited with bated breath… Lacey Von Erich gets tagged into the match. Less than 5 seconds transpire before Lacey is subjected to the thoughts of the mass majority of TNA fans (and perhaps that of even Lacey herself) in the form of “You can’t wrestle” chants.  Lacey quickly exits the ring; the scent of defeat is almost too rancid to ignore.

Velvet gets her second chance in on the action by which she traps Taylor in an Octopus stretch.  Meanwhile, she bites the trapped arm out of the referee’s line of sight.  When Velvet attempts to shift the maneuver a sunset flip, Taylor runs (or rather trips) into Velvet’s face.  Hilarity ensues.

Both ladies make the hot tag.  ODB charges into the ring, taking out the legal woman Madison.  She also takes down Lacey Von Erich, which gets a rather positive reception from the audience.  Leading Velvet into the ropes, ODB catches her in mid-air and drops her with the fallaway slam followed by a kip-up.  ODB goes for a cover, but Lacey breaks up the pin.  Sarita and Taylor take exception.  However, in their effort to clear the ring of the excess plastic, they are sent out to the floor.  This gives the Beautiful People an opportunity to set ODB up for a potential double team move.  Instead, ODB overpowers their advances and takes Madison Rayne out with the TKO for the 3-count.

Somewhere during the 3-on-1 attack against ODB, a few of Lacey’s hair extensions fall out.  One piece even finds its way into the hand of a lucky fan in the front row, who takes the liberty of twirling it around like a prize.  Lacey then does something that will possibly put her my good graces for all of eternity.  She stuffs a piece of her lost extensions down her trousers and does a little hoe down.  From what we’ve seen in the past, Lacey is a master at not taking herself too seriously and being able to laugh at herself.  As embarrassing as weave-tragedies can be, that purely awesome act alone almost defuncts any and all of my criticisms of Miss Lacey.  Key word: almost.

While the outcome was predictable, all in all, I thought this was an impressive match.  If an MVP had to be chosen, my pick would definitely belong to Madison Rayne.  Madison has come leaps and bounds since her first run with the Beautiful People.  Ever since the departure of Angelina Love, Madison has been able to exude personality and charisma. Ever since Angelina left, people supposed the leader position would fall under Velvet Sky or even Lacey Von Erich.  However, I think Madison stands out as the one with the best balance between wrestling ability and temperament.  That being said, I don’t imagine it will be over between the Beautiful People and Saritaylor.  Velvet and Madison don’t strike me as the type that will rest until the belts are finally around their “pretty little waists.”  As for Lacey?  Well… between the Kong hug attempt and the weave fiasco, it’s safe to say that she is entertaining in her own right.  Just keep her in the background, and I will be content. After all, we’re overdue for another Botchamania.

Next up, in the long-awaited steel cage match, we see an end to World War III aka Tara vs. Awesome Kong.

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The Tiffany Guide to Impact: Business Just Picked Up…Kinda

With Knockouts pushed into the headlines and into the unemployment line this week, this has proven to be a rather dim past several days for TNA.  In an effort to boost the Knockouts’ morale, the Tiffany Guide makes its long-awaited return – still finding a way into your hearts via a computer screen and still … Read more

The Tiffany Guide to Impact: A Beautiful Mess

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This week on Impact, TNA finds new ways to bring the ratings lulz (SUPER 3 hour promo show… really?) while The Tiffany Guide finds its way into your hearts via a computer screen.  Velvet Sky, Madison Rayne, and Lacey Von Erich take on Awesome Kong, Tara, and ODB in tag team competition.

First off, let it be known – I’m not a fan of choreographed entrances in any capacity.  They just seem so unnatural, gratuitous, and rather lame.  So… I’m not really feeling this new Beautiful People entrance.  It just seems far too unrefined and hokey (not to mention homoerotic.  Come on, Taylorita had that market cornered first).  As relatively simple as it was, the original entrance was just fine.  I was hoping that Lacey would just take Angelina’s place in the original choreography.   Understandably, this new group will take some getting used to – the viewers need to get comfortable with the new lineup just as much as the members do.  Plus, it seems like they might’ve been pressed for time and might’ve thought to just throw something together on the fly.  That being said, the “Beautiful People” has slowly transformed into somewhat of a parody of itself.  This entrance is merely Exhibit A.  What was once comical and somewhat charming is now in-your-face and reminiscent of high school glory days.  I can almost see it in Madison Rayne’s face – poor girl looks distressed, and who wouldn’t be?  Though, Lacey (who has somehow managed to escape the notorious clown makeup and mini-skirt getup) looks pretty incredible.  Looking at her, I feel like I should have no room to complain.  Well, at least they all match right?

Tara makes her way to the ring (looking as stunning as ever), and Awesome Kong enters the Impact Zone with Raisha Saeed in tow.  Funny thing is, I completely forgot about ODB.  Her involvement in this match didn’t cross my mind until she made her entrance.  What could be a testament to my ailing memory, I’d rather blame on TNA’s booking inability.  The title holder and forefront of the division = forgettable?  That’s rather unfortunate.

At the start of the match, Awesome Kong quickly takes down her squabbling partners.  The Beautiful People fly in like vultures to pick at the leftovers.  The boiling rivalry between Kong and Tara comes to a head yet again.  Meanwhile, ODB endures the 3 on 1 onslaught.  The Beautiful People continue to cut the ring in half with the Knockouts Champion until Tara crawls back to her rightful corner.  ODB overpowers Madison Rayne (who has proven herself as the star of this match) which results in a near double count-out.  Both ladies make the tag out to their respective partners.  Tara hurries into the ring, bulldozing both Velvet and Madison down in her path.  She appoints a nice slap across Lacey’s face for good measure.  Tara sets Velvet up for a moonsault, but ODB makes a blind tag.  ODB sets Velvet on top of her shoulders for the apparent finish, but Tara disrupts in retaliation.  A staredown commences between the two Knockouts before Tara finally takes ODB down with a superkick.  Velvet quickly makes the pin and picks up the win for her team.  More gratuitous ass!

Somehow, I don’t feel so apologetic for discounting ODB’s presence.  The way she’s booked, it doesn’t seem like TNA could give much of a care either.  This three-way rivalry lost its purpose long ago; I’m just pulling for a conclusion come Bound for Glory.

On the other hand, Lacey did not get as much time in the ring – not that I expected her to, really.  Lacey has plenty of time to prove her in-ring ability, and it’s in TNA’s best interest to be patient.  At the very least, she has proven to have some amount of charisma thus far… right?  She seems very comfortable in the role of a Beautiful Person (as opposed to Madison) and doesn’t seem to have many inhibitions. If all else fails, let Madison be the muscle (so to speak).  She has already shown that she can work her way around a six-sided ring – at least with much more skill than her sorority sisters.

Next up: the Hamada vs. Alissa Flash grudgefest continues.

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The Tiffany Guide to Impact: To the Victors Go the Spoils

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This week on Impact marked a Knockout Elimination tag team match and a Knockouts Title match.

First, Team Hamada/Christy Hemme/Sarita/Taylor Wilde take on Team Velvet Sky/Madison Rayne/Traci Brooks/Alissa Flash.

Hamada and Traci briefly lock up, but Hamada takes Traci down.  Hamada attempts a springboard moonsault, but Traci dodges in the nick of time.  When Traci goes for the Sunset Flip, Hamada rolls out, allowing Traci the opportunity to avoid a kick and attempt a school boy roll-up.  Hamada kicks out, ducks a clothesline, and finally connects with a kick.  Hamada goes for the cover, but Traci gets the shoulder up.

Christy Hemme gets tagged in.  She isn’t able to put up much of a fight before being eliminated ala a jawbreaker courtesy of Traci.  Taylor then enters the match on her team’s behalf and covers Traci following a dropkick.  Alissa Flash distracts Taylor for a moment, and Traci capitalizes with a clothesline before tagging in Alissa.  Alissa bestows the Curb Stomp upon Taylor, who gets the shoulder up at 2.  Taylor retaliates with a double knee backbreaker and a tag out to Hamada.  Hamada drops Alissa with a resounding front dropkick from the top turnbuckle.  With a bit of residual aggression from their bubbling feud, the fight between the two adversaries spill out to the back.

Meanwhile, Sarita takes Velvet to the limit with a series of armdrags.  Velvet kicks out.  Sarita tags in Taylor, and in a double team display, Velvet is taken down by a drop toehold and a dropkick.  Velvet kicks out yet again.  In yet another pinning predicament, Velvet kicks out of a double wrist clutch Northern Lights Suplex.  In somewhat of a surprise element at play here, Velvet Sky is able to ensure a victory over Taylor Wilde with a DDT.  It comes down to 3 on 1.

Sarita enters the match, attempting a dropkick but she misses.  Velvet tags in Traci, who is quickly eliminated by a belly-to-belly suplex.  The Beautiful People bum-rush Sarita and are able to get the upper hand for the majority of the remainder of the match.  That is, until Sarita is able to outsmart the duo and eliminate Velvet with the Small Package.  Madison Rayne goes for a suplex, but Sarita counters with yet another inside cradle.  Madison kicks out, and she kicks out again from a schoolboy attempt.

Alissa Flash seems to be making her way down the ramp onscreen, at the perturbation of the referee.  Back in the ring, Sarita takes Madison out with a powerbomb, however the referee is distracted long enough for Lacey Von Erich to approach the ring and plant Sarita with a lifting body slam.  Madison gets the win for her team.

With a few high spots, this was an overall decent match.  A few of the eliminations were just a tad weak, but it served its purpose – which was to sustain the feuds.  Velvet was made to look somewhat strong in this match, being able to kick out of a few predicaments and to score a pinfall the way she did.  That will be a rub going into the Tag Team title match. Lacey Von Erich also fulfilled her role rather fittingly.  That lifting body slam was eloquently executed, and to her credit Lacey is already differentiating herself by adopting a less Diva-oriented moveset.  Which, ideally, complements the whole “third generation” persona.  In the words of Roddy Piper “old school is cool!”  For what it’s worth, the Beautiful People now seem to work for the best interest of the team.  Looking back, that isn’t something we’ve seen often from them.  Definitely, a new side of Mi Pi Sexy in more ways than one.

Next, is the TNA Knockouts Championship competition between Tara and ODB.

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Sneak Peek at Knockouts Muscle & Fitness Issue

This month, a select few of the TNA Knockouts (Velvet Sky, Angelina Love, So Cal Val, and Lauren) will be gracing the newest issue of Muscle & Fitness Magazine.  Despite the still tender departure of Angelina Love, the magazine will feature the Beautiful People in all of their glory.  So, if you can get past … Read more

The Tiffany Guide to Impact: Uninspired Impact is Uninspired

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This week on the ever-so-inaptly-named program we’ve come to know as Impact, we saw two Playboy bunnies stink up the six-sided ring, a Knockouts title match, and the debut of TNA’s newest Knockout entity.

First Knockouts match on the card: Christy Hemme vs. Traci Brooks in a Playboy something-something match.  I have no idea why Christy is dressed up as a Chippendale dancer, but the ever so bodacious Traci forces her against the ropes and into a pin attempt.  Christy kicks out at 2, and Traci follows up with a mat slam.  Traci follows Christy into the corner, but receives a boot to the face.  Christy lands a charging 180 spinning facebuster.  Christy delivers an axe kick to the back of Traci’s head, but Traci kicks out as well.  Christy attempts the FFG, but the only thing catching her firecrotch is the unforgiving canvas.  Traci covers Christy which results in a nearfall.  A stinging chop to the tatas later… Traci falls into a Sunset Flip pin and Christy Hemme picks up the win.

Traci blindsights Christy from behind with an uninspired attack.  So short, it was almost painless.  As gracious as Traci Brooks is, I cannot bring myself to peg this match in a positive light, unfortunately.  Not your best, TNA. Simply put, gimmick matches just don’t fit in with the M.O. of the Knockouts division. This Playboy exhibition was moreso reminiscent of WWE pre-2008.  It just doesn’t seem right to put Christy Hemme over Traci Brooks, although I do realize that either one could do better. Moving on…

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Sara Del Rey Set to Step Into Six-Sided Ring

As announced by Jersey All Pro Wrestling [japw.net], Sara Del Rey will be making a TNA appearance in a live event, this coming November: Hey Jersey All Pro Wrestling fans! JAPW wants to let you know that the superstars of Total Nonstop Action (TNA) Wrestling’s “TNA iMPACT!” on Spike (Thursday 9 p.m. ET/PT) are invading … Read more

Wedding Bells Ring for Lilian Garcia!

While RAW missed its weekly dose of Lilian Garcia, the tenured and now former WWE Diva got married last Monday night!  Lilian officially broke the exciting news via her Twitter page yesterday afternoon: Hi everyone. Normally I would be sad today cause of Raw tonight but I have a good reason why I’m not….I’M GETTING … Read more

The Tiffany Guide to Impact: The Strong Shall Prevail

This week on Impact, the new Knockout Tag Team Champions, Taylor Wilde and Sarita take on Tara and the Knockouts Champion, ODB:

Taylor Wilde and Sarita’s entrance continues to rise many questions.  Is this an ode to Patrick Swayze’s rendition of Dirty Dancing?  Because I sense some major sexual tension between Taylor Wilde and Sarita in that entrance.  Is that the vibe they are going for?  If so, then they certainly hit the nail on the head: a lesbian couple in heat doing the tango.  All that jazz and strobe lights – I feel like I’m watching an anime.

In somewhat of a dream match up, Sarita and Tara square off at the start of the match.  As a show of respect, the two share a handshake.  The two lock up and Tara overpowers Sarita with a headlock and a takedown.  Sarita traps Tara between the legs with a headlock of her own.  Tara flips out of the move and covers Sarita, but Sarita bridges out of the pin attempt.  Tara attempts to counter the sunset flip, but misses the front dropkick.  Sarita also misses an elbow.  The two pause for a moment, but Tara goes back in with an arm lock.  Sarita rushes to the corner.  Tara catches her in what seems to be the makings of the Spider’s Web (fireman’s carry into a swinging sidewalk slam), but Sarita brilliantly counters that with a headscissors.

Taylor Wilde makes the tag and lands a diving crossbody from the top.  With an assist from Taylor, Sarita lands a moonsault onto Tara and Taylor capitalizes with a senton for the 2-count.  Meanwhile, the commentators banter about a piece of hair that has inconspiciously found its way into the center of the ring.  All signs point to Tara. (Hmm…did anyone check Slick Johnson?)  Tara grounds Taylor with a powerslam, but Taylor kicks out.  Tara tags in the Knockouts Champion.  ODB with a shot to the midsection, carries Taylor into the corner by the throat.  An assault ensues…

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The Tiffany Guide to No Surrender: Knockouts History Is Made… Again!

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This year’s No Surrender marked a staple in Knockout history.  Sarita and Taylor Wilde faced Madison Rayne and Velvet Sky for the TNA Knockouts Tag Team Championship.

Saritaylor debut some new music and a new entrance.  It isn’t any better, but hey it’s different.  In all honesty, now they really just look like a hot-n-heavy couple doing the tango.  Keep trying ladies, I’m sure you’ll get it eventually.

Tazz continues to spoil the outcome of the match (like he has done from the very beginning of the tournament), but it’s not like the result wasn’t utterly predictable.

The Beautiful People make their way to the ring in such a ridiculous manner that makes me absolutely miss Angelina Love.  Call me crazy, though I prefer “incredibly loyal.”  There’s no TLC without Left-Eye, there’s no Alice in Chains without Layne Staley, and there sure as hell ain’t no Beautiful People without Angelina Love.  Wherefore art thou, Love?  This entrance isn’t nearly the same without you.  Bleh…I guess I’ll just have to settle for this Knockout knockoff for the time being.

Mike Tenay hits the final nail in the coffin by mentioning Angelina Love’s release onscreen, which makes it “legit” in some way.  He even pulls the “future endeavors” line…which, as everyone knows, is the wrestling version of “Rest in Peace.”

Earl Hebner and his (oddly fitting Nazi-authoritarian) mustache assert themselves as the officiator to this match, playing off of Slick Johnson’s past history with the Beautiful People.

Sarita and Taylor Wilde waste no time in starting off the matchup.  Madison Rayne is sent to the outside while Taylor Wilde basically slams Sarita on top of Velvet Sky, in quite an unique showing of offense… if I do say so myself.  Velvet Sky kicks out.  Sarita maneuvers a brief headlock into an armlock into a series of pin attempts.  Madison breaks up the count, however, during.  Taylor forges a tag and takes advantage.  She and her partner take down Velvet with a double back elbow, and Sarita elevates Taylor into a moonsault for the 2-count.  Tsk tsk…that’s cheating, ladies.  Old Hebner knows no difference as Velvet tags out to Madison Rayne.

Taylor effortlessly breaks down Madison with a drop toehold and an elbow.  Sarita makes the tag this time and delivers an elbow of her own.  Sarita is whipped into the corner and suffers a sudden burst of gonash from miss Madison, resulting in a near fall.  Madison is perplexed, as she is not used to arguing with referees.  Madison takes Sarita into the corner, who endures a few kicks to the midsection.  Madison tags out.  The Beautiful People attempt some tandem action with a double straight jacket neckbreaker.  Velvet makes the cover, but Sarita kicks out at 2.  Velvet doesn’t go apeshit just yet.  Instead, she bides her time with a couple mat slams.  Velvet tries a sunset flip, but cowers out of it, avoiding a dropkick in the process.  So much for mat initiative.  Eh.  Velvet puts the boots to Sarita, but Sarita kicks out at 2.  After a modified curb stomp to the throat, Sarita kicks out again.

Madison tags in and puts Sarita in a headlock and then drops into a spinning neckbreaker for the 2-count.  The Beautiful People continue to cut the ring in half with the quick tags.  Velvet becomes a bit overzealous, allowing Sarita to recover amidst a float-over DDT.  Both competitors make the hot tag out to their respective partners.

Madison runs into a dropkick and a rollover fireman’s carry slam, as well as a swift backbreaker.  Taylor tries to ensure a victory for her team, but Velvet Sky breaks up the pin.  For the finish, Sarita lays a springboard dropkick onto Madison Rayne who is subsequently taken down with a German suplex for the win.

Sarita and Taylor Wilde make history as the first ever TNA Knockout Tag Team Champions.  Victory dance!  No?  Okay.  I guess Old Hebner and his ‘serious business’ ‘stache won’t allow it.

Next up commences a battle of the sexes for the TNA Knockouts Championship.

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The Tiffany Guide to Impact: There’s No ‘I’ in Team

This week on TNA Impact presents Round Numero: God-Knows-What of the Knockouts tag team tournament.  With a little something extra, of course.

First match of the night pits Velvet Sky and Angelina Love vs. Tara and Christy Hemme.

As the competitors make their way to the six-sided ring, I can’t help but notice just how awkward Christy Hemme looks while spazzing out next to Tara.  Moreover, this must be the first (and inherently last) time I’ve ever seen Angelina Love and Velvet Sky actually match.  Are we in Bizarro World?

Tara and Angelina start off the match.  Velvet distracts Tara long enough for Angelina to capitalize.  Tara suffers a stinging chop as a result.  Angelina makes another attempt, but Tara counters and maneuvers Angelina into the Hair-pull Gory special.  Tara flips Angelina face first onto the mat.  Christy gets tagged in and is used for the essentially lifeless weight that she is.  Angelina Love takes her down with a drop toe hold and Velvet Sky makes the tag.  Play-fighting extraordinaire, Velvet, takes the moment to make a mockery of her opponents and even takes the initiative for the first pinfall of the match.  Whaddyaknow?  Christy kicks out and Velvet tags out to Angelina Love.

Christy is taken down with a snapmare and a bit of tandem action.  Angelina goes for a cover, but there’s a kick-out at 2.  When Christy regains her strength, both women are taken down with similar offense.  Both ladies make a hot tag to her respective partners.  Tara takes Velvet out with a snap suplex and with a standing moonsault for a near fall.  Christy gets tagged in and serves a steaming mouthful of firecrotch to poor Velvet, but Angelina breaks up the pin at the 2-count.  Tara takes the fight to Angelina to the outside.

Meanwhile, Madison Rayne makes a surprising appearance.  There is an exchange among them that leads to Madison spraying hairspray in Christy’s eyes.  Shocker.  Velvet rolls Christy for the win.

After the match, Madison pleads her case to her former Mi Pi Sexy leaders with some half-assed apology.  I don’t think I’ve ever felt so apathetic toward an emoticon.  In any case, Angelina and Madison seemingly “forgive” and invite their lost lamb back into the stable.

Well well well, looks like this turn of events couldn’t have come at a more opportune time.  Seeing as this was Angelina Love last TNA appearance (for the time being), Madison and Velvet will continue to live out the Beautiful People name in the tournament.  No, I’m not ready to say goodbye to Angelina just yet!  Not for nothing, but way to book Madison like such a pussycat.  At least Madison seems to be right at home in the tag team circuit.  Velvet?  …eh, not so much.

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The Tiffany Guide to Impact: More Backwards Booking

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This week on Impact treats us to even more tag team competition and something a little extra.  First in Knockout action is match numero tres of the 1st round: Taylor Wilde and Sarita vs. Alissa Flash and Daffney.  Have I mentioned just how much I loathe Taylor and Sarita’s ring entrance?

Taylor Wilde & Alissa Flash begin the match with a test of strength.  Taylor manages to outwrestle Alissa into an armbar, but Alissa slams her down.  With a kip up, Taylor laces fingers with Alissa and tags out to Sarita.  Taylor nails an arm drag with an assistance of the turnbuckles, and Sarita follow up with a flying arm drag.  Those two invent and impose multiple inventive tandem offense that I won’t even attempt to call.  A series of arial manuevers and arm drags later, Sarita attemps a dropkick, but Alissa braces herself against the ropes and charges back with a clothesline.

Daffney gets her chance to in on the action with a big uppercut to Sarita.  However, Sarita counters that with yet another arm drag and a flip over.  What is that, arm drag #304?  Daffney kicks out at two, and Taylor Wilde gets tagged in.  She attempts a sunset flip from the second rope, but Daffney rolls out before a count can be made.  Sarita channels some poetry in motion.  However, her not being the legal woman all encourages Slick Johnson to shoo her ass right out of the ring.  Meanwhile, Daffney whips Sarita into the opposing corner where she suffers a cheap shot courtesy of Alissa.  Alissa gets tagged in and goes back on the offense with a powerful scoop slam and a stomp to the face.

The “Lovely and Very Pasty” Daffney gets tag in again.  This time, she takes Taylor down with a Shining Wizard now aptly referred to as “Daff-Knees” and then follows up with an abdominal stretch.  Taylor wastes no time maneuvering out of the move with a knee to Daffney’s face.  Both women make the hot tag to their respective partners.  Sarita goes for a crossbody on both Alissa and Daffney, is abruptly stopped, but overcomes with a tornado DDT to Daffney.  With an assist from Sarita, Taylor delivers some more impressive offense to the Future Legend.  Sarita capitalizes with a splash, but Alissa gets the shoulder up 2 while Taylor and Daffney take the fight to the outside.  Sarita drops Alissa with a belly-to-belly suplex for the win?  WHAT?  All of that aerial work and only a standard finish to show for it?  Oh well.  Taylor Wilde and Sarita advance.

Sarita and Taylor Wilde seemingly do everything that they can to reiterate the “tag team aspect” in this tournament.  An overall good match, I find the constant aerial offense a bit gratuitous.  While awesome, it does little to add to the storytelling element.  Otherwise, “Taylor/Sarita” is the most believable team next to the Beautiful People.

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Saturday Supplement: Dating While Diva

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In the Saturday Supplement, the Diva Dirt team will aim to discuss a news story, a televised event or other relevant and current topics. The objective, like the average weekend newspaper, is to offer more indepth and lengthy discussion.

ss9-kellyTalks of Divas in the media has been ample and well… I’m striking while the iron is hot.  A woman’s personal life is her personal life, whether or not she may be in show business.  And don’t you try to tell her any differently.  However, when it comes to the disesteemed offense of “Dating while Diva,” is there a double standard?

We’ve seen this trend more recently this past week.  In break of some rather personal news, Superstars like Batista will be called “man-whores” by boasting their alleged sexual prowess to the masses… while Divas such as one Kelly Kelly will receive just as much, if not more criticism for being spotted in a harmless social engagement.  The very same can be said for Divas like Michelle McCool who have been accused for dating for power.  It seems as though the Divas can’t catch a break when it comes to relationships outside of the ring.

Recently, it was reported that Batista has courted none other than Raw’s Rosa Mendes.  The reaction to the story was universal.  “What a pig/sicko/pervert…how disrespectful…women are not to be objectified.”  So on and so forth.  It became apparent that the Animal plows through Divas like cornfields, and Diva fans were none too pleased with the discovery.  Somewhat of an outpour of outrage and disgust commenced as news broke on the Internet.  Some even suspect that Rosa’s success on Raw can be somewhat attributed to any passed relationships she might have attained. Whether or not there may be any truth to that, there is little question that men like Batista have major pull backstage.  So, what’s the appeal?

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The Tiffany Guide to Impact – People Are Strange, the Knockouts Are Stranger

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This week on TNA Impact leads us into Round Numero Dos of the TNA Knockouts Tag Team Championship Tournament (say that five times fast): Victoria & Christy Hemme vs. Hamada & Sojourner Bolt.  Talk about a tag team thrown together at the last minute…

As a precursor to the match, the Beautiful (Velvet Sky and Angelina Love) film a backstage segment further discussing Madison’s “mystery” partner.  More Lauren-pwnage arises.  “We no speak-y, ugly!”  I think that just about synopsizes that segment.

The contenders of this round of the tag team tournament make their way to the six-sided ring.  Holy tye-dye, Batman!  Christy has either confused a bathing suit for wrestling gear or she is paying a cheap homage to Daizee Haze.  I can’t decide.

Onto the match at hand… Somewhat of a teaser for what could be a dream match of the ages, Hamada and Victoria start off the contest as both ladies lock up.  Victoria gets the upperhand early with a bridge into the 2-count.  Victoria counters an attempt by Hamada and goes for a second cover.  Hamada kicks out and manuevers into a pin attempt of her own.  When both women perform respective kip-ups into a fighting stance position, a foretold stare-down commences.

In either a show of respect or arrogance, Victoria bows down to Hamada only to receive a kick to the shoulder in retaliation.  Following through on an Irish Whip, Hamada effortlessly springs off the middle rope and into a moonsault.  I blinked twice and almost missed it.  Victoria kicks out just as swiftly.

Sojo and her two-toned tracks get tagged in; she follows up an armbar with a kick.  Taking a bit of time to do a little trash talking, Sojo pays for it with a drop toehold from Victoria.  Victoria takes Sojo down again with a scoop slam.  Christy flails around a bit until Hamada gets tagged in.  Some brief tandem action, and Christy eats the bottom of Hamada’s big boot, followed by a series of headbutts.  TNA takes a needed break, and I’m left to amuse myself with Christy’s selling “ability.”

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The Tiffany Guide to Impact: The Birth of a New Knockout Era

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This week on Impact initiated the first week of the Knockouts tag team tournament, as well as the anticipated debut of Hamada.

Traci Brooks and Sharmell, looking pretty snazzy in their matching MEM wear, hype up their impending encounter with Awesome Kong and Raisha Saeed.  Sharmell ever-so-graciously describes Awesome Kong as “elephant-like” in her endeavor to talk a big game.  Say what you will about Sharmell’s “work-rate,” but she sure makes up in charisma what she lacks in ring ability.

At the start of the competition, Impact makes up for their lack of gratuitous shots of Velvet’s ass this week with some upclose shots of Traci’s… enhancements. Giggidy giggidy goo!

Traci dodges Kong and makes a quick tag to Sharmell.  Kong tags out, and Sharmell takes the attitude to Raisha.  Raisha pushes Sharmell down, who tags out.  Raisha takes the fight to Traci and Irish whips her into the corner and hits her with a flying clothesline.  Raisha follows up with a scoop slam and an elbow drop.  Traci kicks out at two.  Raisha takes Traci down with a suplex.  Traci overcomes Raisha and whips her into Sharmell’s corner.  Sharmell grabs hold of Raisha, but pays for her over-zealousness.  Traci subsidizes on the distraction with a clothesline and a cover.  When Raisha kicks out, Traci attempts to strangle her and choke her against the ropes.  Traci takes a running start and then lands on Raisha mercilessly agains the ring ropes.  Traci quickly goes for the cover, but Raisha kicks out at 2.  Traci attempts to drag her opponent to the opposing corner, but Raisha powers out.  She then retreats to her own corner and tags in Awesome Kong.

Kong takes Traci down with a series of clotheslines and smashes her in the corner.  Kong sets her up for the Awesome Bomb, but Traci manages to scurry away.  She runs the ropes, only to be tackled again with full force.  Kong drags Traci into position, goes up the second rope, and dive-splashes all near 300 pounds of awesome on top of her with the Awesome Press.  What surely would turn into a victory for Kong’s team, is interrupted by Sharmell who would prefer not to see her team lose in vain.  While Kong is preoccupied with Sharmell, Raisha makes the blind tag and covers Traci for the 3-count.  Once again, there seems to be trouble on the horizon looming between Kong and her sidekick.  Looks like Raisha/Melissa won’t be doing double duty for much longer.  Nonetheless, Awesome Kong and Raisha Saeed are slotted for the second round of the tag team tournament.

Next up is the long awaited debut of Hamada.

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The Tiffany Guide to Impact: The Battle Lines Have Been Drawn

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This week on Impact contrived quite a heterogeneous fatal four-way match: Traci Brooks vs. Awesome Kong vs. Christy Hemme vs. Sarita.  As well as some brief singles competition between Angelina Love and Madison Rayne.

Recent tensions among the Beautiful People lead to a contest between Madison Rayne and the former Knockouts Champion Angelina Love. As Madison Rayne makes her solemn way to the ring, she is attacked from behind by Angelina Love.  Madison’s head resonates against the steel steps and the ring apron.  Angelina continues the beat down before rolling Madison into the ring and pinning her. Velvet Sky prances down to the ring and proceeds to place the brown paper bag over Madison’s head.  Victoria and Christy Hemme come out in time to make the save.  I guess it’s back to square one for Madison Rayne.

Backstage, Lauren officially announces the inception of new TNA Knockout tag titles, and Victoria concurs that TNA is making history.  She also boldly mentions that “WWE would never think of this in a million years.”  Awesome!  Even more hilarious, Victoria takes a trip down memory lane, eluding to that infamous bikini contest when she went all psycho bitch on Christy’s ass.  Apparently, all has been forgiven.  Aw, I’m feeling all warm and fuzzy just watching this.  Taylor expresses her excitement as Sarita says something en Español.  I’m pretty sure it was something inspirational.  Three years of Spanish class has done me no justice, but it sure sounds lovely.

Watch the fatal four-way match & more after the cut:

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