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Raw Redux (September 14th, 2009) – Trish Stratusfies, Fox’s Hunt Begins

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Where to begin? The legend returned last night to deliver Stratusfaction to all and boy, did she. Trish Stratus may have her detractors [though personally, I can’t see why — it’s like hating bunny rabbits] but she proved last night just why she was considered the hardest working Diva in WWE for so many years. She’s still got it! From the vivacious personality to the in-ring display, it truly was like she never left. All that’s changed really is the hair and boobs!

Plus the Stratusfaction was sprinkled on another Diva Dirt favourite, as on the evening we were reunited with Trish, we also air-punched for the one and only Alicia Fox. Let’s start with that match:

As a huge fan of both Alicia and Gail Kim, I wasn’t sweating the outcome of this match. If Gail won, awesome and if Alicia won, awesome. I never thought they’d pull the trigger on Alicia, I have to tell you. Despite wowing audiences with her in-ring work in the short time she’s been on the main roster, Alicia has shown so much potential and has all the tools it takes to be a future top Diva and future champion. But for some reason, I never really thought they’d pull the trigger on her — it’s always the talented ones that get left behind, whereas Kelly, Maryse, Eve and Maria seem to be the ones WWE focus on. I am pleasantly surprised that they gave Alicia the win because for the first time in a long time, it gives me hope that WWE can be in tune with the fans. The fans have gotten so behind Alicia, it would’ve been wrong to ignore that because in the online world in particular, fans have ‘made Alicia happen’.

Alicia and Gail work really well together, so I was excited for this one and it started out well with the aggressive Alicia Fox kicking Gail straight at the bell. Gail goes for the Flying Dragon I think, which Alicia blocks and goes for a TKO that Gail counters into an arm drag. Nice work there. A hurricanrana and dropkick through the ropes by the veteran, but as they get back in the ring Alicia hits a beautiful tilt-a-whirl backbreaker. Alicia grounds the match with a submission move, it’s nice to see one of these young Divas incorporate the basics as opposed to going from spot to spot. Gail fights back, but Alicia manages to hit another beautiful looking move, this time the fisherman suplex.

She then wraps her legs around Gail in another submission move, nice work. Fast forward a little bit and Alicia sets up her axe kick but Gail move sout of the way and manages to hit her neckbreaker. Gail mounts offense with clotheslines and a nice stinger splash in the corner followed by a great crossbody. Gail goes for the ‘Eat Defeat’ but Alicia counters, shoving Gail into the corner. Gail goes up top for a missile dropkick but misses, is it just me or can Gail not go a match without doing a move where she misses a high spot? She’s only hurting herself even more! Alicia takes advantage to hit the axe kick and gets the win.

I enjoyed this match but I felt there was more of a focus on Mickie at ringside rather than the wrestling. It seems King and Mickie bouncing off each other, while great chemistry, took away from the match in the ring and that’s not a good thing.

I truly hope this is the start of a push for Alicia, however I am not going to get too excited until I see it. Already this year, several Divas have earned Divas title shots and they’ve ended up being “one shot deals” for example, Kelly Kelly, Gail Kim and Beth Phoenix. Mickie’s presence at ringside however, suggests that they could be building to something between Alicia and Mickie, that attention wasn’t given to the latter three. Alicia is a young Diva with a wealth of potential and I think given the opportunities, she really could shine. I’m not suggesting that she win the Divas Championship but I’d just like to see her work with these talented veterans and really bounce off them; already she’s worked so well with Gail, Melina and Michelle McCool. Alicia is at a similar level to Maryse, though I would argue she’s a better worker, so I’m holding out for better end product from Alicia & Mickie than we got with Maryse and Mickie.

Trish after the cut:

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The Tiffany Guide to Impact: More Backwards Booking

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This week on Impact treats us to even more tag team competition and something a little extra.  First in Knockout action is match numero tres of the 1st round: Taylor Wilde and Sarita vs. Alissa Flash and Daffney.  Have I mentioned just how much I loathe Taylor and Sarita’s ring entrance?

Taylor Wilde & Alissa Flash begin the match with a test of strength.  Taylor manages to outwrestle Alissa into an armbar, but Alissa slams her down.  With a kip up, Taylor laces fingers with Alissa and tags out to Sarita.  Taylor nails an arm drag with an assistance of the turnbuckles, and Sarita follow up with a flying arm drag.  Those two invent and impose multiple inventive tandem offense that I won’t even attempt to call.  A series of arial manuevers and arm drags later, Sarita attemps a dropkick, but Alissa braces herself against the ropes and charges back with a clothesline.

Daffney gets her chance to in on the action with a big uppercut to Sarita.  However, Sarita counters that with yet another arm drag and a flip over.  What is that, arm drag #304?  Daffney kicks out at two, and Taylor Wilde gets tagged in.  She attempts a sunset flip from the second rope, but Daffney rolls out before a count can be made.  Sarita channels some poetry in motion.  However, her not being the legal woman all encourages Slick Johnson to shoo her ass right out of the ring.  Meanwhile, Daffney whips Sarita into the opposing corner where she suffers a cheap shot courtesy of Alissa.  Alissa gets tagged in and goes back on the offense with a powerful scoop slam and a stomp to the face.

The “Lovely and Very Pasty” Daffney gets tag in again.  This time, she takes Taylor down with a Shining Wizard now aptly referred to as “Daff-Knees” and then follows up with an abdominal stretch.  Taylor wastes no time maneuvering out of the move with a knee to Daffney’s face.  Both women make the hot tag to their respective partners.  Sarita goes for a crossbody on both Alissa and Daffney, is abruptly stopped, but overcomes with a tornado DDT to Daffney.  With an assist from Sarita, Taylor delivers some more impressive offense to the Future Legend.  Sarita capitalizes with a splash, but Alissa gets the shoulder up 2 while Taylor and Daffney take the fight to the outside.  Sarita drops Alissa with a belly-to-belly suplex for the win?  WHAT?  All of that aerial work and only a standard finish to show for it?  Oh well.  Taylor Wilde and Sarita advance.

Sarita and Taylor Wilde seemingly do everything that they can to reiterate the “tag team aspect” in this tournament.  An overall good match, I find the constant aerial offense a bit gratuitous.  While awesome, it does little to add to the storytelling element.  Otherwise, “Taylor/Sarita” is the most believable team next to the Beautiful People.

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SmackDown Redux (September 11th, 2009) – A Picture’s Worth 1,000 Words

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Last time on SmackDown: Michelle confronts Maria backstage, again warning her against Dolph. Later, Maria & Eve took on Natalya & Layla, with Eve getting the pin on Layla.

This week: Is the Dolph saga heading for a plot twist? How about the Melina/Michelle feud–is it going to reclaim the spotlight after being relatively nonexistent last week?

This is getting to be a set-in pattern, as we once again start the show with a backstage segment. We see the lovely and talented Dolph Ziggler walking up to the Divas locker room door. Michelle approaches him and turns on the charm. He says he’s looking for Maria, and she offers to help, knocking on the door. Oh.. This might get good:

Layla answers the knock, opening the door. Signs of a coordinated attack begin to surface as Michelle asks Layla if Maria’s in the room. She says no, and looks to leave the scene. Michelle, trying to look as enticing as is possible while one is hobbling on a crutch, asks him what he sees in Maria, wondering why he could be with a “ditzy little girl” like her when he could be with a “sexy woman” like herself. She veers off her crutch and Dolph catches her, allowing Michelle to get a handful or 5 of his ass. In the distance, we can see Layla taping the whole thing on her cellphone. He pushes Michelle against the door, rejecting the advance and repeating “No. No No.”. He leaves, and Layla shows Michelle what she got on her phone. Michelle deems it “perfect”. Uh oh.. Does GTV have a modern counterpart?

On the wrestling side of things, Melina makes her way to the ring, seemingly oblivious to what has recently gone on. One has to wonder how Maria will react to that footage, and what that means for her friendship with Melina. Something tells me shouting “I told ya so!!!” isn’t Melina’s style. Layla, accompanied by Michelle, makes her entrance, and we’ve got a match:

Layla gets to an aggressive start, kneeing Melina and latching her into a headlock. Melina shoves her into the ropes, and on the return Layla shoulder-strikes her onto the mat. Layla bounces off the ropes, leaps over Melina’s prone body, and bounces off the other side of the ring. Melina makes her own leap, getting some air as she launches over Layla, who reaches the ropes for a 3rd time and gets hit with a flapjack delivered by Melina. Dizzy yet?

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ECW Does WWE Superstars (September 10th, 2009)

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The ECW Divas got a rare opportunity to wrestle last night on WWE Superstars, as Nikki Bella of the Bella Twins [in case you didn’t know] took on Katie Lea of the Burchill siblings, in a rehash of the extremely one-sided feud from this past summer. You can’t really even call it a feud because … Read more

Hermie’s Hotseat with Alissa Flash

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Since joining the TNA roster, it seems as though Alissa Flash has been criminally overlooked. Making her debut in a stellar match-up with Sarita, we have seen little of Flash since then, despite being one of the more compelling characters from the little we’ve seen of her on TV. However, for Alissa Flash fans perhaps … Read more

Shelly Martinez: “Cannabis Saved My Life”

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Former WWE Diva [Ariel] and TNA Knockout [Salinas], Shelly Martinez has come forward and openly discussed her use of cannabis, for the first time. She says she turned to it to help alleviate her prescription drug problem in an article for Paul Heyman’s Heyman Hustle website. “I realized I was an addict after I had … Read more

Breaking: Angela Fong Debuts

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FCW Diva Angela Fong will make her television debut tonight on ECW. The standout star, who has been touted as the best female talent in developmental, just taped a backstage interview segment under the name Savannah. She interviewed ECW Champion, Christian and Tommy Dreamer. What this says about the short-lived previous interviewer, Courtney Taylor, is … Read more

SmackDown Redux (September 4th, 2009) – Maria’s Got 99 Problems But We Care About None

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Last time on SmackDown: Melina and Layla went toe-to-toe with Michelle again standing at ringside, this time with crutches and a knee brace. Another rough shove by Melina leaves Michelle writhing in agony.

This week: Is there retribution in the cards for Michelle? Or will she let her “understudy” do the talking/walking? What about Maria–will she continue to play the damsel in distress?

Once again we start this week’s action with a backstage segment pilfered from the daytime soaps. And what else could it be about but Maria‘s woes? I personally can’t wait to see what epic twist the story takes this week! Fake pregnancy? Evil twin? Elaborately orchestrated death? Well, at the very least, I hope someone wears an eye patch..

We see Maria and Eve in the locker room, discussing tonight’s match. Maria tells Eve that all they need to do is go in there with a lot of confidence and passion, because when you don’t have talent, a whole mess o’ confidence will solve all your problems. (Though maybe having a scheme of selling broke-ass calendars with self-indulgent and hokey slogans for $25 wouldn’t hurt either..) Michelle takes the layup that Maria tosses her way, and shows up to remark, “..and you’ll still be losers.” Michelle tears down Maria’s makeup and passion for rhinestones, saying that no matter what she does, Dolph won’t keep his eyes off of other women, like her. (OMG, is that a hint of a twist? Probably not.) She says that Maria is nothing but his “flavor of the week”. (Damn, this has been the longest week of my life..) Maria counters, calling Michelle the most egotistical Diva on the roster.

Melina appears out of nowhere (Seriously, was there a door over there?), but Maria tells her that she’s got in under control. But one insult later, Melina gets in Michelle’s face, and Michelle threatens legal action if she even lays a finger on her. Obviously not interested in filing legal papers just yet, Michelle leaves before things can unravel. Melina apologizes on her behalf, but Maria tells her to stay out of her business. I couldn’t agree more with that sentiment–let’s all stay out of her business! No? Okay..

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The Tiffany Guide to Impact – People Are Strange, the Knockouts Are Stranger

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This week on TNA Impact leads us into Round Numero Dos of the TNA Knockouts Tag Team Championship Tournament (say that five times fast): Victoria & Christy Hemme vs. Hamada & Sojourner Bolt.  Talk about a tag team thrown together at the last minute…

As a precursor to the match, the Beautiful (Velvet Sky and Angelina Love) film a backstage segment further discussing Madison’s “mystery” partner.  More Lauren-pwnage arises.  “We no speak-y, ugly!”  I think that just about synopsizes that segment.

The contenders of this round of the tag team tournament make their way to the six-sided ring.  Holy tye-dye, Batman!  Christy has either confused a bathing suit for wrestling gear or she is paying a cheap homage to Daizee Haze.  I can’t decide.

Onto the match at hand… Somewhat of a teaser for what could be a dream match of the ages, Hamada and Victoria start off the contest as both ladies lock up.  Victoria gets the upperhand early with a bridge into the 2-count.  Victoria counters an attempt by Hamada and goes for a second cover.  Hamada kicks out and manuevers into a pin attempt of her own.  When both women perform respective kip-ups into a fighting stance position, a foretold stare-down commences.

In either a show of respect or arrogance, Victoria bows down to Hamada only to receive a kick to the shoulder in retaliation.  Following through on an Irish Whip, Hamada effortlessly springs off the middle rope and into a moonsault.  I blinked twice and almost missed it.  Victoria kicks out just as swiftly.

Sojo and her two-toned tracks get tagged in; she follows up an armbar with a kick.  Taking a bit of time to do a little trash talking, Sojo pays for it with a drop toehold from Victoria.  Victoria takes Sojo down again with a scoop slam.  Christy flails around a bit until Hamada gets tagged in.  Some brief tandem action, and Christy eats the bottom of Hamada’s big boot, followed by a series of headbutts.  TNA takes a needed break, and I’m left to amuse myself with Christy’s selling “ability.”

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SmackDown Redux Does WWE Superstars (September 3rd, 2009)

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SmackDown Divas Eve Torres and Natalya got the chance to mix it up on tonight’s edition of WWE Superstars, taking part in a mixed tag team match with their usual teammates–Eve with Cryme Tyme, and Natalya with the Hart Dynasty. It appears as though the WWE is reigniting their feud from a number of weeks ago, when Eve and Natalya mixed it up and had a few impressive matches with one another. But, like most good things, the WWE forgot about it and dropped it. But never fear, because they’ve (at least for the time being) brought it back. Let’s see how they fare:

PART 1


PART 2

After what seems like forever, with the men doing the legwork, D.H. Smith tags in Natalya, which brings in Eve. I feel like these matches would be a lot more interesting and compelling if the men were allowed to face the women–I know that they’re not gonna go toe-to-toe (Let’s not embarrass the boys!) but it would make things a lot more interesting if someone didn’t have to automatically leave the ring once a person of the opposite gender was tagged in. It feels like a function in a video game that you should be able to use a cheat code to get around. Then again, I don’t play too many video games, so there’s not much I could do other than pound on the controller and complain. Which, ironically, I’m close to doing now with this entire spiel. Enough with the diversions, onto the action!!

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Raw Redux (August 31st, 2009) – Happy Beth-day, Mickie!

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Check your local weather forecast for flying pigs, folks! We’ve seen the occasional ‘two Divas matches in one night’ on SmackDown, more common we see two Knockouts matches on any given episode of Impact but Raw? Raw?! Following last week’s Vince birthday debacle, this week it was the Divas Champion’s birthday. I wonder what she wished for… Better yet, neither match was a three minute wham-bam-thank-you-ma’am affair either! Cloudy with a chance of Divas.

First up was a six Diva battle royal to determine who faced the birthday girl, Mickie James, l ater on in the night. Rather than the standard clusterf*ck we usually see, they did a good job of getting the dead weight out of the ring early and letting the ‘wrestler girls’ do what they do best.

First, the entrance — so the Divas finally get their own entrances for one of these battle royals and Gail Kim decides: “Oh no, not me… I want to be ~suppressed~ by this turgid Diva lifestyle. I have been taken away from my beloved Knockouts and have to work here just for the money. But I shan’t enjoy it! Woe is me.” So what does a girl do? She hijacks Kelly Kelly‘s entrance. It definitely looked like a miscue to me, I guess she accidentally walked out and realised she made a mistake because Kelly didn’t even see her behind her, Gail had to tap her on the shoulder. And you’ll even notice a pause from announcer, Lilian Garcia, possibly because she was surprised to see Gail come out with Kelly. “Introducing first…” Pause. “Kelly Kelly and Gail Kim.” Also interesting to note that Beth Phoenix, arguably the top heel on Raw came out second while Alicia Fox came out last. The last spot is usually reserved for the top Divas/Superstars. Maybe Gail was supposed to come out after Alicia?

Anyway that over with, let’s skip to the match: We kick off with three different matches going on at once, Beth-Kelly, Gail-Rosa, Alicia-Jillian. Kind of hard to keep track of all of this. I noticed Rosa attempting to hit some awful looking slaps Gail’s way, before being pushed into the Glamazon. Despite being her former protege, Beth is having none of that — and Rosa & her weave go flying over the top rope. After this, we see some work between Gail and Beth which is always an enticing prospect, while Kelly hits a few forearms to Jillian and Alicia. Ms Fierce kicks Kelly in the stomach and delivers a really nice ace kick, delivered much better than the one on Mickie last week. Unfortunately our girl Foxy isn’t long for this match as she’s next eliminated by Gail Kim. She’s followed by Kelly, who’s dropped out of the ring by Beth who picks her up almost as if she’s cradling a baby. In the ring, Gail and Jillian ‘hit it off’, you could say, with Jillian launching Gail into the turnbuckle, Gail moves out of the way and Jillian eats ring post. Beth attacks next, but Gail manages to fight back and has Beth against the ropes, she falls out of the ring but manages to hold on thankfully for her. Beth teeters off the apron, I like this, it reminds me of those Royal Rumble matches when people are trying to eliminate the Big Show for example and the ‘big man’ kinda teases he’s about to fall. I guess Beth is our Diva equivalent of that.

Now it’s time for what I felt was some good work between Gail Kim and veteran, Jillian. They do a little exchange, which Gail gets the best of, tossing Jillian out of the ring but again — she hangs on this time. Gail tries to finish the job, but gets tossed out herself by Jillian before sliding back in through Jilly’s legs and almost going for a rollup, err… Anyway then she misses another crossbody but good news folks! She doesn’t knock herself loopy this time. Risky move going for it in the first place though, Gail. Jillian goes for a handspring elbow but meets Gail’s knees, Jillian stumbles to the canvas and crawls around like a retarded cat. Jillian grabs hold of Gail trying to throw her over the top rope, but Gail fights back, leading into a really awkward, awful looking hurricanrana that turned into a butt bump. I don’t even…

Did Michael Cole really just call Gail ‘dead weight’? Jillian tosses Gail over the top but in HBK-esque fashion, Gail skins the cat as they say [I don’t know why]. Another amazing observation from the amazing Michael Cole: “Jillian surprised that Gail’s still alive.” That is just… wow. Gail uses her legs to hit a legscissors on Jillian who falls out of the ring… finally! Unfortunately for Gail, Beth is still in this thing and with a stiff kick, eliminates Gail and takes the win!

Good battle royal, I felt. I enjoyed the work between Jillian and Gail minus a few glaring awkward moments.

This leads to…

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Hermie’s Stiff, Wooden Hotseat with Sarita

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TNA’s highflying new Knockout, Sarita joins Hermie Sadler on the latest episode of Hermie’s Hotseat, which we have affectionately dubbed ‘Stiff, Wooden Hotseat’. Get your mind out of the gutter! We were talking about his interviewing style! Regardez: I’ve always thought Sarita was supermodel-esque beautiful but her ring gear just doesn’t do her justice. Here, … Read more

SmackDown Redux (August 28th, 2009) – The Acting May Suck, But the Understudy Still Shines

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Last time on SmackDown: Michelle made her return, sitting at ringside as Melina & Maria defeated Layla & Natalya. No physicality form Michelle other than a shove onto the keister by Melina.

This week: Will Michelle step up into a more physical role, or is she still sidelined? Will the WWE even acknowledge her injury? Will Maria grace us with another mind-blowing in-ring performance? Let’s dive in and see!

This week’s Diva action starts off much like it has in the past few weeks (the “Michelle-less weeks”, as I like to call them). Even though Michelle’s back and we have an actual wrestling storyline to promote, Maria is still having problems with Dolph, the part-time wrestler, part-time C-Grade porn star. Melina mentions something about “going around in circles”, and I think that describes this storyline pretty well–it’s like a dog chasing its tail, always with some sliver of a harebrained goal, but never quite reaching it. But even the dog gives up eventually, so we’ll have to wait and see if this actually plays out.

Okay, enough with the mixed metaphors. Maria seems pretty frustrated with Melina, asking her why she can’t just be happy for her. Maybe because, with this Dolph thing, you’re fixing to drive into a brick wall? Maybe Melina should just say “Bon voyage!” and send you on your way. Melina explains that she saw Dolph with another woman after SummerSlam. (Are you sure he wasn’t just looking into a mirror? Dude’s pretty feminine-looking.) Maria pulls out the old “Mean Girls” argument, telling Melina that she’s probably just jealous of her. Melina tells her she’s sorry and splits, just as Dolph comes up. He tells Maria that the woman he was with was his sister. (OMG, maybe she looks exactly like him but with a longer blonde wig. I’d pay to see that.) Maria believes it, of course, and we’re set for another few weeks of captivating drama. UNTIL NEXT WEEK, on “The Young & the Shitty Wrestlers”.

Watch the segment below, then skip to 4:40 to see the subsequent match:

Now that we’ve got the backstage portion of the show out of the way, we have an actual match to get to (Please excuse the male match in between on the video–don’t they know that all male matches are glorified piss breaks? They’re not even real wrestlers!) Michelle has made her way to the ring and she’s on crutches! Shit. She takes the microphone and explains that due to Melina’s brutal attack last week, she’s got an injured knee. What a coincidence! She says she’s not medically cleared to wrestle and shouldn’t even be standing on it (Probably shouldn’t be wearing sky-high heels either.. Just sayin’.) She says that Melina ruined the night. Thanks a lot, Melina! God, what a bitch!

But seriously, Michelle’s mic work is definitely improving–she works the crowd, and plays the arrogant heel role pretty well. All she needs to work on is her lack of inflection due to her strong southern accent. She goes on to introduce Melina’s opponent for the night, whom she describes as a dear friend: Layla! As she makes her entrance, Todd describes her as Michelle’s “understudy” of sorts, and I have to admit that she’s not a terrible replacement–you could certainly do worse. Melina comes to the ring, and we can start the mach. They start with a tie-up, which Melina dominates into a pin attempt. No cigar, and Layla takes the advantage, tweaking Melina’s arm and kicking her in the gut for good measure, keeping a tight hold on the arm. Melina breaks free with a kick of her own, delivers an irish-whip that is reversed into the corner, and meets a charging Layla with two feet to the face. (Whoa, did the WWE pipe in that reaction? Damn.) Melina takes Layla down with a leap from the top rope, and sells her left ankle, which always seems to be giving her trouble.

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The Tiffany Guide to Impact: The Birth of a New Knockout Era

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This week on Impact initiated the first week of the Knockouts tag team tournament, as well as the anticipated debut of Hamada.

Traci Brooks and Sharmell, looking pretty snazzy in their matching MEM wear, hype up their impending encounter with Awesome Kong and Raisha Saeed.  Sharmell ever-so-graciously describes Awesome Kong as “elephant-like” in her endeavor to talk a big game.  Say what you will about Sharmell’s “work-rate,” but she sure makes up in charisma what she lacks in ring ability.

At the start of the competition, Impact makes up for their lack of gratuitous shots of Velvet’s ass this week with some upclose shots of Traci’s… enhancements. Giggidy giggidy goo!

Traci dodges Kong and makes a quick tag to Sharmell.  Kong tags out, and Sharmell takes the attitude to Raisha.  Raisha pushes Sharmell down, who tags out.  Raisha takes the fight to Traci and Irish whips her into the corner and hits her with a flying clothesline.  Raisha follows up with a scoop slam and an elbow drop.  Traci kicks out at two.  Raisha takes Traci down with a suplex.  Traci overcomes Raisha and whips her into Sharmell’s corner.  Sharmell grabs hold of Raisha, but pays for her over-zealousness.  Traci subsidizes on the distraction with a clothesline and a cover.  When Raisha kicks out, Traci attempts to strangle her and choke her against the ropes.  Traci takes a running start and then lands on Raisha mercilessly agains the ring ropes.  Traci quickly goes for the cover, but Raisha kicks out at 2.  Traci attempts to drag her opponent to the opposing corner, but Raisha powers out.  She then retreats to her own corner and tags in Awesome Kong.

Kong takes Traci down with a series of clotheslines and smashes her in the corner.  Kong sets her up for the Awesome Bomb, but Traci manages to scurry away.  She runs the ropes, only to be tackled again with full force.  Kong drags Traci into position, goes up the second rope, and dive-splashes all near 300 pounds of awesome on top of her with the Awesome Press.  What surely would turn into a victory for Kong’s team, is interrupted by Sharmell who would prefer not to see her team lose in vain.  While Kong is preoccupied with Sharmell, Raisha makes the blind tag and covers Traci for the 3-count.  Once again, there seems to be trouble on the horizon looming between Kong and her sidekick.  Looks like Raisha/Melissa won’t be doing double duty for much longer.  Nonetheless, Awesome Kong and Raisha Saeed are slotted for the second round of the tag team tournament.

Next up is the long awaited debut of Hamada.

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Raw Redux (August 24th, 2009) – OutFoxing the Divas Champion

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What do you buy a man who has it all? Nothing. You just let him hog Raw for most of the show. On a night where everything else played second fiddle to Vince McMahon’s birthday celebrations, there wasn’t much in the way of anything groundbreaking or storyling progression. In fact, judging by the pinfall last … Read more

The Tiffany Guide to Impact: The Battle Lines Have Been Drawn

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This week on Impact contrived quite a heterogeneous fatal four-way match: Traci Brooks vs. Awesome Kong vs. Christy Hemme vs. Sarita.  As well as some brief singles competition between Angelina Love and Madison Rayne.

Recent tensions among the Beautiful People lead to a contest between Madison Rayne and the former Knockouts Champion Angelina Love. As Madison Rayne makes her solemn way to the ring, she is attacked from behind by Angelina Love.  Madison’s head resonates against the steel steps and the ring apron.  Angelina continues the beat down before rolling Madison into the ring and pinning her. Velvet Sky prances down to the ring and proceeds to place the brown paper bag over Madison’s head.  Victoria and Christy Hemme come out in time to make the save.  I guess it’s back to square one for Madison Rayne.

Backstage, Lauren officially announces the inception of new TNA Knockout tag titles, and Victoria concurs that TNA is making history.  She also boldly mentions that “WWE would never think of this in a million years.”  Awesome!  Even more hilarious, Victoria takes a trip down memory lane, eluding to that infamous bikini contest when she went all psycho bitch on Christy’s ass.  Apparently, all has been forgiven.  Aw, I’m feeling all warm and fuzzy just watching this.  Taylor expresses her excitement as Sarita says something en Español.  I’m pretty sure it was something inspirational.  Three years of Spanish class has done me no justice, but it sure sounds lovely.

Watch the fatal four-way match & more after the cut:

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Raw Redux Does WWE Superstars (August 20th, 2009)

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Raw Divas, Beth Phoenix and Kelly Kelly got the Superstars treatment this week and delivered a very decent bout, considering this show is overlooked by most. Watch below: With no stupid skits to contend with, WWE Superstars usually consists of 3-4 matches filling up 42 minutes. That generally works out to 8-10 minutes per segment … Read more

Raw Redux (August 17, 2009) – Where Did It All Go Wrong?

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A much anticipated match ended with a death stare. Caused riot on the Internet. And possibly had the worst botched finish for any match featuring women of this caliber. Rivalling the horrible finish to the Mickie James-Trish Stratus match at WrestleMania 22, they can’t just edit this one off the DVD and act like it never happened, because there won’t be a DVD. And try as they already have to eliminate the evidence [click here], we all know what went down last night and there is no way to spin it — the ending was horrible. Watch what will soon become ‘the infamous’ Gail Kim vs Mickie James match below:

Honestly, as some may expect me to do, I don’t want to blame anyone for what happened. Yes, the finish was awful but I actually enjoyed the match until that point. In fact, I told Erin right after it happened: “Just watch, after that finish no one will remember the match or talk about the match, it’ll be all about the finish.” And lo-and-behold, I do believe I was right. The whole match, I feel, is getting painted with the same brush stroke as the finish. Whether you enjoyed the match is down to your own personal opinion but I was liking where it was going.

I don’t want to scrutinize either Diva or suggest it was either of their fault. The finish was horrible but it was a freak accident & shouldn’t be a reflection on either of their in-ring ability. It definitely looked as though Gail hit her head and was out of it following the crossbody and as one can expect, was in no fit state to continue the match. She was out of it. For that, I applaud her for finishing the match and I applaud Mickie for attempting to improvise the finish.

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The Tiffany Guide to Hard Justice: Hardly Any Justice

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Warning: the following article might induce this reaction.

Last night, the 5th annual installment Hard Justice, marked a monumental moment in Knockouts history.  As you all already know, a new Knockouts champion has been crowned.  The reception surrounding this decision has been rather…controversial, to say the least.  An outrage has been ignited, and with good measure.  There are certain moments in professional wrestling that feeds the hand of those neither deserving nor rightful.  In this particular instance, the sole-victor and luminary of this contest was deprived of the proper acknowledgment that is only fit for a suitable champion, exposing an underlying selfishness and intolerance that still plagues the wrestling world.  An unfortunate event by which one Cody Deaner has fallen victim.  However, with every cloud comes a silver lining, and with good grace, I have every faith that this affliction will one day be eradicated.  Sure, the outcome may not have been what some of us would have hoped, but with time and patience, Cody Deaner shall overcome.  We shall overcome. For now, we must accept.

Cody Deaner may have walked out of the Impact Zone with the title, but unfortunately this is not so.  It has come to our attention that TNA has chosen to acknowledge otherwise.  There are no words to adequately the describe the amount of outrage expressed by Deanermaniacs worldwide at the result of a such a dishonorable conclusion.  Cody Deaner, the underestimated underdog from the meager upbringings of  the Alabama backwoods overcame the odds last Sunday by scoring the 1-2-3 victory in a hard-fought battle for the coveted Knockouts championship.  A contest that would surely go down in wrestling infamy was soiled by an injustice so present in today’s world of sports entertainment.  In a perfect world, the rightful champion would have been declared.  However, such stipulations have conveyed otherwise.  Thus, Cody Deaner fails to stand today as the TNA Knockouts champion.  What some would even liken to the “Montreal Screwjob,” thankfully, the remainder of the match was not nearly as unfortunate as the outcome.

Certainly a match-of-the-year contender, this now ironically titled event has gifted us with a wrestling clinic not seen since the days of Bret Hart.  Thus, you can imagine my enthusiasm in dissecting and analyzing each and every aspect of ODB and Cody Deaner vs. Angelina Love and Velvet Sky.  PWI, here I come.

Watch the match and more after the cut:

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SmackDown Redux (August 14th, 2009) – Shoot the Messenger

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You might have noticed that I decided to forgo a Redux last week, as there was no match on the show, and analyzing a mere backstage segment with no real bearing on the women’s division would be akin to giving G.I. Joe a thorough character analysis–there just ain’t no point. However, this week’s SmackDown started off quite inauspiciously with what else but another MARIA-CENTERED BACKSTAGE SEGMENT!!!! *cue Psycho theme* Jump to the 1:00 mark to watch:

I feel silly for really “reviewing” this, but I figure it might lead to something eventually, so I’ll just go for it. Maria‘s gushing about Dolph, and Melina smiles, playing the supportive friend. It feels so strange to see her even care, since I’m so conditioned to her nasty heel attitude. At this point, I’d kill for her bitch side to take over–it’d keep segments like these to a minimum.

And just as I pray for daylight, Layla comes in to save the day. She plays the catty heel pretty well (“YAYYYYY FOR LOVE!”) and, like Melina did last week, warns Maria against Dolph, for for much different reasons. Apparently, the glorified Oompah Loompah twin is a hot commodity backstage, and Maria may not be hot enough to hold him. And shifting to more important matters, Layla delivers a message to Melina: Michelle will be back next week. It’s kind of funny, though, because it’s a minuscule version of what I suggested they do with Melina/Michelle/Layla earlier this week. Melina seems unenthused at the news, but I’m doing backflips. Melina tells Layla that she has a message for Layla to send back to Michelle, and she’ll give it to her in the ring. OH, IT’S ON NOW!

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The Tiffany Guide to Impact: The Ladies in Red

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Last night’s edition of TNA Impact sought the anticipated return of Christy Hemme.  Impact kicks off with Christy making her ever so energetic way to the ring (still donning her Smackdown vs. Raw 2006 attire) to an ever accessible Sojourner Bolt.

The match starts off with an exchange of hairpulling and headlocks as a test of strength.  Christy takes Sojo down for the headlock, but Sojo counters into a headscissors submission.  Christy powers out and puts the split-legged boot to Sojo for the 2-count.  Christy takes a moment to situate a wedgie as Sojo finds her way to the ropes.  Sojo runs the ropes and then proceeds to slam Christy down onto the mat.  She takes her down for a backbreaker that renders a near-fall.  Sojo leads Christy into a choke against the ropes.  Some chants “Lets go Christy” chants resonate the arena as Sojo nails a slingshot elbow onto her opponent.  She sets Christy up for a powerbomb, but Christy sandbags and sends Sojo over with a back drop.  Sojo lands rather…dangerously and nearly on her head.  Unconcerned, Christy riles up the crowd and then drops Sojo with a forearm and a spinning kneel-out facebuster.  Christy misses a clothesline, but manages an uninspired cross body block.  In what seems to be some failure in communication, Sojo cannot seem to muster up the strength to lift Christy, which results in a blown spot.  So, Sojo charges Christy into the corner, instead.  Sojo heaves Christy to the top turnbuckle.  She attempts a superplex, but Christy knocks her down.  Christy lands the “Flying Firecrotch Guillotine” (yes folks you read that right, the FFG) onto Sojo for the win.

Watch the match below:

Not the most impressive match, and we all pretty much knew the result going into it, but it was decent for what it was.  Christy and her boobs looked good (can’t really comment on the firecrotch, though).  Plus, Christy looks extremely pleased to be back home on the active roster:

I’m sure fans can’t wait to see what just might be in store for Christy now that’s she’s back.

Next up is the Four-Corners match among ODB, Victoria, Awesome Kong, and the Knockouts Champion Angelina Love.

Watch that match and more after the cut:

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Raw Redux Does WWE Superstars (August 13, 2009)

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The Divas got the main event last night… though calm down, it’s not that auspicious because the show was WWE Superstars. Plus they had to share it with the men, so even less auspicious. All in all, Divas Champion Mickie James and Rosa Mendes came off as an afterthought [now there’s a shock] to their male counterparts.

Regardez:

That Rosa Mendes, quite the hellion, isn’t she? Girl, if you don’t have the moves to back yourself up, please don’t step to the Divas Champion. But she did! There was a nice exchange to kick off the match, with Carlito and Kofi Kingston pulling apart the two Divas. And as you can see in the image above, Rosa shoots a scowl that would make a serpent blush.

Officiating this match, you may have noticed, is the same referee that does all the Divas matches [including this week’s Raw and SmackDown]. He really should just get a t-shirt that reads “Official Diva Mascot.”

Anyhoo, after some wrestling between Carlito & Kofi that I skipped through, we get a tag from Carlito to Rosa which means Mickie has to come in too. The Divas Champ wastes no time, throwing Rosa over the top rope, the rookie lands awkwardly. Mickie gets things off to a good start, with a clothesline then a double forearm on Mendes. The Latina however fights back with a knee to the gut, Mickie hits a baseball slide and snapmares Rosa. A nice front dropkick by Mickie.

Rosa gets to her feet and hits an awkward looking elbow to Mickie’s face, followed by a double axehandle and a shimmy. Yes, a shimmy.

A few exchanges between the two as Rosa has Mickie on the canvas and locks in a headlock. Mickie begins to mount fan support and counters the sleeper. Rosa throws Mickie into the corner, Mickie uses her leg to stop herself from eating turnbuckle, turns back and we have a head-on collision. Rosa quickly tags out to Carlito and that’s pretty much your lot, save for the standard catfight near the end.

So what have we learnt from this week’s show? Not a lot. Not too much Divas action in there so I left feeling a little ‘eh’. Not to mention the prospect of Rosa vs Mickie isn’t all too exciting, let’s be honest. Rosa still needs to work on her timing & her selling, she tends to land awkwardly and I fear one day she may hurt herself.

If you’re feeling as underwhelmed as I, there’s a fun yet random Melanie observation after the cut:

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Raw Redux (August 10th, 2009) – Divas Eat Gail’s Defeat

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So that Raw match. Bit of alright, wasn’t it? Last night’s show saw Gail Kim become the #1 Contender for the Divas Championship, in one of the best Raw matches of the year. The Divas involved including Alicia Fox, Beth Phoenix and Kelly Kelly put on quite a show in the ring and out of it.

From the outset, the Divas got a nice rhythm going, setting the tone for the rest of the match. It seems like they took the time to choreograph the match meticulously and plan spots for all four girls involved and that’s a great thing. Usually in these matches someone tends to get lost in the shuffle, but they did a great job here of giving each Diva something to do and they all looked great.

Kicking off with Kelly and Beth in one corner and Alicia and Gail in the other. Kelly gets an early start on her screaming, going for a hurricanrana on Beth into a pin but Beth kicks out and goes for a Glam Slam very early on. I like her style, it shows that she’s trying to pick off each of the Divas from the outset and trying to secure the #1 Contendership. Nice logic. Gail interrupts and we see a succession of rollups; I gotta be honest, this fell flat for me but it seems to have worked in getting the crowd into it with all the rollups from each of the girls. This is followed by an awesome tilt-a-whirl backbreaker by Alicia on Gail, these two have always had tremendous chemistry and Alicia can go in that ring with the best of them.

With Gail out of the ring, the heels turn their attention to the ‘innocent’ Kelly Kelly, who shows Trish Stratus-like courage in trying to fight off both Divas. This was a nice change of pace from what we had just seen, with Fox and Phoenix crowding around her and Kelly trying to scout the both of them. Beth grabs Kelly in a headlock and warns Alicia off, and the feisty newcomer isn’t taking that lying down. Alicia shows she’s not afraid of the Glamazon, hitting her with a boot to the face, but then gets hit with an awesome missile dropkick from Kim.

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The Tiffany Guide to Impact: Poetry in Motion

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To play off the simmering feud between Alissa Flash and Sarita as well as last week’s encounter between Traci Brooks and Taylor Wilde, last night’s TNA Impact set the tone for a respective heel vs. face tag team match.

Traci Brooks and Taylor Wilde start off the match with Taylor embracing Traci from behind and tossing her over with an arm drag.  Taylor runs the ropes and cartwheels over Traci, leading her into a second arm drag and a kick to the midsection.  Traci counters an Irish Whip which sends Taylor to the corner.  Traci suffers another stiff kick to the ribs and Taylor sets her up for an innovative flip off of the top turnbuckle.  Traci exits the ring to collect herself and soon tags in Alissa Flash.

Taylor and Alissa begin to get a feel for each other through a series of discouraged offense, but before any chemistry between them can be further explored, Taylor tags in Sarita.  Alissa delivers a kick and a chop, but Sarita counters with a headscissors takedown.  She then avenges Alissa’s chops in the corner.  Alissa follows Sarita into the opposite corner where Sarita flips her over with a springboard arm drag.  While Alissa and Traci catch a breather on the outside, Sarita, with an assist from Taylor Wilde, delivers an awe-inspiring diving crossbody to their opposition onto the floor.  As TNA takes another look, Sarita’s fluidity is aptly deemed by Don West as “poetry in motion.”

Watch the match and more after the cut:

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