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Raw Redux (Feb. 15th, 2010) – The Mystery of the Missing Divas Championship Tournament

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If last week’s Raw was lacking in terms of build-up to the Divas Championship Tournament finals, this week was downright moronic. With Maryse and Gail Kim‘s long-delayed match still set for this Sunday’s Elimination Chamber PPV, one would be safe to assume that there would be at least some build up for it on the last Raw before the show. Just a little? Maybe even merely acknowledging it? Well, keep your hopes at ground level, kids, because the WWE disappointment machine was on full power this week:

Guest GM Jerry Springer comes to the ring for a special show entitled “WWE Superstars’ Most Intimate Relationship Secrets Revealed”. If you’ve ever seen Springer’s show, you know that it only features the trashiest of the trashy (think topless midget fights), so this was never destined to be flattering for any individual involved. Springer introduces Kelly Kelly, whose secret is that she’s pregnant! Yep, she must be early along, because we all know nothing says pregnant like washboard abs and a belly-baring top. She tells Jerry that she doesn’t know who the father is, in a move more akin to Maury Povich’s show than Springer. But whatever, just go with it. All you need to know is that Kelly is the village bicycle.

She brings out the first possible father, Santino. He calls Jerry Maury and details the situation that he thinks got Kelly knocked up. Kelly then tells him that she needed someone else to “finish the job”. It’s at this moment that I wonder what happened to the WWE’s PG aspirations. I guess they go out the window when someone like Springer’s on the show. Still, I’d be pissed if I were a parent who brought my kid to the show.

She says she needed someone with more experience, and this prompts Michael Cole and Jerry Lawler to be brought into the mix. A few dry heaves later, Brie and Nikki Bella come out with a revelation of their own. They say they saw someone else with Kelly, and Nikki breaks in to announce that Brie is a man. They catfight, Springer style. After the fight is broken up, the next possible baby daddy is brought out, and Chris Masters enters. In response to this, Eve Torres comes busting in with her best impression of a Springer guest, trash talking Kelly for “stealing her man” and fighting with her. She then reveals to Chris that she had cheated on him with the Great Khali, who comes to the ring and embraces her. The craziness simmers down, and Jerry reads the results of the paternity test, revealing the father of Kelly’s 3-day old fetus. Science has come a long way, eh?

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Unwrapped: Eye Candy for the Week Ending February 6th, 2010

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Welcome to this week’s edition of Unwrapped! As always, we will be grading all of the new photoshoots (or “eye candy”, as we like to call them) from the week gone by, judging them like so:

Sweet (Great) • Bland (Iffy) • Sour (Awful)

You, the reader, will also get the chance to grade the “eye candy” yourself by giving your opinion on each shoot and voting for your favorite out of the whole bunch. Now, dive in!

Brie & Nikki Bella‘s Bella Bowl II
Grade: Bland. This is the second in a series where the Bellas dress up in support of the two teams competing in the Super Bowl. This may be only the second time they’ve done this, but it’s probably the 75th time they’ve done the “sexy sports” thing, so it’s nothing that hasn’t been done over and over. What’s interesting is the cute “trash talking” poses–that’s what these shoots should be like. I’m not digging the football pants and heels combo, nor is the beer hat look very cute. Still, it’s nice to see Brie and Nikki play off each other like they do in a few shots. I’d much prefer a shoot full of that than trying to look sexy while doing the Heisman pose–save that type of originality for every chick competing in the Lingerie Bowl. Gotta say, though, that I’m on Nikki’s side on this one. Geaux Saints!
• Click to see the rest of the photoshoot.

Jillian‘s Ripped to Threads
Grade: Sweet. Jillian’s style, despite her colorful and over-the-top personality, has always been on the simple side. There’s nothing wrong with that, though at times I’ve found her ring gear choices to be a bit uninspired. This is the first one I’ve really liked–the blue is really pretty, and the stitched portions are a nice interesting touch that don’t look tacky as they could if done in a less subtle way. Her makeup and hair are gorgeous in an understated way. Similarly, Jillian’s poses in this soot are rather simple, but she looks more natural here than she has in a long time. With such relaxed poses, this shoot almost seems the polar opposite of what we think of when we see Jillian, but I like that. Sure, the poses could stand to be a bit more exciting, but I’ll take anything that’s not a “duck lips” pose. It’s this type of natural feel that I like to see from Divas–funny that it’s coming from one of the most outlandish Divas, in terms of personality.
• Click to see the rest of the photoshoot.

Read more to see the rest of this week’s photoshoots.

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In Pictures: Bella Twins at ‘When in Rome’ Premiere

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The Bella Twins rubbed shoulders with the stars in LA this past week, when they attended the ‘When in Rome’ movie premiere. The Divas were in the company of Hollywood hotties such as Bradley Cooper and Josh Duhamel [officially jealous]. Both Brie and Nikki looked cute in their outfits, I’m particularly feeling the white dress. … Read more

Raw Redux Does WWE Superstars (Jan. 28th, 2010): Predictable Fun

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This week we’re continuing the trend of the Raw Divas wrestling on WWE Superstars, this time with some lesser-used Divas. Brie and Nikki Bella are teaming up to face the un-crowned JOB Squad of the WWE, Jillian and Katie Lea. Watch the match below:

The Bellas make their entrance, and Jillian and Katie Lea enter together to Jillian’s music (how weird is it to see Katie Lea walk out to Jillian warbling? it definitely doesn’t fit, to say the least). Brie and Katie Lea start things off, Katie latching her into a reverse bear hug maneuver. Brie gets free, turning it into a hip toss. She keeps a hold on Katie’s arm, wrenching it and dragging her to her corner, tagging in Nikki. They both grab Katie’s legs and flip forward in a move that isn’t so much effective as it is flashy (but that’s par for the course with the newer Divas these days, I guess). Nikki goes for the pin and gets 2.

Katie gains control and forces Nikki into the corner, tagging in Jillian. She gives Nikki a kick before tossing her across the ring by her hair. She takes Nikki’s arm and twists it back in a bit of an unorthodox half nelson. She woman-handles Nikki a bit before whipping her into the corner, going for an attack but getting an elbow to the face instead. She gives Jillian a kick before climbing the turnbuckle and hitting a flying body press. She goes for the pin, and gets a 2-count, quickly pulling Jillian up and tagging in Brie.

Nikki tosses Jillian off the ropes and hits an arm drag, then hitting another arm drag on Brie, landing her on top of Jillian. Brie attempts a pin, but no luck. Brie hits her leaping snapmare, then goes for a monkey flip but is distracted by Katie Lea, allowing Jillian to shove her to the mat. Jillian plants a few boots on her and chokes her on the ropes, relenting to the referee’s scolding and stepping back.

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Unwrapped: Eye Candy for the Week Ending January 23rd, 2010

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Welcome to this week’s edition of Unwrapped! As always, we will be grading all of the new photoshoots (or “eye candy”, as we like to call them) from the week gone by, judging them like so:

Sweet (Great) • Bland (Iffy) • Sour (Awful)

You, the reader, will also get the chance to grade the “eye candy” yourself by giving your opinion on each shoot and voting for your favorite out of the whole bunch. Now, dive in!

Brie & Nikki Bella‘s Bronzed
Grade: Sweet. For all their matchy-matchy photoshoots, the Bellas usually find a way to differentiate their looks. Here, Nikki’s wearing boots while Brie’s got on heels. Both go great with the dress, which is quite pretty on its own. It’s rather simple in design, but the shiny bronze color looks spectacular against their skin and hair, and the requisite flower in the hair is a pretty cream color that compliments the rest of the outfit greatly, not looking as tacked-on as their “hair flowers” have in the past. The poses aren’t very exciting, but I love the different ways they pose with one another. The poses may not always work, but it’s cute to see them leaning on one another as they often do, and the chair poses (that would probably look awkward with any other pair of Divas) are cool too. Cute outfit, cute poses? It might not make for a groundbreaking shoot, but I think that makes for a nice Bella twins shoot. I guess the old adage applies here–two heads are better than one–because if this were occurring with only one Diva (the outfit and particularly the stoic poses), it wouldn’t be half as interesting.
• Click to see the rest of the photoshoot.

Katie Lea‘s Redrum
Grade: Bland. It’s been a while since we’ve seen a Katie Lea shoot (thanks to her ECW departure, I’m sure), but now she’s back to her old tricks–literally. This shoot is no different than the dozens we’ve seen before–spooky makeup, creepy poses, dark clothing. That said, it’s her forté, so she certainly does it well, but it’s just not that exciting when you’ve seen it so many times before. I’m not asking her to dramatically change her look, not at all. But it would probably help add some excitement to her photoshoots if she branched out into different clothing–still the same gothic feel, but more than just a top and trousers. Most Divas are able to mix up their looks without forsaking their characters, so it shouldn’t be impossible for Katie to do the same. She’s clearly perfected this photoshoot shtick, but that doesn’t mean she shouldn’t ever waver from it.
• Click to see the rest of the photoshoot.

Read more to see the rest of this week’s photoshoots.

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Playing the Odds: The Divas Championship Tournament

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Feeling lucky? In this new feature we’ve dubbed Playing the Odds, we will weigh the odds of certain Diva or Knockout events occurring, be it a championship win or heel turn.

We classify each like so: if the event’s occurrence is highly unlikely, it gets the Long Shot stamp; if it’s within the realm of possibility, it’s a Safe Bet; if it is extremely likely, it is a Sure Thing. Now, this does not mean everything we brand a Sure Thing is destined to happen–it just lines up with what we feel to be feasible from precedent or a person’s current position. Also, this is from our point of view, so don’t take this as fact or anything of the sort.

In this first edition, we will take a look at the ongoing Divas Championship Tournament, seeing which Raw Divas have the best shot at coming out on top. We may not be in Vegas, but we’re placing our bets anyways–take a look at ours and make a few of your own in the comments.

Alicia Fox
Odds: Safe Bet. Even though the WWE has been noticeably fickle about giving Alicia big pushes (they’re more of a “now-you-see-it-now-you-don’t” type thing), she is certainly a rising star in the company. They have felt comfortable giving her title shots before (twice, actually), and though her pushes were always short lived, they showed that she’s not destined to be merely a background player. Comparatively, a Diva such as Layla, who is still pretty much a background player, has never seen the kinds of pushes Alicia has been given. This makes us believe that Alicia might have better luck than her “replacement” (remember, Alicia was Michelle’s tag along first). This year could hold Alicia’s big breakout, and winning this tournament or even giving a good showing in it could effectively kick-start that. Though, as promising as her future looks, the WWE’s fickleness when it comes to her makes us hesitate to give her our full confidence in this tournament. It’s certainly possible that she could go all the way, but we’re not going to be betting the farm on it either.

Brie Bella
Odds: Long Shot. Yes, she’s already out of the tournament, which makes this sort of irrelevant, but when looking at it from an objective standpoint, pretending that the match had not taken place yet, it’s quite the long shot to picture Brie getting pushed all the way to the title. It’s not that we lack the faith in Brie having success on her own, but with the way the WWE books Brie and her sister–that is, extremely inconsistently–it’s tough to imagine the WWE giving either of them a title run. They seem to only use them in the ring when they need extra bodies. Otherwise, it’s escort duty fro the GM of the week. Bottom line, there’s just been no real investment made in the Bellas by the WWE. Until the WWE starts taking them seriously as competitors, they pose no real threat.

Read more to see how the other Raw Divas’ odds stack up.

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Raw Redux (January 4th, 2010) – Maryse Starts Her Victory Tour

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If last night was any indication, the WWE better start watching their backs. No, I’m not talking about the competing returns of Bret Hart and Hulk Hogan–I’m talking about the Divas vs. the Knockouts. Both live shows saw action from them, and I believe (and, from what I can tell, this is the consensus) the Knockouts provided the more entertaining wrestling. No, this Raw Redux will not serve to bash the Divas. Rather, it will be an explanation of how they can amp up the excitement in order to avoid being upstaged by the competition again in the future, should such a “Monday Night War” occur again.

The show certainly started with some promise. With Melina‘s ACL tear (and the fact that she will be out at least until July), it was sort of a “take lemons and make lemonade” situation–with Melina forced to vacate the Divas Championship, it gave way to an 8-Diva Divas Championship Tournament. Tonight marked the start of the tournament, with the opening bout pitting the self-crowned #1 contender Maryse against Brie Bella. Watch below to see who advanced in the tourny:

I appreciate that the WWE actually acknowledged Melina’s injury on screen. I mean, they didn’t have much of a choice, but it’s leagues better than the “battling depression” excuse they used for Maryse’s 2009 absence.

Maryse makes her entrance, as does Brie (with sister Nikki in tow). As they are dressed exactly alike–Nikki in tights–it’s quite obvious that they’ll try to pull the old Bella switcheroo. I wish there were a less obvious way to pull it off, I guess it’s easier to assume that the officials are idiots. They start the match with a tie-up, Maryse taking advantage and forcing Brie against the ropes. Maryse gets a handful of hair and the referee makes her back off. She does, but not before pie-facing Brie. Brie doesn’t take this insult lying down, chasing Maryse and stopping her from escaping the the outside.

Brie backs off and Maryse exits to the ring apron, trotting on it and doing her hair flip. Brie has enough and drags her back into the ring, batting her in the face for a bit of payback for the facial delivered earlier. She tosses Maryse into the corner and works on her a bit before Maryse shoves her off. Brie delivers a kick to the midsection, tossing her around the ring a a few times by the hair before hitting a leaping snapmare. One dropkick later and Maryse heads for the outside again, looking for some separation via the ropes. Maryse obviously is lacking in peripheral vision, as she doesn’t notice Nikki right beside her, and Nikki grabs her by the hair, slamming her face-first into the announce table.

Brie returns Maryse to the ring, rolling her up for a pin attempt. Maryse kicks out at 2 and takes advantage of the match the moment she gets to her feet, delivering a few blows to Brie before irish-whipping her into the ropes. Brie kicks Maryse on the return, running the ropes and ducking a haymaker from Maryse. She attempts to leap on the ropes but can’t quit get the momentum to get there, but Maryse covers the botch well by attacking her immediately, hitting her on the back and sending her to the mat. Maryse attempts a pin, but gets a 2-count.

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Unwrapped: Eye Candy for the Week Ending January 2nd, 2010

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Welcome to this week’s edition of Unwrapped! As always, we will be grading all of the new photoshoots (or “eye candy”, as we like to call them) from the week gone by, judging them like so:

Sweet (Great) • Bland (Iffy) • Sour (Awful)

You, the reader, will also get the chance to grade the “eye candy” yourself by giving your opinion on each shoot and voting for your favorite out of the whole bunch. Now, dive in!

Note: We missed a Bella twins shoot from a few weeks ago, so I’m covering it now. I do not hold responsibility for any possible overdose on the Bellas suffered during the viewing of this post.

Brie & Nikki Bella‘s Goaltending
Grade: Sour. Continuing with the “Bellas do sexy sports shoots” trend, Brie and Nikki are posing in front of a goal with hockey sticks. I’m not quite seeing the point of the Bellas doing a hockey-themed shoot, and I see even less of a point of doing it the way they’re doing it here. The poses are pretty dumb, especially the ones using the sticks in a “suggestive” manner–it just looks silly and about as subtle as a hammer to the head. That, paired with their clashing outfits (Brie in a baseball-type shirt and skirt and Nikki in a dress) make for a confusing photoshoot. It’s like they took a meh concept and injected it with so many different ingredients that it came out stinking to high heaven instead of just being boring. I vote that the Bellas take a break from the contrived sports-themed shoots and do more shoots like the one below..
• Click to see the rest of the photoshoot.
[poll id=”497″]

Brie & Nikki Bella‘s Marigolds
Grade: Sweet. Unlike the shoot above, the Bellas keep it pretty simple in this one, relying on their matching outfits and twin chemistry to drive the shoot. Personally, that’s how I like these tandem shoots to be done instead of the bar advertisement-worthy ones the WWE ropes them into sometimes. The ring gear they’re wearing here is bright gold and chock-a-block with ruffles–it probably isn’t everyone’s cup of tea, but I like it for the theme they have going with their gear. As long as they keep it the a single color, these tights can keep from looking too tacky. Their poses, without the lame props to detract from the shoot, simply consist of them standing next to each other, but they compliment each other well and make it interesting–they play off each other well and don’t just look like two random girls put into the photoshoot together. This, I believe, is how the Bellas’ photoshoots should be–plenty sexy, but not cheesy.
• Click to see the rest of the photoshoot.
[poll id=”498″]

Read more to see the rest of this week’s photoshoots.

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Unwrapped: Eye Candy for the Week Ending December 26th, 2009

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Welcome to this week’s edition of Unwrapped! As always, we will be grading all of the new photoshoots (or “eye candy”, as we like to call them) from the week gone by, judging them like so:

Sweet (Great) • Bland (Iffy) • Sour (Awful)

You, the reader, will also get the chance to grade the “eye candy” yourself by giving your opinion on each shoot and voting for your favorite out of the whole bunch. Now, dive in!

Brie Bella‘s Bottle Shock
Grade: Bland. Boy, the Bellas sure love posing with those tanks, don’t they? Brie is accompanied by those props here, and while she looks great (the shoes and dress are great, though I’m not fond of the headband she always wears), she looks a bit silly posing so seductively against them. It’s kind of like she’s trying to market them as a product using the Carl’s Jr./Paris Hilton marketing method. Expect sales of carbonic acid (which I assume is in there–it says H2O & carbon dioxide) to triple in the next month.
• Click to see the rest of the photoshoot.
[poll id=”488″]

Natalya‘s Up in Flames
Grade: Bland. It’s time for another ring gear shoot from Natalya! While I particularly liked last week’s gear shoot, this one lacks in the pose department, which Natalya even breaking out the duck lips in a few photos (*horror movie scream*). The setting, which we saw in a previous Rosa shoot, is still as cool looking as it was back then, but it just doesn’t gel with what Natalya’s wearing. It’s just not easy to picture her wandering outside in her ring gear and coming across a rustic setting by chance. I just hope Natalya eases back into regular shoots soon-she must be running out of tights!
• Click to see the rest of the photoshoot.
[poll id=”489″]

Read more to see the rest of this week’s photoshoots.

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Diva Dirt Style Jury: Week of December 14th, 2009

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Welcome to the Diva Dirt Style Jury! No more are the separate ‘Best’ and ‘Worst’ lists, instead, we have come up with a scientific approach *cough* to compiling our weekly fashion column. The Diva Dirt team will weigh in on the different looks from the week gone by & mark each look with a score out of ten. The look with the highest average score will be our best look and the look with the lowest average score will be the worst look. Click each photo to see the look in full size.

Let the proverbial runway show begin!

ALICIA FOX
Erin: Is this a top and a skirt or a dress? Either way, I’m not too keen on it. The pattern could be cute on another clothing item, but here it looks a bit too “Malibu Barbie” for me. 4/10
Melanie: It’s er, unique? I know Alicia has her own quirky style and all, that’s cool but I just can’t… 3/10

THE BELLA TWINS
Erin: It’s not the smartest thing in the world to wear such short, tight dresses for an Evening Gown match, but the dresses themselves aren’t bad at all. I prefer the one with less lace, though. 7/10
Melanie: I like these outfits. I don’t think we can ever expect anything mind-blowing from the Bellas, but this is a step in the right direction. 6/10

Read on for more of this week’s outfits and to see who’s been branded our winner and loser.

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The Diva Trade Report Card

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It’s been two months since the Diva Trade hit us like a bus and changed the landscape of Raw, SmackDown and well, ECW not so much. Since that time, the seven Divas traded have had time to find their feet on their new brands — new feuds, new storylines, new love interests. For some it’s worked out and for others, it hasn’t. Two months removed, we’re going to catch up with our Divas and find out how the Diva Trade has affected them in the ‘Diva Trade Report Card’.

draft_bellasThe Bella Twins
The Bellas’ move to Raw has been wholly unthreatening, thankfully. Hardly ever seen in wrestling attire, the Bellas have served as eye candy to the Guest Host of the week. Not exactly something to write home about!
Verdict: Acceptable. An insignificant trade that doesn’t harm or hurt anyone.

draft_bellasBeth Phoenix
I kicked up something of a fuss when Beth was moved from Raw in October — but I’m happy to say, I’ve been proved wrong. The move to SmackDown has rejuvenated the Glamazon. The brief ‘Glamazon Squash Tour’ provided a monster heel-like reintroduction for Beth that many would expect for a Superstar, it’s rare to see such effort go into a Diva. In my initial look at the trade, I questioned whether WWE would pull the trigger on Beth vs Natalya or McCool but I wouldn’t be surprised to see a tweener-ish Beth challenge Michelle McCool for the Women’s Championship in the near future.
Verdict: Good. SmackDown should bring out a new dynamic to the Beth Phoenix character in the New Year.

More after the cut:

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Raw Redux (December 14th, 2009) – What’s Wrong With This Picture?

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Last night’s Raw, in all its bloated 3 hour glory, was the annual Slammy Awards edition. Among the awards to be handed out were Diva of the Year, which was to be voted on by the fans at WWE.com. As we waited on pins and needles (not) to find out who won the award, we pondered whether the award would be given to support a storyline via rigging by the WWE or a popularity contest held by the voting public. As is turns out, it was neither, and I’ll explain my theory as we come to it.

We start our Divas action (not counting the Divas presenting awards throughout the night) with a Jerry Springer-esque evening gown tag team match. The babyfaces–Mickie James, Melina, Brie & Nikki Bella, Kelly Kelly, Gail Kim, and Maria are taking on the heels–Michelle McCool, Layla, Maryse, Beth Phoenix, Natalya, Alicia Fox, and Rosa Mendes. Most look out of place and trashy in their gowns, and I would critique them (I’ll save that for this week’s Style Jury), but I’m much more distracted by the fact that they’re WRESTLING IN EVENING GOWNS. Well, this’ll be one mesmerizing clusterfuck:


Skip to 2:52

They start with a line-up face-off, trading verbal barbs before heading off their their respective corners. Mickie and Rosa start off the match, Rosa takign advantage and tossing Mickie around, pounding her head on the mat. They trade slaps, and Rosa tosses Mickie into the corner. Mickie blocks her attack, locking her head with her legs and hitting a hurricanrana. She then pulls her to her feet, hitting her Mickie-T to get the pin an the win for her team.

I have to say, this is one of the few moments where I’m glad that a Diva match was cut short. I’m glad that no more than two Divas had to humiliate themselves by wrestling in their dresses. Mickie and Rosa did as awkwardly as I expected, but hey, someone had to take the bullet. Now that the match is over, it’s time for the Diva of the Year Slammy to be awarded. The girls line up in anticipation as MVP and Goldust present the award.

Our winner is announced as, drumroll please…. Maria??? MVP’s reaction right before he reads her name says it all, and Maria looks as shocked as the rest of us as she goes up to accept her award, saying a typical acceptance speech before being interrupted by Batista in a douche costume, doing a Kanye West impression that’s not only awful but over 3 months old. If the joke were a carton of milk, it would have expired into a living organism at this point and, ironically, would be more worthy of a Diva of the Year award than Maria. Maria plays Taylor Swift as she left the stage and allowed Dave to be “escorted” off by security.

But as we watch the wild pink-polo-wearing douchebag be captured in his natural habitat, we’re left to ponder the reasoning behind this decision to crown Maria as Diva of the Year. Was is it truly a popularity contest, and she was just the most popular Diva among the fans? Or was it rigged for storyline purposes? As I said earlier, I believe it was neither, because I have a theory. Yes, Maria is popular, and I do not doubt that fans flocked to vote for her in the poll, but I don’t believe her star power amongst the casual fans is that much stronger than, say, a Mickie James or a Kelly Kelly.

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Unwrapped: Eye Candy for the Week(s) Ending December 12th, 2009

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We’ve modified our Unwrapped feature a bit. On top of our grading, we’ll give you the chance to give your own grade to each photoshoot, “branding” each like so:

Sweet (Great) • Bland (Iffy) • Sour (Awful)

NOTE: I missed last week’s post due to a busy schedule, so I’ve combined the photoshoots from the past two weeks into one mega post. Enjoy!

Alicia Fox‘s Heavy Metal
Grade: Sweet. The aesthetic of the steel against the all-black ensemble create a rock-n-roll vibe, and Alicia supports that with her serious and sexy poses. She poses against the door in interesting ways, using her arms and legs to tell the story rather than relying on her face or physique to capture the attention. Her outfit–black leather-like tights, black tube top, black knee-high boots, a black headband, and an eye-catching belt–is simple but extremely sexy. The fact that they’re all in black don’t detract from the look, but rather enhance it. Her figure is on full show, but it doesn’t look at all trashy.
• Click to see the rest of the photoshoot.
[poll id=”469″]

Beth Phoenix‘s Poured In
Grade: Bland. The centerpiece of this shoot is the hot pink corset top, which, in my opinion, is its undoing. The jeans and boots are quite nice, but the corset looks like it’s literally sucking the life out of her–her bra looks ready to explode. She looks uncomfortable, judging by her facial expressions in a few photos and how gingerly she sits and stands. They might say “no pain, no gain”, but in this instance the pain didn’t help Beth gain a damn thing. Breathe Beth, breathe!!
• Click to see the rest of the photoshoot.
[poll id=”470″]

Read more to see the rest of this week’s photoshoots.

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Unwrapped: Eye Candy for the Week Ending November 28th 2009

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We’ve modified our Unwrapped feature a bit. On top of our grading, we’ll give you the chance to give your own grade to each photoshoot, “branding” each like so:

Sweet (Great) • Bland (Iffy) • Sour (Awful)

Beth Phoenix‘s Green-Skinned Monster
Grade: Sweet. I love it when Beth goes for a really bold color for her ring gear, and this shiny green is perfect. The gold phoenixes go with it perfectly, too. Beth looks so regal with her poses, especially the ones where she hangs her little drapery like wings. She just looks so statuesque, and if there was ever any Diva that looked like she was carved from stone, it’s the Glamazon.
• Click to see the rest of the photoshoot.
[poll id=”463″]

Brie & Nikki Bella‘s The Skins
Grade: Bland. This is more or less your typical “sexy sport jersey” photoshoot, just doubled. I like the laces at the side of the jerseys and how Brie and Nikki showed some diversity by wearing different types of bottoms, but overall this photoshoot isn’t much more than an ad for some local bar’s NFL night. If Nikki and Brie insist on doing photoshoots together, I’d prefer them to not be so damn cliche.
• Click to see the rest of the photoshoot.
[poll id=”462″]

Read more to see the rest of this week’s photoshoots.

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Raw Redux (November 23rd, 2009) – A Turkey of a Return

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Back in the 1920s, showbiz had a slang term for a failure or flop: they’d call it a turkey*. Fitting, given the failures we witnessed tonight on this Thanksgiving episode of Raw where a certain Diva went so far as to dress in a turkey costume for her big return. So, was it cleverly self-referential or just a bad idea? I think we know the answer to that, but just in case let’s watch the situation unfold and decide for ourselves:

Predictably, the Divas have dressed up for a “Mayflower Melee”, AKA Thanksgiving-themed 6-Diva tag match. The faces–Mickie James, Melina, and Kelly Kelly–are decked out in (*cough* super un-P.C. *cough*) Native American garb, while the heels–Michelle McCool, Layla, and Jillian–are Pilgrims. All look pretty ridiculous, even Kelly, who apparently decided to put on a tan dress and some Nikes and call it a day. But hey, at least she doesn’t look like she’s doing a Kindergarten Thanksgiving play like Michelle & co. I must say, I love how pissed they looked to be dressed in those Pilgrim costumes. At least they’re acknowledging how lame the idea is, unlike so many times in the past.

Before the match starts they are joined by the guest time keeper, the Gobbledy Gooker! …You know, the giant turkey that hatched on live television in what was known as one of the biggest “WTF” moments in WWE history? I guess since they had two Thanksgiving cliches represented, they decided to go for the trifecta. Gooker stands in the corner and awkwardly rings the bell, signaling the start of the match.

Melina and Jillian start out the match, probably praying that they can scrub off some of the bad mojo they’ve had with each other as of late. They start with a tie-up, Melina getting the upper hand by wrenching Jillian’s arm. Jillian gains control, slamming Melina to the mat. Melina reverses an irish-whip into the corner, sending Jillian into the turnbuckle and proceeding to send a shoulder into her stomach. She lays Jillian across the second ropes, prepping her a double-knee attack. Before she can do it, however, Jillian yanks her by her dress, pulling her to the mat. She tosses Melina by the hair and taunts the crowd a bit.

Jillian whips Melina into the ropes but Melina hangs on. Before she can do anything, though, Jillian meets her with an elbow to the face. She whips Melina into the turnbuckle, prepping for her handspring elbow attack. Before she can do any damage, Melina catches her with her legs, choking her and chopping her on the head. Once back on their feet Melina takes down Jillian with a (almost malfunctioned) facebuster. She goes for the pin, but Jillian kicks out.

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Diva Dirt Style Jury: Week of November 2nd, 2009

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Welcome to the Diva Dirt Style Jury! No more are the separate ‘Best’ and ‘Worst’ lists, instead we have come up with a scientific approach *cough* to compiling our weekly fashion column. The Diva Dirt team will weigh in on the different looks from the week gone by & mark each look with a score out of ten. The look with the highest average score will be our best look and the look with the lowest average score will be the worst look. Click each photo to see the look in full size.

Let the proverbial runway show begin!

THE BELLA TWINS
Erin: I like the cut of the tops — it’s unique. But that gold color is kinda putrid, especially seeing it in two places at once. 5/10
Melanie: Enough already! Too much of the same colour, break it up please. 3/10
Steven: Sweet Lord, how many colors do these outfits come in?! Please change it up ladies. 4/10

EVE TORRES
Erin: She kind of looks like she’s wearing a bunch of those reflective safety stickers. I like that she’s going for a unique type of ring gear with the non-matching top and shorts, but it just doesn’t fit together well and makes the outfit look kinda slapdash. I like the purple, though, if that’s worth anything. 6/10
Melanie: The shimmer-y purple is off-putting to me, to be honest. I like purple but not like this. I think there’s far too much Bella-like matchy-matchy going on here too with the arm bands etc. 5/10
Steven: ame old gear, new color. I like the color though, even if it is a little bright for my taste. 6/10

Read on for more of this week’s outfits and to see who’s been branded our winner and loser.

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Raw Redux (November 2nd, 2009) – The Fantastic Ms. Fox

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After last week’s debacle of botches and rage-inducing Hornswoggle cameos, things could only go up (I hope). Let’s take a look at how this week’s Diva action got started.

This week’s guest GMs Ozzy and Sharon Osbourne spoofed Sharon’s popular reality show “America’s Got Talent”, opening the door for any a misfit WWE toy to come out and embarrass themselves. This, of course, is right up Jillian‘s alley, so she of course showed up to croon a song for the judges, the results of which are below:

Jillian, with Chavo by her side, sang a duet of Ozzy Osbourne and Lita Ford’s “Close My Eyes Forever”. Before they could get very far the judges hit the buzzer, Ozzy saying that he was going to re-title the song “Close My Ears Forever”. Upset, Jillian told Sharon that she had always been jealous of Lita Ford. In response, Sharon told her to come to the ring (but in much more flowery a way).

As she and Chavo walked to the ring, Jillian began to sing a song by someone she deemed a “true rock icon”, belting out Britney Spears’s “Ooops, I Did it Again”. She gets in Sharon’s face, and gets a slap across the face in response. Jillian cowers in the corner as Chavo gets his due too–a chop to the head by Khali.

The segment played to Jillian’s strengths, namely making a bit of a fool of herself. But hey, no other Diva could do it quite like her, and she’s pretty funny in a shameless way. It must sting to be relegated to the goof-off spot after being in a feud for the Diva Championship just a week ago, but at least if she has to be slapped she’s getting slapped by Sharon Osbourne–it could be a helluva lot worse.

Directly following these shenanigans we have a Divas battle royal for the #1 contendership to the Divas Championship. We have Kelly Kelly, Eve Torres, the Bella Twins, Gail Kim, and Alicia Fox all in the ring. Eliminations, of course, can occur by any means, even by sliding under the bottom rope. That’s Divas battle royals for ya..

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Unwrapped: Divas “Scream Queens” Photoshoot

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We’re again bringing you a special edition of Unwrapped, where we cover multi-Diva shoots in a miniaturized version of our regular “unwrappings”, focusing on the looks and ensembles our Divas have put together. Today, as it is Halloween, our “Eye Candy” will be the kind associated with jack-o-lanterns and bags of sweets. We are looking at the 3-part “Scream Queens” photoshoot, in which the Divas show off their Halloween costumes. Click the following links to see the full photoshoots: Part 1, Part 2, Part 3.

Alicia Fox
Costume: Vampire
Creativity (on a scale of 1-10): 7. A vampire is one of the most cliche Halloween costumes, sure, but I like that she put some effort into it, wearing a cape and fangs and not being too concerned with looking sexy. Her poses are cool too, and make what could be a rather bland costume pretty exciting. Bonus points for looking a like an old school vampire, too.
Grade: Sweet. She looks cute and the extra thought put into it–not just plastic fangs and lingerie–makes it interesting.

Beth Phoenix
Costume: Nurse
Creativity (on a scale of 1-10): 1. Talk about cliche–what’s a more cheesy “sexy” costume than a nurse? Frankly, I expected better from Beth, but she seems content to pose in a skanky costume suggestively holding a stethoscope. Come on Beth, I didn’t think you were that uncreative.
Grade: Sour. This looks so strange on Beth. It’s just not “like” her, if you get my drift, and this is not an instance where that would be a good thing.

Brie & Nikki Bella
Costume: Belly dancers
Creativity (on a scale of 1-10): 4. The sexy “belly dancer” costume is pretty cliche, especially in so scantily clad a fashion. But hey, it’s kind of cool, what with all the veils and such. There’s more to it than other “sexy” costumes.
Grade: Bland. It’s not original by any means, but they certainly look cute. There’s just so much potential with twin costumes, and they sort of dropped the ball on this one.

Read on to see the rest of the Divas’ costumes and vote for your favorite.

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Trick or Treat! Going Halloween Costume Shopping: Part 1

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We’re baaack! You may remember us offering costume advice last year to Divas participating in the now-defunct Cyber Sunday Halloween costume contest. Well, we’re extending that tradition this year, extending the love to TNA’s Knockouts as well. We’ll offer costume possibilities to nearly every Diva and Knockout over 3 installments, all leading up to Halloween night. Get your popcorn ready!

Alissa Flash
Costume: Horror movie victim
Why?: It seems like every Melissa Anderson character is getting “killed off” of TNA, or at least decimated. What better way for her to poke fun at this massacre than to smear yourself with fake blood and scream your head off? Bonus points for fake wounds. Let’s see Awesome Kong do this kind of damage.
Get the look: Make some fake blood, tear up some old clothes, and apply some strategically-placed dark makeup for that crucial gaunt look.

Brie & Nikki Bella
Costume: The twins from “The Shining”
Why?: Have there ever been two creepier twins in horror movie history? I think not. Dress the Bellas up in those famous blue dresses and place them in an empty hallway. Get them to say “Come play with us!” in unison and you’ve got something even scarier than Jack Nicholson armed with an axe.
Get the look: Find your twin (or someone who bears a striking resemblance) and dress yourselves in matching prim and proper power blue dresses. Don’t forget the blank stares!

Jillian
Costume: Lady Gaga
Why?: Jillian’s adoration may have shifted from Britney to Lady Gaga, if her performance of “Paparazzi” following her Divas Championship win was any indication. From one outrageous Diva to another, Jillian could make the transition easily with her blonde hair. She just needs to pick any crazy outfit Gaga’s worn (such as her infamous bubble ensemble), apply some heavy eyeliner, and she’s golden!
Get the look: Toss on this Lady Gaga-inspired wig, apply some bold makeup, and pick your favorite Gaga fashion statement. FYI–chances are you won’t be wearing pants.

Read on to see more costume suggestions.

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Unwrapped: Eye Candy for the Week Ending October 24th, 2009

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In order to consolidate our Eye Candy coverage, we’ve developed a new feature: Unwrapped! We’ll take all the new photoshoots from the week and grade (or “brand”) each based on the following criteria:

• Appearance (hair, clothes, makeup.. you get the drift)
• Poses (are they versatile or just glorified statues?)
• Uniqueness (have we seen this photoshoot a billion times before?)
Grading scale: Sweet (Great)/Bland (Iffy)/Sour (Awful)

Brie & Nikki Bella‘s Sticking to the Pattern
Appearance: Brie and Nikki are wearing matching patterned dresses; Brie is in red, Nikki in gray. I’ve got to say, it’s mile ahead of the directly matching outfits. The girls don’t look as much like they’re in Kindergarten and their mother dressed them identically. It’s a more creative way to embrace their ‘twin’-ness. I can’t say I love their dresses on their own, though–they’re cute, but they wouldn’t look half as interesting on just one Diva instead of two.
Poses: The poses are rather dull, and seem to just be based on them standing next to each other and switching positions slightly. I know there’s only so much you can do with two people in one shoot but this is astoundingly boring, like a cheesy family portrait.
Uniqueness: Brie and Nikki are dressed similarly! What a novel idea!
Grade: Bland. The duo photoshoots are quickly losing their shine. Just let Brie and Nikki do their own things–the results are much more interesting.
• Click to see the rest of the photoshoot.

Kelly Kelly‘s Enchanting
Appearance: Kelly’s wearing a long blue gown in a pretty aquamarine color. It’s pretty, but looks sort of out of place in a WWE photoshoot. Maybe if the dress was shorter or looked a bit more casual it wouldn’t look like Kelly was about to go to a ball or compete in a Miss America competition.
Poses: It’s your standard Kelly Kelly photoshoot, with not much going on around the face. She uses her arms and the rest of her body to make this a bit more interesting, but her posing still bears shades of a mannequin. The floor-length dress doesn’t do much to dispel that illusion.
Uniqueness: A Diva wearing a floor-length dress is something of an anomaly around these parts, I must say.
Grade: Bland. Kelly never seems to put much effort into making her photoshoots interesting. I don’t know why.. Maybe she’s just letting her looks do the talking.
• Click to see the rest of the photoshoot.

Maria‘s En Fuego
Appearance: It’s Maria, so we know a few things are for certain: there will be bright colors, bold prints, and a single glove. Check, check, and check. I can’t say a red leopard print vest is my cup of tea, but it certainly fits her style. The shiny black pants and silver heels keep the wild theme running, but somehow keep it grounded a bit with their neutral tones.
Poses: This is where the shoot goes off the tracks. I understand and appreciate the attempts to excite and surprise the viewer, but posing with a random fire extinguisher just looks odd, and balancing on a chair and the wall don’t look surreal in a Salvador Dali sort of way–it just looks kind of weird. To be fair, I’m always telling Divas to mix it up and makes things exciting, but I think this is taking that a bit too far and into the deep end. I don’t think the objective of a WWE shoot should be to get people gawking, like you’re modeling in a high fashion magazine or something.
Uniqueness: Well, it’s definitely unique. I’m sure that was the intent of this mess.
Grade: Bland. I appreciate her gumption, I really do. It’s just.. not unique in a good way–more of a head-scratching way.
• Click to see the rest of the photoshoot.

Read more to see the rest of this week’s photoshoots and vote for your favorite.

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Diva Dirt Style Jury: Week of October 19th, 2009

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ddstylejury

Welcome to the Diva Dirt Style Jury! No more are the separate ‘Best’ and ‘Worst’ lists, instead we have come up with a scientific approach *cough* to compiling our weekly fashion column. The Diva Dirt team will weigh in on the different looks from the week gone by & mark each look with a score out of ten. The look with the highest average score will be our best look and the look with the lowest average score will be the worst look. Click each photo to see the look in full size.

Let the proverbial runway show begin!

THE BELLA TWINS
Erin: Going for business casual? I guess they’re just trying to compliment Snoop’s dapper look, but it looks so faux-classy. But wait, is Brie wearing anything under her blazer? Okay, not even faux-classy. 4/10
Melanie: I don’t get how Snoop Dogg = business attire. Well at least we didn’t have the Divas coming out dressed as video vixens, no we’ll save that for when Flo Rida guest hosts. Like Erin, I felt this looked faux-classy rather than genuinely classy. I guess I just can’t buy the Bellas in this type of attire. 5/10
Steven: On their first week back on the Raw roster, The Bellas go for classy as opposed to trashy. They definitely look a lot better in darker colors than their usual bright  red. Good to see them leave the big ass flowers home, as well. 7/10

BETH PHOENIX
Erin: I like layering as much as the next person, but this is ridiculous. Cover up your bra, girl! 4/10
Melanie: Is Beth trying to pass on lingerie as an outfit? Good Lord… 2/10
Steven: Did the lights blow out in the Divas’ locker room, because Beth obviously got dressed in the dark this week. Did no one feel obligated to tell her that her bra was showing? The only thing saving The Glamazon from a 0/10, is the hair (which is looking great). 2/10

Read on for more of this week’s outfits and to see who’s been branded our winner and loser.

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Diva Dirt’s Topical Barometer: Highs & Lows for the Week of October 19th

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topicalbarometer
Key: Hot; this was well done. Tepid; this was middle of the road. Cold; this was miserable.

Diva Dirt prides itself on original content, which is why we have totally jacked a fabulous idea from Alan Carr — the topical barometer! Every week, we’ll be looking at the highs and lows and finding out where they rank on our topical barometer. What’s hot? What’s tepid? What’s cold?

topicalhot_102409supesTara & Kim Couture Altercation, Bound for Glory
Tara got a shock at Bound for Glory last Sunday when MMA fighter, Kim Couture showed up in the crowd! The duo got into an altercation that has lead to conflicting reports as to whether it was all an angle or whether it was real.
Verdict: Tepid. I thought the angle at Bound for Glory looked good and came across well, but the lack of follow-through and conflicting reports on what was going to happen here have lead this feud to drop from being ‘hot’ to ‘tepid’. Though TNA seems to have gone to the trouble of bringing in Kim Couture, none of the MMA press or wrestling press for that matter, were too favourable of the angle. Then there’s the lack of mention on TNA Impact also. It looks as though this was a one-shot deal that served very little purpose.

breaker

topicalhot_102409supesDaffney Goes Through Barbed Wire Table, Bound for Glory
Fearless TNA Knockout, Daffney went through a barbed wire-laden table at Bound for Glory last weekend, marking yet another crazy bump that she has endured in the past year. Since joining TNA, Daffney has been part of several crazy spots and this one was perhaps the biggest yet.
Verdict: Hot. While I must be concerned for her health, for Daffney to take part in yet another spot of this caliber should be praised. This was a ‘holy shit’ moment that rivals some of the craziest spots performed by the male stars in WWE and TNA. Daffney truly does deserve an award for her fearless nature.

breaker

topicalhot_102409supesDiva Dancers, Monday Night Raw
Welcome to Raw, Eve! It was disconcerting to see Divas that can wrestle like Eve Torres, Gail Kim and Kelly Kelly relegated to ‘Diva dancers’ on Raw, this past Monday. Serving as Snoop Dogg’s Diva escorts, Eve, Gail, Kelly and the Bella Twins danced in the ring with the hip hop star like video vixens.
Verdict: Cold. If you consider the wealth and talent that Eve and Gail have, it seems pathetic to rub them with the same brush as the Bella Twins. No offence to them, but the only reason they were brought to Raw was to serve as eye candy for the guest host of the week. On the other hand, Eve, Gail and Kelly have carved out decent careers as wrestlers and as such shouldn’t be treated as glorified dancers.

More after the cut:

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