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Impact Write-Up (June 3rd, 2010): Making An Impact, Rosie Style!

Today’s Impact Write-Up is brought to you with a heavy heart and a rather somber approach. Last night, my precious kitty, Tygrr, succumbed to the afterlife after a very brave fight. She wasn’t but six weeks, but I was attached, and sadly she’s no longer with me. As sad as I am about her passing, it’s a relief to not have to watch her suffer any longer. This Write-Up is dedicated to my little baby and like the great Freddy Mercury once sang, “The show must go on.”

It did go on last night and in a big way, no pun intended of course. TNA saw the debut of a new Knockout; one who’s hiring was rather controversial in the first place. Rosie Lottalove made her first televised appearance against the number one contender to the Knockouts Championship, Roxxi. I’m pretty sure none of us looked at this match on paper (or computer screen) and expected an instant classic. Personally, I can’t believe someone who brutally injured another Knockout got a job but it is what it is (still my favorite saying). Rosie was the first woman to make her way to the ring and good lord. Words don’t even begin to do her outfit justice so I’m not even going to try. She’s certainly got a sparkling personality. I love the way she was announced too.

Instead of focusing on Rosie’s ring entrance, TNA showed their class by highlighting Rosie’s tryout match against Daffney. You can bet that alone is going to make my “Ugly” section because a lot of rude things are coming to mind right now. Maybe I’ll calm down before I get to the ranting part of this column. Nonetheless, the video package gives Taz the opportunity to put Rosie over by saying Daffney is now on the injured reserved list and that’s why we haven’t seen her in quite some time.

Question: Taz, why haven’t we seen ODB and Hamada in “quite some time”?

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Impact Write-Up (May 27th, 2010): Impact Fails To Impress. Water Is Wet. Turbatu Is Red Clay. C’est Le Vie.

It’s just after 4 AM and I’m feeling quite sprightly at the moment. The French Open is on my television. Rafa Nadal is playing. The entire Impact show is up on YouTube so I don’t have to leave the comfort of my livingroom desk and big screen TV in order to recap the Knockout action for each and every one of you. At the time of this introduction, I have yet to watch the match itself but it features Lacey Von Erich. That fact alone makes this an epic in the making and I know that secretly all of you are closet Lacey fans. Without Lacey, you’d have nothing to look forward too or complain about! And speaking of our girl, she her part of the show involved a tag team title defense alongside the devious Velvet Sky. The two Beautiful People were in action against Sarita and Taylor Wilde, who to my knowledge have done nothing to earn a tag title shot, but whatev. At least they’re on television for like the third week in a row so I’m not going to complain.

The Knockout portion of Impact starts with a stupid promo for Halfpint Brawlers which isn’t a surprise if you read spoilers. Something named Puppet is sitting at the commentary table with Taz and Mike Tenay. Apparently he’s the owner of the new midget show and he puts it over before we go to the backstage area. Christy is standing by with Roxxi, who last week defeated Madison Rayne in a non-title match. Roxxi is wearing her ugly brown outfit again, but Christy sports a pair of fit jeans and a white wife beater. Christy talks about Roxxi’s victory over Madison and welcomes her back to TNA with open arms. Roxxi replies that it’s great to be back and that she’s looking forward to her time in TNA. As she’s talking, the video of her injury is being played. I’m totally shutting my eyes because it’s just far to gross to watch again. Roxxi says that the position she’s in now is a familiar one but this time, she’s not going to let her chances slip through her fingers. Roxxi’s pretty pumped and ready to go, and Christy decides to drop a bomb. She mentions to Roxxi that because of her (Roxxi’s) victory last week, Roxxi will be Madison at Slammiversary for the TNA Knockouts Championship. Roxxi gets all excited over the opportunity and basically freaks out. Christy is super giddy herself and Roxxi finally takes the microphone and tells Madison that she will meet her at Slammiversary.

Christy sends it back to the ring area where Sarita and Taylor are waiting for the Beautiful People. Puppet is invited to stick around for commentary (oh joy) and the BPs begin to make their way to the ring. I refuse to talk about their entrance ever again so to take up this writing space I want to say that Rafael Nadal is wearing my favorite color combination at this year’s French Open – lime green and turquoise. True story. Instead of discussing the in-ring action, the announcers and the midget begin to talk about Halfpint Brawlers. Shocking. Velvet and Sarita are looking to kick things off and Sarita catches Velvet around the waist. Velvet reverses whatever Sarita was planning and hiptosses her to the mat. Velvet’s super proud of herself but Sarita’s not down for long. She Shawn Michaels’ up to her feet and when Velvet turns around she shrieks and goes back at Sarita. Sarita brings her down and goes for a quick roll-up, but she only gets a two count. Velvet’s back up in a flash but is brought down with an elbow. Sarita makes the tag to Taylor, then splashes Velvet just to do it. Taylor mounts her first bit of offense by somersaulting on top of Velvet and she goes for the cover. Another two count.

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Returning Knockout Shoots to Top of the Pile: Knockouts Title Match on PPV

Returning TNA Knockout, Roxxi whose comeback aired last week on Impact, is shooting to the top of the Knockouts roster with a Knockouts Championship match against Madison Rayne at the Slammiversary pay per view on June 13th. The match was announced last night on Impact and comes after Roxxi defeated Rayne in a non-title match … Read more

Impact Write-Up (May 20th, 2010): Welcome Back, Roxxi! And May I Add, You’re Looking Fab!

This past Sunday at Sacrifice we sadly watched as Tara’s TNA career came to an end at the hands of TNA Knockouts Champion, Madison Rayne. The young champion finally earned her stripes and hopefully a little respect within the wrestling community with her big win over Tara. This week, on the heels of her biggest TNA victory, Madison competes against TNA familiar face, Roxxi, in a non-title match up. How did they both fare? Well stop wondering and keep reading! Like duh!

Roxxi is out to the ring first and to be honest, I probably wouldn’t have recognized her if I hadn’t read the spoilers. She looks pretty good. Her hair has grown into a cute bob and the highlight job… superb. She’s got a great hairstylist, let me tell you. The only thing about her appearance that bothers me? The weird brown outfit. Not a fan really. TNA explains her mysterious, five-month absence by taking us back to New Year’s Knockouts Eve and the match featuring Roxxi and Hamada. Like a moron, I pause the video to type this little section up and I pause it on the grotesque angle that shows Roxxi foot being broken. It’s a horrible angle and I’ll probably have nightmares when I go to sleep.

But hey, all you Hamada fans should be happy. She got mentioned and we got a three second video!

Yes, I’m cruel tonight. Not sure why I feel so damn feisty. Anyway, I’m getting sidetracked. Roxxi stands in the ring and homegirl looks stacked and fit. I’m loving her appearance and now it’s time for the champion to come to the ring. Madison is alone and that suits me just fine. I really didn’t want to write about the lesbian entrance of the BP for the 3490749327402th time. Madison looks pretty adorable herself and I just appreciate the way she’s carrying herself now. Since winning that title, Madison has started to carry herself with this very appealing little swagger. It suits her, as does championship gold.

Mike Tenay reminds us that Roxxi has had issues with the BP for ages as the bell rings and the match gets underway. The more powerful of the two women, Roxxi, takes control right off the bat. She rolls Madison into several pinning combinations before beginning to work over Madison’s arm and shoulder. Eventually the champ is thrown into one of the corners, flattened against it thanks to a splash, and once she comes tumbling out of it, Roxxi bounces off the ropes and flies at her with a knee. Madison luckily dodges this and Roxxi gets hung up on the ropes. Madison clubs her taller opponent in the back a few times before grabbing her by the hair and slamming her down to the mat. Roxxi’s head bounces off the ground and she’s in obvious pain now. Welcome back, right?

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In Pictures: Past & Present Divas, Knockouts at ‘Legends of the Ring’

A smörgåsbord of Divas and Knockouts, from past and present, attended the ‘Legends of the Ring’ convention this past weekend in Monroe, New Jersey. Among them included The Celebrity Apprentice star Maria Kanellis, TNA Knockouts Champion Madison Rayne and one half of the Knockouts Tag Team Champions, Velvet Sky. Other names part of the event … Read more

Sacrifice in Review (May 16th, 2010): Down Came the Rayne and Washed the Spider Away

This is a bittersweet day for me and I’m sure a lot of readers will share my sentiments. The Knockouts division is on a decline and last night it lost one of its best performers. We knew it was coming, but that didn’t help dull the sting. Tara put her career on the line against Madison Rayne‘s Knockouts Championship and the champion walked away with the victory. Our last TNA images of Tara will forever be her being escorted from the ring by a security guard but the effect and impression she left on us fans will always be remembered.

The Knockout portion of Sacrifice begins with the Knockouts Tale of the Tape. They have a cute little joke up about how these BP spill gold, not oil. For some reason, I didn’t laugh. Maybe it’s because the oil spill has basically threatened all the businesses in my little town and that indirectly threatens my job, and yeah. Oil spill jokes equal not funny. They also mention that this is Madison’s chance to prove herself and that this could be the last time we ever see Tara. Speaking of, the former Knockouts Champion is the first woman to make her way to the ring. Now in my opinion, she already seemed a little emotional. I don’t know if it’s just me, but she seemed to sense that this was it, basically, and you could tell in her face and in her eyes. She savours her ring entrance and then her music is cut and replaced by that belonging to the Beautiful People.

The lovely trio makes their way to the ring and for once, all three look classy and gorgeous (ignore Velvet’s bra straps showing, plz). Lacey wows me in her maxi dress and I really like Madison’s top. They do their usual shtick must to Tara’s annoyance and once that’s all said and done, Madison decides to send the girls to the back. She wants to go at this alone and Velvet’s unsure. Madison reassures them both that everything is fine and as Lacey and Velvet are trying to leave, Tara attacks Madison from behind and sends her spilling out of the ring. It takes a second for Madison to gather her bearings but she does just in time and bounces up to fight back at Tara. She punches her a few times and then sends her back into the ring. Madison looks fairly confident and takes her time getting back in the ring. Tara greets her, rudely, but Madison is able to get control back and she levels Tara with a vicious kick to the face.

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Impact Write-Up (May 13th, 2010): Two Times the Tara, Lacey Von Face?, More Randomness

So it’s been awhile since I’ve had to do an Impact Write-Up and to be honest, I’ve enjoyed my little vacation from the asinine side show that has become Total Non-Stop Action. I, for one, am incredibly glad that TNA copped out on this whole Monday Night Wars 2.0 thing because they were getting anally raped and not in some sadistic, kinky way. Once upon a time, the Knockouts flourished on Thursday nights. They ran the company with their perfectly manicured hands balled into tiny iron fists. They set the standard for women’s mainstream wrestling and made the Divas seethe with envy over their greatness. If there truly is a wrestling god (I’m talking to you, JBL!) then this move for TNA back to Thursday nights will light a fire under the collective asses of “management” over there and us Knockout fans will get to see our girls shine like the sun on a perfect, late Spring day. No more clouds in the sky for the Knockouts. Use them wisely, TNA. They are your ratings!

How’s that for an intro?

So this week’s Impact is the first official Thursday show, not to mention the last show before TNA Sacrifice. There was a lot of Knockout action tonight and you know, it actually seems slightly interesting. Tara competed not once, but twice tonight against Taylor Wilde and Sarita. The Beautiful People had a backstage segment and Madison Rayne finally told everyone they needed to let the new girl run with the ball and basically just accept the fact she is champion. Velvet Sky continued to be snarky towards Lacey Von Erich, who showed the first signs of what I feel could be a face turn coming in her future. And Chelsea starred in a fun angle that basically dominated the entire show. I hope you guys are ready for all the HKA… hot Knockout action!

The Beautiful People are backstage with Jeremy Borash and it’s basically Madison’s chance to get people hyped up for Sacrifice. She calls Tara out on her ridiculous behavior and psycho-like obsession for the Knockouts Championship. Madison reminds everyone that she is champion now and that basically it’s her turn to run the Knockouts division. Madison puts over the fact that she’s a fresh face for the division and then Velvet chimes in that all the gold will stay where it belongs come Sunday because she says so. Lacey Von Erich, who’s been spastic this entire time, cuts Velvet off before she can finish, steals Velvet’s line, and basically runs off to pee. Velvet gets seriously irritated but Madison gently reminds her that Lacey is really pretty and the segment fades back to the ring area. Tara versus Taylor Wilde is next.

Taylor Wilde is out to the ring first and she has Sarita with her. They do their horrible ring entrance (what’s up with female tag teams having choreographed entrances now?) and then Tara makes her way out. She’s looking fit and feisty, and we get reminded about all the drama she had last week with Taylor and Sarita. Wilde is attempting to look tough at this point and honestly, her acting makes me laugh. She’s like a little poodle who’s trying to stare down a raging bulldog and it’s not going to end pretty for her, I’m sure. The referee orders Sarita out of the ring and now we have two former Knockouts Champions about to go at it.

Tara turns her back to Wilde, and begins to badger Sarita. That gives the Canadian a chance to catch Tara off guard and she fights the bigger woman down to the mat. The referee pulls Taylor off of Tara, and Tara rolls out of the ring. She attempts to collect herself, but Taylor is perched on the ring apron and comes flying off. Tara is taken to the ground, mounted, and punched repeatedly in the face and head. Taylor is once again pulled off Tara and she’s not really overjoyed by it. Tara rolls into the ring and when Taylor follows after her, Tara attempts to take her down. Taylor ducks and takes Tara down with a knee to the abdomen.

Tara backs up to the ropes and begs Taylor to stop. The blonde is understandably weary at this request and motions at Tara to come at her. Tara is pleading with Taylor, saying that they’re friends and whatnot, and all Taylor can do is glare. She’s not buying it and for some reason, she gets the bright idea to charge at Tara. Tara sends her flying through the ropes and Taylor lands on the entrance ramp. Tara gets out of the ring and slams Taylor’s face off the floor only once before tossing her back inside. She grips the ropes and attempts to somersault onto Taylor, but Taylor moves and Tara lands on her pancake!

Taylor springs into action via the middle rope and launches herself off. Tara catches her with a sloppy kick to the stomach but Taylor sells it anyway because that’s her job. Tara goes for the cover and gets the three count, which is a shady ending to a pretty nice little match but oh well. Tara rips off her own kneebrace and begins to beat down Taylor with it. Taylor acts like she’s getting nailed to the cross. Apparently the pain she’s feeling from this post match attack is excruciating. Sarita finally makes the save and Tara bolts, receiving a nice round of applause and a light chant on her way out.

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Madison Rayne on Impact Moving Back to Thursdays, Tara & New Knockouts

The Knockouts Champion, Madison Rayne has been making the media rounds in the last few days it seems. This time, she speaks to gaming website IGN on a host of topics including TNA’s move back to Thursday nights which kicks off tonight:

As long as we’re still getting our spot on national TV I think everyone in the company’s got something to be proud of. But personally I think it’s a good move to go back to Thursdays. I don’t feel like we jumped back to Thursdays because we were “running scared” like a lot people have been saying. Or because we couldn’t keep up with the competitor. I don’t think it was that at all. Dixie Carter and the office at TNA talked to the fans and reached out to the people who were important and helped, over seven years, put us where we are. For the most part, wrestling fans are wrestling fans, so TNA being on Monday night was going to hurt both companies. Whereas if there’s a night for the other product – a separate night where TNA can shine – the wrestling fans are going to be happy because they’re going to get to see wrestling almost every night of the week now. I think it’s a good move.

Rayne also comments on outgoing TNA Knockout, Tara — her opponent this Sunday at the Sacrifice PPV — who she says she looked up to [along with Trish Stratus] when she aspired to be a wrestler:

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Madison Rayne Dismisses House Show Rumour

TNA Knockouts Champion, Madison Rayne has taken to her MySpace page to dismiss recent rumours that she missed house shows due to financial difficulty. Rayne writes: First of all, the reports about me “missing appearances” lately due to financial trouble are false. When Daffney and Angelina were both injured a few weeks ago, other girls … Read more

Impact Write-Up (May 3rd, 2010): TNA Should Cleanse Their Booking Staff, One Ugly Person At A Time

When it comes to TNA, they always drop the ball when it comes to the live shows so imagine my surprise and shock when they exceeded even my low expectations this week. Announced over the weekend, was a title match where all three titles were on the line; The Beautiful People defending against Tara, Taylor Wilde, and Sarita. It sounds good on paper (sort of…) but it was an actual hot mess on television. The MIA tag team known as Saritaylor were mere stand-ins tonight and TNA’s weird booking once again came into play. If you want to watch the mess unfold, go ahead and click the video. If you don’t, then I don’t blame you. I want to forget Impact was even on television last night.

Even though it was a crappy night for the Knockouts as a whole, it was a decent night for the Beautiful People. Earlier in the show, Madison Rayne, Velvet Sky, and Lacey Von Erich were seen backstage in their lockerroom. All three girls were either sitting or standing at their vanity table and they were messing with their make-up and just generally looking at themselves in the mirror. They were having a conversation about how hard it was to be a champion and Lacey starts talking about how her back is always killing her. She goes on to say that things aren’t so bad during the day but when she wakes up after a good night’s sleep she is basically in a world of hurt. Velvet gives her a look and politely tells her she’s not supposed to wear the title to bed. Lacey is like “I thought we weren’t supposed to take them off” and the other two girls just groan. Madison is a little annoyed that they’re being forced to defend the belts again but Velvet calms her down and states what we all know to be true: the BP are the entire Knockouts division. Velvet goes on to say that no one is a threat to them and this and that, and the segment ends with Lacey triumphantly announcing that they weren’t supposed to take the belts off and that she knew that all along.

Tara and Saritaylor are in the ring as the Beautiful People begin to make their way down the entrance ramp. I’m not going to bore you with the details of their entrance but it’s certainly sparkly this week. Tenay and Taz run down the rules for the match and when the bell rings, Tara decides she’s going to begin the match for her team. She tries to tell this to Sarita and Taylor, and when they don’t seem to get it, she demonstrates by shoving Taylor rather stiffly a few times to get her out of the ring. Taylor is like whatever and does what she’s told and Tara turns her back. Lacey is waiting for her and she’s looking pumped to start this match. The sultry blonde is decked in silver and black, and she’s ready for action. Lacey begins to dance around in the ring much to the chagrin of Tara, and Tara finally kicks her, doubling Von Erich over in pain. She slams Lacey down, rolls over her for a pin, but changes her mind and goes for a front guillotine choke instead. Tara shoots dirty looks over her shoulder at her partners while the referee tries to get her to let up on Lacey. Finally she spits at Taylor and Sarita, which is pretty unsanitary, and she picks Lacey up.

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Impact Write-Up (April 26th, 2010): Two Thumbs Up For The Knockouts

This Impact Write-Up is bittersweet for me. As great of a night as this was for the Knockouts, I think of the repercussions it had. We learned last week that at this particular taping not one, but two Knockouts were ultimately injured and it’s unclear when they will return. One of the stars of tonight’s Impact, Angelina Love, suffered a few injuries thanks to the segment we will get to see. I’m not sure how bad her injuries were or if she will miss any time, so maybe someone in comments can clear it up for me. I want to dedicate this Write-Up to Angelina and our Zombie Hot goddess, Daffney. Get well soon and get back ASAP. TNA needs you both and so do all of the fans!

Now with the sap out of the way, lets get down to business. A lot of us were annoyed last week with the lack of Tara and Angelina in our lives and thankfully, TNA made up for it this week. Angelina and Tara squared off in one amazing post match fight that gave Knockout fans from around the world ample opportunity to get to their feet and cheer their faces off. But prior to that, there was a match featuring brand new Knockouts Champion, Madison Rayne, defending against the two former champions; Tara and Angelina.


Skip ahead to 3:45 unless you want AJ Styles hotness!

Before the match starts, we’re treated to a backstage segment featuring the Beautiful People and to say they’re unhappy about Madison’s title defense would be an understatement. The BP are downright furious that Madison has to step into the ring against two former champions. As Madison rants, she points out that doesn’t even need to be pinned in order to lose her Knockouts Title and Velvet makes a highly disgusted sound. They talk about how it’s total BPD and after a minute, Lacey is like “oooh. Boston Police Department.” An awkward silence ensues for a half second before Lacey starts getting stroked and informed that BPD stands for “Beautiful People Discrimination.” Velvet claims that the minute the Beautiful People get things under control, TNA management literally starts falling over themselves to try and find ways to screw over the group. Lacey declares that no one can screw them and Velvet very gently reminds her that they can’t screw the Beautiful People “over.” Lacey agrees to that as well as Madison stands in the background shaking her head. Velvet’s getting super upset so Madison intervenes and says that as the new Knockouts Champion she is going to take care of both Angelina and Tara tonight. With the way the two of them have been barking over the title as of late, Madison will easily be able to cleanse TNA of not one, but two ugly people tonight.

A video package is played highlighting all the events that have led up to Angelina and Tara feuding and finally it’s time for the match. Angelina is the first woman to make her way to the ring and the crowd gives her a great pop. We’re reminded that she lost her title at Lockdown without getting pinned or submitting, and Tara comes out next. Tara has her mascot in hand and the cameras cut to a view of the ring where the referee is having to restrain Angelina from running down the ramp and attacking Tara before the match even begins! Tara reminds stoney-faced and taunts her rival, while the music of the Beautiful People begins to play. As usual, they make their way to the ring as the solid, cohesive unit they are and I must say, I want Velvet Sky’s shoes added to my closet right freakin’ now. Can someone please find out where she got them? Anyway, they do their usual thing but in a fun twist of events, the referee ejects them which leaves Madison on her own for this match.

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Impact Write-Up (April 19th, 2010): Really TNA? Really?

For all the crappy booking we’ve been forced to watch on TNA as of late, this past Sunday’s Lockdown was a refreshing treat. The cage match between The Beautiful People and Angelina and Tara signaled the end of some old angles and the beginning of some fresh ones. We were privy to a Tara turn, a brand new Knockouts Champion, and the culmination of the Beautiful People who have now reached their highest peak. The thought of a face Angelina and pyscho Tara feud was salivating to say the least and the announcement of a Knockouts Tag Team Championship match for Impact with the stipulation that Daffney would have a mystery partner led to plenty of afternoon speculation of just who that could be. Impact looked promising and the Knockouts seemed to be floating leisurely up, up, up.

Then Impact aired and what we got was a horribly short, stupidly booked match that made little if any sense. An injured competitor made her return and it went unnoticed because she wasn’t given a ring entrance. Angelina and Tara were left off the show which lead to much shaking of the head. How can you have such a dramatic angle the night before and not have it picked up or even mentioned on the next show? We got to watch Lacey Von Erich wrestle instead of Madison Rayne, who’s Knockouts Championship win wasn’t given the proper respect. Then we had to watch a big, powerful woman go down to an aerosol can of spray and get pinned for her team. There wasn’t really anything good about Impact. There wasn’t anything bad, either. It was all ugly considering everything that could have been done.

As I stated earlier, Daffney and ODB weren’t given entrances. This random ass pairing is pretty ridiculous in my opinion. It’s great that they decided to use someone different, but to pair her with Daffney? These two have nothing in common and to my knowledge, no previous interaction with one another. Maybe TNA were going for the comedy effect by making these two oddballs a team but it simply didn’t work. They were already in the ring as the pre-match glitz came to fruition which made it even more strange because TNA went out of their way to promote this match as something that could potentially be interesting. Whatever, right?

As the Beautiful People come to the ring it’s clear that the new Knockouts Champion isn’t going to be wrestling tonight. Madison is dressed in a little black dress with strappy wedge sandals. Despite all this, the ring announcer says she is going to be in the match anyway, while Lacey is the one at ringside. Madison didn’t even try to hide the can of what we’re going to call hairspray for the sake of this recap. I mean you can just see it and tell she is going to use it and that’s how the match is going to end. After TBP did their thing, Daffney and Lacey are two who decide to start the match off. It takes all of two seconds for Lacey to change her mind about that and she tags out to Velvet Sky before the match even properly begins.

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Lockdown in Review: It’s A Beautiful World and We All Just Live In It

It’s definitely a beautiful world these days when it comes to TNA. Last night on Lockdown, quintessential Beautiful People jobber, Madison Rayne, shocked the wrestling world as we know it and became the new TNA Knockouts Champion. The surprising win came just weeks after the title had changed hands in the controversial Lockbox segment. With the way TNA works these days, nothing should come as a surprise, but putting the title on Madison Rayne definitely made for great television last night in St. Louis. Lets take a look back at Madison’s historic win, as well as the long anticipated heel turn of Tara.

The Knockout portion of Lockdown begins with a video package highlighting the hot mess that has been the intertwining storyline these five women have found themselves in over the past couple of months. A rundown of the rules also takes place and the Beautiful People are the first team out. These three women look absolutely stunning. The best part of pay-per-views is the new ring attire that always debuts, and TBP did not disappoint. Between their amazing fashion and lesbian-like entrance, fashion gurus and pervs alike were satisfied. Not surprisingly, Tara and Angelina were given separate entrances. Tara was out before the Knockouts Champion and she took the time to pose with a guy who was holding a sign that read “Tara’s Future X-Husband.” Amazing. Tara was sporting a St. Louis Cardinals’ baseball cap (gag) and she had her precious baby with her as well. Tara gives a disgusted So Cal Val the spider, tosses the baseball cap to the crowd, and makes her way into the ring where TBP are just chillaxing. Angelina Love is out last and Velvet Sky starts to mock her ex-BFF by running around the ring with her hands behind her back mimicking being handcuffed.

Angelina pays no attention and starts pose, basking in her championship glory. She holds the belt up, showing it off, and finally gets into the ring in her own beautiful person style. She hands the title off to the referee, who shows off all three belts. Angelina and Tara don’t really seem to agree on who will start the match off, but Angelina eventually does and she takes Velvet down with a nice, girly spear. Velvet ends up getting beat on for a few seconds before she escapes, but since she’s not Houdini, she can’t make herself disappear. Angelina easily catches her and connects with an elbow, taking Velvet to the mat. Velvet is clearly flustered and scrambles to her corner while begging the referee for a time out. There’s no time outs in wrestling so Velvet smartly makes the tag and we get out first look at Madison.

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Impact Write-Up (April 12, 2010): Leather and Lace? More Like Bondage and Beat-downs.

Unless you’ve been living under a rock for the past few months, it’s plain as day to see that the Knockouts division is slowly going down hill. The girls are being turned into pretty face divas instead of being allowed to get down and dirty, and be the Knockouts we all know they can be. This week’s Impact was another sign that the times are changing with the little Florida based company that desperately wants to compete with the billion-dollar empire that calls Connecticut home. Last week’s lock box disaster included contract winner, Velvet Sky, announcing that she would be facing Angelina Love in a Leather and Lace match. We got that match this week (sort of) and a lot more.

Angelina is the first competitor to make her way to the ring. I’m not seeing much lace on her outfit, but whatever. She’s got the TNA Knockout Championship strapped around her waist so I guess she can do and wear whatever she wants. That’s fair. She looks gorgeous, either way, and right at home with that title. The crowd gives her a nice reaction and it’s cool to see Angelina as champion again even if she won it in a cheap way. Velvet comes out second and she’s got her title and a microphone. She stops at the ramp and announces that tonight’s match is not going to be leather and lace because none of the perverts deserve to see her goodies (nevermind that she was more covered up this week than usual). Angelina rolls her eyes, not surprised, because she knows better than anyone than Velvet is all about shenanigans. Velvet smiles so pretty and says that tonight she is going to face Angelina in a handcuff match and that she was gunna whip that booty. Angelina perks up and gets annoyed, especially when the referee starts to manhandle her. He slaps those cuffs on her pretty tightly and Velvet makes her way to the ring once Angelina is secured.

To Velvet’s surprise, Angelina is the first to mount some offense. She stiffly kicks Velvet as she’s slipping between the ropes. Velvet goes down and begins screeching her head off, while Angelina happily puts the boots to her ex-best friend forever. The referee eventually pulls Angelina off Velvet, which gives the devilish Miss Sky the chance to grab the Knockout Championship and hit Angelina with it. Angelina goes down like a ton of bricks and Velvet takes control. She motions for the microphone and tells everyone that she forgot something. The match is now under “I Quit” rules. Velvet starts to beat on Angelina and show her who the true beautiful person is. Angelina basically has no fight at this point because well she’s handcuffed and got smacked with a gold belt. The beat-down is pretty weak, but props to Velvet for protecting Angelina during it. Velvet continues her offense and in a really cool spot, she starts choking Angelina with her own hair. Once Velvet tires of that she gets up, grabs the microphone, and demands that Angelina say those two magic words. Of course Angelina refuses.

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Madison Rayne vs Tara

How’s that for a fast turnaround? TNA has uploaded a brand new Knockouts webmatch between Madison Rayne and Tara which was only taped on Tuesday night. Watch below:

Madison is first out to the ring with Lacey Von Erich in toe. Tara walks down to the ring a little bare, now that she is without her Knockouts Championship thanks to Lock Box-gate, the name of which is ridiculed by Taz. Our sentiments exactly, Taz.

As Tara poses in the ring with her pet tarantula, Poison, Madison flees the ring for her life seeking solace in Lacey VE. Madison eventually gets back in the ring and tries to act sexy and it comes off super unnatural. I have never bought Madison as ‘the sexy bitchy girl’ and I still don’t. Not to say she hasn’t worked hard in trying to develop into the role, but I still see the girl next door trying to act all sexy~ and it’s all awkward looking. Imagine Taylor Swift gyrating. Yeah… not pretty.

With Tara ‘mesmerized’ by her Kelly Kelly-like dancing, Madison goes for a kick but Tara grabs her leg and slams her down on the mat before mounting Rayne and hitting her with several haymakers. I’d like to think that Tara is unloading her tension over the night before here. Tara hits a scoop slam, takes off her top [as you do] and hits a beautiful standing moonsault into a cover but no dice.

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Impact Write-Up (April 5th, 2010): Are We Knockouts or Are We Divas?

Wow, I don’t even know how to start off this Write-Up. First, I guess, we all got a surprise last night when the 8-Knockout Tag Team match that was announced was mysteriously changed into this hot mess of a match with rules that were more confusing than a episode of Lost. If you want an in-depth explanation of what went down, please go and listen to the Post Raw and Impact Show or just watch this video of Christy explaining what’s going to happen with the Knockouts tonight.

So there you have it. The Beautiful People kick off the live Impact after Christy explains the rules and what’s at stake. Velvet Sky and Madison Rayne are looking adorable with their pink outfits and tag titles, but Lacey is missing in action interestingly enough. Velvet starts off by saying that the Knockouts continue to revolutionize this business and tonight the Beautiful People will own three of the four lock boxes. She claims they’re going to get the spider and squash it like they should have done ages ago. Then she says they’re going to get the open contract so they can dominate whoever they want, and last but not least, they’ll get the TNA Knockout Championship, which is apparently the highest honor for women in wrestling today. Madison takes her turn speaking next. She agrees with “Vel Vel” and says tonight the Beautiful People will get it all; everything they deserve and everything they are owed. While she’s talking, Lacey von Erich walks out of the bathroom wearing nothing but a smile and a fuzzy white towel. She takes front and center and says no one will ever forget the night they saw Lacey von Erich strutting around in her bra and panties.

LVE: “Tonight, everybody wins.”

Oh boy.

With the Knockouts basically spread through out the entire show, it’s awhile before we get another segment, but when we do, it’s Christy Hemme standing with Team Tara. Team Tara is comprised of soon-to-be former champ, Tara, Angelina Love, ODB, and Hamada.

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Angelina Love vs. Madison Rayne

Filling in for Cryssi, as it were, I’m bringing you all TNA’s latest webmatch, featuring former running mates Angelina Love and Madison Rayne, sans her fellow Beautiful People. Watch the match below:

The first thing I notice is that Angelina Love seems to be taking a page out of Mickie James’s book and wearing jeans to wrestle. I sincerely hope this isn’t some blossoming trend, because, in my opinion, it’s an awful look. It just doesn’t look like proper wrestling gear to me, and God almighty, they look like they’d be uncomfortable to wrestle in. It makes me feel like I’m about to watch an impromptu streetfight rather than a regular match. But, whatever float her boat, I guess.

The match starts amongst a chorus of “AN-GEL-I-NA” chants and, being the regular Raw columnist, I can’t help but feel a sense of awe at the fans showing such enthusiasm for a Knockout. I mean, of course, their venue at Universal is much smaller than the WWE’s average arena, but it’s been a long time since we’ve heard that kind of reaction from a WWE crowd for a Diva. Hell, at this point, the most we can hope for during a Diva match is anything but dead silence. But, I guess that has more to do with the WWE’s booking of their Divas that prevents them from getting over with the fans (and 15-second matches sure as hell aren’t accomplishing that) than it does the Divas themselves.

But anyways, back to our regularly scheduled programming. Angelina and Madison start with a collar-and-elbow tie-up, Madison gaining control. Angelina hits an arm drag and latches Madison into an arm bar, eventually standing up and hitting a leg drop on the prone arm. Both get to their feet and Angelina tries to wrench that same arm, but gets a boot to the stomach. Madison gets her in a side headlock, whipping her to the mat with a takedown and keeping the headlock applied on the mat.

Angelina’s shoulder hit the mat and the referee gets a 1-count. Angelina manages to power out, latching her legs around Madison’s neck and applying a headscissors. Madison repeatedly tries to kip-up out of the hold and Angelina eventually relents. When they both get to their feet, Angelina keeps control, hitting a forearm and an irish-whip, sending Madison into the ropes and hitting a hip toss on the return. She continues her offensive streak into a powerslam. Madison cowers in the corner and tricks Angelina into coming over, pulling her face-first into the turnbuckle. She uses her boot to choke Angelina on the bottom rope, the referee eventually getting her to stop.

Angelina tries to power back with a few shots to Madison’s midsection, but Madison keeps her down. She runs Angelina head-first into another turnbuckle, then choking her against that as well. She brings Angelina to the center of the ring, going for a suplex that she blocks, reversing the momentum into a small package pin. She gets a 2-count.

Right out of the pin, Madison lays her out with a clothesline. She then sets up an unorthodox move (one where you spend a few seconds thinking “What are you going for here?”), climbing onto a seated Angelina’s shoulders and flipping it, pounding her face-first onto the mat in some weird bucking motion. The crowd and Tazz (keep it under control, buddy) obviously go bug-eyed at it. She goes for the pin and Angelina kicks out at 2. She gets Angelina in a sleeper hold (at least this one can’t be construed as sexual..), and the crowd rallies behind Angelina as she slowly gets to her feet. A few well-placed elbows to Madison’s midsection get her free.

Angelina runs the ropes, ducking a clothesline from Madison and hitting one of her own. She goes on another offensive streak, sending Madison into the corner and hitting a bulldog when she staggers back to the center of the ring. She goes for the pin, and gets a 2-count. Angelina grabs Madison, but Madison gains control, grabbing Angelina’s head over her shoulder, but Angelina shoves her into the ropes, nailing a bicycle kick on the return, pinning Madison for the 3-count and the win.

That was a decent little match, and served to tell an interesting story, as it seems to be that Angelina is looking to take out one Beautiful Person at a time. I guess it doesn’t matter if it’s in an untelevised match. Still, Velvet Sky and Lacey Von Erich remain, and something tells me that matches with either of them won’t be as entertaining as the one we just saw. Madison, in my opinion, is the best worker of the three, and Angelina is fantastic herself. This was the best combination, and it’s a shame that it didn’t get air time on the main broadcast. Still, I’m glad to see and and I really enjoyed it, especially after being inundated with the crappy excuses for matches that the WWE has been serving up as of late. I could do without the face-pounding humping move, but beggars can’t be choosers. Wow, did I just write that sentence?

 

Impact Write-Up (March 23rd, 2010): WWE Take Notes: It is Possible to Use All Girls in a Match

Twenty-four hours after Daffney and Tara wowed us with their impressive match at Destination X, the Knockouts were back in action live on Impact with an 8-Knockout Tag Team match that had a scary Diva feel to it in a sense that they were trying to cram as many Knockouts into one segment as possible. The team of Knockout Champion, Tara, Angelina Love, Sarita, and Taylor Wilde took on Team Beautiful People (Lacey von Erich, Velvet Sky, and Madison Rayne) and Daffney.

The Knockouts had the privilege of being the opening match this week and the Beautiful People were the first ones out. Madison and Velvet had matching outfits on again while Lacey stuck out like a sore thumb as usual. That said, the von Erich spawn looked gorgeous. Madison and Velvet had their tag team titles strapped around their waists and on a personal note, I love seeing these girls with titles. Their tag team partner, from Sybil, Texas, Daffney came out next in the same outfit from Destination X. She’s proudly carrying Tara’s kidnapped pet and the Beautiful, who have high tailed it to the outside of the ring, are freaking out over the gross little critter. Daffney is showing off the tarantula when Tara comes storming down to the ring. She gets inside before Daffney sits the spider cage thing down and threatens to stomp on it. Tara begs her not to do it, and that gives those sneaky Beautiful People a chance to sleek into the ring and start stomping and beating on Tara. For the second week in a row, Daffney and TBP work together and Tara is the victim of a four-on-one beatdown until Saritaylor come running to the ring to make the save in their horrendous, circus freak matching outfits. Angelina isn’t far behind them. Shit hits the proverbial fan and we have an eight woman brawl which has really gotten the crowd going.

So of course, TNA goes to commercial break.

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A Supersized Unwrapped: Eye Candy for the Week of March 15th, 2010

Welcome to this week’s edition of Unwrapped! As always, we will be grading all of the new photoshoots (or “eye candy”, as we like to call them) from the week gone by, judging them like so:

Sweet (Great)Bland (Iffy)Sour (Awful)

You, the reader, will also get the chance to grade the “eye candy” yourself by giving your opinion on each shoot and voting for your favorite out of the whole bunch. Now, dive in!

Angelina Love‘s Going It Alone
Grade: Sour. Those of us hoping for a more refined look from Angelina upon her TNA return were sadly mistaken when she returned with the same messy style that she had prior. The choker around the neck, the boobs bursting out of the top and the ripped pants look are all clashing and just doesn’t look good at all. The poses offer no variety either with Angelina basically just changing her angles rather than her poses.
Click to see the rest of the photoshoot.

Christy Hemme‘s Fire & Water
Grade: Sweet. Not even going to beat around the bush — this may just be the best Knockouts photoshoot in TNA history. These TNA photoshoots are usually just taken against a white background and then overly saturated in Photoshop but this one, this fights all that and makes me want to see more. Christy comes across so seductive, tempting and gorgeous. Her red, fiery hair is coiffed to perfection in some of the shots and then we have the shots where she’s been doused in water — offering some extra edge. I can’t quite put my finger on why I like it, but Christy did a great job.
Click to see the rest of the photoshoot.

Read more to see the rest of this week’s photoshoots.

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