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Mr. Glamazon’s Hitting the Ropes – Issue #13

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Diva Dirt’s own Jennifer recently shared a great story:

In an interview I had a few weeks ago, we were asked, ‘If money was no question, and if you didn’t have to work for your livelihood, what would you do?’ My hand shot up. I was honest; I said, ‘I’d wrestle.’ The whole room erupted into laughter. The interviewer said, ‘Really?’ I said, ‘Yeah, I would love to wrestle.’ She thought I was the most interesting person in that interview, hah. I make no apologies – I’ll admit I’m a wrestling fan and if the conversation goes farther I admit my real passion is for women’s wrestling. If folks aren’t mature enough to handle that, then sucks for them. They don’t know what they’re missing.

 
I love this story for several reasons.  First of all, I love people’s passions.  I don’t care if you love the Civil War, collecting bottle caps, or writing poetry.  I am interested in hearing more about it.  I like seeing someone’s eyes light up when they talk about something they care about.  I love how Jennifer didn’t worry about the reaction in the room.  That’s the great thing about believing in something, about having a true passion.  You feel it inside of you and that’s all that matters.  I also love this story because it made me think, “Jesh, how would I truly answer that question?”  What would I truly love to do with my life?  

Well for starters, I know I wasn’t born to be a project manager.  The job is fine, I work with nice people, and I enjoy business travel, but I don’t jump out of bed every day and mark out because I get to generate project plans.  When I was a kid I saw the movie JAWS and wanted to be a marine biologist, but now I’m afraid of the ocean.  Plus I don’t really want to be in a small boat all the time…I like my TiVo too much.  So I’m glad I didn’t follow through with that.  The truth is that I’ve always kind of known what I wanted to be when I “grew up”.  I was born to be a booker.  I was born to script professional wrestling.  I never figured out how to pursue this dream, but I started to feel this way the night I saw my first match, October 1985 at the Hershey Park Arena.  The next thing I know I am buying my first Big John Studd action figure and I’ve been booking ever since.  Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy the actual matches, but I have always been more interested in putting together the card, of building the excitement of an entire show from one match to the next.  I think I’m pretty good at it too, because ever since 1985 I have been putting asses in seats.

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Impact Write-Up (July 22nd, 2010): Confusion Reigns Supreme But Not On Our Part For A Change

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Last week on Impact, the Knockouts took an unexpected, yet welcomed step in the right direction in terms of their booking. Whoever wrote the show or whatever gave all of us long suffering KO fans a well deserved treat in the form of a brilliantly scripted and well acted in-ring segment and a pretty darn good streetfight. Personally, it was almost to much for me to handle you know what I’m sayin’? This week, the action wasn’t overwhelming but it was still great, and very enjoyable to watch.

Tonight’s Knockout portion of Impact kicks off with a segment featuring Madison Rayne, Sarita, Velvet Sky, and Lacey Von Erich. Sarita and Madison are hanging out in the women’s lockerroom and they’re gossiping. Eventually the subject gets switched to Velvet, and Madison starts to run her mouth unaware that Velvet and Lacey have both walked up behind her. Lacey attempts to cover Velvet’s ears so she can’t hear the mean things Madison is saying, but it fails and Sarita goes quiet. Madison wants to know what’s going on and of course, Velvet is standing behind her when she turns around. Lacey begs them to stop, but Velvet’s not having that and she looks down her nose at Madison. She tells Madison that if she has something to say then she better say it to her face. Sarita is in the background smirking, but Velvet calls her out next. She basically accuses Sarita of being the mystery biker chick and tells her that she should keep the helmet on her big ass head. Bitching ensues and once again, Lacey tries to break it up. Both Madison and Velvet snap at Lacey like she’s a five year old, and then Madison gets all cocky, saying that tonight she is going to be handed back her TNA Knockouts Championship. Velvet just rolls her eyes and mentions that she still has her title because she never lost it. Both girls try and buck up to one another, and poor Lacey. She’s just stuck in the middle of all of this and getting treated like crap. Sarita and Madison both walk away, and Velvet and Lacey go off in the opposite direction. TNA goes to commercial.

After a bit of pointless crap, Angelina Love and Taylor Wilde make their way to the ring. Angelina is still wearing the Knockouts Championship but that’s about to change. The Beautiful People music hits and Sarita walks out with Madison. Sarita and Taylor are jawing back and forth at one another during the entire entrance  and Madison is literally bouncing to the ring with a bright smile on her face. Once all that is finished, senior referee, Earl Hebner, stands in the middle of the ring with a microphone in his hand. He informs Angelina, as well as the crowd, that the Board of Directors have no proof that a member of the Beautiful People was riding that bike therefore Angelina has to surrender the championship. Madison starts demanding that she be handed the belt, but after Angelina passes it off she cold cocks Madison right in the kisser. Taylor attacks Sarita and the fight between these four talented ladies is underway!

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Impact Write-Up (July 15th, 2010): Vintage Knockouts!

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A lot of fans, myself included, were absolutely horrified at the hot mess that was the Victory Road pay-per-view. The Knockouts match had one shit-tastic ending and I don’t know about you, but I made the decision then and there to write TNA off. It’s hard enough to watch it these days anyway, but when you end a title match in such a ridiculous fashion, it’s enough to turn a fan off for good. Fortunately, my Diva Dirt duties require me to watch the KO action every Thursday and wow! I’m super glad I had to do just that this week. In addition to a pretty good match, we got a massive segment featuring the new champ, the Beautiful People, and that not so mysterious mystery biker chick. I know it’s probably hard for all of y’all to fathom that Impact was actually a good watch, but believe me it is. I even double checked it myself to make sure I wasn’t dreaming. The proof lies within the confines of this Write-Up so stop wasting your time reading this pointless introduction and watch the videos!


skip ahead to 5:40

The Knockouts waste no time getting down to business tonight. Sarita and Taylor Wilde are shown backstage, and according to Taz, the ladies are scheduled to meet in a street fight later on tonight. It seems like both girls have decided to start the match early, because Sarita slams Taylor into one of the backstage walls. The fight is on and Sarita is basically dominating it. She’s screaming at Taylor that she’s finally getting rid of the dead weight, and that now, everything is going to be about her. Taylor takes several stiff shots, but she fights back hard. She gets Sarita down and begins to punch and choke her. Sarita is back up soon enough and the fight spills into another part of the backstage area. Sarita throws Taylor into several walls, and eventually Taylor is able to muscle Sarita off of her. The ex-Knockouts Champ throws Sarita into a door and takes off. She’s seemingly searching for some type of weapon, but comes away empty-handed. That brings Taylor back to a waiting Sarita. The sexy brunette takes her turn bouncing off the wall, and then gets knocked into a piece of equipment. While Sarita is doubled over, Taylor starts to beat on her. Sarita is able to gain the advantage back and she starts telling Taylor that she has always been better than her, and that everyone knows it. Taylor is thrown into a piece of backstage furniture, and then kicked down to the ground.

Taylor bounces back up and grabs a steel pipe, which she swings wildly. Sarita, thankfully, ducks and the pipe slams into the wall above Sarita’s head. Sarita gets up and kicks Taylor away, but the blonde grabs a chair and starts to smack her former tag team partner with it. Sarita is momentarily stopped by this, but it doesn’t last long. She overpowers Taylor and throws her into the photo shoot area. Taylor has her head slammed into the ground and Sarita gets down with her. She finally locks Taylor into a submission move and starts bitching at her some more.

So of course Impact goes to commercial break.

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Victory Road: Angelina Becomes Four-Time Champion, Mystery Knockout Appears

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For the second month in a row, there was a major swerve during the Knockouts Championship match on pay per view. Angelina Love became the first ever four-time Knockouts Champion tonight at Victory Road, defeating Madison Rayne by disqualification due to ‘interference by The Beautiful People’. The stipulations of the ‘Title vs Career’ match meant … Read more

Impact Write-up (July 8th, 2010): What’s Worse? Daffney Reduced To Jobber or Madison Dissing Someone’s Weave?

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Last week on Impact, Knockouts Champ, Madison Rayne, faced off against Taylor Wilde in a match that was overshadowed by several superficial things and a very memorable backstage brawl. Angelina Love would end up getting involved and you had the makings of a really decent Impact. This week, the shoe was on the other foot as Angelina got into the ring. She took on Diva Dirt favorite, Daffney, in a lopsided match and stipulations were placed on this Sunday’s championship match. Post-match promo hilarity ensued and there was no follow-up to the Saritaylor falling out. Oh well.

To kick off our Impact coverage tonight, everyone’s favorite goth queen, Daffney, is in the ring and she’s set to take on Angelina Love, the number one contender to the Knockouts Championship. It’s nice to see the crowd react so warmly towards Daffney, and Angelina’s reaction is just as nice. After Angelina completes the posing portion of her ring entrance, the two femme fatales begin to stare one another down from opposing ends of the ring. As soon as the bell rings, both Knockouts lock-up and Angelina immediately takes control by working over Daffney’s wrist. Zombie Hot is able to turn that in her favor in almost no time but Angelina no sells the armbar and slams her knee into the gut of her opponent. Daffney doubles over in pain, but she doesn’t release the hold, so Angelina does it again. This jars Daffney’s grip and Angelina is able to whip Daffney into the ropes and take her down with a clothesline.

Daff bounces back to her feet, but Angelina just knocks her down for a second time. This time, Angelina pulls Daffney up and locks her in a side headlock. Daffney attempts to fight out of this with a few elbow shots to Angelina’s stomach, and she gets sent to the ropes. She comes flying at Angelina but the crafty, blonde Canadian sends the Scream Queen down once again with a flying spinning heel kick. Daffney is very slow to get to her feet, but when she does, she manages to send Angelina across the ring and towards one of the opposite turnbuckles. She charges forward, but Angelina is waiting on her and catches Daffney with an elbow. This sends Daffney reeling and Angelina once again pounces with a pretty standard headlock.

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Impact Write-Up (July 1st, 2010): ECW Originals, Weaves, And Bad Fashion Distract From What May Have Been A Good Match

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Before I even get started, I want to give a big, Southern Belle thanks to Jennifer who graciously stepped in for me last week and forced herself to write about Impact.  I know that at times it can be depressing and rather unfortunate, but Jennifer was able to preserver and shed a beautiful, shining light on something I found repetitive and downright excruciating. She has inspired me to look at TNA this week with an open mind and a glass half-full approach, so Jennifer thank you for that. I will definitely be thinking of sunshine, rainbows, naughty time with my husband, Justin, and lots of ice cream.

Wow, did I really just use “Justin” and “rainbow” in the same sentence? Damn you all.

Ahem! Moving on to more important things tonight’s action. TNA Knockouts Champion, Madison Rayne, took on former champion and TNA Tag Team Champion, Taylor Wilde. Number one contender, Angelina Love, made her presence felt and in addition to the match, we got a fun backstage brawl involving Sarita, and a Chelsea appearance. Lots to talk about for a change.

Taylor Wilde is the first competitor in the ring. They make sure we know she’s a former Knockouts Champion and her outfit just leaves me scratching my head. Taylor, between you and I, that is not a flattering look for you! The champ, Miss Madison, is out next and she’s looking mighty lovely. Yeah, who am I kidding? Madison looks downright awful with her new hairdo. That’s a crying shame because she was so pretty before. Blah. Her outfit is great though. As Madison’s entrance takes place, the commentators run down Angelina’s dominance over Lacey and Velvet the previous two weeks, and finally it’s time for the match to get started. The girls lock up and Taylor takes Madison down early. She rolls over her, attempts a headlock, but Madison wiggles free and brings both back to their feet. She jerks Taylor’s head back by the hair and starts screaming in her face and waving her finger. Sheesh Madison. The referee slaps Madison on the arm to get her to stop and that understandably pisses off Madison because you’re not supposed to hit a woman. Madison whirls around to question his actions which allows Taylor to get back in the swing of things. She turns Madison around and slams her in the jaw with a convincing punch. Madison staggers but regains her balance and goes for a spear. Taylor ends up down on the mat and that gives Madison a chance to mount her and start punishing her.

The feisty little Knockout begins to slam Taylor’s head into the mat over and over, until the referee starts to bitch again. Madison unleashes her verbal fury on him but nonetheless, she gets up and drags Taylor over to the ropes. Taylor finds herself in a world of hurt as Madison starts choking her and pulling on her face. Madison backs off and sends Taylor to the opposite side of the ring. The blonde Canadian ends up using her momentum to reverse Madison’s offense and bring her down with a lazy looking hurricanrana. She attempts another fancy move, but Madison somersaults out of it. In the end, Taylor maintains her control and Madison ends up on the receiving end of another shot to the face. Taylor motions for Madison to get up and when she does, she pushes her against the ropes and chops her across the chest. Taylor goes to throw Madison across the ring, but the savvy BP member hangs tough and jerks Taylor down by the hair. Madison turns her back and Taylor takes the opportunity to run towards the top rope and spring onto it.

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Impact Write-Up (June 24th, 2010): Bowling for Beautiful People

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Please Note: Due to problems with her computer, Cryssi will be away for a few weeks. In the meantime, please welcome Diva Dirt reader JenniferL134 who will be filling in.

Last week, Angelina Love declared her mission: to demolish The Beautiful People and regain “her” Knockouts Title at Victory Road. She said she would take out TBP one person at a time. She did so, starting with Lacey Von Erich, planting her head into a steel chair at the end of last week’s match. It may have gotten Love disqualified, but she couldn’t have cared less. The camera caught her saying, “One down… two to go.” The next person to feel her wrath is her former BFF, Velvet Sky. Will Vel-Vel come out victorious or will the Love Express roll over her? Watch below…


Skip to 04:40

We catch Madison Rayne and Velvet Sky in a restroom, Madison primping her hair (which has some prominent black streaks in it, like Velvet’s) in the mirror while we see Vel in the background, head down, very somber look on her face. (A public restroom? For shame ladies! I would’ve thought TBP had their own private, sparkling bathroom. I am aghast!) Madison talks about Lacey being in the hospital: “At least she’s used to lying on her back!” She laughs but notices Velvet didn’t respond. She turns and puts a hand on Vel’s face, forcing it upwards, asking if she was paying attention since she made “a funny!” Velvet takes Madison’s hand and removes it rather forcefully. At that point, Rayne tells Sky to get her head in the game because Angelina’s coming to take back what she thinks is rightfully hers. Velvet doesn’t reply; instead, she just stares at Madison and then walks away.

Part two of the match after the cut:

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Angelina Not Feeling Love for Lay-Cool

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Do I sense some tension? After co-Women’s Champion Layla and Vickie Guerrero made some defensive/unflattering comments about TNA on Twitter, three-time Knockouts Champ, Angelina Love took a shot of her own via her Facebook page. She wrote: So this is what I get for quickly flipping thru the channels on a friday night……a blonde & … Read more

Impact Write-Up (June 17th, 2010): Welcome To The Angelina Love Express. Destination: Victory Road.

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I just ripped off a Sue Sylvester quote for my title this week. I’m so sorry.

I don’t know about you guys, but the lack of Knockouts on last week’s Impact left me pretty bitter and disgusted. It was the last show before their pay-per-view extravaganza, Slammiversary, and they did absolutely nothing to build up to Roxxi versus Madison Rayne for the TNA Knockouts Championship. As awful as that was, the worst was yet to come as we witnessed an absolute travesty take place at Slammiversary. Roxxi was unceremoniously fired from TNA with little, to no explanation and we had to watch her once again sacrifice herself for this company that seemingly has no respect for her sacrifices and work ethic. The way TNA has treated Roxxi is despicable, but life goes on and now I suggest that all of us fans move on as well. As we found out tonight, Angelina Love is now back in action and she already has a title shot at TNA’s next PPV, Victory Road. With that in mind, Angelina stepped into the ring against Lacey von Erich, the woman who replaced her in the Beautiful People. The match wasn’t to shabby which is a lot more than I can say for Angelina’s ugly ring gear


skip ahead to 1:40

Mid-way through the first half of Impact, the camera cuts to a backstage shot of a pair of nicely tanned legs. One of the TNA Knockouts is laying down, or laying out, and as the camera pans up the female’s body, the guys who watch are treated to a barely covered backside. On said backside sits one of the TNA Knockouts Tag Team Championship belts and upon further review, the Knockout who is getting a massage is our girl, Lacey. She’s smiling and at peace with her surroundings as the masseur goes to work on her lower back. One of the commentators (Mike Tenay if I remember right) makes a remark that Lacey has an odd way of preparing for her match tonight.

Angelina made her way to the ring later on. We didn’t really get to see the ring entrance thanks to a video package of some TNA action figures that no one is going to buy, but whatever. I’m not exactly bothered. Angelina is already talking and she mentions that because she’s been sitting on the sidelines for the past six weeks thanks to an injury, she now knows how precarious an athlete’s position in life can be. It basically put everything in perspective for her, because Angelina realizes that every match could very well end up being her last because of all the risk factors involved in wrestling; one wrong move can end everything. Angelina says she is not going to waste another second of her career. She calls out Lacey, saying that it’s them two tonight, and come next week, she’s going to get Velvet. Angelina continues on by saying that at Victory Road she will regain her Knockouts Championship against Madison. Angelina tells Lacey to get out there now and the BP’s theme music hits.

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In Pictures: Past & Present Divas, Knockouts at ‘Legends of the Ring’

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A smörgåsbord of Divas and Knockouts, from past and present, attended the ‘Legends of the Ring’ convention this past weekend in Monroe, New Jersey. Among them included The Celebrity Apprentice star Maria Kanellis, TNA Knockouts Champion Madison Rayne and one half of the Knockouts Tag Team Champions, Velvet Sky. Other names part of the event … Read more

Mr. Glamazon’s Hitting the Ropes – Issue #4

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You never forget the sound.  Never.  When your knee snaps and you know something is terribly wrong, your body immediately goes ice cold and the sound — more like a short crumble when you smash a soda can — is forever a part of your life.  It can make you sick to think about even long after your knee is healed.  And let me tell you, you can never, ever, ever watch a knee injury on TV without feeling physically ill.  I blew out my left knee in December 2002, a complete tear of the anterior cruciate ligament (ACL).  There isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t hear the sound.  Unfortunately, now Melina can hear that sound too.

You become members of a strange fraternity.  As soon as you hear somebody is recovering from knee surgery you immediately ask: “So how did you do it?”   Then you tell the person the details of your own experience.  It is almost like comparing war stories.  The conversation is always the same:

“Yeah, I tore my knee up pretty good last winter.”
“Complete ACL tear?”
“Yeah”
“How did they fix it?”
“Used a cadaver…”
“Huh…I blew mine out 2 summers ago…basketball injury…chose the hamstring.”
“How’s it feel now?”
“Pretty good…hurts when it rains.”

Both people chuckle.

The recent rash of injuries to female wrestlers has been jarring.  Melina tore her ACL, Daffney suffered a bruised sternum, Mickie James had a serious staph infection, Angelina Love tore her ulnar collateral ligament, and SHIMMER star LuFisto suffered a stroke, all in the span of a few months.  And these are just the injuries that got reported.  Each and every wrestler is probably working with aches and pains that most of us would use as a reason to call in sick.  There is extreme pressure to perform even when not 100%, and combined with the increased physicality of the sport (i.e. high spots, ladders, tables, etc), serious injuries are likely to occur.  These are trained professionals but obviously accidents can happen.  Remember, just months after her debut, Beth Phoenix broke her jaw and needed reconstructive surgery causing her to miss close to a year of action.  (Hard to believe she has 12 screws in her jawbone.  That surgeon deserves a medal.)

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Impact Write-Up (April 26th, 2010): Two Thumbs Up For The Knockouts

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This Impact Write-Up is bittersweet for me. As great of a night as this was for the Knockouts, I think of the repercussions it had. We learned last week that at this particular taping not one, but two Knockouts were ultimately injured and it’s unclear when they will return. One of the stars of tonight’s Impact, Angelina Love, suffered a few injuries thanks to the segment we will get to see. I’m not sure how bad her injuries were or if she will miss any time, so maybe someone in comments can clear it up for me. I want to dedicate this Write-Up to Angelina and our Zombie Hot goddess, Daffney. Get well soon and get back ASAP. TNA needs you both and so do all of the fans!

Now with the sap out of the way, lets get down to business. A lot of us were annoyed last week with the lack of Tara and Angelina in our lives and thankfully, TNA made up for it this week. Angelina and Tara squared off in one amazing post match fight that gave Knockout fans from around the world ample opportunity to get to their feet and cheer their faces off. But prior to that, there was a match featuring brand new Knockouts Champion, Madison Rayne, defending against the two former champions; Tara and Angelina.


Skip ahead to 3:45 unless you want AJ Styles hotness!

Before the match starts, we’re treated to a backstage segment featuring the Beautiful People and to say they’re unhappy about Madison’s title defense would be an understatement. The BP are downright furious that Madison has to step into the ring against two former champions. As Madison rants, she points out that doesn’t even need to be pinned in order to lose her Knockouts Title and Velvet makes a highly disgusted sound. They talk about how it’s total BPD and after a minute, Lacey is like “oooh. Boston Police Department.” An awkward silence ensues for a half second before Lacey starts getting stroked and informed that BPD stands for “Beautiful People Discrimination.” Velvet claims that the minute the Beautiful People get things under control, TNA management literally starts falling over themselves to try and find ways to screw over the group. Lacey declares that no one can screw them and Velvet very gently reminds her that they can’t screw the Beautiful People “over.” Lacey agrees to that as well as Madison stands in the background shaking her head. Velvet’s getting super upset so Madison intervenes and says that as the new Knockouts Champion she is going to take care of both Angelina and Tara tonight. With the way the two of them have been barking over the title as of late, Madison will easily be able to cleanse TNA of not one, but two ugly people tonight.

A video package is played highlighting all the events that have led up to Angelina and Tara feuding and finally it’s time for the match. Angelina is the first woman to make her way to the ring and the crowd gives her a great pop. We’re reminded that she lost her title at Lockdown without getting pinned or submitting, and Tara comes out next. Tara has her mascot in hand and the cameras cut to a view of the ring where the referee is having to restrain Angelina from running down the ramp and attacking Tara before the match even begins! Tara reminds stoney-faced and taunts her rival, while the music of the Beautiful People begins to play. As usual, they make their way to the ring as the solid, cohesive unit they are and I must say, I want Velvet Sky’s shoes added to my closet right freakin’ now. Can someone please find out where she got them? Anyway, they do their usual thing but in a fun twist of events, the referee ejects them which leaves Madison on her own for this match.

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Another Top Knockout Injured Last Night

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As well as Daffney, now former Knockouts Champion Angelina Love was hurt at last night’s Impact tapings confirms TNA President, Dixie Carter. She writes on her Twitter page: Angelina Love suffered a partial bicep tear & complete ulnar collateral ligament tear at iMPACT taping. Out a few weeks. Our best wishes go out Angelina on … Read more

Lockdown in Review: It’s A Beautiful World and We All Just Live In It

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It’s definitely a beautiful world these days when it comes to TNA. Last night on Lockdown, quintessential Beautiful People jobber, Madison Rayne, shocked the wrestling world as we know it and became the new TNA Knockouts Champion. The surprising win came just weeks after the title had changed hands in the controversial Lockbox segment. With the way TNA works these days, nothing should come as a surprise, but putting the title on Madison Rayne definitely made for great television last night in St. Louis. Lets take a look back at Madison’s historic win, as well as the long anticipated heel turn of Tara.

The Knockout portion of Lockdown begins with a video package highlighting the hot mess that has been the intertwining storyline these five women have found themselves in over the past couple of months. A rundown of the rules also takes place and the Beautiful People are the first team out. These three women look absolutely stunning. The best part of pay-per-views is the new ring attire that always debuts, and TBP did not disappoint. Between their amazing fashion and lesbian-like entrance, fashion gurus and pervs alike were satisfied. Not surprisingly, Tara and Angelina were given separate entrances. Tara was out before the Knockouts Champion and she took the time to pose with a guy who was holding a sign that read “Tara’s Future X-Husband.” Amazing. Tara was sporting a St. Louis Cardinals’ baseball cap (gag) and she had her precious baby with her as well. Tara gives a disgusted So Cal Val the spider, tosses the baseball cap to the crowd, and makes her way into the ring where TBP are just chillaxing. Angelina Love is out last and Velvet Sky starts to mock her ex-BFF by running around the ring with her hands behind her back mimicking being handcuffed.

Angelina pays no attention and starts pose, basking in her championship glory. She holds the belt up, showing it off, and finally gets into the ring in her own beautiful person style. She hands the title off to the referee, who shows off all three belts. Angelina and Tara don’t really seem to agree on who will start the match off, but Angelina eventually does and she takes Velvet down with a nice, girly spear. Velvet ends up getting beat on for a few seconds before she escapes, but since she’s not Houdini, she can’t make herself disappear. Angelina easily catches her and connects with an elbow, taking Velvet to the mat. Velvet is clearly flustered and scrambles to her corner while begging the referee for a time out. There’s no time outs in wrestling so Velvet smartly makes the tag and we get out first look at Madison.

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Impact Write-Up (April 12, 2010): Leather and Lace? More Like Bondage and Beat-downs.

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Unless you’ve been living under a rock for the past few months, it’s plain as day to see that the Knockouts division is slowly going down hill. The girls are being turned into pretty face divas instead of being allowed to get down and dirty, and be the Knockouts we all know they can be. This week’s Impact was another sign that the times are changing with the little Florida based company that desperately wants to compete with the billion-dollar empire that calls Connecticut home. Last week’s lock box disaster included contract winner, Velvet Sky, announcing that she would be facing Angelina Love in a Leather and Lace match. We got that match this week (sort of) and a lot more.

Angelina is the first competitor to make her way to the ring. I’m not seeing much lace on her outfit, but whatever. She’s got the TNA Knockout Championship strapped around her waist so I guess she can do and wear whatever she wants. That’s fair. She looks gorgeous, either way, and right at home with that title. The crowd gives her a nice reaction and it’s cool to see Angelina as champion again even if she won it in a cheap way. Velvet comes out second and she’s got her title and a microphone. She stops at the ramp and announces that tonight’s match is not going to be leather and lace because none of the perverts deserve to see her goodies (nevermind that she was more covered up this week than usual). Angelina rolls her eyes, not surprised, because she knows better than anyone than Velvet is all about shenanigans. Velvet smiles so pretty and says that tonight she is going to face Angelina in a handcuff match and that she was gunna whip that booty. Angelina perks up and gets annoyed, especially when the referee starts to manhandle her. He slaps those cuffs on her pretty tightly and Velvet makes her way to the ring once Angelina is secured.

To Velvet’s surprise, Angelina is the first to mount some offense. She stiffly kicks Velvet as she’s slipping between the ropes. Velvet goes down and begins screeching her head off, while Angelina happily puts the boots to her ex-best friend forever. The referee eventually pulls Angelina off Velvet, which gives the devilish Miss Sky the chance to grab the Knockout Championship and hit Angelina with it. Angelina goes down like a ton of bricks and Velvet takes control. She motions for the microphone and tells everyone that she forgot something. The match is now under “I Quit” rules. Velvet starts to beat on Angelina and show her who the true beautiful person is. Angelina basically has no fight at this point because well she’s handcuffed and got smacked with a gold belt. The beat-down is pretty weak, but props to Velvet for protecting Angelina during it. Velvet continues her offense and in a really cool spot, she starts choking Angelina with her own hair. Once Velvet tires of that she gets up, grabs the microphone, and demands that Angelina say those two magic words. Of course Angelina refuses.

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A Supersized Unwrapped: Eye Candy for Weeks of March 29th & April 5th, 2010

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Welcome to this week’s edition of Unwrapped! As always, we will be grading all of the new photoshoots (or “eye candy”, as we like to call them) from the week gone by, judging them like so:

Sweet (Great) • Bland (Iffy) • Sour (Awful)

You, the reader, will also get the chance to grade the “eye candy” yourself by giving your opinion on each shoot and voting for your favorite out of the whole bunch. Now, dive in!

Angelina Love‘s Twisted Steel
Grade: Sour. Angelina Love, in her trademark trashy ring attire here posing backstage at the Impact Zone. I like this bright blue but seriously, Angelina’s ring attire is far too complicated and perplexing for anything to stand out. I mean just look at the top — you have blue, then you have animal print and then you have a black sequined boob tube. Good lord. The backgrounds in these shots provides an interesting contrast but honestly, it just looks odd and not nearly as abstract as it should.
• Click to see the rest of the photoshoot.

Chelsea‘s Could It Be Magic?
Grade: Sour. Poor Bellas, always stuck with the lame outfits to placate that week’s Raw guest host. This photoshoot is hilariously silly with Brie and Nikki in PVC magician’s assistant outfits. I don’t know about you but these just look like bondage outfits to me with hats and wands thrown in. Very PG!
• Click to see the rest of the photoshoot.

Read more to see the rest of this week’s photoshoots.

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Impact Write-Up (April 5th, 2010): Are We Knockouts or Are We Divas?

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Wow, I don’t even know how to start off this Write-Up. First, I guess, we all got a surprise last night when the 8-Knockout Tag Team match that was announced was mysteriously changed into this hot mess of a match with rules that were more confusing than a episode of Lost. If you want an in-depth explanation of what went down, please go and listen to the Post Raw and Impact Show or just watch this video of Christy explaining what’s going to happen with the Knockouts tonight.

So there you have it. The Beautiful People kick off the live Impact after Christy explains the rules and what’s at stake. Velvet Sky and Madison Rayne are looking adorable with their pink outfits and tag titles, but Lacey is missing in action interestingly enough. Velvet starts off by saying that the Knockouts continue to revolutionize this business and tonight the Beautiful People will own three of the four lock boxes. She claims they’re going to get the spider and squash it like they should have done ages ago. Then she says they’re going to get the open contract so they can dominate whoever they want, and last but not least, they’ll get the TNA Knockout Championship, which is apparently the highest honor for women in wrestling today. Madison takes her turn speaking next. She agrees with “Vel Vel” and says tonight the Beautiful People will get it all; everything they deserve and everything they are owed. While she’s talking, Lacey von Erich walks out of the bathroom wearing nothing but a smile and a fuzzy white towel. She takes front and center and says no one will ever forget the night they saw Lacey von Erich strutting around in her bra and panties.

LVE: “Tonight, everybody wins.”

Oh boy.

With the Knockouts basically spread through out the entire show, it’s awhile before we get another segment, but when we do, it’s Christy Hemme standing with Team Tara. Team Tara is comprised of soon-to-be former champ, Tara, Angelina Love, ODB, and Hamada.

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Angelina Love Regains Knockouts Title

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TNA crowned a new Knockouts Champion tonight in Angelina Love. The move ends Tara’s three month run as champion. Love won the belt in the ‘Lock Box Showdown’, literally just winning the belt for opening a box in what has to be the dumbest title switch in history. Nonetheless, Angelina becomes a three time champion … Read more

Angelina Love vs. Madison Rayne

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Filling in for Cryssi, as it were, I’m bringing you all TNA’s latest webmatch, featuring former running mates Angelina Love and Madison Rayne, sans her fellow Beautiful People. Watch the match below:

The first thing I notice is that Angelina Love seems to be taking a page out of Mickie James’s book and wearing jeans to wrestle. I sincerely hope this isn’t some blossoming trend, because, in my opinion, it’s an awful look. It just doesn’t look like proper wrestling gear to me, and God almighty, they look like they’d be uncomfortable to wrestle in. It makes me feel like I’m about to watch an impromptu streetfight rather than a regular match. But, whatever float her boat, I guess.

The match starts amongst a chorus of “AN-GEL-I-NA” chants and, being the regular Raw columnist, I can’t help but feel a sense of awe at the fans showing such enthusiasm for a Knockout. I mean, of course, their venue at Universal is much smaller than the WWE’s average arena, but it’s been a long time since we’ve heard that kind of reaction from a WWE crowd for a Diva. Hell, at this point, the most we can hope for during a Diva match is anything but dead silence. But, I guess that has more to do with the WWE’s booking of their Divas that prevents them from getting over with the fans (and 15-second matches sure as hell aren’t accomplishing that) than it does the Divas themselves.

But anyways, back to our regularly scheduled programming. Angelina and Madison start with a collar-and-elbow tie-up, Madison gaining control. Angelina hits an arm drag and latches Madison into an arm bar, eventually standing up and hitting a leg drop on the prone arm. Both get to their feet and Angelina tries to wrench that same arm, but gets a boot to the stomach. Madison gets her in a side headlock, whipping her to the mat with a takedown and keeping the headlock applied on the mat.

Angelina’s shoulder hit the mat and the referee gets a 1-count. Angelina manages to power out, latching her legs around Madison’s neck and applying a headscissors. Madison repeatedly tries to kip-up out of the hold and Angelina eventually relents. When they both get to their feet, Angelina keeps control, hitting a forearm and an irish-whip, sending Madison into the ropes and hitting a hip toss on the return. She continues her offensive streak into a powerslam. Madison cowers in the corner and tricks Angelina into coming over, pulling her face-first into the turnbuckle. She uses her boot to choke Angelina on the bottom rope, the referee eventually getting her to stop.

Angelina tries to power back with a few shots to Madison’s midsection, but Madison keeps her down. She runs Angelina head-first into another turnbuckle, then choking her against that as well. She brings Angelina to the center of the ring, going for a suplex that she blocks, reversing the momentum into a small package pin. She gets a 2-count.

Right out of the pin, Madison lays her out with a clothesline. She then sets up an unorthodox move (one where you spend a few seconds thinking “What are you going for here?”), climbing onto a seated Angelina’s shoulders and flipping it, pounding her face-first onto the mat in some weird bucking motion. The crowd and Tazz (keep it under control, buddy) obviously go bug-eyed at it. She goes for the pin and Angelina kicks out at 2. She gets Angelina in a sleeper hold (at least this one can’t be construed as sexual..), and the crowd rallies behind Angelina as she slowly gets to her feet. A few well-placed elbows to Madison’s midsection get her free.

Angelina runs the ropes, ducking a clothesline from Madison and hitting one of her own. She goes on another offensive streak, sending Madison into the corner and hitting a bulldog when she staggers back to the center of the ring. She goes for the pin, and gets a 2-count. Angelina grabs Madison, but Madison gains control, grabbing Angelina’s head over her shoulder, but Angelina shoves her into the ropes, nailing a bicycle kick on the return, pinning Madison for the 3-count and the win.

That was a decent little match, and served to tell an interesting story, as it seems to be that Angelina is looking to take out one Beautiful Person at a time. I guess it doesn’t matter if it’s in an untelevised match. Still, Velvet Sky and Lacey Von Erich remain, and something tells me that matches with either of them won’t be as entertaining as the one we just saw. Madison, in my opinion, is the best worker of the three, and Angelina is fantastic herself. This was the best combination, and it’s a shame that it didn’t get air time on the main broadcast. Still, I’m glad to see and and I really enjoyed it, especially after being inundated with the crappy excuses for matches that the WWE has been serving up as of late. I could do without the face-pounding humping move, but beggars can’t be choosers. Wow, did I just write that sentence?

 

Impact Write-Up (March 23rd, 2010): WWE Take Notes: It is Possible to Use All Girls in a Match

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Twenty-four hours after Daffney and Tara wowed us with their impressive match at Destination X, the Knockouts were back in action live on Impact with an 8-Knockout Tag Team match that had a scary Diva feel to it in a sense that they were trying to cram as many Knockouts into one segment as possible. The team of Knockout Champion, Tara, Angelina Love, Sarita, and Taylor Wilde took on Team Beautiful People (Lacey von Erich, Velvet Sky, and Madison Rayne) and Daffney.

The Knockouts had the privilege of being the opening match this week and the Beautiful People were the first ones out. Madison and Velvet had matching outfits on again while Lacey stuck out like a sore thumb as usual. That said, the von Erich spawn looked gorgeous. Madison and Velvet had their tag team titles strapped around their waists and on a personal note, I love seeing these girls with titles. Their tag team partner, from Sybil, Texas, Daffney came out next in the same outfit from Destination X. She’s proudly carrying Tara’s kidnapped pet and the Beautiful, who have high tailed it to the outside of the ring, are freaking out over the gross little critter. Daffney is showing off the tarantula when Tara comes storming down to the ring. She gets inside before Daffney sits the spider cage thing down and threatens to stomp on it. Tara begs her not to do it, and that gives those sneaky Beautiful People a chance to sleek into the ring and start stomping and beating on Tara. For the second week in a row, Daffney and TBP work together and Tara is the victim of a four-on-one beatdown until Saritaylor come running to the ring to make the save in their horrendous, circus freak matching outfits. Angelina isn’t far behind them. Shit hits the proverbial fan and we have an eight woman brawl which has really gotten the crowd going.

So of course, TNA goes to commercial break.

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