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Raw Redux (March 29th, 2010): I Shall Never Underestimate the WWE Again

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My thoughts exactly, Mickie.

Now, that title may sound like I actually enjoyed the action from last night’s Raw, but anyone who watched the show would know that that just isn’t possible, unless you enjoy watching acute forms of torture. What I mean by the title is that, like last week, we always claim that the WWE’s treatment of the Raw Divas cannot possibly get any worse. I mean, we go from a 1-minute match to a 50-second match and many of us jokingly suggested that the WWE can do better than that–they can get the matches EVEN shorter! Needless to say, they met that challenge head on and delivered a match that somehow, by the grace of Zeus (who, by the way, I picture looking like Liam Neeson dressed in shimmering armor) was even shorter, more pointless, and an even greater waste of talent and time. Like I said, I’ll never underestimate the WWE again!

Now, getting into the specifics, we started the show with what was obviously an omen for how things were going to go. We are told that tonight, in keeping with the theme of the show, which was hosted by Rob Corddry and Clark Duke from “Hot Tub Time Machine”, we would be treated punished with a hot tub “match”. As it turns out, it was more of a hot tub contest, with the winner being the one who stayed in the hot tub the longest. Tiffany, Rosa Mendes, Brie Bella, and Nikki Bella are sporting bikinis and seated in a rather unhygienic looking hot tub with the night’s hosts.

Now, I know as well as you that the punchline is coming from a mile away–unattractive person enters the hot tub and chases the men away. But still, someone suggests that the winner get a shot at the Divas Championship. Great, because that’s just what we need! It’s been about a year since a man won a Divas-only distinction. We’re due, yes? Obviously, that was not meant to be taken seriously because, as you see, we’d then have Mark Henry challenging Maryse, and I don’t think anyone’s holding their breath in anticipation for that. Oh sorry, did I spoil the ending for you? Sorry. Watch the “contest” below and try to enjoy it regardless:

PART 1

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In Pictures: Divas at WrestleMania Art Expo

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With their WrestleMania status still up in the air, the Divas had much to keep them busy as they arrived in Phoenix, AZ for week-long festivities. Last night, WWE held it’s annual WrestleMania Art Expo with several of the Divas on hand, with some even showing off their artwork. But who cares about their drawings … Read more

Raw Redux Does WWE Superstars (March 18th, 2010): Bravo, Bellas

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Last night’s episode of WWE Superstars saw The Bella Twins return to action from yet another hiatus, and I don’t know about you but it looks as though they’ve improved from the last time we saw them. Perhaps their mom, dubbed the ‘Bella Mom’, who is in attendance proved to be a lucky charm? The Bellas took on the veteran team of Jillian and Katie Lea in tag team action. Watch below:

Before the match, we see Katie Lea cutting a rare promo in her cute British accent before being cut off by Jillian who breaks into a rendition of Britney Spears’ ‘3’. She, of course, is interrupted by the Bellas’ entrance and we have ourselves a match.

Bella #1 starts things out with Katie Lea. The two lock up before Katie slams Bella to the canvas and goes for a quick pin but to no avail. Katie hits a scoop slam and goes for an elbow drop but the twin moves out of the way. The twin then applies an armlock on Katie and hits a beautiful arm drag running up the turnbuckles. She then tags out to Bella #2 who hits a sunset flip on Katie.

Katie begins taking control of Bella #2 with a knee to the stomach and throws her into the corner however the twin counters with a jumping snapmare. Katie kicks out of a near fall and takes control again, shoving the Bella into her corner and tagging out to Jillian. Jillian throws the twin against the ropes but she counters with a kick to Jillian’s face and throws her into the corner for a well executed monkey flip, meanwhile tagging back out to Bella #1. The Bellas hit a double clothesline but Jillian kicks out of a pin fall.

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Diva Dirt Style Jury Returns: Week of March 8th, 2010

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Divas beware, we judge what you wear! Welcome to the Diva Dirt Style Jury. We compile the looks from the week gone by and mark each look on a scale of 1-10. At the end of the scoring, we work out the combined score for each look and the Diva with the highest combined score is our winner and the Diva with the lowest combined score is our loser.

A few rules: We only judge outfits/ring attire that we haven’t judged before or we have already seen several times on TV before. If a Diva is seen in more than one outfit in any given week, we mark them as ‘#1’, ‘#2’ and so forth.

So, let the proverbial runway show begin!

THE BELLA TWINS
Cryssi: I don’t even know what this outfit is. I guess it’s some magician’s assistant type of thing. Either way, it’s ugly. Good thing the Bellas have their fit bodies and good looks, because that’s the only thing that helps this thing. 2/10
Erin: Those dresses kind of look like re-purposed garbage bags. Not cute, to say the least. Not liking the pink on them, either. Maybe they should have stolen Scarlett Johansson’s wardrobe from “The Prestige” if they wanted to rock the sexy magician’s assistant look. 3/10
Melanie: I guess it was obvious they’d be dressed as magician’s assistants but lulz, they could have done a better job. This looks like the Pleasure Chest version of a magician’s outfit if you catch my drift. 2/10
Steven: Looks like someone took a pair of scissors to Trish Stratus’ old black and pink gear. Definitely not the most practical outfit, but I think it serves it’s purpose here with the magic theme and all. 6/10

EVE TORRES
Cryssi: This is gorgeous and I absolutely love it. With Eve’s complexion, the shimmering green material absolutely pops. She looked beautiful on Raw this week. 9/10
Erin: I like the turquoise color, but not her tights’ design scheme. I just don’t like the design of them in general. As pretty as the color is, I’m just not feeling it as a whole. It doesn’t really look like “wrestling attire”, if you get what I mean. It sort of looks like a tank top and shorts modified to work in the ring, and I guess that’s probably the point. It looks awkward to wrestle in. 5/10
Melanie: I love the green and the detailing that’s gone into the top and shorts to make it a seemless outfit but at the same time, it has a Ninja Turtle feel to it lol. It’s certainly eye catching and for that reason, thumbs up. 7/10
Steven: Honestly, I wasn’t a fan of this gear when I saw it this Monday, but it’s been growing on me ever since. Green is still not my favorite color, but Eve is working it out here. 7/10

Read on for more of this week’s outfits and to see who’s been branded our winner and loser.

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In Pictures: Current & Former Divas ‘Get Lucky for Lupus’

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The current generation of Divas bumped into the former generation last night in Hollywood when The Bella Twins and Torrie Wilson attended the same event. The trio of Divas aided lupus sufferers at a ‘Get Lucky for Lupus’ charity poker event. As has become the custom, Brie and Nikki were out in short black dresses … Read more

Raw Redux (Feb. 22nd, 2010) – What Took You So Long?

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The bait and switch pulled at the Elimination Chamber PPV led many of us to believe that the WWE had bigger plans for the Divas Championship tournament finals. Perhaps a lengthier feud to build up such an important match? No, as it turns out, because they finally decided to have the match on a regular old ordinary episode of Raw. Watch the match below and see if it was worth all the wait:

It definitely surprised me when the Divas Championship logo passed over the screen. But I think, more than surprise, I felt relief–finally this tournament is over! Maryse makes her entrance, and Gail Kim follows. It is mentioned how badly Maryse treated Gail in their tag team match the night before, but other than that this doesn’t feel like something that has been built up over numerous weeks. It feels more like the beginning of a feud; one that started at the PPV last night. At any rate, I’m glad to see this match finally happening. Let’s get on with it.

Maryse goes for the attack at the start of the match, but Gail slips past her, catching her in a belly-to-back hold. Maryse strikes Gail to get free, but the next blow is missed, and Gail rolls Maryse into a pin. Maryse quickly kicks out. Maryse reversed an irish whip into the corner and charges at Gail, but Gail slips out through the ropes, allowing Maryse to run full on into the turnbuckle. Gail blocks a few attacks from Maryse and leaps back over the ropes, continuing the momentum into a pin attempt. Maryse kicks out at 2.

Gail goes on a string of offense, Maryse beginning to look sluggish. It’s only until Gail tries to bash her head against the turnbuckle that Maryse retaliates. She blocks it with her boot and hits Gail’s head against the target instead. She tosses Gail in over the ropes, but Gail quickly reverses momentum into an attempt at the Eat Defeat, but Maryse holds onto the ropes, blocking the move. She kicks Gail across the face and goes for the pin, getting a 2-count.

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Raw Redux (Feb. 15th, 2010) – The Mystery of the Missing Divas Championship Tournament

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If last week’s Raw was lacking in terms of build-up to the Divas Championship Tournament finals, this week was downright moronic. With Maryse and Gail Kim‘s long-delayed match still set for this Sunday’s Elimination Chamber PPV, one would be safe to assume that there would be at least some build up for it on the last Raw before the show. Just a little? Maybe even merely acknowledging it? Well, keep your hopes at ground level, kids, because the WWE disappointment machine was on full power this week:

Guest GM Jerry Springer comes to the ring for a special show entitled “WWE Superstars’ Most Intimate Relationship Secrets Revealed”. If you’ve ever seen Springer’s show, you know that it only features the trashiest of the trashy (think topless midget fights), so this was never destined to be flattering for any individual involved. Springer introduces Kelly Kelly, whose secret is that she’s pregnant! Yep, she must be early along, because we all know nothing says pregnant like washboard abs and a belly-baring top. She tells Jerry that she doesn’t know who the father is, in a move more akin to Maury Povich’s show than Springer. But whatever, just go with it. All you need to know is that Kelly is the village bicycle.

She brings out the first possible father, Santino. He calls Jerry Maury and details the situation that he thinks got Kelly knocked up. Kelly then tells him that she needed someone else to “finish the job”. It’s at this moment that I wonder what happened to the WWE’s PG aspirations. I guess they go out the window when someone like Springer’s on the show. Still, I’d be pissed if I were a parent who brought my kid to the show.

She says she needed someone with more experience, and this prompts Michael Cole and Jerry Lawler to be brought into the mix. A few dry heaves later, Brie and Nikki Bella come out with a revelation of their own. They say they saw someone else with Kelly, and Nikki breaks in to announce that Brie is a man. They catfight, Springer style. After the fight is broken up, the next possible baby daddy is brought out, and Chris Masters enters. In response to this, Eve Torres comes busting in with her best impression of a Springer guest, trash talking Kelly for “stealing her man” and fighting with her. She then reveals to Chris that she had cheated on him with the Great Khali, who comes to the ring and embraces her. The craziness simmers down, and Jerry reads the results of the paternity test, revealing the father of Kelly’s 3-day old fetus. Science has come a long way, eh?

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Unwrapped: Eye Candy for the Week Ending February 6th, 2010

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Welcome to this week’s edition of Unwrapped! As always, we will be grading all of the new photoshoots (or “eye candy”, as we like to call them) from the week gone by, judging them like so:

Sweet (Great) • Bland (Iffy) • Sour (Awful)

You, the reader, will also get the chance to grade the “eye candy” yourself by giving your opinion on each shoot and voting for your favorite out of the whole bunch. Now, dive in!

Brie & Nikki Bella‘s Bella Bowl II
Grade: Bland. This is the second in a series where the Bellas dress up in support of the two teams competing in the Super Bowl. This may be only the second time they’ve done this, but it’s probably the 75th time they’ve done the “sexy sports” thing, so it’s nothing that hasn’t been done over and over. What’s interesting is the cute “trash talking” poses–that’s what these shoots should be like. I’m not digging the football pants and heels combo, nor is the beer hat look very cute. Still, it’s nice to see Brie and Nikki play off each other like they do in a few shots. I’d much prefer a shoot full of that than trying to look sexy while doing the Heisman pose–save that type of originality for every chick competing in the Lingerie Bowl. Gotta say, though, that I’m on Nikki’s side on this one. Geaux Saints!
• Click to see the rest of the photoshoot.

Jillian‘s Ripped to Threads
Grade: Sweet. Jillian’s style, despite her colorful and over-the-top personality, has always been on the simple side. There’s nothing wrong with that, though at times I’ve found her ring gear choices to be a bit uninspired. This is the first one I’ve really liked–the blue is really pretty, and the stitched portions are a nice interesting touch that don’t look tacky as they could if done in a less subtle way. Her makeup and hair are gorgeous in an understated way. Similarly, Jillian’s poses in this soot are rather simple, but she looks more natural here than she has in a long time. With such relaxed poses, this shoot almost seems the polar opposite of what we think of when we see Jillian, but I like that. Sure, the poses could stand to be a bit more exciting, but I’ll take anything that’s not a “duck lips” pose. It’s this type of natural feel that I like to see from Divas–funny that it’s coming from one of the most outlandish Divas, in terms of personality.
• Click to see the rest of the photoshoot.

Read more to see the rest of this week’s photoshoots.

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Unwrapped: Eye Candy for the Week Ending January 30th, 2010

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Welcome to this week’s edition of Unwrapped! As always, we will be grading all of the new photoshoots (or “eye candy”, as we like to call them) from the week gone by, judging them like so:

Sweet (Great) • Bland (Iffy) • Sour (Awful)

You, the reader, will also get the chance to grade the “eye candy” yourself by giving your opinion on each shoot and voting for your favorite out of the whole bunch. Now, dive in!

Katie Lea‘s Night Owl
Grade: Bland. At this point, I think complaining about all of Katie Lea’s photoshoots being the same is pointless, because it’s become obvious that they’re going to always stick to the same theme: creepy makeup, dark clothing, and strange, hand-focused poses. In order to prevent having the same complaint every time, I’ll just judge them by the rubric she’s developed for herself. For one, I love the dark eye makeup she’s got, because from far away it looks super creepy and is more effective than the swirly stuff she’s painted on before. The clothing is a bit restrained compared to what we’ve seen in the past, but the blue color is cool and pops against all the black, bringing out the bit of blue makeup around the eyes. The pants look like lace tights layered over a darker pair of tights, which kind of is a cool look and livens up the dark ensemble. As many of the reader have mentioned before, the blonde extensions look icky and are just begging to be plucked out. It kind of looks like she’s trying to do that in a few of her poses which, by the way, aren’t as interesting as they could be. It’s just more of the same in that department, and I feel like she’s got it in her to really go off the wall with them, but is just restraining herself. A bit of a break from the norm would do a lot for her, but then again, I’ve said that plenty of time before..
• Click to see the rest of the photoshoot.

Natalya‘s Dressed for Success
Grade: Sweet. There’s nothing simpler than a little black dress, and Natalya makes it look fantastic, taking it beyond “simple” with her killer figure and an interesting pyramid studded belt. Those belts usually have a more “punk” feel to them, but here it actually looks kind of chic. The black heels finish off a completely black color scheme, which I admire Natalya for sticking to. Some might try to force in some color or manufacture some excitement, but Natalya kept it relatively subdued and it completely works for her. The fact that the dress has a high neck and long sleeves doesn’t even begin to make her look dowdy–it’s form-fitting and, as I mentioned before, her rocking body gives the dress its edge. The shoot’s scenery–a locker room–doesn’t exactly go with the look, but it’s pretty interesting. Natalya poses in the lockers, making the best of a random setting and diversifying her poses. She just looks stunning, even despite the feeling I’m getting that there’s a stinky gym bag just outside the shot.
• Click to see the rest of the photoshoot.

Read more to see the rest of this week’s photoshoots.

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In Pictures: Bella Twins at ‘When in Rome’ Premiere

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The Bella Twins rubbed shoulders with the stars in LA this past week, when they attended the ‘When in Rome’ movie premiere. The Divas were in the company of Hollywood hotties such as Bradley Cooper and Josh Duhamel [officially jealous]. Both Brie and Nikki looked cute in their outfits, I’m particularly feeling the white dress. … Read more

Raw Redux Does WWE Superstars (Jan. 28th, 2010): Predictable Fun

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This week we’re continuing the trend of the Raw Divas wrestling on WWE Superstars, this time with some lesser-used Divas. Brie and Nikki Bella are teaming up to face the un-crowned JOB Squad of the WWE, Jillian and Katie Lea. Watch the match below:

The Bellas make their entrance, and Jillian and Katie Lea enter together to Jillian’s music (how weird is it to see Katie Lea walk out to Jillian warbling? it definitely doesn’t fit, to say the least). Brie and Katie Lea start things off, Katie latching her into a reverse bear hug maneuver. Brie gets free, turning it into a hip toss. She keeps a hold on Katie’s arm, wrenching it and dragging her to her corner, tagging in Nikki. They both grab Katie’s legs and flip forward in a move that isn’t so much effective as it is flashy (but that’s par for the course with the newer Divas these days, I guess). Nikki goes for the pin and gets 2.

Katie gains control and forces Nikki into the corner, tagging in Jillian. She gives Nikki a kick before tossing her across the ring by her hair. She takes Nikki’s arm and twists it back in a bit of an unorthodox half nelson. She woman-handles Nikki a bit before whipping her into the corner, going for an attack but getting an elbow to the face instead. She gives Jillian a kick before climbing the turnbuckle and hitting a flying body press. She goes for the pin, and gets a 2-count, quickly pulling Jillian up and tagging in Brie.

Nikki tosses Jillian off the ropes and hits an arm drag, then hitting another arm drag on Brie, landing her on top of Jillian. Brie attempts a pin, but no luck. Brie hits her leaping snapmare, then goes for a monkey flip but is distracted by Katie Lea, allowing Jillian to shove her to the mat. Jillian plants a few boots on her and chokes her on the ropes, relenting to the referee’s scolding and stepping back.

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Unwrapped: Eye Candy for the Week Ending January 23rd, 2010

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Welcome to this week’s edition of Unwrapped! As always, we will be grading all of the new photoshoots (or “eye candy”, as we like to call them) from the week gone by, judging them like so:

Sweet (Great) • Bland (Iffy) • Sour (Awful)

You, the reader, will also get the chance to grade the “eye candy” yourself by giving your opinion on each shoot and voting for your favorite out of the whole bunch. Now, dive in!

Brie & Nikki Bella‘s Bronzed
Grade: Sweet. For all their matchy-matchy photoshoots, the Bellas usually find a way to differentiate their looks. Here, Nikki’s wearing boots while Brie’s got on heels. Both go great with the dress, which is quite pretty on its own. It’s rather simple in design, but the shiny bronze color looks spectacular against their skin and hair, and the requisite flower in the hair is a pretty cream color that compliments the rest of the outfit greatly, not looking as tacked-on as their “hair flowers” have in the past. The poses aren’t very exciting, but I love the different ways they pose with one another. The poses may not always work, but it’s cute to see them leaning on one another as they often do, and the chair poses (that would probably look awkward with any other pair of Divas) are cool too. Cute outfit, cute poses? It might not make for a groundbreaking shoot, but I think that makes for a nice Bella twins shoot. I guess the old adage applies here–two heads are better than one–because if this were occurring with only one Diva (the outfit and particularly the stoic poses), it wouldn’t be half as interesting.
• Click to see the rest of the photoshoot.

Katie Lea‘s Redrum
Grade: Bland. It’s been a while since we’ve seen a Katie Lea shoot (thanks to her ECW departure, I’m sure), but now she’s back to her old tricks–literally. This shoot is no different than the dozens we’ve seen before–spooky makeup, creepy poses, dark clothing. That said, it’s her forté, so she certainly does it well, but it’s just not that exciting when you’ve seen it so many times before. I’m not asking her to dramatically change her look, not at all. But it would probably help add some excitement to her photoshoots if she branched out into different clothing–still the same gothic feel, but more than just a top and trousers. Most Divas are able to mix up their looks without forsaking their characters, so it shouldn’t be impossible for Katie to do the same. She’s clearly perfected this photoshoot shtick, but that doesn’t mean she shouldn’t ever waver from it.
• Click to see the rest of the photoshoot.

Read more to see the rest of this week’s photoshoots.

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Playing the Odds: The Divas Championship Tournament

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Feeling lucky? In this new feature we’ve dubbed Playing the Odds, we will weigh the odds of certain Diva or Knockout events occurring, be it a championship win or heel turn.

We classify each like so: if the event’s occurrence is highly unlikely, it gets the Long Shot stamp; if it’s within the realm of possibility, it’s a Safe Bet; if it is extremely likely, it is a Sure Thing. Now, this does not mean everything we brand a Sure Thing is destined to happen–it just lines up with what we feel to be feasible from precedent or a person’s current position. Also, this is from our point of view, so don’t take this as fact or anything of the sort.

In this first edition, we will take a look at the ongoing Divas Championship Tournament, seeing which Raw Divas have the best shot at coming out on top. We may not be in Vegas, but we’re placing our bets anyways–take a look at ours and make a few of your own in the comments.

Alicia Fox
Odds: Safe Bet. Even though the WWE has been noticeably fickle about giving Alicia big pushes (they’re more of a “now-you-see-it-now-you-don’t” type thing), she is certainly a rising star in the company. They have felt comfortable giving her title shots before (twice, actually), and though her pushes were always short lived, they showed that she’s not destined to be merely a background player. Comparatively, a Diva such as Layla, who is still pretty much a background player, has never seen the kinds of pushes Alicia has been given. This makes us believe that Alicia might have better luck than her “replacement” (remember, Alicia was Michelle’s tag along first). This year could hold Alicia’s big breakout, and winning this tournament or even giving a good showing in it could effectively kick-start that. Though, as promising as her future looks, the WWE’s fickleness when it comes to her makes us hesitate to give her our full confidence in this tournament. It’s certainly possible that she could go all the way, but we’re not going to be betting the farm on it either.

Brie Bella
Odds: Long Shot. Yes, she’s already out of the tournament, which makes this sort of irrelevant, but when looking at it from an objective standpoint, pretending that the match had not taken place yet, it’s quite the long shot to picture Brie getting pushed all the way to the title. It’s not that we lack the faith in Brie having success on her own, but with the way the WWE books Brie and her sister–that is, extremely inconsistently–it’s tough to imagine the WWE giving either of them a title run. They seem to only use them in the ring when they need extra bodies. Otherwise, it’s escort duty fro the GM of the week. Bottom line, there’s just been no real investment made in the Bellas by the WWE. Until the WWE starts taking them seriously as competitors, they pose no real threat.

Read more to see how the other Raw Divas’ odds stack up.

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Unwrapped: Eye Candy for the Week Ending January 2nd, 2010

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Welcome to this week’s edition of Unwrapped! As always, we will be grading all of the new photoshoots (or “eye candy”, as we like to call them) from the week gone by, judging them like so:

Sweet (Great) • Bland (Iffy) • Sour (Awful)

You, the reader, will also get the chance to grade the “eye candy” yourself by giving your opinion on each shoot and voting for your favorite out of the whole bunch. Now, dive in!

Note: We missed a Bella twins shoot from a few weeks ago, so I’m covering it now. I do not hold responsibility for any possible overdose on the Bellas suffered during the viewing of this post.

Brie & Nikki Bella‘s Goaltending
Grade: Sour. Continuing with the “Bellas do sexy sports shoots” trend, Brie and Nikki are posing in front of a goal with hockey sticks. I’m not quite seeing the point of the Bellas doing a hockey-themed shoot, and I see even less of a point of doing it the way they’re doing it here. The poses are pretty dumb, especially the ones using the sticks in a “suggestive” manner–it just looks silly and about as subtle as a hammer to the head. That, paired with their clashing outfits (Brie in a baseball-type shirt and skirt and Nikki in a dress) make for a confusing photoshoot. It’s like they took a meh concept and injected it with so many different ingredients that it came out stinking to high heaven instead of just being boring. I vote that the Bellas take a break from the contrived sports-themed shoots and do more shoots like the one below..
• Click to see the rest of the photoshoot.
[poll id=”497″]

Brie & Nikki Bella‘s Marigolds
Grade: Sweet. Unlike the shoot above, the Bellas keep it pretty simple in this one, relying on their matching outfits and twin chemistry to drive the shoot. Personally, that’s how I like these tandem shoots to be done instead of the bar advertisement-worthy ones the WWE ropes them into sometimes. The ring gear they’re wearing here is bright gold and chock-a-block with ruffles–it probably isn’t everyone’s cup of tea, but I like it for the theme they have going with their gear. As long as they keep it the a single color, these tights can keep from looking too tacky. Their poses, without the lame props to detract from the shoot, simply consist of them standing next to each other, but they compliment each other well and make it interesting–they play off each other well and don’t just look like two random girls put into the photoshoot together. This, I believe, is how the Bellas’ photoshoots should be–plenty sexy, but not cheesy.
• Click to see the rest of the photoshoot.
[poll id=”498″]

Read more to see the rest of this week’s photoshoots.

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Diva Dirt Style Jury: Week of December 14th, 2009

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Welcome to the Diva Dirt Style Jury! No more are the separate ‘Best’ and ‘Worst’ lists, instead, we have come up with a scientific approach *cough* to compiling our weekly fashion column. The Diva Dirt team will weigh in on the different looks from the week gone by & mark each look with a score out of ten. The look with the highest average score will be our best look and the look with the lowest average score will be the worst look. Click each photo to see the look in full size.

Let the proverbial runway show begin!

ALICIA FOX
Erin: Is this a top and a skirt or a dress? Either way, I’m not too keen on it. The pattern could be cute on another clothing item, but here it looks a bit too “Malibu Barbie” for me. 4/10
Melanie: It’s er, unique? I know Alicia has her own quirky style and all, that’s cool but I just can’t… 3/10

THE BELLA TWINS
Erin: It’s not the smartest thing in the world to wear such short, tight dresses for an Evening Gown match, but the dresses themselves aren’t bad at all. I prefer the one with less lace, though. 7/10
Melanie: I like these outfits. I don’t think we can ever expect anything mind-blowing from the Bellas, but this is a step in the right direction. 6/10

Read on for more of this week’s outfits and to see who’s been branded our winner and loser.

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The Diva Trade Report Card

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It’s been two months since the Diva Trade hit us like a bus and changed the landscape of Raw, SmackDown and well, ECW not so much. Since that time, the seven Divas traded have had time to find their feet on their new brands — new feuds, new storylines, new love interests. For some it’s worked out and for others, it hasn’t. Two months removed, we’re going to catch up with our Divas and find out how the Diva Trade has affected them in the ‘Diva Trade Report Card’.

draft_bellasThe Bella Twins
The Bellas’ move to Raw has been wholly unthreatening, thankfully. Hardly ever seen in wrestling attire, the Bellas have served as eye candy to the Guest Host of the week. Not exactly something to write home about!
Verdict: Acceptable. An insignificant trade that doesn’t harm or hurt anyone.

draft_bellasBeth Phoenix
I kicked up something of a fuss when Beth was moved from Raw in October — but I’m happy to say, I’ve been proved wrong. The move to SmackDown has rejuvenated the Glamazon. The brief ‘Glamazon Squash Tour’ provided a monster heel-like reintroduction for Beth that many would expect for a Superstar, it’s rare to see such effort go into a Diva. In my initial look at the trade, I questioned whether WWE would pull the trigger on Beth vs Natalya or McCool but I wouldn’t be surprised to see a tweener-ish Beth challenge Michelle McCool for the Women’s Championship in the near future.
Verdict: Good. SmackDown should bring out a new dynamic to the Beth Phoenix character in the New Year.

More after the cut:

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Raw Redux (December 14th, 2009) – What’s Wrong With This Picture?

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Last night’s Raw, in all its bloated 3 hour glory, was the annual Slammy Awards edition. Among the awards to be handed out were Diva of the Year, which was to be voted on by the fans at WWE.com. As we waited on pins and needles (not) to find out who won the award, we pondered whether the award would be given to support a storyline via rigging by the WWE or a popularity contest held by the voting public. As is turns out, it was neither, and I’ll explain my theory as we come to it.

We start our Divas action (not counting the Divas presenting awards throughout the night) with a Jerry Springer-esque evening gown tag team match. The babyfaces–Mickie James, Melina, Brie & Nikki Bella, Kelly Kelly, Gail Kim, and Maria are taking on the heels–Michelle McCool, Layla, Maryse, Beth Phoenix, Natalya, Alicia Fox, and Rosa Mendes. Most look out of place and trashy in their gowns, and I would critique them (I’ll save that for this week’s Style Jury), but I’m much more distracted by the fact that they’re WRESTLING IN EVENING GOWNS. Well, this’ll be one mesmerizing clusterfuck:


Skip to 2:52

They start with a line-up face-off, trading verbal barbs before heading off their their respective corners. Mickie and Rosa start off the match, Rosa takign advantage and tossing Mickie around, pounding her head on the mat. They trade slaps, and Rosa tosses Mickie into the corner. Mickie blocks her attack, locking her head with her legs and hitting a hurricanrana. She then pulls her to her feet, hitting her Mickie-T to get the pin an the win for her team.

I have to say, this is one of the few moments where I’m glad that a Diva match was cut short. I’m glad that no more than two Divas had to humiliate themselves by wrestling in their dresses. Mickie and Rosa did as awkwardly as I expected, but hey, someone had to take the bullet. Now that the match is over, it’s time for the Diva of the Year Slammy to be awarded. The girls line up in anticipation as MVP and Goldust present the award.

Our winner is announced as, drumroll please…. Maria??? MVP’s reaction right before he reads her name says it all, and Maria looks as shocked as the rest of us as she goes up to accept her award, saying a typical acceptance speech before being interrupted by Batista in a douche costume, doing a Kanye West impression that’s not only awful but over 3 months old. If the joke were a carton of milk, it would have expired into a living organism at this point and, ironically, would be more worthy of a Diva of the Year award than Maria. Maria plays Taylor Swift as she left the stage and allowed Dave to be “escorted” off by security.

But as we watch the wild pink-polo-wearing douchebag be captured in his natural habitat, we’re left to ponder the reasoning behind this decision to crown Maria as Diva of the Year. Was is it truly a popularity contest, and she was just the most popular Diva among the fans? Or was it rigged for storyline purposes? As I said earlier, I believe it was neither, because I have a theory. Yes, Maria is popular, and I do not doubt that fans flocked to vote for her in the poll, but I don’t believe her star power amongst the casual fans is that much stronger than, say, a Mickie James or a Kelly Kelly.

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Unwrapped: Eye Candy for the Week(s) Ending December 12th, 2009

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We’ve modified our Unwrapped feature a bit. On top of our grading, we’ll give you the chance to give your own grade to each photoshoot, “branding” each like so:

Sweet (Great) • Bland (Iffy) • Sour (Awful)

NOTE: I missed last week’s post due to a busy schedule, so I’ve combined the photoshoots from the past two weeks into one mega post. Enjoy!

Alicia Fox‘s Heavy Metal
Grade: Sweet. The aesthetic of the steel against the all-black ensemble create a rock-n-roll vibe, and Alicia supports that with her serious and sexy poses. She poses against the door in interesting ways, using her arms and legs to tell the story rather than relying on her face or physique to capture the attention. Her outfit–black leather-like tights, black tube top, black knee-high boots, a black headband, and an eye-catching belt–is simple but extremely sexy. The fact that they’re all in black don’t detract from the look, but rather enhance it. Her figure is on full show, but it doesn’t look at all trashy.
• Click to see the rest of the photoshoot.
[poll id=”469″]

Beth Phoenix‘s Poured In
Grade: Bland. The centerpiece of this shoot is the hot pink corset top, which, in my opinion, is its undoing. The jeans and boots are quite nice, but the corset looks like it’s literally sucking the life out of her–her bra looks ready to explode. She looks uncomfortable, judging by her facial expressions in a few photos and how gingerly she sits and stands. They might say “no pain, no gain”, but in this instance the pain didn’t help Beth gain a damn thing. Breathe Beth, breathe!!
• Click to see the rest of the photoshoot.
[poll id=”470″]

Read more to see the rest of this week’s photoshoots.

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Unwrapped: Eye Candy for the Week Ending November 28th 2009

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We’ve modified our Unwrapped feature a bit. On top of our grading, we’ll give you the chance to give your own grade to each photoshoot, “branding” each like so:

Sweet (Great) • Bland (Iffy) • Sour (Awful)

Beth Phoenix‘s Green-Skinned Monster
Grade: Sweet. I love it when Beth goes for a really bold color for her ring gear, and this shiny green is perfect. The gold phoenixes go with it perfectly, too. Beth looks so regal with her poses, especially the ones where she hangs her little drapery like wings. She just looks so statuesque, and if there was ever any Diva that looked like she was carved from stone, it’s the Glamazon.
• Click to see the rest of the photoshoot.
[poll id=”463″]

Brie & Nikki Bella‘s The Skins
Grade: Bland. This is more or less your typical “sexy sport jersey” photoshoot, just doubled. I like the laces at the side of the jerseys and how Brie and Nikki showed some diversity by wearing different types of bottoms, but overall this photoshoot isn’t much more than an ad for some local bar’s NFL night. If Nikki and Brie insist on doing photoshoots together, I’d prefer them to not be so damn cliche.
• Click to see the rest of the photoshoot.
[poll id=”462″]

Read more to see the rest of this week’s photoshoots.

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Raw Redux (November 23rd, 2009) – A Turkey of a Return

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Back in the 1920s, showbiz had a slang term for a failure or flop: they’d call it a turkey*. Fitting, given the failures we witnessed tonight on this Thanksgiving episode of Raw where a certain Diva went so far as to dress in a turkey costume for her big return. So, was it cleverly self-referential or just a bad idea? I think we know the answer to that, but just in case let’s watch the situation unfold and decide for ourselves:

Predictably, the Divas have dressed up for a “Mayflower Melee”, AKA Thanksgiving-themed 6-Diva tag match. The faces–Mickie James, Melina, and Kelly Kelly–are decked out in (*cough* super un-P.C. *cough*) Native American garb, while the heels–Michelle McCool, Layla, and Jillian–are Pilgrims. All look pretty ridiculous, even Kelly, who apparently decided to put on a tan dress and some Nikes and call it a day. But hey, at least she doesn’t look like she’s doing a Kindergarten Thanksgiving play like Michelle & co. I must say, I love how pissed they looked to be dressed in those Pilgrim costumes. At least they’re acknowledging how lame the idea is, unlike so many times in the past.

Before the match starts they are joined by the guest time keeper, the Gobbledy Gooker! …You know, the giant turkey that hatched on live television in what was known as one of the biggest “WTF” moments in WWE history? I guess since they had two Thanksgiving cliches represented, they decided to go for the trifecta. Gooker stands in the corner and awkwardly rings the bell, signaling the start of the match.

Melina and Jillian start out the match, probably praying that they can scrub off some of the bad mojo they’ve had with each other as of late. They start with a tie-up, Melina getting the upper hand by wrenching Jillian’s arm. Jillian gains control, slamming Melina to the mat. Melina reverses an irish-whip into the corner, sending Jillian into the turnbuckle and proceeding to send a shoulder into her stomach. She lays Jillian across the second ropes, prepping her a double-knee attack. Before she can do it, however, Jillian yanks her by her dress, pulling her to the mat. She tosses Melina by the hair and taunts the crowd a bit.

Jillian whips Melina into the ropes but Melina hangs on. Before she can do anything, though, Jillian meets her with an elbow to the face. She whips Melina into the turnbuckle, prepping for her handspring elbow attack. Before she can do any damage, Melina catches her with her legs, choking her and chopping her on the head. Once back on their feet Melina takes down Jillian with a (almost malfunctioned) facebuster. She goes for the pin, but Jillian kicks out.

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Unwrapped: Eye Candy for the Week Ending November 14th, 2009

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In order to consolidate our Eye Candy coverage, we’ve developed a new feature: Unwrapped! We’ll take all the new photoshoots from the week and grade (or “brand”) each based on the following criteria:

• Appearance (hair, clothes, makeup.. you get the drift)
• Poses (are they versatile or just glorified statues?)
• Uniqueness (have we seen this photoshoot a billion times before?)
Grading scale: Sweet (Great)/Bland (Iffy)/Sour (Awful)

Eve Torres‘s Golden Grappler
Appearance: Eve’s wearing her signature ring gear in a stunning shade of gold. The black and gold look fantastic with her complexion. Her hair looks fabulous too. The ruching and frills on the top is a little out of place, though, but I guess you won’t be seeing it up close when she’s wrestling. I just overall like her style of ring gear–it certainly sets her apart. The shorts and boots kind of give me a Lara Croft vibe.
Poses: The poses don’t alternate too much, but she looks gorgeous–she certainly can do the “sexy facE” thing without it looking over-the-top. I really dig the crouching pose.
Uniqueness: It’s a ring gear photoshoot, and Eve’s ring gear is unique in itself, so this shoot’s got that going for it.
Grade: Sweet. I love ring gear shoots and Eve’s gear is pretty interesting, so it’s a winning combination.
• Click to see the rest of the photoshoot.

Layla‘s The Heat of the Moment
Appearance: Layla’s going for the “white hot” Miami Heat movement–it’s almost like she’s in the seats at the American Airline Arena during a big home game. The stark white shorts, sweatband, and Converse boots paired with the jersey would be a bit too much in a conventional outfit, but this is kind of a costume-y look, so I can accept it. The white look especially hot in this high-contrast lighting. It’s nice to see Layla’s got still got some team spirit in her.
Poses: White, white white.. Layla’s white clothes, posed against the white wall make for an interesting look. One wouldn’t think that you could do much posing in a corner, but Layla uses it well. She switches from smoldering and sexy to fun without missing a beat.
Uniqueness: Not many Divas (if at all) have danced for an NBA team, so Layla’s naturally got to show off her team spirit. This is one “sexy jersey” shoot that doesn’t come off as cheesy to me.
Grade: Sweet. This is more than just a “chick in a jersey” shoot–Layla puts her trademark spunky-ness into it to make it interesting.
• Click to see the rest of the photoshoot.

Mickie James‘s Unflappable
Appearance: Mickie’s looking all flapper in her sparkly dress, long pearl necklace, and glizty hair clip. It’s costume-y, yeah, and looked kind of silly when she wore it on SmackDown, but this benefits from being in a photoshoot. The costume vibe is much easier to swallow. She fills out the dress beautifully, and her hair is wonderfully retro in a way we don’t see Mickie very often.
Poses: There’s a few blank stares that derail it a bit, but Mickie manages to inject her fun personality into it regardless. I especially love the over-the-shoulder poses.
Uniqueness: Not many Divas go to he roaring 20s for style inspiration. I like that Mickie’s gone a little outside the lines for this look, even if it looked a bit silly on telvision.
Grade: Sweet. Now let’s just see if she can do the Charleston.
• Click to see the rest of the photoshoot.

Read more to see the rest of this week’s photoshoots and vote for your favorite.

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Diva Dirt Style Jury: Week of November 2nd, 2009

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ddstylejury

Welcome to the Diva Dirt Style Jury! No more are the separate ‘Best’ and ‘Worst’ lists, instead we have come up with a scientific approach *cough* to compiling our weekly fashion column. The Diva Dirt team will weigh in on the different looks from the week gone by & mark each look with a score out of ten. The look with the highest average score will be our best look and the look with the lowest average score will be the worst look. Click each photo to see the look in full size.

Let the proverbial runway show begin!

THE BELLA TWINS
Erin: I like the cut of the tops — it’s unique. But that gold color is kinda putrid, especially seeing it in two places at once. 5/10
Melanie: Enough already! Too much of the same colour, break it up please. 3/10
Steven: Sweet Lord, how many colors do these outfits come in?! Please change it up ladies. 4/10

EVE TORRES
Erin: She kind of looks like she’s wearing a bunch of those reflective safety stickers. I like that she’s going for a unique type of ring gear with the non-matching top and shorts, but it just doesn’t fit together well and makes the outfit look kinda slapdash. I like the purple, though, if that’s worth anything. 6/10
Melanie: The shimmer-y purple is off-putting to me, to be honest. I like purple but not like this. I think there’s far too much Bella-like matchy-matchy going on here too with the arm bands etc. 5/10
Steven: ame old gear, new color. I like the color though, even if it is a little bright for my taste. 6/10

Read on for more of this week’s outfits and to see who’s been branded our winner and loser.

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