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SmackDown Redux (September 4th, 2009) – Maria’s Got 99 Problems But We Care About None

Last time on SmackDown: Melina and Layla went toe-to-toe with Michelle again standing at ringside, this time with crutches and a knee brace. Another rough shove by Melina leaves Michelle writhing in agony.

This week: Is there retribution in the cards for Michelle? Or will she let her “understudy” do the talking/walking? What about Maria–will she continue to play the damsel in distress?

Once again we start this week’s action with a backstage segment pilfered from the daytime soaps. And what else could it be about but Maria‘s woes? I personally can’t wait to see what epic twist the story takes this week! Fake pregnancy? Evil twin? Elaborately orchestrated death? Well, at the very least, I hope someone wears an eye patch..

We see Maria and Eve in the locker room, discussing tonight’s match. Maria tells Eve that all they need to do is go in there with a lot of confidence and passion, because when you don’t have talent, a whole mess o’ confidence will solve all your problems. (Though maybe having a scheme of selling broke-ass calendars with self-indulgent and hokey slogans for $25 wouldn’t hurt either..) Michelle takes the layup that Maria tosses her way, and shows up to remark, “..and you’ll still be losers.” Michelle tears down Maria’s makeup and passion for rhinestones, saying that no matter what she does, Dolph won’t keep his eyes off of other women, like her. (OMG, is that a hint of a twist? Probably not.) She says that Maria is nothing but his “flavor of the week”. (Damn, this has been the longest week of my life..) Maria counters, calling Michelle the most egotistical Diva on the roster.

Melina appears out of nowhere (Seriously, was there a door over there?), but Maria tells her that she’s got in under control. But one insult later, Melina gets in Michelle’s face, and Michelle threatens legal action if she even lays a finger on her. Obviously not interested in filing legal papers just yet, Michelle leaves before things can unravel. Melina apologizes on her behalf, but Maria tells her to stay out of her business. I couldn’t agree more with that sentiment–let’s all stay out of her business! No? Okay..

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SmackDown Redux Does WWE Superstars (September 3rd, 2009)

SmackDown Divas Eve Torres and Natalya got the chance to mix it up on tonight’s edition of WWE Superstars, taking part in a mixed tag team match with their usual teammates–Eve with Cryme Tyme, and Natalya with the Hart Dynasty. It appears as though the WWE is reigniting their feud from a number of weeks ago, when Eve and Natalya mixed it up and had a few impressive matches with one another. But, like most good things, the WWE forgot about it and dropped it. But never fear, because they’ve (at least for the time being) brought it back. Let’s see how they fare:

PART 1


PART 2

After what seems like forever, with the men doing the legwork, D.H. Smith tags in Natalya, which brings in Eve. I feel like these matches would be a lot more interesting and compelling if the men were allowed to face the women–I know that they’re not gonna go toe-to-toe (Let’s not embarrass the boys!) but it would make things a lot more interesting if someone didn’t have to automatically leave the ring once a person of the opposite gender was tagged in. It feels like a function in a video game that you should be able to use a cheat code to get around. Then again, I don’t play too many video games, so there’s not much I could do other than pound on the controller and complain. Which, ironically, I’m close to doing now with this entire spiel. Enough with the diversions, onto the action!!

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Traci Brooks WON’T Appear in Playboy After All

It looks like Traci Brooks won’t be gracing the cover of Playboy.. or the magazine at all, for that matter. According to PWInsider.com, Traci’s nude photoshoot in the adult magazine has been nixed from the print version. A change in editors is said to be the cause, as the new editor wanting nothing to do … Read more

Impact Spoilers for Thursday Night: September 3rd, 2009

Spoilers for this week’s show are now out, courtesy of our new TNA tapings correspondent Camden! From now on, Diva Dirt will be your first stop for TNA spoilers, as we’ll have them before anywhere else. We’ll also have more match detail than any other site–no simple, single-lined results here! The show airs September 3rd on Spike. Click the ‘+’ to read:

EDIT: More spoilers added.

Impact - September 3rd, 2009
Knockouts Tag Title Tournament match
Sojo Bolt & Hamada vs. Tara & Christy Hemme
Hamada and Tara lock up as each woman equally dominates the other. Hamada tags in Sojo. Tara puts Hemme up on her shoulders and uses her.

Tara tags in Hemme as Sojo dominates and brings Hemme in for a head lock. She gives a quick tag back to Hamada. Sojo continues to dominate Christy and she finally crawls over for the quick tag to Tara. Tara takes Sojo down with a kick to the face and covers her. Hamada breaks up the count at 2.

Tara hits the Widows Peak to get the 3 count. As Tara and Hemme celebrate Hamada grabs Sojo and hits her with the Hamada Driver.
Winners – Tara & Christy Hemme

Knockouts Tag Title Tournament match
Daffney & Alissa Flash vs. Sarita & Taylor Wilde
Daffney and Alissa flash come out first, unfortunately not much of a reception for this team. Sarita and Taylor Wilde come out and at the top of the ramp do a cute little sister sorority-type hand shake.

Taylor and Alyssa start off. Taylor starts to dominate but Alissa quickly shows her strength. This match is demonstrating what he knockouts are about. Clean power moves tight submission holds…match is moving pretty fast. Sarita and Taylor are on he same page and make a great team.

Sarita gets the pin on Flash and moves on with her new found partner Taylor Wilde.
Winners – Sarita & Taylor Wilde

Knockouts Tag Title Tournament match
The Beautiful People vs. Madison Rayne & Roxxi
Beautiful People come out first. They have a poster with the Beautiful People including Madison and they
tear her off.

Madison comes out with new gear and a new entrance and introduces her tag partner… Roxxi! I personally am a huge gear mark, so I wil include that she looks AMAZING. Her hair is growing out, she’s wearing a 2-piece shirt set. It’s red, white, black, and silver with stars.

Match isn’t much to write home about unfortunately. Maybe 4 minutes of some quick exchanges.

Velvet grabs Roxxi by her legs pullin her out of the ring. Madison and Angelina are in the ring, Roxxi can’t make it back in to save Madison and Angel gets the pin.
Winners – The Beautiful People

Thoughts after the cut:

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Unwrapped: Eye Candy for the Week Ending August 29th, 2009

In order to consolidate our Eye Candy coverage, we’ve developed a new feature: Unwrapped! We’ll take all the new photoshoots from the week and grade (or “brand”) each based on the following criteria:

Appearance (hair, clothes, makeup.. you get the drift)
Poses (are they versatile or just glorified statues?)
Uniqueness (have we seen this photoshoot a billion times before?)
Grading scale: Sweet (Great)/Bland (Iffy)/Sour (Awful)

Alicia Fox‘s Foxy Diva
Appearance: I know a lot of you will hate the outfit, it being a tiny littler romper, but I think it’s adorable and retro. She looks like she’s dressed to hang out at the beach in the late 50s/early 60s. The studded belt kind of takes away from the vintage feel, but it doesn’t ruin the look. Neither do the black heels. I’d love to see a Diva adopt a more retro style–not too costumey, but unique enough to stand out amongst the sea of jean-wearing, halter top-sporting Divas.
Poses: She compliments the outfit by posing in a manner you’d see a 60s catalog model posing–cute, almost innocent. It’s not overtly sexy or suggestive, and I like that it corresponds with the look perfectly.
Uniqueness: The look itself is unique as can be. Not too many Divas are running around in vintage rompers. It’s cute and fun in a way that you don’t see many Divas dressing.
Grade: Sweet. I’m feeling the retro-ness of it all. It’s not going to be everyone’s cup of tea, but I definitely am. Maybe it has something to do with the Mad Men kick I’ve been on..
Click to see the rest of the photoshoot.

Courtney Taylor‘s Diva Debut
Appearance: Courtney’s wearing a flowy, one-shoulder dress in a gorgeous purple color. She keeps the rest of the ensemble simple with black wedge heels, a black bracelet, silver earrings and a silver ring. Clearly, she’s only sticking to a simple color scheme. The one dominating color is the purple, and it’s beautiful enough to command the attention and carry the look on its own. The dress itself is loose and not too form-fitting, but still sexy in the way it falls on her frame.
Poses: She excudes a casual attitude through her poses, lying down and half-smiling. She looks comfortable and ready to assume her role as full-fledged Diva. I especially like that she’s not trying too hard, given that this is her first Diva photoshoot.
Uniqueness: Nothing particularly unique about it, as it’s your standard studio shoot. I guess the fact that it’s her first photoshoot makes it noteworthy, though.
Grade: Sweet. She’s just the right mix of cute and sexy. It’s certainly a great first impression.
Click to see the rest of the photoshoot.

Follow the cut to see the rest of this week’s photoshoots.

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Saturday Supplement: What’s in a Name?

saturdaysupplement

In the Saturday Supplement, the Diva Dirt team will aim to discuss a news story, a televised event or other relevant and current topics. The objective, like the average weekend newspaper, is to offer more indepth and lengthy discussion.

With last week’s debut of Courtney Taylor I thought, amongst other things, how awful that name was. But let’s be honest–for a girl that used to be named Wesley Holliday, you can only go “up” in the name department. That thought led me to think of how and why the WWE and TNA name their Divas and Knockouts the way that they do. Some names stick, some don’t, and others just boggle the mind with their awfulness. I’ll ponder that, and take a look at some of the aliases that have become some of the most recognizable names in business, as well as some that just don’t make a damn bit of sense.

Of course, a discussion on wrestling names wouldn’t be complete without mentioning Victoria, er.. Tara. The internet breathed a collective “Huh??” at the unveiling of the new name. After all, how would that sound on television? “Tara hits the Widow’s Peak!” Eh, not really feeling it. After having a name as fitting as Victoria, is was strange to see her suddenly have to change monikers. But let’s figure out why she had to do it: did the WWE have a trademark on the name? Probably, but WWE-to-TNA transfers have often found loopholes and ways to get around that. Christian Cage, anyone? After the recent debut of Lashley, who of course didn’t have to change his name from his recognizable WWE moniker, it makes me wonder if Victoria was forced into changing her name, and if so, why? She had a long, storied history with the WWE, and if any Knockout commanded respect right from the get-go, it was her. Unless I’m wrong and it was her idea to change names, I think it’s pretty crappy to make her switch from something she’s been associated with for so long. After all, don’t TNA love getting a rub from the WWE’s past successes? Why would they want to sever that mental tie to Tara’s success in the WWE by completely changing her name? And for the love of God, why Tara? It’s such an un-intimidating name (Yeah, I get the Tara-Terror connection), and just sounds silly in the context of a wrestling match. Maybe if she had a faux last name with it, it would be easier to digest. Though I will admit, it’s been growing on me after a while, but probably just because I’m getting more used to it.

But while we’re on the topic of TNA, that company has a pretty storied history of questionable Knockout names. ODB, for instance, stands for One Dirty Bitch, clearly a moniker fitting for her over-the-top character, but it’s so damn weird. All I think of when I hear it is the rapper Ol’ Dirty Bastard, which probably isn’t too far fetched, since he often went by the initials ODB as well. Now, I can’t knock her for doing something out of the ordinary, but I personally wouldn’t name myself a bitch. I probably wouldn’t drink from a flask on my way to the ring either, so we’re probably not destined to see eye-to-eye on much.

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SmackDown Redux (August 28th, 2009) – The Acting May Suck, But the Understudy Still Shines

Last time on SmackDown: Michelle made her return, sitting at ringside as Melina & Maria defeated Layla & Natalya. No physicality form Michelle other than a shove onto the keister by Melina.

This week: Will Michelle step up into a more physical role, or is she still sidelined? Will the WWE even acknowledge her injury? Will Maria grace us with another mind-blowing in-ring performance? Let’s dive in and see!

This week’s Diva action starts off much like it has in the past few weeks (the “Michelle-less weeks”, as I like to call them). Even though Michelle’s back and we have an actual wrestling storyline to promote, Maria is still having problems with Dolph, the part-time wrestler, part-time C-Grade porn star. Melina mentions something about “going around in circles”, and I think that describes this storyline pretty well–it’s like a dog chasing its tail, always with some sliver of a harebrained goal, but never quite reaching it. But even the dog gives up eventually, so we’ll have to wait and see if this actually plays out.

Okay, enough with the mixed metaphors. Maria seems pretty frustrated with Melina, asking her why she can’t just be happy for her. Maybe because, with this Dolph thing, you’re fixing to drive into a brick wall? Maybe Melina should just say “Bon voyage!” and send you on your way. Melina explains that she saw Dolph with another woman after SummerSlam. (Are you sure he wasn’t just looking into a mirror? Dude’s pretty feminine-looking.) Maria pulls out the old “Mean Girls” argument, telling Melina that she’s probably just jealous of her. Melina tells her she’s sorry and splits, just as Dolph comes up. He tells Maria that the woman he was with was his sister. (OMG, maybe she looks exactly like him but with a longer blonde wig. I’d pay to see that.) Maria believes it, of course, and we’re set for another few weeks of captivating drama. UNTIL NEXT WEEK, on “The Young & the Shitty Wrestlers”.

Watch the segment below, then skip to 4:40 to see the subsequent match:

Now that we’ve got the backstage portion of the show out of the way, we have an actual match to get to (Please excuse the male match in between on the video–don’t they know that all male matches are glorified piss breaks? They’re not even real wrestlers!) Michelle has made her way to the ring and she’s on crutches! Shit. She takes the microphone and explains that due to Melina’s brutal attack last week, she’s got an injured knee. What a coincidence! She says she’s not medically cleared to wrestle and shouldn’t even be standing on it (Probably shouldn’t be wearing sky-high heels either.. Just sayin’.) She says that Melina ruined the night. Thanks a lot, Melina! God, what a bitch!

But seriously, Michelle’s mic work is definitely improving–she works the crowd, and plays the arrogant heel role pretty well. All she needs to work on is her lack of inflection due to her strong southern accent. She goes on to introduce Melina’s opponent for the night, whom she describes as a dear friend: Layla! As she makes her entrance, Todd describes her as Michelle’s “understudy” of sorts, and I have to admit that she’s not a terrible replacement–you could certainly do worse. Melina comes to the ring, and we can start the mach. They start with a tie-up, which Melina dominates into a pin attempt. No cigar, and Layla takes the advantage, tweaking Melina’s arm and kicking her in the gut for good measure, keeping a tight hold on the arm. Melina breaks free with a kick of her own, delivers an irish-whip that is reversed into the corner, and meets a charging Layla with two feet to the face. (Whoa, did the WWE pipe in that reaction? Damn.) Melina takes Layla down with a leap from the top rope, and sells her left ankle, which always seems to be giving her trouble.

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Unwrapped: Divas “Raw Boxing” Photoshoot

We’re again bringing you a special edition of Unwrapped, where we cover multi-Diva shoots in a miniaturized version of our regular “unwrappings”, focusing on the looks and ensembles our Divas have put together. This time, we’re taking a look at the “Raw Boxing” photoshoot, where the Divas who took part in Raw’s boxing-themed tag team match show off their Everlast gear. Click here to see the full photoshoot.

Alicia Fox
Grade: Sweet. I can’t help but think of two things when I see Alicia’s gear: Captain America and the Harlem Globetrotters. Both are a good thing–they’re iconic! The stars and stripes are cute and kitschy enough to catch your eye, but not in a ultra-girly and cheesy way. She kind of looks like she’s set to fight in that old “Mike Tyson Punch-Out!” video game.

Beth Phoenix
Grade: Sweet. OMG, Beth actually gets to take part in a themed match! Beth doesn’t disappoint, either, actually adhering to the theme and looking more like an actual boxer than any of the other Divas. The gold and red Everlast gear looks sexy, not sleazy, and it doesn’t look like a Halloween costume gone wrong like one I have a feeling I’ll be seeing on a particular Diva still to come..

Gail Kim
Grade: Sweet. It’s pretty simple, but the little silver shorts are cute. She also uses pink, but not overwhelmingly like she needed to reinforce the fact that she’s a woman. “I gotta say, though, the “Boxer Girl” on her top looks like it says “Boner Girl” on first glance. Good thing or bad thing? Judge for yourselves.. :P

Follow the cut to see the rest of the Divas in the photoshoot.

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Unwrapped: Divas “City of Angels” Shoot

We’re bringing you a special edition of Unwrapped, covering the recent multi-Diva shoot, titled “City of Angels”. I won’t be judging them too closely, as there’s only about 2 photos per Diva, so I’ll just focus on their looks. Click here to see the full photoshoot.

Alicia Fox
Grade: Sweet. I know some people don’t like rompers, but I happen to love them if they’re done right. And in this case, Alicia does do it right. The colors and stripes are cute, and her hair looks great. Maybe in less flattering poses the loose-fitting romper would look more like a potato sack, but from what I can see, I dig it.

Brie & Nikki Bella
Grade: Bland. I’m not one to bound these two together as a package deal, but they’re wearing the same thing, so there ya go. I think it’s pretty cheesy to wear the EXACT.SAME.THING., but I guess that’s the WWE’s doing. In keeping with that, I guess they go for a more boring look, figuring that if you see it twice, it’ll look more interesting. Nope, not this time. They don’t look bad, but I’m not really a fan of the “Price is Right” mentality in dressing.

Gail Kim
Grade: Sweet. It’s tough to go wrong with a little black dress, and Gail wears it well, spicing it up with a wide belt and some cute pigtails. It’s pretty simple, but there’s nothing wrong with that.

Follow the cut to see the rest of the Divas in the photoshoot.

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Unwrapped: Eye Candy for the Week Ending August 23rd, 2009

In order to consolidate our Eye Candy coverage, we’ve developed a brand new feature: Unwrapped! We’ll take all the new photoshoots from the week and grade (or “brand”) each based on the following criteria:

Appearance (hair, clothes, makeup.. you get the drift)
Poses (are they versatile or just glorified statues?)
Uniqueness (have we seen this photoshoot a billion times before?)
Grading scale: Sweet (Great)/Bland (Iffy)/Sour (Awful)

Gail Kim‘s Full Force Gail
Appearance: Gail’s wearing what looks like knee-high boots and a loose-fitting striped dress. I love stripes, so the dress is right up my alley. It’s rather simple and just hangs there, but on Gail’s tiny frame, it’s enough so that she doesn’t need to spice it up with anything else. In a few of the photos, she’s made cute makeshift pigtails in her hair, and in the rest just lets it hang loose. This is the definition of a simple look–a dress that catches your eye but doesn’t overwhelm, light makeup, relaxed hair, and no jewelry.
Poses: I really like the look, but the poses kind of let me down. They’re uninspired and lack that extra something to give this shoot some excitement. Show some personality, Gail! You’re not posing for a JC Penny catalog.
Uniqueness: Gail keeps it simple in a way few Divas do, and I like it. But aside from that, the shoot doesn’t really “pop”.
Grade: Bland. As much as I like the look, the poses drag the shoot down and make it much more dull than it should be. If she showed a bit more personality and excitement, this shoot would definitely be a sweet one.
Click to see the rest of the photoshoot.

Follow the cut to see the rest of this week’s photoshoots.

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SmackDown Redux (August 21st, 2009) – Guess Who’s Back..

This week, we were promised the return of one Michelle McCool, Women’s Champion and recent victim of a knee injury. The details of her return were kept mum, so in what capacity will we see Michelle, if at all? Let’s watch and see if she turns up:

On the cards is a tag team match, teaming up Melina and her tag team partner (who we can only assume beat Eve in a coin flip) Maria. Going up against them will be Layla, Melina opponent last week, and Natalya, a Diva whom the WWE seemingly can’t decide if they want to wrestle or manage. This week, luckily, she’s on in-ring duty.

But who oh who makes the first entrance? Michelle! She makes her way (Gingerly? I couldn’t tell.) to the announcers’ table and takes a seat next to JR and Todd Grisham. We’ll see if they acknowledge her absence or just ignore the giant blonde hobbling elephant in the room. Melina and Maria then make a tandem entrance, and I wonder if Michelle visits Diva Dirt, because her first words on the duo express my sentiments exactly (“What is Maria wearing?!”). Gotta dig deeper than the obvious with these insults, Michelle.

A few more fashion-based insults pegged at Maria (Seriously, someone check Michelle’s browser history.), and Michelle shows a bit more charisma. Now, she’s not Trish Stratus or anything, but I sense some improvement. She just needs to work of her inflection and not sound dead-bored when speaking on the mic. As Layla and Natalya make their entrance, Michelle expresses some fondness towards who Todd describes as her “message girl”. Michelle refutes that claim, insisting that these past few weeks were just a vacation for her. Okay, so I guess the injury may not be as serious as once thought? You know, since they’re skirting around the issue and all..

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SmackDown Spoilers: August 21st, 2009

Spoilers for this Friday’s SmackDown are up. Click the ‘+’ sign to view:

SmackDown - August 21st, 2009
– Maria and Melina vs. Layla and Natalya is next. Melina pins Natalya with a sunset flip. (Source: NoDQ.com)

– According to fans at the event, Michelle made an appearance at ringside during the match:
“Michelle joined the commentary team for the match of Melina and Maria vs. Layla and Natalya. She appeared to be walking with a bit of a limp. Midway through the match, Michelle stood up and held up her title.”

Thoughts after the cut:

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Unwrapped: Eye Candy for the Week Ending August 15th, 2009

In order to consolidate our Eye Candy coverage, we’ve developed a brand new feature: Unwrapped! We’ll take all the new photoshoots from the week and grade (or “brand”) each based on the following criteria:

Appearance (hair, clothes, makeup.. you get the drift)
Poses (are they versatile or just glorified statues?)
Uniqueness (have we seen this photoshoot a billion times before?)
Grading scale: Sweet (Great)/Bland (Iffy)/Sour (Awful)

Brie Bella‘s Flower Power
Appearance: Apparently, Brie’s celebrating the 40th anniversary of Woodstock, as she’s wearing a t-shirt of the poster for the famous musical festival. And, I guess to supplement that, she hippy-fied the rest of her look. Well, the shallow version of “hippy”, anyways. She’s wearing moccasin-like shoes, a tie-dye headband, and a shredded denim skirt. It’s a lot of things competing for attention, and it looks a little too costume-y. It’s like she took one person’s idea of what the 60’s were and threw it together for one outfit. I’m surprised she wasn’t wearing peace sign earrings or something. The pink is a pretty color, though–it’s the first thing that I noticed about this shoot, and as much of a mish-mash this look is, the pink makes it a little more pleasing to the eye.
Poses: It’s all peace signs and sweet smiles from Brie, all while lounging on an equipment trunk. It’s pretty dull, and can’t say I really understand the significance of the trunk–if anything, it exposes a stark contrast between the “buck-the-system” mentality of Woodstock and the “corporate stiff” status of the WWE. It just shows the shallowness behind the concept of the shoot. Not very well thought out..
Uniqueness: A silly, contrived WWE photoshoot? Come on, we see those things all the time.
Grade: Sour. It’s just another WWE mish-mash of a photoshoot–concept and execution don’t really meet. I know it’s ridiculous to even fathom a politically-charged photoshoot, but something like this is just silly and shallow. It’s akin to Miley Cyrus throwing around the peace sign just because it looks cute.
Click to see the rest of the photoshoot.

Follow the cut to see the rest of this week’s photoshoots.

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SmackDown Redux (August 14th, 2009) – Shoot the Messenger

You might have noticed that I decided to forgo a Redux last week, as there was no match on the show, and analyzing a mere backstage segment with no real bearing on the women’s division would be akin to giving G.I. Joe a thorough character analysis–there just ain’t no point. However, this week’s SmackDown started off quite inauspiciously with what else but another MARIA-CENTERED BACKSTAGE SEGMENT!!!! *cue Psycho theme* Jump to the 1:00 mark to watch:

I feel silly for really “reviewing” this, but I figure it might lead to something eventually, so I’ll just go for it. Maria‘s gushing about Dolph, and Melina smiles, playing the supportive friend. It feels so strange to see her even care, since I’m so conditioned to her nasty heel attitude. At this point, I’d kill for her bitch side to take over–it’d keep segments like these to a minimum.

And just as I pray for daylight, Layla comes in to save the day. She plays the catty heel pretty well (“YAYYYYY FOR LOVE!”) and, like Melina did last week, warns Maria against Dolph, for for much different reasons. Apparently, the glorified Oompah Loompah twin is a hot commodity backstage, and Maria may not be hot enough to hold him. And shifting to more important matters, Layla delivers a message to Melina: Michelle will be back next week. It’s kind of funny, though, because it’s a minuscule version of what I suggested they do with Melina/Michelle/Layla earlier this week. Melina seems unenthused at the news, but I’m doing backflips. Melina tells Layla that she has a message for Layla to send back to Michelle, and she’ll give it to her in the ring. OH, IT’S ON NOW!

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SmackDown Spoilers: August 14th, 2009

We’ve got spoilers for this Friday’s SmackDown for your perusal. The show will be airing August 14th. Highlight below to read:

*According to sources, Melina and Maria have a backstage segment similar to the one on last week’s show, except with Layla added into the mix.

*It is announced that Michelle McCool will be returning to SmackDown next week.

*Melina defeats Layla.

Thoughts under the cut:

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Unwrapped: Eye Candy for the Week Ending August 8th, 2009

In order to consolidate our Eye Candy coverage, we’ve developed a brand new feature: Unwrapped! We’ll take all the new photoshoots from the week and grade (or “brand”) each based on the following criteria:

Appearance (hair, clothes, makeup.. you get the drift)
Poses (are they versatile or just glorified statues?)
Uniqueness (have we seen this photoshoot a billion times before?)
Grading scale: Sweet (Great)/Bland (Iffy)/Sour (Awful)

Alissa Flash‘s Untitled
Appearance: She’s wearing tow different color variations of her ring gear, with eye paint to match. I gotta say that I love the warrior paint, as it definitely gives her an edge. It’d look silly on other girls, but Alissa’s enough of a badass to pull it off. That, and you don’t see anything but eye shadow or mascara on most female wrestlers’ eyes–it sets her apart, and in a good way. The outfit itself is pretty much your stard ring gear: shorts and a belly-baring top. The leather collar and cuffs spice it up a bit, and add to her hardened look. Leather and grommets on a lot of Divas look silly and forced, but I don’t get that from Alissa. Maybe it’s because she isn’t trout-pouting me to death. She looks like a true badass.
Poses: For the meager amount of photos she had, Alissa mixed it up pretty well. The fists and finger point gratefully stay out of the much-treaded “porn poses” territory and keeps with her character. Her evil half-grin is enough to send chills down your spine, no?
Uniqueness: It’s certainly nothing you’d see out of a Diva, huh? From the face paint to the serious poses, it’s almost everything the Divas are not. She’s not sexing it up for the sake of a photoshoot, and for that I’m grateful. It’s always a shame to see a Diva depart from her character to show some epic cleavage or do a cheesy pose. Alissa isn’t blending in with this one, that’s for sure.
Grade: Sweet. It’s a tiny, tiny photoshoot, but I really like it. Everything’s in keeping with her character, and she’s experimenting with her look enough to make it interesting, but it’s not like we’re not staring at gigantic feathered hairpieces or something equally as awful.
Click to see the rest of the photoshoot.

Follow the cut to see the rest of this week’s photoshoots.

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SmackDown Spoilers: August 7th, 2009

Spoilers for this Friday’s SmackDown are online. The show will air August 7th. Highlight below to read:

*Backstage, Maria and Melina talked about Maria’s relationship with Dolph. Melina said she was happy for Maria but she hears bad things about Ziggler in the locker room. Maria says the Dolph in the ring isn’t how he is outside of it and he treats her good. Melina said she was happy for her but to be careful. [Source: PWInsider.com]

Thoughts under the cut:

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Saturday Supplement: How Long is Too Long?

saturdaysupplement

In the Saturday Supplement, the Diva Dirt team will aim to discuss a news story, a televised event or other relevant and current topics. The objective, like the average weekend newspaper, is to offer more indepth and lengthy discussion.

Some may have thought that the Women’s Championship match at Night of Champions signaled the end of the feud between Melina and Michelle McCool. Some may have even been hoping for that. However, for better or for worse, the feud isn’t stopping just yet. After upstaging the more hyped match last Sunday, Melina and Michelle are still showing the fire and intensity of a brand new feud, despite having been foes for nearly 3 months. They obviously haven’t had enough of each other just yet, but some fans aren’t feeling quite as content. Calls for its end or complaints about this “never-ending feud” have got me wondering: when it comes to Diva feuds, how long is too long?

The WWE has seen its fair share of extended feuds. The likes of Triple H, The Rock, Stone Cold Steve Austin, John Cena, and even Edge have participated in slow-burning feuds that spanned months and headlined PPV after PPV. But when it comes to Divas, those examples are few and far between. One could say that Lita and Trish Stratus feuded for quite some time, but with that we aren’t talking about a constantly-running feud. In between their battles were moments of comradery and truces, so I wouldn’t quite count that as a “long-running” feud, but more so a career-long love/hate relationship. So, what could be considered a long feud in Diva-dom? Read on and speculate with me.

Another feud, also connected to Trish Stratus, is the epic “obsessive fan” feud between her and Mickie James. It commenced on October 10th, 2005, and through the twists and turns, it lasted all the way until Backlash 2006, precisely April 30th, 2006. Doing the math, the feud lasted a total of 171 days. Now, it may not be fair to compare it to the Melina/Michelle feud, as this was a full-blown storyline, complete with the introduction of a brand new Diva, an awkward friendship, a slow heel turn, and finally commencing with a more standard heel/face feud at WrestleMania and Backlash. This was much more than a simple feud, and simply cannot be duplicated without some major groundwork being laid. In this day and age, with the WWE running on a surplus of Divas, I can’t see anything like that happening again in the near future. In fact, the feud only ended when Stratus dislocated her shoulder and was forced on to the disabled list. Who knows how long this could have gone without her injury?

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SmackDown Redux (July 31st, 2009) – But Wait, There’s More!

To almost everyone, Melina and Michelle‘s match at Night of Champions exceeded expectations. Realistically, it would be tough to top that, and with the WWE’s tendency to follow up gold with crap, it’s pretty likely that this week’s SmackDown would disappoint. But does it? Are they continuing the Michelle/Melina feud, or are they moving on? Let’s take a look and see for ourselves:

As Melina makes her way to the ring, Michelle hightails it, demonstrating more of that “cowardly heel” shtick that I kind of wish they’d drop. Still, it’s great to see them keep up appearances and showing that things between them are far from over, with Michelle waving her title in Melina’s face like a T-bone to a cartoon pooch. Oh yeah, and Eve and Layla are there too. I couldn’t help but notice during Eve’s entrance that she got a really nice pop. Like, surprisingly good. It could just be canned cheers, but I was pretty impressed.

Layla and Melina start the match, and as they grapple for a moment, it’s clear that Melina has no interest in this opponent. She quickly disposes of Layla and turns for Michelle, who darts away. Layla takes advantage of this distraction to attack her, getting a bit of offense in before Melina takes her drown with an arm drag and tags in Eve. The two do a nice double-team move before Melina runs out of the ring at the referee’s protests (quite a change from her heel days, no?). Eve them performs quite a labored scoop slam (holding for applause?) for a two-count. Eve hits a dropkick, and some awkward exchanges later, Eve ends up on the second rope at the turnbuckle, her back to a standing Layla. Wait, what was she setting up for? Layla seems to be just as perplexed, kicking Eve and sending her to the mat. Layla tags in Michelle, who manhandles Eve a bit, a leg drop earning her a two-count.

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Mickie’s Got Something to Hide

Mickie James in “Golden Girl” Diva Dirt’s dishing up your regular serving of Eye Candy! View the photoshoot we’ve “hung” on our wall, read our critique, vote, and last but not least – sound off in the comments. The Look: Mickie’s hiding behind what looks like a locker, so we don’t really get a good … Read more

Impact Spoilers for Next Thursday (July 30th, 2009)

Spoilers for the second night of TNA’s Impact tapings are up. They will be airing next week (July 30th). Highlight to read:

*ODB w/Cody Deaner, Tara & Awesome Kong w/Raisha Saied defeated The Beautiful People when ODB rolled up Love.

*Sarita & Taylor Wilde defeated Traci Brooks & Alyssa Flash when Sarita pinned Flash. [Source: PWInsider]

Thoughts under the cut:

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SmackDown Redux (July 17th, 2009) – 2nd-String Players Take the Reins

After the fire returned to the Michelle/Melina feud last week, one would think that the WWE would want to capitalize on this and keep the momentum rolling. But of course, this is the WWE we’re talking about, so it only makes sense for them to leave those two off next show COMPLETELY. I’m not going to get into why this was a dumb move (you all can do that in the comments), so let’s just move past this logic fail and take a look at who did make it onto the show.

Layla, wearing a Miami Heat jersey (she was a dancer for them the year they won the NBA Championship, in case you didn’t hear JR say that every.single.time. she’s wrestled). JR says she’s part of the reason Shaquille O’Neal watches Smackdown. (Actually, I saw him in person at a RAW in Miami back in 2005, so maybe he’s a bigger fan of the red brand.) Layla takes the mic, saluting Miami. She displays some decent mic skills, though nothing to write home about. Though, when you’re going for a cheap pop in your home town, how much skill do you really need? She puts down the mic and cues a seizure-inducing music and lights combo and then starts to dance.

Her dancing is of the “basketball half-time dancer” variety, which makes sense with her background. Still, it’s a little strange with one woman doing it – it’s one of those things that look better synchronized with several other girls. Alone, she looks a little bit like she’s having a fit. This goes on a little bit longer than necessary before Carlito’s music hits (scratch that.. it’s Ricky Ortiz). Ricky mocks Layla dancing a bit and goes on a spiel about motivation and inspiration before going for the cheap heat, dissing the Heat. He attempts to “RALLY UP!” the crowd, while Layla looks unamused. He gives her a towel to spin around, and she plays ball a bit, but then drops it, giving him a disgusted look and exiting stage left. I’m not familiar with Ricky Ortiz’s schtick, but I assume dropping his towel is like dropping a cheerleader’s Spirit Stick? No? Okay, I won’t try to rationalize it.

Layla showed a bit more personality than she usually gets to in the various tag team matches she’s inserted into, but I always find it a bit lame when heels become temporary faces in their home towns, just in the name of getting some cheap pops or putting over a heel. Do it like Chris Jericho does – diss your home town! It makes you an even better heel, I promise!

Meanwhile, on the other side of town,

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