“Who believes in me?”… A question I have often asked myself and at times had a hard time answering, just as I’m sure many of you have. Sometimes I don’t even believe in myself. How can I possibly say that? We should all believe in ourselves. Have faith we can attain our goals and achieve our dreams, but what blocks us from doing so? I’m a prime example of fear over running my life and letting it get the best of me. How do we, myself included, keep from living a “fear based” life in a fear based world? Turn on the news, the radio, open up a newspaper and all you see is trouble, sadness, and anxiety that brinks on paranoia. I try not to watch or read any of these things at this point in my life. The human race has become so focused on what is negative and fearful that we almost don’t know how to receive positive and good in our life. We don’t know how to accept “great news” for fear that we don’t deserve it, and something bad may be lurking around the corner. We walk around with the attitude that mediocrity is ok. That we are supposed to go to school, get a good job with “benefits” and live the same doldrum life until we die??? What about finding true happiness? Realizing what makes your soul sing and come alive!
Whenever I think of someone who always believed in me a loving, no GLEAMING, thought of my grandfather “Alvin” comes to mind. He called me “Hollywood” from the time I was a tiny tot. This was before I had dreams or aspirations to become anything at all. He always acknowledged something special about me and was never afraid to tell me. When I think back was really a rare thing in my family. He was such an amazing man.. The most loveable, fun and young spirited man I’ve ever met to this day. In his sixties he was watching “The Fresh Prince of Bel Air” and would keep me updated if I missed an episode.
Talks of Divas in the media has been ample and well… I’m striking while the iron is hot. A woman’s personal life is her personal life, whether or not she may be in show business. And don’t you try to tell her any differently. However, when it comes to the disesteemed offense of “Dating while Diva,” is there a double standard?
Hey y’all and welcome to the first Vainety Fair! We can all applaud Melanie for the clever name for my new column. When I was pondering about what to write for my first contribution to Diva Dirt, I thought to myself… what can I talk about that would be interesting to the masses? I want to keep my audience captive, but I also want to keep it real. So I decided after much deliberation to use myself as the ‘butt of the joke’ and talk about the aging Diva. During my tenure as a full-time entertainer, I look back and believe that in the span of only about two years, I aged at least five to ten! How does this happen? Good question! I lived it and am still not completely sure but the proof lies in the pudding. Of course, I can look back now and laugh (I’ve managed to ‘de-griz’) but as this was going on in front of me, it was not so humorous and damaging to be truthful. It was heart wrenching and terrifying! You have to understand your ‘beauty’ tends to be the most important thing you’ve got as a female in the wrestling business. Unlike actresses, females in wrestling can never be too attractive. Jessica Biel has often stated that she hasn’t gotten specific movie or television gigs because she is too easy on the eyes… How is this possible, you ask? In acting there are different roles, different characters — the most beautiful woman in the world will receive an Oscar for dimming herself down to look ‘homely’ and ‘unattractive’. Now count how many homely women in wrestling ever ‘get over’, or better yet are ‘pushed’. Bet you can count them on one hand. I am happy to see that some places nowadays are thinking outside of the box and that is refreshing. But I can only speak of what I know…
I, one time tried to pitch a ‘nerd’ character while I was under contract and was actually quite good at it. Think Neil Goldman from Family Guy. I have a retainer I still have to wear at night, y’all! No joke! I sound ridiculous and look even more silly. However, it was kind of funny in it’s on way and I had an idea. Possibly a very good idea. Never have I been comfortable with being the so-called wrestling ‘sex kitten’, so I decided to suggest something different and actually portray that awkward stage that at some point in our lives, we all go through. I thought it would be brilliant for a babyface female to become this character’s ‘protector’ and help her emerge after many trials and tribulations as a beautiful swan. Redemption right? Wrong! Needless to say this ‘character’ did not go over so well with management… in fact, it was more like a turd in a punch bowl. So I was told to drop it and become as ‘sexy’ as I could be. Ugh. I was not happy, but this is the way you’re making a living so you do as you must. As I said on the Roundtable, it’s either be a ‘perfect 10’ or buh-bye Diva wannabe. Is this ridiculous? I think so… I conformed for a while, tried to be sexy. Eek! I’m not very good at that. Yes, I photograph well, but am I a sexpot in the ring? No and I don’t want to be. I think its tasteless and if you are talented, you are selling yourself short.
Of course, a discussion on wrestling names wouldn’t be complete without mentioning Victoria, er.. 
In the 
TNA is setting out to live up to their tagline, ‘Cross the Line’, but not in the ways you would think. In an attempt to push even more boundaries and utilize their ever-growing roster of Knockouts, they’ve decided to implement a tag team division. In the coming weeks, a tournament will take place to determine the first ever Knockouts Tag Team Champions. The question is will the division work?
It is assumed that any women in professional wrestling with a position of power would want to advocate their women. Surely they would want to create a strong, empowered representation of their Divas, Knockouts et al for the audience? Given hindsight, it can be argued that isn’t the case. In fact, looking at the McMahon family and the two women in prominent roles, Linda and Stephanie McMahon, what have either of these women really done for the Divas in WWE?
We’re in a era of women’s wrestling where it’s not only possible, but likely for former porn stars and models to get title shots, while professional wrestlers with years of experience get put on the backburner. With that said, I ask the question: What are the components for the ‘perfect Diva’? And even if you have the total package, will you still be marketable to the WWE Universe?
Since its inception, the TNA Knockouts division has been a burst of fresh air to many who have been soured to the world of women’s wrestling. Over the past years, the TNA Knockouts have opened many eyes to what an ideal women’s division could look like during a time when its popularity was not as its highest. A growing fanbase, a 2-hour syndication, a women’s championship, and a locker room of talented women would seem like the ideal formula for success. However, to every victor goes the spoils, and with the spoils often comes hindrances. TNA has not been without faults over the years, especially when it comes to the Knockouts, yet the company still manages to redeem itself and reserve its spot for quality wrestling. So, does TNA’s booking do more harm than good or do the Knockouts still remain at the top of the food chain?
Some may have thought that the Women’s Championship match at Night of Champions signaled the end of the feud between 
When we look at the Divas roster today, there are only a handful of girls that can call themselves a ‘top Diva’ despite there being 20 Divas on the main roster. Only that select handful are really, if we think about it, likely to be Women’s Champion in the near future. Among them are Mickie James, Maryse and Beth Phoenix for Raw while Melina and Michelle McCool have the stranglehold on SmackDown. In an ideal world, talented Divas like Natalya and Gail Kim would be at there at the top of the division and who knows, they may eventually get that push as may the ‘bubbling under’ Divas such as Kelly Kelly or Maria.
 
