This week on TNA Impact leads us into Round Numero Dos of the TNA Knockouts Tag Team Championship Tournament (say that five times fast): Victoria & Christy Hemme vs. Hamada & Sojourner Bolt. Talk about a tag team thrown together at the last minute…
As a precursor to the match, the Beautiful (Velvet Sky and Angelina Love) film a backstage segment further discussing Madison’s “mystery” partner. More Lauren-pwnage arises. “We no speak-y, ugly!” I think that just about synopsizes that segment.
The contenders of this round of the tag team tournament make their way to the six-sided ring. Holy tye-dye, Batman! Christy has either confused a bathing suit for wrestling gear or she is paying a cheap homage to Daizee Haze. I can’t decide.
Onto the match at hand… Somewhat of a teaser for what could be a dream match of the ages, Hamada and Victoria start off the contest as both ladies lock up. Victoria gets the upperhand early with a bridge into the 2-count. Victoria counters an attempt by Hamada and goes for a second cover. Hamada kicks out and manuevers into a pin attempt of her own. When both women perform respective kip-ups into a fighting stance position, a foretold stare-down commences.
In either a show of respect or arrogance, Victoria bows down to Hamada only to receive a kick to the shoulder in retaliation. Following through on an Irish Whip, Hamada effortlessly springs off the middle rope and into a moonsault. I blinked twice and almost missed it. Victoria kicks out just as swiftly.
Sojo and her two-toned tracks get tagged in; she follows up an armbar with a kick. Taking a bit of time to do a little trash talking, Sojo pays for it with a drop toehold from Victoria. Victoria takes Sojo down again with a scoop slam. Christy flails around a bit until Hamada gets tagged in. Some brief tandem action, and Christy eats the bottom of Hamada’s big boot, followed by a series of headbutts. TNA takes a needed break, and I’m left to amuse myself with Christy’s selling “ability.”
Hey y’all and welcome to the first Vainety Fair! We can all applaud Melanie for the clever name for my new column. When I was pondering about what to write for my first contribution to Diva Dirt, I thought to myself… what can I talk about that would be interesting to the masses? I want to keep my audience captive, but I also want to keep it real. So I decided after much deliberation to use myself as the ‘butt of the joke’ and talk about the aging Diva. During my tenure as a full-time entertainer, I look back and believe that in the span of only about two years, I aged at least five to ten! How does this happen? Good question! I lived it and am still not completely sure but the proof lies in the pudding. Of course, I can look back now and laugh (I’ve managed to ‘de-griz’) but as this was going on in front of me, it was not so humorous and damaging to be truthful. It was heart wrenching and terrifying! You have to understand your ‘beauty’ tends to be the most important thing you’ve got as a female in the wrestling business. Unlike actresses, females in wrestling can never be too attractive. Jessica Biel has often stated that she hasn’t gotten specific movie or television gigs because she is too easy on the eyes… How is this possible, you ask? In acting there are different roles, different characters — the most beautiful woman in the world will receive an Oscar for dimming herself down to look ‘homely’ and ‘unattractive’. Now count how many homely women in wrestling ever ‘get over’, or better yet are ‘pushed’. Bet you can count them on one hand. I am happy to see that some places nowadays are thinking outside of the box and that is refreshing. But I can only speak of what I know…
I, one time tried to pitch a ‘nerd’ character while I was under contract and was actually quite good at it. Think Neil Goldman from Family Guy. I have a retainer I still have to wear at night, y’all! No joke! I sound ridiculous and look even more silly. However, it was kind of funny in it’s on way and I had an idea. Possibly a very good idea. Never have I been comfortable with being the so-called wrestling ‘sex kitten’, so I decided to suggest something different and actually portray that awkward stage that at some point in our lives, we all go through. I thought it would be brilliant for a babyface female to become this character’s ‘protector’ and help her emerge after many trials and tribulations as a beautiful swan. Redemption right? Wrong! Needless to say this ‘character’ did not go over so well with management… in fact, it was more like a turd in a punch bowl. So I was told to drop it and become as ‘sexy’ as I could be. Ugh. I was not happy, but this is the way you’re making a living so you do as you must. As I said on the Roundtable, it’s either be a ‘perfect 10’ or buh-bye Diva wannabe. Is this ridiculous? I think so… I conformed for a while, tried to be sexy. Eek! I’m not very good at that. Yes, I photograph well, but am I a sexpot in the ring? No and I don’t want to be. I think its tasteless and if you are talented, you are selling yourself short.
