Last time on SmackDown: Melina and Layla went toe-to-toe with Michelle again standing at ringside, this time with crutches and a knee brace. Another rough shove by Melina leaves Michelle writhing in agony.
This week: Is there retribution in the cards for Michelle? Or will she let her “understudy” do the talking/walking? What about Maria–will she continue to play the damsel in distress?
Once again we start this week’s action with a backstage segment pilfered from the daytime soaps. And what else could it be about but Maria‘s woes? I personally can’t wait to see what epic twist the story takes this week! Fake pregnancy? Evil twin? Elaborately orchestrated death? Well, at the very least, I hope someone wears an eye patch..
We see Maria and Eve in the locker room, discussing tonight’s match. Maria tells Eve that all they need to do is go in there with a lot of confidence and passion, because when you don’t have talent, a whole mess o’ confidence will solve all your problems. (Though maybe having a scheme of selling broke-ass calendars with self-indulgent and hokey slogans for $25 wouldn’t hurt either..) Michelle takes the layup that Maria tosses her way, and shows up to remark, “..and you’ll still be losers.” Michelle tears down Maria’s makeup and passion for rhinestones, saying that no matter what she does, Dolph won’t keep his eyes off of other women, like her. (OMG, is that a hint of a twist? Probably not.) She says that Maria is nothing but his “flavor of the week”. (Damn, this has been the longest week of my life..) Maria counters, calling Michelle the most egotistical Diva on the roster.
Melina appears out of nowhere (Seriously, was there a door over there?), but Maria tells her that she’s got in under control. But one insult later, Melina gets in Michelle’s face, and Michelle threatens legal action if she even lays a finger on her. Obviously not interested in filing legal papers just yet, Michelle leaves before things can unravel. Melina apologizes on her behalf, but Maria tells her to stay out of her business. I couldn’t agree more with that sentiment–let’s all stay out of her business! No? Okay..
Hey y’all and welcome to the first Vainety Fair! We can all applaud Melanie for the clever name for my new column. When I was pondering about what to write for my first contribution to Diva Dirt, I thought to myself… what can I talk about that would be interesting to the masses? I want to keep my audience captive, but I also want to keep it real. So I decided after much deliberation to use myself as the ‘butt of the joke’ and talk about the aging Diva. During my tenure as a full-time entertainer, I look back and believe that in the span of only about two years, I aged at least five to ten! How does this happen? Good question! I lived it and am still not completely sure but the proof lies in the pudding. Of course, I can look back now and laugh (I’ve managed to ‘de-griz’) but as this was going on in front of me, it was not so humorous and damaging to be truthful. It was heart wrenching and terrifying! You have to understand your ‘beauty’ tends to be the most important thing you’ve got as a female in the wrestling business. Unlike actresses, females in wrestling can never be too attractive. Jessica Biel has often stated that she hasn’t gotten specific movie or television gigs because she is too easy on the eyes… How is this possible, you ask? In acting there are different roles, different characters — the most beautiful woman in the world will receive an Oscar for dimming herself down to look ‘homely’ and ‘unattractive’. Now count how many homely women in wrestling ever ‘get over’, or better yet are ‘pushed’. Bet you can count them on one hand. I am happy to see that some places nowadays are thinking outside of the box and that is refreshing. But I can only speak of what I know…
I, one time tried to pitch a ‘nerd’ character while I was under contract and was actually quite good at it. Think Neil Goldman from Family Guy. I have a retainer I still have to wear at night, y’all! No joke! I sound ridiculous and look even more silly. However, it was kind of funny in it’s on way and I had an idea. Possibly a very good idea. Never have I been comfortable with being the so-called wrestling ‘sex kitten’, so I decided to suggest something different and actually portray that awkward stage that at some point in our lives, we all go through. I thought it would be brilliant for a babyface female to become this character’s ‘protector’ and help her emerge after many trials and tribulations as a beautiful swan. Redemption right? Wrong! Needless to say this ‘character’ did not go over so well with management… in fact, it was more like a turd in a punch bowl. So I was told to drop it and become as ‘sexy’ as I could be. Ugh. I was not happy, but this is the way you’re making a living so you do as you must. As I said on the Roundtable, it’s either be a ‘perfect 10’ or buh-bye Diva wannabe. Is this ridiculous? I think so… I conformed for a while, tried to be sexy. Eek! I’m not very good at that. Yes, I photograph well, but am I a sexpot in the ring? No and I don’t want to be. I think its tasteless and if you are talented, you are selling yourself short.
