April, Author at Diva Dirt

Impact Write-Up (April 7th, 2011): Oh Snap! Madison Plows Through the Competiton…

April 8, 2011 by April

Last week, during iMPACT!, we saw a singles match between two rival Knockouts, battling for the affection of a drugged out and clearly twitterpated, blonde Canadian. It saw a sad defeat and a declaration of rescue, made by a scorned best friend, set for vengeance. This week, our beloved Beautiful People are set to challenge for the TNA Knockouts Tag Team Championships, in hopes of possibly rekindling the fire of their friendship. Will we see a positive reunion between the two blonde BFFs or has the sinister wicked witch finally ripped them apart for good? There is only one way to find out. Saddle up, boys and girls.

skip to the 6:30 minute mark.

Our first major glimpse of Knockouts action comes in the form of a backstage segment that shows Angelina Love, with her back to the camera. Winter is at her side, clearly stressed out and attempting to persuade Angelina, once again, that Velvet Sky does not care about her. She states that Velvet doesn’t have Angelina’s best interest at heart like she does. She tells Angelina that she loves her and will always be there for her. With a twirl of the chair, that damn mystery red cup rears its ugly head and Winter tells her new playtoy to drink her drink, it will calm her nerves. I’m pretty sure the only one needing calming of ther nerves here is Winter. Give that woman some prozac or something. Perhaps even a straight jacket will do the trick.

Impact Write-Up (March 31st, 2011): Winter Puts a Chokehold on the Beautiful People

April 2, 2011April 1, 2011 by April

Welcome back, once again, to the another edition of the TNA Impact Write-Up here on Diva Dirt. You all know who I am so there is no real need for formal introductions. If you don’t know, you have a bit of catching up to do, don’t you? ;) Last week, we saw a definite improvement, in regards to Knockout matches, between two rival women who just can’t seem to get enough of beating the hell out of each other. We also saw a rather eerie and even, science fictionesque turn in the land of The Beautiful People. I can definitely say that I saw that one coming. This week, we’ve got a singles match between two newer rivals, who can’t stop fighting over a favorite blonde Canadian. There is bound to be blood.

Our first wacky glimpse of the Knockouts, comes in the form of Angelina Love and Winter standing backstage. Angelina has a red plastic cup of some concoction in her hand and Winter is stroking her hair, telling her everything is going to be alright. This is all just a small bump in the road. Winter tells her that her drink will calm her nerves. She goes on to say that Velvet Sky is a big girl and that she cost them their titles out of jealousy, she wants Angelina all to herself, to control her. Winter just couldn’t let that happen. She claims she is just trying to protect Angelina, nothing personal against Velvet.

Cue recap video package of recent months, reminding us all how this weird development came about. All those weird and SyFy channelesque moments that no one can seem to wash from their memory, leading up until last week.

Impact Write-Up (March 24th, 2011): Take a Step Into The Twilight Zone…

March 26, 2011 by April

Oh here we go! It is that time of the week yet again and I am back with another rendition of the Impact Write-Up! Yes, it is yours truly and I can definitely say that after last week, I’m hoping TNA went for a little redemption factor this week. Last week, we saw a three minute “streetfight” between four of TNA’s Knockouts and their respective male partners. We also saw a flash in the pan(har har) return from former Knockout Alissa Flash in a very unsuccessful try against the TNA Knockouts Champion. This week, we’ve got a match between two women who just can’t seem to get enough of beating the hell out of each other. And..we are also going to explore another chapter in the new developing saga of the troop of Mexican Americans looking to stake their claim on the company. Buckle up, strap in, do whatever it takes to secure yourself to your location. You’re in for a ride.

HARDCORE COUNTRY! Our first glimpse of Knockout action comes in the form of Mickie James, bounding to the ring in those classic daisy dukes and a teal fringe top with gorgeous red hair. She is set to take on Tara, who we see backstage, straddling her crotch rocket. Out of nowhere, Madison Rayne storms up and demands that Tara destroy Mickie, or else! Tara questions it but Madison is quick to let her know that this isn’t a classroom, she doesn’t need to ask questions. She just needs to go do her job. Job? Yes. Go do your job, Tara. Do all of Madison’s dirty work so she can squash Mickie at Lockdown. Winning. Duh. BROKEN! BROKEN! And out she rides, complete with the giant bow on her backside and no sooner than she can climb the apron, the veteran is flipped over to her backside. Good thing she brought that extra cushion, huh?

Impact Write-Up (March 17th, 2011): The Street Fight That Never Was…

March 19, 2011 by April

My, how the time flies. I feel like I just did this. Haha. Last week, we saw a six way tag team match between The Beautiful People and their paranormal counterpart against a midnight snack, a bowl of spicy salsa and their mile-wide hip…ster, Angelina Pivarnick. We also saw the quick and fruitless return of former TNA Knockout, Roxxi, to the Impact Zone. Needless to say, it was a definite sight to see. This week, we have yet another installment of the championship open challenge, as well as a mixed tag team street fight that is bound to leave us all scratching our heads. Are you as excited as I am? Oh come on. I know you are. It’s time to flip the switch and shine the light! Vamos!

Our fight glimpse comes from the trailer park behind the arena, where Angelina Love and Velvet Sky are seen prepping for their match later in the night. Well, A. Love is grooming her blonde locks while Velvet seems far too pumped. She tells Angelina to go after the little one while she finishes some unfinished business with Sarita. A. Love, all the while, seems none so interested and almost spaced out while Vel Vel rambles on, talking about how excited she is that they are finally going to be teaming up again. Because they totally didn’t do that a couple of weeks ago or anything. Geez! Anyway, in comes Winter, much to Velvet’s dismay and she informs Velvet that it will not be her in the street fight. Instead, Vel is out and Winter is in, due to Velvet’s jealousy this past Sunday at Victory Road. Winter goes to pull Angelina away but Velvet is hellbent on trying to convince A. Love that it wasn’t her fault they lost at the pay-per-view. She is sticking to her guns that she was only trying to help them. All Angelina can do is simply look annoyed and confused, albeit even, under the influence of drugs. I’m pretty sure Winter is slipping her ruffies.

TNA Victory Road in Review: The Loco Latinas Spice Up the Gold!

March 15, 2011 by April

If only the road to victory were always paved with gold. This past Thursday on Impact, we saw a six way match between The Beautiful People, Angelina Love and Velvet Sky teaming up with Winter to take on Cookie, Sarita and Angelina Pivarnick of the Jersey Shore. Yeah. That’s what I said..however, thankfully, TBP and Winter survived and now, the real Angelina and Winter must team up to defend their coveted TNA Knockouts Tag Team Championships. Who are their opponents, you ask? Well, only the Loco Latinas, Sarita and Rosita of course! I know you’re ready for this and I can say that I’m ready for this. So let’s do this!

The Knockouts action for the evening begins with a backstage segment with The Beautiful People and Winter, interviewed by Christy Hemme. The resident backstage redhead congratulates Velvet Sky on her win over Sarita and maintaining her spot with the company. She also points out that what seems the most surprising is not that win but the fact that Winter actually defended Velvet this past Thursday on Impact. Winter states that her actions last week proved that all she has ever wanted is for all of them to have friends. She says she doesn’t have an issue with Velvet but Velvet has an issue with her. She is just glad that Angelina has finally seen it all too. She is totally jealous of those leggings you’re rocking, Winter. I mean, who wouldn’t be? Velvet can’t believe it but given how Angelina just walked away, I’m wondering if she’s starting to as well… (Apologies for the lack of video).

Impact Write-Up (March 10th, 2011): The Beautiful People Send Angelina Swimming Back to the Jersey Shore

October 6, 2011March 12, 2011 by April

So last week, we saw a monstrosity of a wedding that never should have happened in the first place. I mean, who renews their vows after only six months of marriage? Exactly. We also saw the continuing battle between Velvet Sky and Sarita which turned into a fist pumping party for Angelina from the Jersey Shore. This week, we’ve got that oh so awaited six way match featuring Miss Pavarnick as well as another installment in the Madison Rayne Open Challenge series. I know you’ve waited a week for it. Don’t lie. So grab a slice of humble pie, this show is about to get interesting.

Our first glimpse into Knockout beauty comes in the form of a backstage segment between The Beautiful People, Velvet Sky and Angelina Love. They are seen sitting down, lacing up their boots for their six way tag match later in the evening. They’re talking about the Jersey Shore girls and how they just can’t get enough of TBP. Naturally, as if on cue, the trio of Angelina Pavarnick, Cookie and Sarita come strolling in, much to the delight of Vel Vel and A. Love who have them confused with the football team. I’ll admit. I choked on my sweet tea. Anyway, Angelina from the Shore, tells the entire room to shut the f*** up and states that Jersey girls tell someone they’re gonna kick their ass before they actually do it. Really? Is it that important that it deserves a pre-notification? She claims it is proper etiquette and she’s going to embarass them in front of their whole crew. Who that crew is, I have no idea.

Impact Write-Up (March 3rd, 2011): Angelina Washes Up from the (Jersey) Shore

October 6, 2011March 5, 2011 by April

Welcome, my darlings, to the ever so late Impact Write-Up. I apologize for the serious tardy on my part. Unexpected twelve hour shifts at work are never a pleasant surprise. Now, onto the business at hand…last week, we saw the return of yet another former TNA Knockout in ODB in an answer to Madison Rayne‘s open challenge. We also saw an array of backstage segments between several other Knockouts that lead up to current happenings. This week, Impact is coming from Fayetteville, North Carolina and there is a special guest set to show up. We’ve got the ill-awaited “final” battle between two of TNA’s top Knockouts, set to end this war once and for all. Not to mention, that we’ve all been invited to a wedding! Oh Yeah. Why are we still discussing this? Let’s get this ball rolling!

In the ring first, accompanied by her tiny tot cousin Rosita, is Sarita. There’s a tongue twister for you. Set to due battle against Velvet Sky for the “final” time, to settle all the scores, Sarita is looking to dance her way through this match. I don’t really know what to make of their outfits so I won’t even being to scratch that surface. Obviously out next is Velvet, dressed in her signature color of pink and ready to get get this match started. It has been weeks after weeks of torment from Sarita and finally, Velvet has a chance to prove what she’s worth. She is accompanied to the ring by Angelina Love who looks glistening as always. Sorry guys but the pigeons are going to have to stay in the coop this week because Velvet is wasting no time getting in the ring and all up in Sarita’s grill.

Let me remind you, as Taz and Mike Tenay do several times, this match could very well be Velvet Sky’s last match in TNA if she can’t bring home the win. Anyway, Velvet is ready to do this but Sarita is set on playing games, turning around to cross her arms. The purpose? Don’t ask me. Haha. Grabbing a handful of Sarita’s hair, Velvet almost looks to pull her back but Sarita kicks back that leg, only to be caught at the ankle. Velvet comes at her with a clothesline and with a quick lift-up, Velvet counters on Sarita with a falling crossbody pin attempt. It is a quick no good and they’re both back up. A kick and a slap, double time and they’re going across the ring. I swear I got severely dizzy for a moment. I’ve been staring at a computer screen all day. Literally.

Impact Write-Up (February 24th, 2011): I Hope ODB Knows How to Count to Three!

February 26, 2011 by April

Oh what a week it has been! I am so glad that now is the time for the weekly Diva Dirt TNA Impact Write-Up! I want to thank you for joining me and strapping in for this rollercoaster ride! Last week, we saw a beautiful former TNA Knockout return to the Impact Zone in the form of Traci Brooks. She took out the mean mugging Cookie to help her man, Kazarian. We also saw a hot sauce feud begin to come to an end between two current Knockouts and we were given a sneak peek into this week’s Impact. This week, we finally get to see how this Open Challenge fiasco is going to work for the self-proclaimed “Queen” of the Knockouts division. We are also graced with a load of backstage happenings that I can’t even begin to describe so let’s put this baby in gear and get on the road! It’s time for some action!

Our first glimpse of the Knockouts comes in the form of The Beautiful People, Angelina Love and Velvet Sky in their dressing room(aka the trailer park). Angelina seems to be trying to talk her BFF out of the career threatening match with Sarita, a challenge issued last week. Velvet says she’s aware of what Angelina is trying to say but what would Angelina do in her situation? A. Love comes back with the fact that Sarita is the point and Sarita is just loco. Not to mention, her little chihuahua of a cousin, Rosita, running around behind her. Angelina even goes on to say that it isn’t Velvet’s ability(like everyone else thinks) but it’s Sarita and she’s crazy. Velvet says it’s nothing personal but she just needs to be alone. She needs to be alone to collect her thoughts and that’s just what she gets. Angelina leaves Vel Vel to pinch her nose and battle her demons on her own. Oh Velvet. I feel for you but I hate your outfit.

Impact Write-Up (February 17th, 2011): Sarita Rules and Velvet Drools!

October 6, 2011February 19, 2011 by April

Hola my little churros! It is that time again, for another edition of the Diva Dirt TNA iMPACT! Write-Up! You all know who I am and I know who most of you who are. We’re forming a bond here so let’s keep it strong. Last week, I missed iMPACT! due to a bout of bronchitis that hit me like a speeding truck so I want to thank Melanie for filling in for me. She’s gorgeous. Much love to her. I do know that last week, we saw the highly anticipated debut of Sarita‘s familia in Rosita, the newest Knockout to grace the scene. That was a rather interesting eight Knockout tag team match.

This week, Muy Caliente(oh it’s gonna stick) is taking on The Beautiful People in a tag team match that is bound to be salsarific! We also got a random dose of fist pumpin’ this week in the form of hairspray highhats and self tanner. And we all know how TNA loves to surprise us, so if you haven’t watched by this point, buckle up. It’s going to be a bumpy ride! Vamos!

Our Knockouts action for this week really starts out in a match between the X-Division Champion, Kazarian and the contender, Robbie E. We all know his loudmouth counterpart, Cookie from the Jersey Shore. Oh yes. She was most definitely there, dressed in all her drunken stupor glory. Before the match started, Robbie E. is seen cutting a little promo in the ring, talking about how TNA management through a grenade at him this past Sunday at Against All Odds. Oh darling, I would NOT catch a grenade for you. Sorry Bruno Mars. Anyway, he claims he was ready to take on two dudes, not one dude but TWO. But now, he’s ready. He’s got Cooks, his hairgel, self-tanner and random letters on his crotch that mean nothing to the world. He is so ready because Jersey’s in the house, bitches!

Backstage, we see Kazarian with his lips all over, who else, but his real life wife, Traci Brooks! This is the first time we’ve seen Traci on TNA television since February of last year and honestly, she looks great from the ribcage up. Haha. The two have a mini makeout session, no doubt a good luck before the match and Kazarian makes his way to the ring. It was a good going on Mike Tenay’s part, re-stating that Traci was the original Knockout. Indeed, she was. On to the matter at hand, Kazarian spends a little time pre-match, cutting a promo as usual. He says that TNA was built on the foundation of the X-Division. “Maybe not as much foundation that’s on Cookie’s face right now, but you get the point.” Oh how true it is.

Cue the major malfunction meltdown from TNA’s Jersey Shore princess.

Against All Odds In Review (February 13th, 2011): What a Killer Disappointment…

February 15, 2011 by April

(This is Cryssi posting on April’s behalf. Everything was written by her!)

Hello my lovelies! It is that time of the month again, when all the frustration has built up and it’s finally time to settle the score. This feud between the two key Knockouts featured on the Against All Odds card has been rocky, to say the least. They’ve battled back and forth, knocked each other out, knocked themselves out and yet still, the TNA Knockouts Championship has yet to change hands. Whether it’s an interference from the veteran bodyguard or focus on the tag team titles, it seems the Knockouts title is put on the backburner far too often. But not this time. Ladies and Gents, we saw a Last Knockout Standing match and well….we might as well get to it.

In normal pay-per-view fashion, we start out with a backstage interview with the number one contender, Mickie James. She is seen standing with the lovely Christy Hemme, who definitely impressed me with her chic look. As for Mickie, or should I say Pocahontas, not so much. For those just watching, you will see what I mean momentarily. Christy tells Mickie that she must be excited going after the belt and Mickie says that tonight is her night. The only thing standing in her way is a mouthy, bratty little bi…chump. She makes a very good point when she says, the only reason Madison Rayne has that belt is because someone laid down for her. Mickie also warns that tonight, when Madison lays down for her, she won’t be getting back up. Meow! Time for the recap video package!

HARDCORE COUNTRY! And here we go! Bounding down the ramp first is the challenger, Mickie James. See what I mean about that outfit? I’m wondering how many innocent cattle had to die to make that outfit. Maybe if she wins, we’ll get a rain dance. Sorry. I keed. Her opponent is out next, in a brand spankin’ new…colored..outfit. SHE’S A KILLER QUEEN! Well, I wished for Madison to get a new outfit with that bonus check and I guess I should be careful what I wish for. It’s a new color, still the same beer wench attire. However, she believes she’s fabulous so who am I to rain on her parade? I’ll leave that to Mickie and her tribal dancing. Madison makes her way to the ring, glove on hand with her crown and sash combination. She gives her newly patented princess wave to the crowd and takes her time getting in the ring. Mickie isn’t impressed and I’m pretty sure no one in attendance is either.

Impact Write-Up (February 03rd, 2011): The Queen Raynes Supreme!

February 4, 2011 by April

Oh skittles! Here we go again! It is that time again. That time where you sit down, curl up with a nice warm blanket and join me for yet another lovely entry into the TNA iMPACT Write-Up vault. Last week, we got a show full of Knockouts, bouncing all over the place. We saw a boiling rivalry finally come to a head between Winter and Velvet Sky, not to mention a certain champion getting a taste of her own medicine, self delivered. We also saw another few pages written in the saga that is The Jarretts versus Kurt Angle. Deep breath!

This week, we are subject to a ridiculous video ensemble from the power couple of TNA, which I don’t recommend watching before eating. We also have the saving grace of a true Knockouts match between two polar opposites when it comes to the squared circle. So I tell you what, take a seat in the back, settle with your popcorn and get ready for a cinematic feature. Okay. So it isn’t the Masterpiece Theatre but dammit, it’s TNA! It’s Diva Dirt! It’s the Write-Up! Let’s do this!

Our first glimpse is a video package with Karen Jarrett and her husband, Jeff. They are allowing the TNA audience into their home, cheesy MTV Cribs style. They talk about how they met, Karen being just a random employee but then Cupid stuck his arrow right in Jeff’s heart. We weren’t lucky enough for it to do any actual damage but we can hope, right? Karen says that she was married before for twelve years, but she was alone. Now she isn’t alone and she’s got Daddy Jeff to thank for that. Granted, their home in Hendersonville, Tennessee is very nice but is it really worth exploiting your children over? Karen walks around the house, dressed in all black, looking like a gothic character from an Austin Powers movie. Yeah. I said it.

Long story short, the kids come in, dressed like they’re ready for a Christmas photoshoot. Karen is showing off the pictures in Jeff’s office when the kids point out their favorite picture. It is one of everyone in TNA, with Jeff Jarrett standing next to TNA President, Dixie Carter. The girls call her “Aunt Dixie” and their father is quick to correct him. All the kids apologize, calling him Daddy Jeff which makes me sick. Then picking on Kurt Angle’s little boy, with his mother urging him on. Someone call child services. Seriously.

Impact Write-Up (January 27th, 2011): The Beautiful People Need a Wintervention

January 29, 2011 by April

First, I want to apologize if I am running behind this week. Lack of internet and a brain on behalf of my internet provider has put me on a slow schedule. Nonetheless, I welcome you to another edition of the weekly TNA iMPACT Write-Up! Last week, we saw a fourway Knockouts match take place between four of your favorite Knockouts. A few delivered some new techniques while others fell short of their recent glory. We also saw a rather tumultuous and dramatic soap opera begin to unfold between TNA’s power couple and her ex-husband. It wasn’t pretty and it only lead to further development this week. We’ve got screaming, fighting and a whole lot of Knockout action on iMPACT this week so let’s get this ball rolling!

Our first major action of the night; a six Knockout tag team elimination match. Sarita is out first, doing her little shimmy to the ring, dressed in attire that I actually cannot disagree with this week. I can dig it a lot better than the long sleeves, which are not flattering. She’s working the cleavage, but I’m sure no one enjoyed it long considering she almost killed herself trying to flip into the ring. Perhaps if she learned to put the “L” for loser on the other hand, that might not happen. Just saying. SHE’S A KILLER QUEEN! Out next are her partners, the team of Tara and the Knockouts Champion, Madison Rayne. They come roll to the ring on Tara’s crotch rocket, in usual style and Madison is still wearing that crown and sash. But thank the queen herself! Madison has a new outfit this week! A whole new outfit! Black and white certainly fits her, especially with that coveted glove. Shock and awe!

A quick slap to the backside and a kiss for good luck, the Rayne of Tara duo(there you go) get into the ring and begin waving to their oh so dedicated fans. I’m not really sure what Tara is wearing this week. It looks like pajamas but the key is that elbow brace. We most definitely have to keep an eye on that. HARDCORE COUNTRY! On the other side of the ring will stand Mickie James, who bounds out to the ring like a child hyped up on pixie sticks. As usual, she is wearing her cut off daisy dukes and plaid tie up. Oddly enough, I just realized how much I actually like her boots. Huh. Anyway, her partners for the evening are the original Beautiful People, Angelina Love and Velvet Sky. The music hits, lights go up but instead of an entrance, we’re taken backstage. TBP are ready go to and give each other a double high five to cement that. And yes, they are wearing Hustler dresses. Well, I’m assuming that is what they are. Why you would wear a dress to the ring, I’m not certain but if anyone can do it, they can.

Impact Write-Up (January 20th, 2011): The Young and the Wrestlers

January 21, 2011 by April

Well, I’ll be a coal miner’s daughter! It is that time again, people. The time of glorious wrestling drama and kinky Knockouts action! Alright. I’m a little bland when it comes to introductions this week so I’ll just get straight to the technical stuff. I promise, next week, I’ll do better!

Last week on Impact we saw the return of the flawless Karen Jarrett, hellbent on making her ex-husband’s life a living hell. We also saw a rather mediocre yet quizzical tag team match for the TNA Knockouts Tag Team Titles which gave Winter her first TNA submission victory. This week, Karen is back and ready to strike while four of the other Knockouts are set to take action in the ring, fatal fourway style. Plenty of action and lots to cover so it’s time to jump on the train and speed on the down the track. Let’s do it!

Our beloved Knockouts action starts out this week with a non-title fourway Knockouts match-up. Out first is Sarita, who gets a short yet hip shaking entrance, donned an orange version of her wrestling attire. Just once, I’d like to see her look as fierce in the ring as she does out of it. Speaking of fierce, out next is the lovely Velvet Sky, sporting brand new hot pink and silver attire that I have to say definitely flatters her. Similar design but thank cheese, she got rid of that crushed velvet material. Haha. In true fashion, Velvet “lets the pigeons loose”, playing it up as always. HARDCORE COUNTRY! Third to the ring is Mickie James, looking like she just stepped out of the barn in that lumberjack flannel. Nice to see she’s recovered from that concussion. SHE’S A KILLER QUEEN! Finally, last but not least, comes the Knockouts Champion herself, Madison Rayne. Now, the title of this week’s Impact is coined “Dirty Laundry” and rightfully so, considering our self-professed queen is donning that same damn beer wench outfit. I was really hoping she’d burned that but instead, she covered it up with a sash and accessorized…with a crown and side ponytail. Oh Madison.

Staying true to character, the champion screeches at SoCal Val, who is nice enough to hold onto the Queen’s items while she’s performing. Obviously just doing her job, poor Val just looks so confused as she walks away. Thank heavens, this match is finally going to kick off. Let me remind you, this is not a tag team match. Two in ring, two on the outside and tags must be made but there are no teams. The first Knockout to score a pin fall or submission walks away the winner. Madison and Sarita are the first to step out of the ring while Mickie and Velvet are both roaring to go. Velvet can’t wait to get her hands on Sarita while Mickie isn’t quite ready to give up her chance either. The two pull back and forth for a moment, trying to determine who will start things off but instead, come to a great compromise. Let’s just fight each other! Whatever happened to just flipping a coin? Is all the shoving necessary? Can’t we all just get along? No? Okay then. Lock it up!

Impact Write-Up (January 13th, 2011): The Wrath of a Woman Scorned

January 14, 2011 by April

Could it be?! Oh yes! It is time for yet another edition of the weekly Impact Write-Up with yours truly. Last week, we witnessed a rather weird tag team match-up between two teams that had to have been picked out of a hat. However, with an assist from the Elbow of Death, evil prevailed once again. This week, we have a returning Knockout surrounded by major controversary. We also have yet another tag team match but this time, the TNA Knockouts Tag Team Titles are on the line. Will the current odd couple champions maintain or will the power duo come by yet another knockout victory? What kind of trouble will the former Mrs. Angle get herself into? You’re only going to find out by following me down the rabbit hole! Don’t be afraid. I’ll hold your hand and in the end, I promise to give you cookies. Yes, the soft kind. Now GO!

Our first glimpse into Knockout beauty this week, comes in the form of a returning Karen Jarrett. She starts out the show, as the Knockouts should every week, by arriving to the arena with her husband, Jeff. Karen looks gorgeous, as usual, fabulous in a bright blue strapless dress that I adore. New marriage does a body good, apparently. The couple canoodle and smooch before heading into the arena. A little while later, they are caught walking to the Immortal locker room when Jarrett stops her. He wants to make sure that she’s ready for this encounter. Karen says that she’s been sitting at home for two years and she’s never been more ready in her life. You go girl! Rawr!

Later in the show, Karen and Jeff Jarrett are seen walking down the backstage corridor. Jeff cuts a small promo on Kurt Angle, who just happens to be Karen’s ex-husband and his opponent at Genesis. Karen admires her man and he blushes on her just as much. He asks her to do just one thing which is not to lose her temper. Karen claims she’s as cool as a cucumber but by the look on Jeff’s face, he thinks otherwise. I think we all know that if your ex-husband was making your life hell and you’d sat back for two years watching, you’d be like a ticking time bomb. It is time to let the drama unfold!

TNA Genesis in Review: She’s a Killer Knockouts Champion!

January 10, 2011 by April

It is time for the very first TNA pay-per-view of 2011! Genesis has been looming over the Knockouts division for weeks and finally, we get to see the title put on the line. Madison Rayne, along with her bodyguard Tara, have been tormenting Mickie James for weeks. But now, after countless angles, we get to see it all unfold. I’m excited to share my first ever pay-per-view coverage with you so please, saddle up and hold on tight. This trail ride is about to kick into overdrive!

Let’s open this book with a nice little video package to build up to tonight’s Knockouts Championship bout. It showcases the rapid feud between Mickie James and Tara, including interferences from Madison Rayne. A rather short yet detailed package. HARDCORE COUNTRY! The challenger, Mickie bounds to the ring decked out in some serious fringe. My Native American heritage thanks her and honestly, it fits. I can dig the feathers but the trenchcoat, not so much. Walker, Texas Ranger called and he’d like me to ask you to stay the hell out of his closet. SHE’S A KILLER QUEEN! Quick to cut her off is the champion herself, Madison, who comes out to a renewed theme, in her same old beer wench top and black pants. I guess there still isn’t much of a bonus check with that gold. I can say that I am enjoying her brunette hair more each week. She waves like the princess she believes she is to the crowd, hesitant to hand over her championship belt. The referee calls for the bell which sends Madison into her automatic bully technique. Time to get this party started!

Mickie looks to start this match off strong, finally getting ahold of Madison. After an arm drag and a snapmare takedown, going for a couple quick pin attempts in between, Mickie winds Madison up into a side headlock. But Madison isn’t giving in that soon. A shove from the champ sends Mickie careening into the ropes, coming back with a smooth shoulder block. Bringing that side headlock back into play, Mickie sets herself up for a few shots to the abdomen from her opponent. Time for a little gymnastics. Madison drops to the mat as Mickie rebounds off the ropes, throwing in a cartwheel for good measure. A key dropkick rolls Madison out on the apron, bitching at the referee about Mickie getting the best of her. Let the screeching commence! I know, somewhere in Orlando, there are dogs howling.

Impact Write-Up (January 6th, 2011): The Elbow of Tara Strikes Again!

January 8, 2011January 7, 2011 by April

Hello there! Welcome back to the official TNA Impact Write-Up! My name is April and I will be your sponsor this week. Call me should you feel yourself in doubt of your wrestling devotion. I’ll set you straight. Last week, we saw a snappy strap match between Velvet Sky and Sarita that left us all using our imaginations. We also saw Madison Rayne in her Viera Twang dress and accent that left us all doubled over. This week, we’ve got Knockouts action in form of a rather odd pair of teams set to settle the score. Follow along, my darlings!

Out first is the team of Madison Rayne and Sarita. Madison is escorted to the ring by her bodyguard, Tara on her crotch rocket while Sarita dances her way down the ring in a glow in the dark ensemble. I’d even go so far as to say it could be from the Jeff Hardy clothing collection. Not a fan, again. At least Madison got rid of her little beer wench skirt and gold panties, changing it up with a pair of cute matching pants. Note the funny moment here where Sarita does her little salsarita dance and gets huffy when Tara starts dancing with her. Haha. HARDCORE COUNTRY! Out next is Mickie James in her country couture, daisy dukes and plaid tie-off. She is set to team with the lovely Velvet Sky who makes her way out last in black and hot pink. I like the black chaps a lot better than the others. Freelance fashion aside, two somewhat unorthodox tag teams set to face off.

Starting this match out in true bitch manner, Velvet goes straight after Sarita as soon as the bell rings. Sarita tries to come back with a clothesline but Vel Vel ducks and shoves her down, rebounding off the ropes to come back with a low dropkick. Quick to get back on it, Velvet takes Sarita down with a knee smash to the face. A few slaps to the chest and Sarita flings Velvet into the ropes which brings Vel Vel back with a headscissors roll-up. One..two..and no prize pinning combination. Sarita kicks out but Velvet flips her right back over for another attempt. Sarita does her best to come back but one half of the founding Beautiful People is hellbent on taking the latina down. I like Vicious Velvet. I think it suits her.

Impact Write-Up (December 30th, 2010): A Strapping Knock-Off

October 6, 2011December 31, 2010 by April

Oh hello there! Simply can’t resist my charm, can you? Haha. Welcome back to the weekly Diva Dirt Impact Write-Up. Last week, we determined new TNA Knockouts Tag Team Champions in Angelina Love and Winter. We also saw a brutal attack on Velvet Sky by Sarita which left us all pretty certain that both of them had used a strap before. It was a touching brawl. Honestly, I was choked up. This week, the beatdowns between Sarita and Velvet Sky continue and Madison Rayne gives us a glimpse into her glamorous side. Hold onto your rhinestones, people! This is going to blow your bedazzled socks off!

Back from a long commercial break, we see Sarita in the hallway talking trash against Velvet Sky. She says how dare Velvet challenge her to a match. She also says she’s got something for her. Sarita shows the gold strap again and snaps it tight. “I am gonna whoop that ass.” Go on wit ya bad self! *snaps*

And it is on to true Knockouts action! Out first, set to compete in a Knockouts Strap Match, is Velvet Sky and damn, she is well equipped. She comes out, mile long strap in hand and she is just punishing the ramp as she makes her way to the ring. Can you blame her? If some crazy bitch beat the hell out of me with a strap, I’d be furious too. Although, I do have to say, it looks like Vel Vel has used that strap before. *whistles* Her opponent, Sarita, comes out next, dressed in her true Mexican colors but it comes off looking more like a late Christmas outfit. Definitely not a fan of this one. Apparently, in this match, the women will be strapped together at the wrists with that long strap keeping them together. In order to win the match, either Sarita or Velvet must restrain their opponent long enough to touch all four top turnbuckles without interruption.

Despite practically begging to get out of the match, Sarita finally gives in and the bell rings. It is on like Donkey Kong! Both women circle one another around the ring, trying to gain leverage but in a blink, Sarita tries to take her end and go home. But Velvet isn’t going to take it. She follows and bunches up her end of the leather, ready to strike. Not one to truly back down, Sarita charges and slams Velvet back into the ring apron, quick to make valid use of that leather strap. Thank you, Ma’am! May I have another? Can I just insert my “Ouch!” here and be done with it? Because that honestly looked like it hurt.

Impact Write-Up (December 23rd, 2010): Walking in a Winter Weirdo-Land

December 25, 2010December 24, 2010 by April

Back for the TNA Impact Weekly Wailing, I see. I knew you would return. That’s right, folks! It is time for yet another edition for the Diva Dirt TNA Impact Write-Up brought to you by yours truly. Last week, we saw two Knockouts handcuffed together and a fairly new Knockout make her official in-ring debut. This week, we head into the final round of the TNA Knockouts Tag Team Title tournament to find out who will finally take home those nice shiny objects of obsession. So take a little ride with me on the TNA fast track. I might even let you be the caboose!

Our first sight of the lovely TNA Knockouts comes from the trailer (literally) of the Knockouts Champion, Madison Rayne and her tag team parter, Tara. They’re caught on camera, primping and prepping for their tag match later in the evening against The Beautiful People. Madison says they might be going into the match with one body but those two share one brain. Tara reminds her that her elbow brace is tough as nails but she also wants to make sure it doesn’t make her look…fat?! How on earth can an elbow brace make you look fat? I shake my head. Tara wants to make it quick so she can skip off to her party with Gen Me. They giggle, gaggle and go back to the art of applying lipgloss.

We see the back of, who we later find out is Sarita, with a gold strap behind her back. She enters the locker room of Velvet Sky and after a sneer, closes the door behind her. As shown after the commercial, during the break, Sarita proceeded to beat the living hell out of poor Vel Vel. She slashes her back with that leather weapon of choice, prompting Velvet to tag Sarita as a “crazy bitch”. Like we didn’t already know? This quickly goes into a rabid choke and after a moment, the Loco Latina sends Velvet careening out into the hallway.

Sarita once again taunts Velvet about not being able to face her one on one. At this particular point, I find myself wondering, why in the hell are these two still feuding?! Okay. I know this is probably going to link back to not wanting to see feuds but it is BORING. It’s like a very violent edition of Mean Girls minus Lindsay Lohan and her cocaine addiction.

Impact Write-Up (December 16th, 2010): Now That’s a ‘Knockout’ Victory…

October 6, 2011December 17, 2010 by April

It is that time once again, folks. Time to dive back into a total recall of full throttle action by TNA’s Knockouts. Last week, we saw an epic cage match between Mickie James and Tara, The Beautiful People advanced in the newly announced Knockouts Tag Team Title tournament and our resident Scream Queen, Daffney returned to the Impact Zone. This week, the tournament continues. Who will go on to face Angelina Love and Velvet Sky for the gold? I know you are all chomping at the bit to find out what happened this week so onward we go!

Our first, earth shattering glimpse of TNA beauty comes in the form of Cookie this week. She escorts her slick haired guido, Robbie E. to the ring in an X-Division Title rematch against Jay Lethal. I am still not sure about these two. I have never been a fan of the Jersey Shore and everytime I see them, I feel like I am being forced to watch bad MTV reruns. Nonetheless, Cookie is sporting all black with the purple streaks. Love a curvy woman being on the roster but that outfit was not flattering, Cooks.

The match starts off quick, as does Cookie’s interference in the match-up. She easily flattens Lethal with an ankle grab, sending him to the mat. This prompts the flaming firecrotch, Christy Hemme to charge the ring, wasting little time taking the Guidette to the ground. Christy, barefoot and dressed like she stepped out of a Knockouts Christmas card, whips out a silver set of handcuffs. Yes, this is definitely a Jersey Shore rerun. With a little effort, Christy manages to cuff herself to Cookie, who is not happy at all. Ladies and Gents, I do believe we have a ‘Situation’ on our hands.

Impact Write-Up (December 9th, 2010): A Hardcore (Country) Main Event

December 11, 2010December 10, 2010 by April

We are pleased to welcome new Diva Dirt writer, April, who is taking over the Impact Write-Up.

This week on Impact was just saddlebags full of Knockout action. First, we saw the vacating of the Knockouts Tag Team Championship, the return of the Scream Queen, Daffney and a first for TNA: a Knockouts steel cage as the main event, between Mickie James and Tara. Take a deep breath, you’re gonna need the oxygen…

Our first glimpse of the TNA Knockouts on this episode of Impact comes via video package from August 05, 2010 where Taylor Wilde and Hamada win the TNA Knockouts Tag Titles. Mike Tenay announces that Hamada has left the company due to passport issues. With Hamada gone, the titles are obviously up for grabs and their new owners will be determined tournament-style. It is announced that Sarita will be teaming with the returning Daffney (odd team, much?) against The Beautiful People, Angelina Love and Velvet Sky.

Later, Tara is seen backstage, tuning up for what is meant to be Tara: Live in Concert. Pray to whatever God you pray to because this is going to take some major miracle workmanship. Generation Me is with her. All means of importance go out the window here. True, they may appear to look like Knockouts but they, indeed, are not. Tara’s attempt to one up Mickie James is up next.

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