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Impact Write-Up (March 24th, 2011): Take a Step Into The Twilight Zone…

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Oh here we go! It is that time of the week yet again and I am back with another rendition of the Impact Write-Up! Yes, it is yours truly and I can definitely say that after last week, I’m hoping TNA went for a little redemption factor this week. Last week, we saw a three minute “streetfight” between four of TNA’s Knockouts and their respective male partners. We also saw a flash in the pan(har har) return from former Knockout Alissa Flash in a very unsuccessful try against the TNA Knockouts Champion. This week, we’ve got a match between two women who just can’t seem to get enough of beating the hell out of each other. And..we are also going to explore another chapter in the new developing saga of the troop of Mexican Americans looking to stake their claim on the company. Buckle up, strap in, do whatever it takes to secure yourself to your location. You’re in for a ride.

HARDCORE COUNTRY! Our first glimpse of Knockout action comes in the form of Mickie James, bounding to the ring in those classic daisy dukes and a teal fringe top with gorgeous red hair. She is set to take on Tara, who we see backstage, straddling her crotch rocket. Out of nowhere, Madison Rayne storms up and demands that Tara destroy Mickie, or else! Tara questions it but Madison is quick to let her know that this isn’t a classroom, she doesn’t need to ask questions. She just needs to go do her job. Job? Yes. Go do your job, Tara. Do all of Madison’s dirty work so she can squash Mickie at Lockdown. Winning. Duh. BROKEN! BROKEN! And out she rides, complete with the giant bow on her backside and no sooner than she can climb the apron, the veteran is flipped over to her backside. Good thing she brought that extra cushion, huh?

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Impact Write-Up (March 17th, 2011): The Street Fight That Never Was…

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My, how the time flies. I feel like I just did this. Haha. Last week, we saw a six way tag team match between The Beautiful People and their paranormal counterpart against a midnight snack, a bowl of spicy salsa and their mile-wide hip…ster, Angelina Pivarnick. We also saw the quick and fruitless return of former TNA Knockout, Roxxi, to the Impact Zone. Needless to say, it was a definite sight to see. This week, we have yet another installment of the championship open challenge, as well as a mixed tag team street fight that is bound to leave us all scratching our heads. Are you as excited as I am? Oh come on. I know you are. It’s time to flip the switch and shine the light! Vamos!

Our fight glimpse comes from the trailer park behind the arena, where Angelina Love and Velvet Sky are seen prepping for their match later in the night. Well, A. Love is grooming her blonde locks while Velvet seems far too pumped. She tells Angelina to go after the little one while she finishes some unfinished business with Sarita. A. Love, all the while, seems none so interested and almost spaced out while Vel Vel rambles on, talking about how excited she is that they are finally going to be teaming up again. Because they totally didn’t do that a couple of weeks ago or anything. Geez! Anyway, in comes Winter, much to Velvet’s dismay and she informs Velvet that it will not be her in the street fight. Instead, Vel is out and Winter is in, due to Velvet’s jealousy this past Sunday at Victory Road. Winter goes to pull Angelina away but Velvet is hellbent on trying to convince A. Love that it wasn’t her fault they lost at the pay-per-view. She is sticking to her guns that she was only trying to help them. All Angelina can do is simply look annoyed and confused, albeit even, under the influence of drugs. I’m pretty sure Winter is slipping her ruffies.

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TNA Victory Road in Review: The Loco Latinas Spice Up the Gold!

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If only the road to victory were always paved with gold. This past Thursday on Impact, we saw a six way match between The Beautiful People, Angelina Love and Velvet Sky teaming up with Winter to take on Cookie, Sarita and Angelina Pivarnick of the Jersey Shore. Yeah. That’s what I said..however, thankfully, TBP and Winter survived and now, the real Angelina and Winter must team up to defend their coveted TNA Knockouts Tag Team Championships. Who are their opponents, you ask? Well, only the Loco Latinas, Sarita and Rosita of course! I know you’re ready for this and I can say that I’m ready for this. So let’s do this!

The Knockouts action for the evening begins with a backstage segment with The Beautiful People and Winter, interviewed by Christy Hemme. The resident backstage redhead congratulates Velvet Sky on her win over Sarita and maintaining her spot with the company. She also points out that what seems the most surprising is not that win but the fact that Winter actually defended Velvet this past Thursday on Impact. Winter states that her actions last week proved that all she has ever wanted is for all of them to have friends. She says she doesn’t have an issue with Velvet but Velvet has an issue with her. She is just glad that Angelina has finally seen it all too. She is totally jealous of those leggings you’re rocking, Winter. I mean, who wouldn’t be? Velvet can’t believe it but given how Angelina just walked away, I’m wondering if she’s starting to as well… (Apologies for the lack of video).

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TNA Victory Road 2011: Sarita and Rosita Win the Knockouts Tag Team Championship

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Sarita and cousin Rosita emerged as the new Knockouts Tag Team Champions tonight at TNA’s Victory Road pay per view. The finish came following a clunky series of events. First Sarita brought one of the belts into the ring to clock Winter only to be attacked by Angelina. That led to a catfight between the … Read more

PPV Predictions: TNA Victory Road 2011

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The Diva Dirt team weigh in on tonight’s Knockouts Tag Team Championship match.

Cryssi: Is Velvet Sky still involved with Sarita? Does she still hate Winter? If the answer is “yes” to either or both questions then expect Vel Vel to inadvertently cost Angelina and Winter the match tonight. Sarita & Rosita will emerge as the new TNA Knockouts Tag Team Champions.

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Impact Write-Up (March 10th, 2011): The Beautiful People Send Angelina Swimming Back to the Jersey Shore

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So last week, we saw a monstrosity of a wedding that never should have happened in the first place. I mean, who renews their vows after only six months of marriage? Exactly. We also saw the continuing battle between Velvet Sky and Sarita which turned into a fist pumping party for Angelina from the Jersey Shore. This week, we’ve got that oh so awaited six way match featuring Miss Pavarnick as well as another installment in the Madison Rayne Open Challenge series. I know you’ve waited a week for it. Don’t lie. So grab a slice of humble pie, this show is about to get interesting.

Our first glimpse into Knockout beauty comes in the form of a backstage segment between The Beautiful People, Velvet Sky and Angelina Love. They are seen sitting down, lacing up their boots for their six way tag match later in the evening. They’re talking about the Jersey Shore girls and how they just can’t get enough of TBP. Naturally, as if on cue, the trio of Angelina Pavarnick, Cookie and Sarita come strolling in, much to the delight of Vel Vel and A. Love who have them confused with the football team. I’ll admit. I choked on my sweet tea. Anyway, Angelina from the Shore, tells the entire room to shut the f*** up and states that Jersey girls tell someone they’re gonna kick their ass before they actually do it. Really? Is it that important that it deserves a pre-notification? She claims it is proper etiquette and she’s going to embarass them in front of their whole crew. Who that crew is, I have no idea.

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Impact Write-Up (March 3rd, 2011): Angelina Washes Up from the (Jersey) Shore

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Welcome, my darlings, to the ever so late Impact Write-Up. I apologize for the serious tardy on my part. Unexpected twelve hour shifts at work are never a pleasant surprise. Now, onto the business at hand…last week, we saw the return of yet another former TNA Knockout in ODB in an answer to Madison Rayne‘s open challenge. We also saw an array of backstage segments between several other Knockouts that lead up to current happenings. This week, Impact is coming from Fayetteville, North Carolina and there is a special guest set to show up. We’ve got the ill-awaited “final” battle between two of TNA’s top Knockouts, set to end this war once and for all. Not to mention, that we’ve all been invited to a wedding! Oh Yeah. Why are we still discussing this? Let’s get this ball rolling!

In the ring first, accompanied by her tiny tot cousin Rosita, is Sarita. There’s a tongue twister for you. Set to due battle against Velvet Sky for the “final” time, to settle all the scores, Sarita is looking to dance her way through this match. I don’t really know what to make of their outfits so I won’t even being to scratch that surface. Obviously out next is Velvet, dressed in her signature color of pink and ready to get get this match started. It has been weeks after weeks of torment from Sarita and finally, Velvet has a chance to prove what she’s worth. She is accompanied to the ring by Angelina Love who looks glistening as always. Sorry guys but the pigeons are going to have to stay in the coop this week because Velvet is wasting no time getting in the ring and all up in Sarita’s grill.

Let me remind you, as Taz and Mike Tenay do several times, this match could very well be Velvet Sky’s last match in TNA if she can’t bring home the win. Anyway, Velvet is ready to do this but Sarita is set on playing games, turning around to cross her arms. The purpose? Don’t ask me. Haha. Grabbing a handful of Sarita’s hair, Velvet almost looks to pull her back but Sarita kicks back that leg, only to be caught at the ankle. Velvet comes at her with a clothesline and with a quick lift-up, Velvet counters on Sarita with a falling crossbody pin attempt. It is a quick no good and they’re both back up. A kick and a slap, double time and they’re going across the ring. I swear I got severely dizzy for a moment. I’ve been staring at a computer screen all day. Literally.

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Impact Write-Up (February 24th, 2011): I Hope ODB Knows How to Count to Three!

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Oh what a week it has been! I am so glad that now is the time for the weekly Diva Dirt TNA Impact Write-Up! I want to thank you for joining me and strapping in for this rollercoaster ride! Last week, we saw a beautiful former TNA Knockout return to the Impact Zone in the form of Traci Brooks. She took out the mean mugging Cookie to help her man, Kazarian. We also saw a hot sauce feud begin to come to an end between two current Knockouts and we were given a sneak peek into this week’s Impact. This week, we finally get to see how this Open Challenge fiasco is going to work for the self-proclaimed “Queen” of the Knockouts division. We are also graced with a load of backstage happenings that I can’t even begin to describe so let’s put this baby in gear and get on the road! It’s time for some action!

Our first glimpse of the Knockouts comes in the form of The Beautiful People, Angelina Love and Velvet Sky in their dressing room(aka the trailer park). Angelina seems to be trying to talk her BFF out of the career threatening match with Sarita, a challenge issued last week. Velvet says she’s aware of what Angelina is trying to say but what would Angelina do in her situation? A. Love comes back with the fact that Sarita is the point and Sarita is just loco. Not to mention, her little chihuahua of a cousin, Rosita, running around behind her. Angelina even goes on to say that it isn’t Velvet’s ability(like everyone else thinks) but it’s Sarita and she’s crazy. Velvet says it’s nothing personal but she just needs to be alone. She needs to be alone to collect her thoughts and that’s just what she gets. Angelina leaves Vel Vel to pinch her nose and battle her demons on her own. Oh Velvet. I feel for you but I hate your outfit.

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Impact Write-Up (February 17th, 2011): Sarita Rules and Velvet Drools!

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Hola my little churros! It is that time again, for another edition of the Diva Dirt TNA iMPACT! Write-Up! You all know who I am and I know who most of you who are. We’re forming a bond here so let’s keep it strong. Last week, I missed iMPACT! due to a bout of bronchitis that hit me like a speeding truck so I want to thank Melanie for filling in for me. She’s gorgeous. Much love to her. I do know that last week, we saw the highly anticipated debut of Sarita‘s familia in Rosita, the newest Knockout to grace the scene. That was a rather interesting eight Knockout tag team match.

This week, Muy Caliente(oh it’s gonna stick) is taking on The Beautiful People in a tag team match that is bound to be salsarific! We also got a random dose of fist pumpin’ this week in the form of hairspray highhats and self tanner. And we all know how TNA loves to surprise us, so if you haven’t watched by this point, buckle up. It’s going to be a bumpy ride! Vamos!

Our Knockouts action for this week really starts out in a match between the X-Division Champion, Kazarian and the contender, Robbie E. We all know his loudmouth counterpart, Cookie from the Jersey Shore. Oh yes. She was most definitely there, dressed in all her drunken stupor glory. Before the match started, Robbie E. is seen cutting a little promo in the ring, talking about how TNA management through a grenade at him this past Sunday at Against All Odds. Oh darling, I would NOT catch a grenade for you. Sorry Bruno Mars. Anyway, he claims he was ready to take on two dudes, not one dude but TWO. But now, he’s ready. He’s got Cooks, his hairgel, self-tanner and random letters on his crotch that mean nothing to the world. He is so ready because Jersey’s in the house, bitches!

Backstage, we see Kazarian with his lips all over, who else, but his real life wife, Traci Brooks! This is the first time we’ve seen Traci on TNA television since February of last year and honestly, she looks great from the ribcage up. Haha. The two have a mini makeout session, no doubt a good luck before the match and Kazarian makes his way to the ring. It was a good going on Mike Tenay’s part, re-stating that Traci was the original Knockout. Indeed, she was. On to the matter at hand, Kazarian spends a little time pre-match, cutting a promo as usual. He says that TNA was built on the foundation of the X-Division. “Maybe not as much foundation that’s on Cookie’s face right now, but you get the point.” Oh how true it is.

Cue the major malfunction meltdown from TNA’s Jersey Shore princess.

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Impact Write-Up (February 11th, 2011): Rosita is Muy Caliente in TNA Debut

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Last night’s Impact saw the debut of a new Knockout, Rosita, who was introduced as the ‘cousin’ of Sarita. How would the newcomer measure up in her debut night? And how would TNA give Mickie and Madison’s big title match this Sunday one last push? Let’s find out…

Earlier in the evening, we catch Angelina Love’s cohorts, Velvet Sky and Winter arguing backstage before she proceeds to shut it down and try to get them on the same page. Obviously, that’s not going to work. Anyone who’s been torn between a friend and a lover who don’t like each other can probably attest to that. Which begs the question – who is the ‘friend’ and who is the ‘lover’ in this scenario? Winter or Velvet? You decide.

Anyhoo, it’s match time and we are ready to meet our new Knockout! Regardez:

Sarita is out first and her cousin Rosita is not far behind. The duo salsa down the ramp before doing a little skit in the ring. Next out is the team of Tara & Madison Rayne. On the babyface side, the BPs and Winter come out which leads to a funny yet awkward situation as Winter, like Velvet, tries to crawl through Angelina’s legs for her entrance. Angie acts violated while Winter looks rather pleased with herself. Next out is Hardcore Country herself, Mickie James. By my count, that’s eight Knockouts — okay, we’re ready to go!

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Fan Report & Pictures from TNA House Show in Pensacola, FL (February 5th)

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Diva Dirt reader Billy James sent in his live report and pictures from TNA’s house show in Pensacola, FL this past Saturday. The event saw a rare house show appearance from Sarita facing Angelina Love.

Before the show started, I was to get both Angelina and Sarita’s autographs. Both ladies were very nice especially Sarita as I had the chance to briefly talk to my second favorite Knockout. I told her that loved her matches with Mickie James as they have great chemistry together and I hope that she feuds with Mickie over the Knockouts Title. Sarita that she hopes so too as she wants a run with the belt. I also had the chance to tell her about the nickname that I and some of my wrestling friends have for her, “The Salsa Mama” which she liked. Angelina got the win over Sarita with Botox Injection. I had an eraser board with me on which I wrote: “Sarita: The Salsa Mama” when Sarita came out for the match. Let me say that Sarita is just as good live as she is on TV. I found out after the show that it’s rare for Sarita to do TNA house shows due to her obligations with Consejo Mundial de Lucha Libre (CMLL) in Mexico.

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Impact Write-Up (February 03rd, 2011): The Queen Raynes Supreme!

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Oh skittles! Here we go again! It is that time again. That time where you sit down, curl up with a nice warm blanket and join me for yet another lovely entry into the TNA iMPACT Write-Up vault. Last week, we got a show full of Knockouts, bouncing all over the place. We saw a boiling rivalry finally come to a head between Winter and Velvet Sky, not to mention a certain champion getting a taste of her own medicine, self delivered. We also saw another few pages written in the saga that is The Jarretts versus Kurt Angle. Deep breath!

This week, we are subject to a ridiculous video ensemble from the power couple of TNA, which I don’t recommend watching before eating. We also have the saving grace of a true Knockouts match between two polar opposites when it comes to the squared circle. So I tell you what, take a seat in the back, settle with your popcorn and get ready for a cinematic feature. Okay. So it isn’t the Masterpiece Theatre but dammit, it’s TNA! It’s Diva Dirt! It’s the Write-Up! Let’s do this!

Our first glimpse is a video package with Karen Jarrett and her husband, Jeff. They are allowing the TNA audience into their home, cheesy MTV Cribs style. They talk about how they met, Karen being just a random employee but then Cupid stuck his arrow right in Jeff’s heart. We weren’t lucky enough for it to do any actual damage but we can hope, right? Karen says that she was married before for twelve years, but she was alone. Now she isn’t alone and she’s got Daddy Jeff to thank for that. Granted, their home in Hendersonville, Tennessee is very nice but is it really worth exploiting your children over? Karen walks around the house, dressed in all black, looking like a gothic character from an Austin Powers movie. Yeah. I said it.

Long story short, the kids come in, dressed like they’re ready for a Christmas photoshoot. Karen is showing off the pictures in Jeff’s office when the kids point out their favorite picture. It is one of everyone in TNA, with Jeff Jarrett standing next to TNA President, Dixie Carter. The girls call her “Aunt Dixie” and their father is quick to correct him. All the kids apologize, calling him Daddy Jeff which makes me sick. Then picking on Kurt Angle’s little boy, with his mother urging him on. Someone call child services. Seriously.

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Impact Write-Up (January 27th, 2011): The Beautiful People Need a Wintervention

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First, I want to apologize if I am running behind this week. Lack of internet and a brain on behalf of my internet provider has put me on a slow schedule. Nonetheless, I welcome you to another edition of the weekly TNA iMPACT Write-Up! Last week, we saw a fourway Knockouts match take place between four of your favorite Knockouts. A few delivered some new techniques while others fell short of their recent glory. We also saw a rather tumultuous and dramatic soap opera begin to unfold between TNA’s power couple and her ex-husband. It wasn’t pretty and it only lead to further development this week. We’ve got screaming, fighting and a whole lot of Knockout action on iMPACT this week so let’s get this ball rolling!

Our first major action of the night; a six Knockout tag team elimination match. Sarita is out first, doing her little shimmy to the ring, dressed in attire that I actually cannot disagree with this week. I can dig it a lot better than the long sleeves, which are not flattering. She’s working the cleavage, but I’m sure no one enjoyed it long  considering she almost killed herself trying to flip into the ring. Perhaps if she learned to put the “L” for loser on the other hand, that might not happen. Just saying. SHE’S A KILLER QUEEN! Out next are her partners, the team of Tara and the Knockouts Champion, Madison Rayne. They come roll to the ring on Tara’s crotch rocket, in usual style and Madison is still wearing that crown and sash. But thank the queen herself! Madison has a new outfit this week! A whole new outfit! Black and white certainly fits her, especially with that coveted glove. Shock and awe!

A quick slap to the backside and a kiss for good luck, the Rayne of Tara duo(there you go) get into the ring and begin waving to their oh so dedicated fans. I’m not really sure what Tara is wearing this week. It looks like pajamas but the key is that elbow brace. We most definitely have to keep an eye on that. HARDCORE COUNTRY! On the other side of the ring will stand Mickie James, who bounds out to the ring like a child hyped up on pixie sticks. As usual, she is wearing her cut off daisy dukes and plaid tie up. Oddly enough, I just realized how much I actually like her boots. Huh. Anyway, her partners for the evening are the original Beautiful People, Angelina Love and Velvet Sky. The music hits, lights go up but instead of an entrance, we’re taken backstage. TBP are ready go to and give each other a double high five to cement that. And yes, they are wearing Hustler dresses. Well, I’m assuming that is what they are. Why you would wear a dress to the ring, I’m not certain but if anyone can do it, they can.

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Impact Write-Up (January 20th, 2011): The Young and the Wrestlers

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Well, I’ll be a coal miner’s daughter! It is that time again, people. The time of glorious wrestling drama and kinky Knockouts action! Alright. I’m a little bland when it comes to introductions this week so I’ll just get straight to the technical stuff. I promise, next week, I’ll do better!

Last week on Impact we saw the return of the flawless Karen Jarrett, hellbent on making her ex-husband’s life a living hell. We also saw a rather mediocre yet quizzical tag team match for the TNA Knockouts Tag Team Titles which gave Winter her first TNA submission victory. This week, Karen is back and ready to strike while four of the other Knockouts are set to take action in the ring, fatal fourway style. Plenty of action and lots to cover so it’s time to jump on the train and speed on the down the track. Let’s do it!

Our beloved Knockouts action starts out this week with a non-title fourway Knockouts match-up. Out first is Sarita, who gets a short yet hip shaking entrance, donned an orange version of her wrestling attire. Just once, I’d like to see her look as fierce in the ring as she does out of it. Speaking of fierce, out next is the lovely Velvet Sky, sporting brand new hot pink and silver attire that I have to say definitely flatters her. Similar design but thank cheese, she got rid of that crushed velvet material. Haha. In true fashion, Velvet “lets the pigeons loose”, playing it up as always. HARDCORE COUNTRY! Third to the ring is Mickie James, looking like she just stepped out of the barn in that lumberjack flannel. Nice to see she’s recovered from that concussion. SHE’S A KILLER QUEEN! Finally, last but not least, comes the Knockouts Champion herself, Madison Rayne. Now, the title of this week’s Impact is coined “Dirty Laundry” and rightfully so, considering our self-professed queen is donning that same damn beer wench outfit. I was really hoping she’d burned that but instead, she covered it up with a sash and accessorized…with a crown and side ponytail. Oh Madison.

Staying true to character, the champion screeches at SoCal Val, who is nice enough to hold onto the Queen’s items while she’s performing. Obviously just doing her job, poor Val just looks so confused as she walks away. Thank heavens, this match is finally going to kick off. Let me remind you, this is not a tag team match. Two in ring, two on the outside and tags must be made but there are no teams. The first Knockout to score a pin fall or submission walks away the winner. Madison and Sarita are the first to step out of the ring while Mickie and Velvet are both roaring to go. Velvet can’t wait to get her hands on Sarita while Mickie isn’t quite ready to give up her chance either. The two pull back and forth for a moment, trying to determine who will start things off but instead, come to a great compromise. Let’s just fight each other! Whatever happened to just flipping a coin? Is all the shoving necessary? Can’t we all just get along? No? Okay then. Lock it up!

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Sarita Signs New Two Year Contract with TNA

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While Knockouts have been leaving left, right and center over the past year, one lady who isn’t going anywhere is our favorite luchadora, Sarita aka Sarah Stock. According to the Wrestling Observer, Sarita has signed a two year contract extension to stay put in the Knockouts division. Sarita was one half of the first ever … Read more

Impact Write-Up (January 6th, 2011): The Elbow of Tara Strikes Again!

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Hello there! Welcome back to the official TNA Impact Write-Up! My name is April and I will be your sponsor this week. Call me should you feel yourself in doubt of your wrestling devotion. I’ll set you straight. Last week, we saw a snappy strap match between Velvet Sky and Sarita that left us all using our imaginations. We also saw Madison Rayne in her Viera Twang dress and accent that left us all doubled over. This week, we’ve got Knockouts action in form of a rather odd pair of teams set to settle the score. Follow along, my darlings!

Out first is the team of Madison Rayne and Sarita. Madison is escorted to the ring by her bodyguard, Tara on her crotch rocket while Sarita dances her way down the ring in a glow in the dark ensemble. I’d even go so far as to say it could be from the Jeff Hardy clothing collection. Not a fan, again. At least Madison got rid of her little beer wench skirt and gold panties, changing it up with a pair of cute matching pants. Note the funny moment here where Sarita does her little salsarita dance and gets huffy when Tara starts dancing with her. Haha. HARDCORE COUNTRY! Out next is Mickie James in her country couture, daisy dukes and plaid tie-off. She is set to team with the lovely Velvet Sky who makes her way out last in black and hot pink. I like the black chaps a lot better than the others. Freelance fashion aside, two somewhat unorthodox tag teams set to face off.

Starting this match out in true bitch manner, Velvet goes straight after Sarita as soon as the bell rings. Sarita tries to come back with a clothesline but Vel Vel ducks and shoves her down, rebounding off the ropes to come back with a low dropkick. Quick to get back on it, Velvet takes Sarita down with a knee smash to the face. A few slaps to the chest and Sarita flings Velvet into the ropes which brings Vel Vel back with a headscissors roll-up. One..two..and no prize pinning combination. Sarita kicks out but Velvet flips her right back over for another attempt. Sarita does her best to come back but one half of the founding Beautiful People is hellbent on taking the latina down. I like Vicious Velvet. I think it suits her.

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Impact Write-Up (December 30th, 2010): A Strapping Knock-Off

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Oh hello there! Simply can’t resist my charm, can you? Haha. Welcome back to the weekly Diva Dirt Impact Write-Up. Last week, we determined new TNA Knockouts Tag Team Champions in Angelina Love and Winter. We also saw a brutal attack on Velvet Sky by Sarita which left us all pretty certain that both of them had used a strap before. It was a touching brawl. Honestly, I was choked up. This week, the beatdowns between Sarita and Velvet Sky continue and Madison Rayne gives us a glimpse into her glamorous side. Hold onto your rhinestones, people! This is going to blow your bedazzled socks off!

Back from a long commercial break, we see Sarita in the hallway talking trash against Velvet Sky. She says how dare Velvet challenge her to a match. She also says she’s got something for her. Sarita shows the gold strap again and snaps it tight. “I am gonna whoop that ass.” Go on wit ya bad self! *snaps*

And it is on to true Knockouts action! Out first, set to compete in a Knockouts Strap Match, is Velvet Sky and damn, she is well equipped. She comes out, mile long strap in hand and she is just punishing the ramp as she makes her way to the ring. Can you blame her? If some crazy bitch beat the hell out of me with a strap, I’d be furious too. Although, I do have to say, it looks like Vel Vel has used that strap before. *whistles* Her opponent, Sarita, comes out next, dressed in her true Mexican colors but it comes off looking more like a late Christmas outfit. Definitely not a fan of this one. Apparently, in this match, the women will be strapped together at the wrists with that long strap keeping them together. In order to win the match, either Sarita or Velvet must restrain their opponent long enough to touch all four top turnbuckles without interruption.

Despite practically begging to get out of the match, Sarita finally gives in and the bell rings. It is on like Donkey Kong! Both women circle one another around the ring, trying to gain leverage but in a blink, Sarita tries to take her end and go home. But Velvet isn’t going to take it. She follows and bunches up her end of the leather, ready to strike. Not one to truly back down, Sarita charges and slams Velvet back into the ring apron, quick to make valid use of that leather strap. Thank you, Ma’am! May I have another? Can I just insert my “Ouch!” here and be done with it? Because that honestly looked like it hurt.

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Impact Write-Up (December 23rd, 2010): Walking in a Winter Weirdo-Land

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Back for the TNA Impact Weekly Wailing, I see. I knew you would return. That’s right, folks! It is time for yet another edition for the Diva Dirt TNA Impact Write-Up brought to you by yours truly.  Last week, we saw two Knockouts handcuffed together and a fairly new Knockout make her official in-ring debut. This week, we head into the final round of the TNA Knockouts Tag Team Title tournament to find out who will finally take home those nice shiny objects of obsession. So take a little ride with me on the TNA fast track. I might even let you be the caboose!

Our first sight of the lovely TNA Knockouts comes from the trailer (literally) of the Knockouts Champion, Madison Rayne and her tag team parter, Tara. They’re caught on camera, primping and prepping for their tag match later in the evening against The Beautiful People. Madison says they might be going into the match with one body but those two share one brain. Tara reminds her that her elbow brace is tough as nails but she also wants to make sure it doesn’t make her look…fat?! How on earth can an elbow brace make you look fat? I shake my head. Tara wants to make it quick so she can skip off to her party with Gen Me. They giggle, gaggle and go back to the art of applying lipgloss.

We see the back of, who we later find out is Sarita, with a gold strap behind her back. She enters the locker room of Velvet Sky and after a sneer, closes the door behind her. As shown after the commercial, during the break, Sarita proceeded to beat the living hell out of poor Vel Vel. She slashes her back with that leather weapon of choice, prompting Velvet to tag Sarita as a “crazy bitch”. Like we didn’t already know? This quickly goes into a rabid choke and after a moment, the Loco Latina sends Velvet careening out into the hallway.

Sarita once again taunts Velvet about not being able to face her one on one. At this particular point, I find myself wondering, why in the hell are these two still feuding?! Okay. I know this is probably going to link back to not wanting to see feuds but it is BORING. It’s like a very violent edition of Mean Girls minus Lindsay Lohan and her cocaine addiction.

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Impact Write-Up (December 9th, 2010): A Hardcore (Country) Main Event

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We are pleased to welcome new Diva Dirt writer, April, who is taking over the Impact Write-Up.

This week on Impact was just saddlebags full of Knockout action. First, we saw the vacating of the Knockouts Tag Team Championship, the return of the Scream Queen, Daffney and a first for TNA: a Knockouts steel cage as the main event, between Mickie James and Tara. Take a deep breath, you’re gonna need the oxygen…

Our first glimpse of the TNA Knockouts on this episode of Impact comes via video package from August 05, 2010 where Taylor Wilde and Hamada win the TNA Knockouts Tag Titles. Mike Tenay announces that Hamada has left the company due to passport issues. With Hamada gone, the titles are obviously up for grabs and their new owners will be determined tournament-style. It is announced that Sarita will be teaming with the returning Daffney (odd team, much?) against The Beautiful People, Angelina Love and Velvet Sky.

Later, Tara is seen backstage, tuning up for what is meant to be Tara: Live in Concert. Pray to whatever God you pray to because this is going to take some major miracle workmanship. Generation Me is with her. All means of importance go out the window here. True, they may appear to look like Knockouts but they, indeed, are not. Tara’s attempt to one up Mickie James is up next.

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