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Raw Redux (October 19th, 2009) – New Divas, Same Old You-Know-What

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The ‘quality of life’ for Divas didn’t fare any better last night, in the first Raw following the Diva Trade. New Divas, Melina and Eve Torres were present though they didn’t exactly enhance the programme. Despite the Trade supposedly being an improvement for the women’s division, it certainly didn’t look like it. If, like me, … Read more

The Tiffany Guide to Impact: A Beautiful Mess

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This week on Impact, TNA finds new ways to bring the ratings lulz (SUPER 3 hour promo show… really?) while The Tiffany Guide finds its way into your hearts via a computer screen.  Velvet Sky, Madison Rayne, and Lacey Von Erich take on Awesome Kong, Tara, and ODB in tag team competition.

First off, let it be known – I’m not a fan of choreographed entrances in any capacity.  They just seem so unnatural, gratuitous, and rather lame.  So… I’m not really feeling this new Beautiful People entrance.  It just seems far too unrefined and hokey (not to mention homoerotic.  Come on, Taylorita had that market cornered first).  As relatively simple as it was, the original entrance was just fine.  I was hoping that Lacey would just take Angelina’s place in the original choreography.   Understandably, this new group will take some getting used to – the viewers need to get comfortable with the new lineup just as much as the members do.  Plus, it seems like they might’ve been pressed for time and might’ve thought to just throw something together on the fly.  That being said, the “Beautiful People” has slowly transformed into somewhat of a parody of itself.  This entrance is merely Exhibit A.  What was once comical and somewhat charming is now in-your-face and reminiscent of high school glory days.  I can almost see it in Madison Rayne’s face – poor girl looks distressed, and who wouldn’t be?  Though, Lacey (who has somehow managed to escape the notorious clown makeup and mini-skirt getup) looks pretty incredible.  Looking at her, I feel like I should have no room to complain.  Well, at least they all match right?

Tara makes her way to the ring (looking as stunning as ever), and Awesome Kong enters the Impact Zone with Raisha Saeed in tow.  Funny thing is, I completely forgot about ODB.  Her involvement in this match didn’t cross my mind until she made her entrance.  What could be a testament to my ailing memory, I’d rather blame on TNA’s booking inability.  The title holder and forefront of the division = forgettable?  That’s rather unfortunate.

At the start of the match, Awesome Kong quickly takes down her squabbling partners.  The Beautiful People fly in like vultures to pick at the leftovers.  The boiling rivalry between Kong and Tara comes to a head yet again.  Meanwhile, ODB endures the 3 on 1 onslaught.  The Beautiful People continue to cut the ring in half with the Knockouts Champion until Tara crawls back to her rightful corner.  ODB overpowers Madison Rayne (who has proven herself as the star of this match) which results in a near double count-out.  Both ladies make the tag out to their respective partners.  Tara hurries into the ring, bulldozing both Velvet and Madison down in her path.  She appoints a nice slap across Lacey’s face for good measure.  Tara sets Velvet up for a moonsault, but ODB makes a blind tag.  ODB sets Velvet on top of her shoulders for the apparent finish, but Tara disrupts in retaliation.  A staredown commences between the two Knockouts before Tara finally takes ODB down with a superkick.  Velvet quickly makes the pin and picks up the win for her team.  More gratuitous ass!

Somehow, I don’t feel so apologetic for discounting ODB’s presence.  The way she’s booked, it doesn’t seem like TNA could give much of a care either.  This three-way rivalry lost its purpose long ago; I’m just pulling for a conclusion come Bound for Glory.

On the other hand, Lacey did not get as much time in the ring – not that I expected her to, really.  Lacey has plenty of time to prove her in-ring ability, and it’s in TNA’s best interest to be patient.  At the very least, she has proven to have some amount of charisma thus far… right?  She seems very comfortable in the role of a Beautiful Person (as opposed to Madison) and doesn’t seem to have many inhibitions. If all else fails, let Madison be the muscle (so to speak).  She has already shown that she can work her way around a six-sided ring – at least with much more skill than her sorority sisters.

Next up: the Hamada vs. Alissa Flash grudgefest continues.

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SmackDown Redux (Oct. 16th, 2009) – The Times, They Are A-Changin’…

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Last time on SmackDown: Michelle and Eve did battle, with the Women’s Champion coming out on top. Meanwhile, Maria’s untimely chair stealing cost Dolph a match and the both of them their relationship. This week: To say that Monday’s “Diva Draft” put a different spin on things would be an understatement. How will SmackDown two … Read more

Raw Redux (October 12th, 2009) – Three Divas and a Title

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So I woke up this morninMg and wondered, “Did last night really happen?” A brief moment later, after rubbing the sleep out of my eyes, I realised no, I wasn’t in some parallel universe or WWE’s beloved Bizzaro World. Last night did happen. Jillian the Jobber really did win a major championship. Melina really did return to Raw. Mickie James really did get traded to SmackDown. On top of all that, Raw ‘guest correspondent’, Maria Menounos got in the ring and wrestled — and looked better than the real Maria!

Watch the craziness unfold, all over again:

Divas Championship Matches
So apparently title opportunities are no longer earned as Jillian, who has a larger loss record than Paris Hilton has sexual conquests, is handed a title shot. For the record, I absolutely hate title shots that are just handed out. But after Kelly, Mickie, Beth, Gail & even Alicia Fox were given Divas Title shots on Raw this year, it only seems right that Jillian gets one too, right?

Honestly, though as short as it was, I enjoyed the work between Jillian and Mickie. Jillian proves here just what a great worker she is, able to have a nice, kind of fast paced exchange with Mickie. We start with a lockup which goes into a headlock, Mickie throws Jillian against the ropes and goes for a hip toss but Jillian nicely counters into a monkey flip. Mickie sells it oddly, which is covered up as a ‘counter’, getting on her feet & charges at Jillian with a Thesz press. Mickie with a dropkick & pin attempt. She then sets up the tornado DDT but Jillian counters and goes for her facebuster, but Mickie manages to block it and goes for a flip into a pin. Mickie kicks Jillian and throws her into the corner, Mickie launches at Jillian, she ducks and Mickie ends up climbing the ropes. Jillian hits a powerbomb, goes for a pin using the ropes for a leg-up and gets the win. Jillian is the new Divas Champion!

Incredibly short, but I enjoyed the little work that we did see and would’ve liked it to be a little longer. These two work well together and are able to go from one move to another seamlessly without the awkward moments that usually linger in Mickie matches. Good effort, I’d say. Rushed finish which is explained by what’s to come…

So Jillian celebrates her title win with a rendition of my favourite Lady Gaga song, ‘Paparazzi’ and messes up the lyrics. [Yes, I paid attention!] Nancy O’Dell, who sounds kind of annoying if you ask me, interrupts and announces that Jillian will defend the title right now against Raw’s newest acquisition, Melina!

This here, was PRICELESS. Jillian realises what we all realise: her title reign is about to be cut incredibly short. Her acting here was pure genius, the facial expressions, the amazing way she clinged onto the belt as the match was about to start. “It’s mine! Please, it’s mine…” The comedic acting was perfection! And the way her head kinda sank when Justin Roberts took the belt, a little “Aww” moment. Seriously, the acting here was so good.

So it’s time for Melina vs Jillian, and you just knew this was going to be short as hell. Melina almost instantly goes for the leg-split drop but it’s botched by Jillian, who goes down too early. Melina doesn’t quite know what to do but mounts Jillian, I guess they were having a little impromptu pow-wow here with Melina telling her to go into another finish. The set up into the Last Call was a little awkward, though understandable due to it being impromptu. Melina hits it and becomes the Divas Champion.

I really appreciate the work ethic here, yes the match was so short and incredibly botched but the fact Melina showed a cool, collectedness and an ability to think on the spot proves just why I think she should be WWE’s new top Diva. Showing initiative and opting to go for a second finish rather than pinning her on a botched leg-spit drop was a good move. In comparison, Mickie in that match with Gail… A world of difference. Melina showed initiative and handled the situation and it was nicely done given the unfortunate circumstance.

I also want to point attention to Melina’s reaction after the match. This girl is really sweet in real life and very emotional at times and that often comes across on TV too. Melina and Jillian are really great friends and you have to think that it was bittersweet for her to pin her friend, who I’m sure she would want to be champion too. After pinning her, she sort of looked at Jillian a little sadly, and again looked down at her sort of “I’m sorry” as her hand was being raised. At the end of the clip, you’ll also see her saying “I’m sorry,” more in character this time, but still not consistent with her role as a babyface. If you’d just won the title, you’d be flaunting it in your opponent’s face. For Melina, I think her some of her real personality & her real emotional nature came across and I thought it was really sweet. Looking at some of the comments being made towards Melina, I don’t know how one can be pissed off at or ‘hate’ someone who doesn’t even make the decisions; it’s as though the girl booked herself to be the champion.

More after the cut:

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FCW Watch: Serena & Savannah Battle Over Queen of FCW Crown

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Thanks to all of our readers who sent us the tip-off that this match is now on YouTube! The much anticipated ‘Queen of FCW’ [I guess that’s their Women’s Championship] match between Serena Mancini [since renamed Mia Mancini] and Savannah [then Angela Fong] aired last week with the rest of the FCW Divas sitting at … Read more

SmackDown Redux (Oct. 9th, 2009) – Big Boots, Breakups, & Blubbering

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Last time on SmackDown: The 10th Anniversary of SmackDown took center stage, as Divas from every brand served as Lumberjacks for a Women’s Championship match between Michelle and Melina. With some help from Raw’s heels, Michelle retained her title.

This week: With Michelle defeating Melina, does that close the curtains on their feud, and if so, will both go their separate ways this week? Will Maria finally take some initiative?

We kick off the show with Eve Torres making her way to the ring. It’s been a while since we’ve seen her in one-on-one action, so this should be a bit of fresh air. Next out is Michelle McCool, bedazzled knee brace and all. I wonder if Michelle’s having violent flashbacks to that ill-fated house show match with Eve that landed her with that bum knee in the first place..

At the start of the match, the two fight for momentum, struggling against one another in a tie-up. Michelle eventually gets Eve in the corner, pounding her fiercely. Eve tries to get out, but Michelle shoves her back in, showing some great aggression. She pauses for a moment and Eve takes advantage of this, turning the tables and taking her to task in the corner. Dragging Michelle to the center of the ring, Eve whips her back into that same corner, as if Michelle were a boomerang. She goes for the attack, but only gets a face full of Michelle’s elbow.

Michelle goes after Eve, but Eve sweeps her legs out from under her, mounting and pounding her in the head. This turns into a bit of a cat fight, Michelle flipping to the top and putting in her licks. Eve eventually shoves her off, and Michelle retreats outside the ring. Eve follows, and they go for a quick chase before Michelle slides back into the ring, looking to attack Eve upon her entrance. Eve, though, telegraphs Michelle’s kick, catching her leg. She clotheslines her and goes for a unsuccessful pin attempt. Both are slow to their feet, but as Eve goes to grab Michelle, Michelle makes a grab of her own, pulling Eve face-first into the second turnbuckle. She lays prone in the corner, and Michelle takes a run at her, slamming her thigh into her face.

Eve demonstrates some great selling, looking absolutely exhausted as she’s sprawled out on the mat. Michelle admires her work before yanking Eve foot-first to the middle of the ring, mounting her and punching her in the head. Eve looks to be moving slower and slower as Michelle hovers over, kicking and driving her braced knee into her head one, two, three times, finishing it off with a good old-fashioned leg drop. She then grabs Eve behind by the neck, placing her knee square on her back and yanking her head back, choking her. The referee checks her hands to make sure it’s not an actual choke, but it’s close enough–Michelle’s obviously not focusing on taking out Eve’s back.

She grows tired of this, letting for and allowing Eve’s face to slam into the mat. Not giving her any time to breathe, Michelle grabs her hands, criss-crossing them in front of herself and pulling back. This submission isn’t as easy, as Eve seems to be fighting back a bit. Resistance is futile though, because Michelle eventually gets Eve to her knees, locking in the hold and shaking her back and forth violently for good measure. Eve tries to fight out, but Michelle keeps her on her knees. Eve finally gets to her feet, using brute strength to get the advantage. She goes to flip Michelle forward, but the Women’s Champ only performs a cartwheel in response, staying on her feet. Though, Eve meets her quickly with a clothesline, finally knocking her down.

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The Tiffany Guide to Impact: To the Victors Go the Spoils

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This week on Impact marked a Knockout Elimination tag team match and a Knockouts Title match.

First, Team Hamada/Christy Hemme/Sarita/Taylor Wilde take on Team Velvet Sky/Madison Rayne/Traci Brooks/Alissa Flash.

Hamada and Traci briefly lock up, but Hamada takes Traci down.  Hamada attempts a springboard moonsault, but Traci dodges in the nick of time.  When Traci goes for the Sunset Flip, Hamada rolls out, allowing Traci the opportunity to avoid a kick and attempt a school boy roll-up.  Hamada kicks out, ducks a clothesline, and finally connects with a kick.  Hamada goes for the cover, but Traci gets the shoulder up.

Christy Hemme gets tagged in.  She isn’t able to put up much of a fight before being eliminated ala a jawbreaker courtesy of Traci.  Taylor then enters the match on her team’s behalf and covers Traci following a dropkick.  Alissa Flash distracts Taylor for a moment, and Traci capitalizes with a clothesline before tagging in Alissa.  Alissa bestows the Curb Stomp upon Taylor, who gets the shoulder up at 2.  Taylor retaliates with a double knee backbreaker and a tag out to Hamada.  Hamada drops Alissa with a resounding front dropkick from the top turnbuckle.  With a bit of residual aggression from their bubbling feud, the fight between the two adversaries spill out to the back.

Meanwhile, Sarita takes Velvet to the limit with a series of armdrags.  Velvet kicks out.  Sarita tags in Taylor, and in a double team display, Velvet is taken down by a drop toehold and a dropkick.  Velvet kicks out yet again.  In yet another pinning predicament, Velvet kicks out of a double wrist clutch Northern Lights Suplex.  In somewhat of a surprise element at play here, Velvet Sky is able to ensure a victory over Taylor Wilde with a DDT.  It comes down to 3 on 1.

Sarita enters the match, attempting a dropkick but she misses.  Velvet tags in Traci, who is quickly eliminated by a belly-to-belly suplex.  The Beautiful People bum-rush Sarita and are able to get the upper hand for the majority of the remainder of the match.  That is, until Sarita is able to outsmart the duo and eliminate Velvet with the Small Package.  Madison Rayne goes for a suplex, but Sarita counters with yet another inside cradle.  Madison kicks out, and she kicks out again from a schoolboy attempt.

Alissa Flash seems to be making her way down the ramp onscreen, at the perturbation of the referee.  Back in the ring, Sarita takes Madison out with a powerbomb, however the referee is distracted long enough for Lacey Von Erich to approach the ring and plant Sarita with a lifting body slam.  Madison gets the win for her team.

With a few high spots, this was an overall decent match.  A few of the eliminations were just a tad weak, but it served its purpose – which was to sustain the feuds.  Velvet was made to look somewhat strong in this match, being able to kick out of a few predicaments and to score a pinfall the way she did.  That will be a rub going into the Tag Team title match. Lacey Von Erich also fulfilled her role rather fittingly.  That lifting body slam was eloquently executed, and to her credit Lacey is already differentiating herself by adopting a less Diva-oriented moveset.  Which, ideally, complements the whole “third generation” persona.  In the words of Roddy Piper “old school is cool!”  For what it’s worth, the Beautiful People now seem to work for the best interest of the team.  Looking back, that isn’t something we’ve seen often from them.  Definitely, a new side of Mi Pi Sexy in more ways than one.

Next, is the TNA Knockouts Championship competition between Tara and ODB.

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Raw Redux (October 5th, 2009) – First Annual~! Diva Bowel Movement Bowl

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Last night, Diva fans were ‘treated’ to the first annual~! Diva Bowl featuring girls from all three brands. What’s that I hear you cry? “Lulz ‘all three brands’ sure, more like they called in the troops because most of the Raw Divas are injured.” What? You mean to say that the first annual~! Diva Bowl … Read more

SmackDown Redux (October 2nd, 2009) – Mind Your Own Brand Business!

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Last time on SmackDown Superstars: The dynamic duo of Michelle and Layla defeated the not-so-dynamic team of Maria and Melina. Maria played rag doll and Melina wasn’t there to save her from interference from Michelle, so the loss only served to push the former friends ever further apart.

This week: Are we going to see a blow-up anytime soon, or will this simmer longer? Are we in for more skits, or will this 10th Anniversary special be more wrestling-based, with the drama reserved for a less prestigious event?

Justin Roberts tell us that this is a Lumberjack match for the Women’s Championship. We are then graced by the presence of Divas from all three brands (All entering to Eve’s music.. I guess because it’s the most generic?), and it’s easy to figure out who’s the challenger by eliminating each Diva that walks down the ramp in her awkward street clothes. Next through the curtains is Melina, and as she makes her way to the ring they cut to a quick shot of Maria. I suppose that will suffice for this week’s storyline advancement? I absolutely loved Natalya’s reaction to Melina’s entrance, like she was appalled. Kinda cute. Michelle is the last one out.

They start with a tie-up, and Michelle quickly uses her knee brace to take Melina down, planting it into her gut. She attempts a pin, but no luck. She pulls Melina to her feet, pummeling her into the ropes and then dragging her back to the middle by her hair. A shot to the spine later, she attempts to whip Melina into the ropes, but she reverses it, stopping her momentum and nailing Michelle in the face. She hoists herself onto the ropes and perform her patented leg attack, choking Michelle. She attempts to finish it off with a chop to the head, but Michelle pushes her up and over the ropes. Melina lands on the apron, fighting Michelle through the ropes.

Michelle reaches for a jab but Melina splits–literally–by landing in a split on the apron and then nailing her with a shot to the stomach. Michelle responds with a dropkick, sending Melina out into the Lumberjack’s domain. Thankfully, she landed on the “good girl” side, because all they want to do is help her to her feet. Michelle sees this and brings Melina into the ring herself. Michelle continues with her attack, kicking Melina and pounding her face into the mat. A few uppercuts, and Michelle attempts another whip, but Melina reverses it again, using this momentum to go on offense.

A few strikes later, she plants Michelle with a flapjack, going for the pin. The ref counts to two, and meanwhile I wonder how absurd it would be for a Diva to win the Women’s Championship with a flapjack. She gets the champ to her feet, but Michelle kicks her, whipping her into the ropes. On the return, Melina meets her with a kick of her own, then striking her in the head and dropping her to the mat. She goes for the ropes again, but she overestimated the kindness of strangers, venturing by the “bad girl” side. And sure enough, Jillian grabs her leg, distracting her.

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The Tiffany Guide to Impact: Uninspired Impact is Uninspired

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This week on the ever-so-inaptly-named program we’ve come to know as Impact, we saw two Playboy bunnies stink up the six-sided ring, a Knockouts title match, and the debut of TNA’s newest Knockout entity.

First Knockouts match on the card: Christy Hemme vs. Traci Brooks in a Playboy something-something match.  I have no idea why Christy is dressed up as a Chippendale dancer, but the ever so bodacious Traci forces her against the ropes and into a pin attempt.  Christy kicks out at 2, and Traci follows up with a mat slam.  Traci follows Christy into the corner, but receives a boot to the face.  Christy lands a charging 180 spinning facebuster.  Christy delivers an axe kick to the back of Traci’s head, but Traci kicks out as well.  Christy attempts the FFG, but the only thing catching her firecrotch is the unforgiving canvas.  Traci covers Christy which results in a nearfall.  A stinging chop to the tatas later… Traci falls into a Sunset Flip pin and Christy Hemme picks up the win.

Traci blindsights Christy from behind with an uninspired attack.  So short, it was almost painless.  As gracious as Traci Brooks is, I cannot bring myself to peg this match in a positive light, unfortunately.  Not your best, TNA. Simply put, gimmick matches just don’t fit in with the M.O. of the Knockouts division. This Playboy exhibition was moreso reminiscent of WWE pre-2008.  It just doesn’t seem right to put Christy Hemme over Traci Brooks, although I do realize that either one could do better. Moving on…

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Footage of Serena Deeb & Miss April in FCW

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For those curious, footage of SHIMMER standout, Serena Deeb [now known as Mia Mancini] and Miss April [now AJ Lee] wrestling for FCW has popped up on YouTube. Thanks to ICROFT for pointing it out: It’s rather unfortunate that the #1 Contender for the Divas Championship still has to work the FCW tapings lol. Granted … Read more

The Tiffany Guide to Impact: The Strong Shall Prevail

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This week on Impact, the new Knockout Tag Team Champions, Taylor Wilde and Sarita take on Tara and the Knockouts Champion, ODB:

Taylor Wilde and Sarita’s entrance continues to rise many questions.  Is this an ode to Patrick Swayze’s rendition of Dirty Dancing?  Because I sense some major sexual tension between Taylor Wilde and Sarita in that entrance.  Is that the vibe they are going for?  If so, then they certainly hit the nail on the head: a lesbian couple in heat doing the tango.  All that jazz and strobe lights – I feel like I’m watching an anime.

In somewhat of a dream match up, Sarita and Tara square off at the start of the match.  As a show of respect, the two share a handshake.  The two lock up and Tara overpowers Sarita with a headlock and a takedown.  Sarita traps Tara between the legs with a headlock of her own.  Tara flips out of the move and covers Sarita, but Sarita bridges out of the pin attempt.  Tara attempts to counter the sunset flip, but misses the front dropkick.  Sarita also misses an elbow.  The two pause for a moment, but Tara goes back in with an arm lock.  Sarita rushes to the corner.  Tara catches her in what seems to be the makings of the Spider’s Web (fireman’s carry into a swinging sidewalk slam), but Sarita brilliantly counters that with a headscissors.

Taylor Wilde makes the tag and lands a diving crossbody from the top.  With an assist from Taylor, Sarita lands a moonsault onto Tara and Taylor capitalizes with a senton for the 2-count.  Meanwhile, the commentators banter about a piece of hair that has inconspiciously found its way into the center of the ring.  All signs point to Tara. (Hmm…did anyone check Slick Johnson?)  Tara grounds Taylor with a powerslam, but Taylor kicks out.  Tara tags in the Knockouts Champion.  ODB with a shot to the midsection, carries Taylor into the corner by the throat.  An assault ensues…

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SmackDown Redux Does WWE Superstars (September 24th, 2009)

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Following a bust-up between Maria and Melina on last week’s Smackdown, one would assume that the two wouldn ‘t be in the same corner from here on out. Not so fast, though, because this week on WWE Superstars, they’re doing just that, teaming up to face Michelle McCool and Layla. Let’s see how these ex-BFFs fare against the fast-forming friendship of Michelle and Layla:

As the match starts, Maria still doesn’t seem too pleased with Melina, shooting her a look as she heads out of the ring (What is she, 12?). Michelle starts out the match for her team, and she and Melina circle each other before meeting with a tie-up, Michelle taking advantage. She locks Melina in a belly-to-back hold before Melina breaks out, but is met with a knee to the stomach, Michelle then slamming the back of her head to the mat. After a braced knee to the face Michelle attempts a pin, but only gets 1.

A few knees and punches later, Michelle irish-whips Melina, and Melina uses her momentum to her advantage, spinning out of an attack and ending by planting Michelle’s face to the mat. It almost looked like a hurricanrana/face plant hybrid of sorts. (A hurrican-face plant?) A stunned Michelle sits up, only to be met with a low dropkick. She scurries to her corner, tagging in Layla.

Layla comes in like a bat out of hell but Melina bends back, avoiding a clothesline. Layla turns around and attempts a kick, but Melina blocks it with one of her own, continuing with this diversion a bit before planting Layla to the mat and tagging in Maria. Maria comes in quick, performing a flipping head plant on seated Layla. She then delivers a fist to her head in a split maneuver, going for the pin but barely getting 2. Layla reverses an irish whip, but Maria stops her momentum with the ropes, kicking her in the face. Maria goes to bounce off the ropes but Michelle makes a grab for her hair. Maria takes the bait, turning and taking a swipe at Michelle. Layla takes advantage of this distraction, booting her in the stomach as soon as she turns around, twisting her into a neckbreaker. A pin attempt, and a 2-count.

Layla tags in Michelle, stretching Maria out like a canvas so Michelle can kick her a few times in the midsection. Michelle continues to use her knee brace as an unofficial weapon, knocking it against Maria’s skull. She attempts a pin, but only gets 2. She mounts Maria, pounding her head against the mat, whic hthe referee takes offense to. (Oh, she can’t grab her hair, but she can use a hard knee brace to strike with? Okay, solid logic..) She keeps messing with Maria, kicking her around and practically stepping on her as she crawls around the ring in a daze. Maria heads to the safe haven of the ropes, but Michelle decides it isn’t a safe zone, choking her against the bottom rope with her knee. Choking Maria some more, she drags her closer to her corner, choking her against the second rope this time. After driving Maria into the corner, Michelle tags in Layla.

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Weekly Savannah Watch: Zack Ryder Edition

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Welcome back to ‘Weekly Savannah Watch’, where we, the ECW-uninclined Diva Dirt team do our own spot of animal Diva-watching. In this here ‘feature’ we’ll be using our binoculars to spy a rare breed indeed — the “ECW Diva interviewer lady.” Watch as this rare specimen who we believe is dubbed Savannah interviews an orangutan … Read more

Raw Redux (September 21st, 2009) – Goodbye Lilian, Hello Alicia Fox

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So much to discuss coming out of last night’s Raw! It was sad to see the legendary [yes, we are gonna start calling her that now so STFU and STFD] Lilian Garcia retire from WWE. However, a star was born last night in Alicia Fox. Congratulations Foxy, you have truly arrived! Questions coming out of … Read more

Lilian Gives Farewell Speech to Raw Crowd

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In a show of class you rarely see in wrestling these days, the WWE allowed Lilian Garcia to give a farewell speech live on tonight’s Raw, which marked her final appearance in what was a 10 year career with the company. PWTorch has a breakdown of what she said: • Lilian was given the next-to-last … Read more

The Tiffany Guide to No Surrender: Knockouts History Is Made… Again!

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This year’s No Surrender marked a staple in Knockout history.  Sarita and Taylor Wilde faced Madison Rayne and Velvet Sky for the TNA Knockouts Tag Team Championship.

Saritaylor debut some new music and a new entrance.  It isn’t any better, but hey it’s different.  In all honesty, now they really just look like a hot-n-heavy couple doing the tango.  Keep trying ladies, I’m sure you’ll get it eventually.

Tazz continues to spoil the outcome of the match (like he has done from the very beginning of the tournament), but it’s not like the result wasn’t utterly predictable.

The Beautiful People make their way to the ring in such a ridiculous manner that makes me absolutely miss Angelina Love.  Call me crazy, though I prefer “incredibly loyal.”  There’s no TLC without Left-Eye, there’s no Alice in Chains without Layne Staley, and there sure as hell ain’t no Beautiful People without Angelina Love.  Wherefore art thou, Love?  This entrance isn’t nearly the same without you.  Bleh…I guess I’ll just have to settle for this Knockout knockoff for the time being.

Mike Tenay hits the final nail in the coffin by mentioning Angelina Love’s release onscreen, which makes it “legit” in some way.  He even pulls the “future endeavors” line…which, as everyone knows, is the wrestling version of “Rest in Peace.”

Earl Hebner and his (oddly fitting Nazi-authoritarian) mustache assert themselves as the officiator to this match, playing off of Slick Johnson’s past history with the Beautiful People.

Sarita and Taylor Wilde waste no time in starting off the matchup.  Madison Rayne is sent to the outside while Taylor Wilde basically slams Sarita on top of Velvet Sky, in quite an unique showing of offense… if I do say so myself.  Velvet Sky kicks out.  Sarita maneuvers a brief headlock into an armlock into a series of pin attempts.  Madison breaks up the count, however, during.  Taylor forges a tag and takes advantage.  She and her partner take down Velvet with a double back elbow, and Sarita elevates Taylor into a moonsault for the 2-count.  Tsk tsk…that’s cheating, ladies.  Old Hebner knows no difference as Velvet tags out to Madison Rayne.

Taylor effortlessly breaks down Madison with a drop toehold and an elbow.  Sarita makes the tag this time and delivers an elbow of her own.  Sarita is whipped into the corner and suffers a sudden burst of gonash from miss Madison, resulting in a near fall.  Madison is perplexed, as she is not used to arguing with referees.  Madison takes Sarita into the corner, who endures a few kicks to the midsection.  Madison tags out.  The Beautiful People attempt some tandem action with a double straight jacket neckbreaker.  Velvet makes the cover, but Sarita kicks out at 2.  Velvet doesn’t go apeshit just yet.  Instead, she bides her time with a couple mat slams.  Velvet tries a sunset flip, but cowers out of it, avoiding a dropkick in the process.  So much for mat initiative.  Eh.  Velvet puts the boots to Sarita, but Sarita kicks out at 2.  After a modified curb stomp to the throat, Sarita kicks out again.

Madison tags in and puts Sarita in a headlock and then drops into a spinning neckbreaker for the 2-count.  The Beautiful People continue to cut the ring in half with the quick tags.  Velvet becomes a bit overzealous, allowing Sarita to recover amidst a float-over DDT.  Both competitors make the hot tag out to their respective partners.

Madison runs into a dropkick and a rollover fireman’s carry slam, as well as a swift backbreaker.  Taylor tries to ensure a victory for her team, but Velvet Sky breaks up the pin.  For the finish, Sarita lays a springboard dropkick onto Madison Rayne who is subsequently taken down with a German suplex for the win.

Sarita and Taylor Wilde make history as the first ever TNA Knockout Tag Team Champions.  Victory dance!  No?  Okay.  I guess Old Hebner and his ‘serious business’ ‘stache won’t allow it.

Next up commences a battle of the sexes for the TNA Knockouts Championship.

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The Tiffany Guide to Impact: There’s No ‘I’ in Team

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This week on TNA Impact presents Round Numero: God-Knows-What of the Knockouts tag team tournament.  With a little something extra, of course.

First match of the night pits Velvet Sky and Angelina Love vs. Tara and Christy Hemme.

As the competitors make their way to the six-sided ring, I can’t help but notice just how awkward Christy Hemme looks while spazzing out next to Tara.  Moreover, this must be the first (and inherently last) time I’ve ever seen Angelina Love and Velvet Sky actually match.  Are we in Bizarro World?

Tara and Angelina start off the match.  Velvet distracts Tara long enough for Angelina to capitalize.  Tara suffers a stinging chop as a result.  Angelina makes another attempt, but Tara counters and maneuvers Angelina into the Hair-pull Gory special.  Tara flips Angelina face first onto the mat.  Christy gets tagged in and is used for the essentially lifeless weight that she is.  Angelina Love takes her down with a drop toe hold and Velvet Sky makes the tag.  Play-fighting extraordinaire, Velvet, takes the moment to make a mockery of her opponents and even takes the initiative for the first pinfall of the match.  Whaddyaknow?  Christy kicks out and Velvet tags out to Angelina Love.

Christy is taken down with a snapmare and a bit of tandem action.  Angelina goes for a cover, but there’s a kick-out at 2.  When Christy regains her strength, both women are taken down with similar offense.  Both ladies make a hot tag to her respective partners.  Tara takes Velvet out with a snap suplex and with a standing moonsault for a near fall.  Christy gets tagged in and serves a steaming mouthful of firecrotch to poor Velvet, but Angelina breaks up the pin at the 2-count.  Tara takes the fight to Angelina to the outside.

Meanwhile, Madison Rayne makes a surprising appearance.  There is an exchange among them that leads to Madison spraying hairspray in Christy’s eyes.  Shocker.  Velvet rolls Christy for the win.

After the match, Madison pleads her case to her former Mi Pi Sexy leaders with some half-assed apology.  I don’t think I’ve ever felt so apathetic toward an emoticon.  In any case, Angelina and Madison seemingly “forgive” and invite their lost lamb back into the stable.

Well well well, looks like this turn of events couldn’t have come at a more opportune time.  Seeing as this was Angelina Love last TNA appearance (for the time being), Madison and Velvet will continue to live out the Beautiful People name in the tournament.  No, I’m not ready to say goodbye to Angelina just yet!  Not for nothing, but way to book Madison like such a pussycat.  At least Madison seems to be right at home in the tag team circuit.  Velvet?  …eh, not so much.

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SmackDown Redux (September 18th, 2009) – The Proof is in the Pudding

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Last time on SmackDown: Michelle and Layla attempt to frame Dolph Ziggler with a camera phone and a timely crutch mishap. Said crutch helps Layla defeat Melina in a match later that night.

This week: Will Maria discover Michelle’s “evidence”, and will Melina feel the brunt of her fury? What about Michelle–is she gonna get off scot-free?

It looks like the WWE is going the extra mile to ~mix it up~, because we have a match to start out our night! That’s right, no lead-in backstage segments! I know, it’s not much, but you gotta cherish the little things in life.. Melina is the first one out, and Michelle follows, noticeably limping on her bum leg. I gotta wonder why she’s wrestling if she’s struggling to even walk down the ramp..

It should be noted that this is a non-title match, so don’t get too excited.. As it begins, Michelle shies away from an actual lock-up, and Melina’s right after her, trying to pull her away from the ropes. They eventually do tie-up, and Michelle knees Melina in the stomach, pummeling her a bit before irish-whipping her. On the return, Melina reverses Michelle’s attack into a flip that lands her on her feet, nailing Michelle with a reverse kick.

Michelle escapes to the outside, and Melina tries to give chase, only to be stopped by the ref. Gotta wonder why the ref doesn’t start the count until Michelle’s outside for a few seconds, not that any Diva match has been resolved by count-out ever.. (Feel free to correct me on that, historians..) Michelle starts to limp around the ring and Melina gets tired of the delay, sliding out of the ring and giving chase. Michelle, of course, hops back into the ring, and when Melina tries to follow, she grabs her by the hair, forcibly dragging her in through the second rope.

She takes Melina to task, beating her down and bashing her head against the mat. Melina, woozy, tries to right herself with the ropes, but Michelle brings her to the middle of the ring, kneeing her in the face. Another kick, this one to the side of the head, drops her to the mat again. She brings her up, stretching her backwards into a Dragon Sleeper. Melina’s bent into the shape I used to meld my Barbies into when I bent all of their joints.. (No, I wasn’t a problem child..)

Melina fights to get free, punching and kicking Michelle. Before she can free herself, Michelle hammers her in the stomach, releasing the hold. She sends her to the corner and begins work, kneeing her repeatedly and choking her with her bad leg. (See, the knee brace is good for something!) As Melina lays prone on the mat, Michelle rubs her hands together like one does after a job well done, running the ropes and looking to baseball slide Melina out of the ring. Melina, however, plays Jerry to Michelle’s Tom, hoisting herself out of the way just in time, letting Michelle go flying out of the ring. Though, I’m not sure what kind of mouse has that type of leg strength..

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