TNA continued to tape Impact last night. This will be airing next week as part of the Thanksgiving episode. Click the ‘+’ to read:
Thoughts after the cut:
ODB
The Tiffany Guide to Turning Point: A Means to an End
Setting women’s relations back faster than Tila Tequila and the Home Shopping Network, the Tiffany Guide returns just in time for yet another TNA PPV! With the same quality you’ve come to expect, and the unbridled TNA commentary you’ve come to enjoy.
Good appeared to conquer all evil last Sunday night at Turning Point. First in Knockout action sought the Beautiful People (Madison Rayne/Velvet Sky/Lacey Von Erich) vs. ODB, Sarita, and Taylor Wilde with all titles at stake. Of course, what would a TNA match be without some complicated stipulations? If ODB is defeated she loses her title; if Saritaylor is defeated they lose their titles. Simple enough, right? I suppose this is the part where I go “TNA rulez! WWE droolz!” or something to that effect…
The Beautiful People make their way to the ring looking very shiny and, erm… accessible. Before the sound of the bell, we are treated to even more gratuitous ass shots courtesy of Mi Pi Sexy – to bring even more credibility to this bout, of course.
Taylor Wilde and Velvet Sky kick off the match with a lock-up. The referee tries his best to cop a feel while Velvet takes her aggression out on the Wilde one. The ever-confident Velvet is distracted long enough for Taylor to trip her and drag her to the opposing side. Tags alternate among the babyfaces as they all seem to take particular interest in Velvet’s nether regions. ODB mounts her opponent, but Velvet says neigh. Velvet powers out and leads ODB into her corner, tagging in her partner Madison Rayne.
Madison takes a break to indulge in a bit of self-admiration. As per usual, Madison proves her salt personality-wise. There is a way to be cleverly gimmicky without being overly gratuitous, and Madison masters that quite brilliantly. Her beautiful partners should take note.
Madison’s exhibition buys ODB enough time to recharge and tag in Sarita. Sarita outsmarts Madison with a series of flashy predicaments. She then makes the tag out to Taylor, who she then assists into a moonsault onto Madison (rather flawlessly, if I may add). However, Madison kicks out at 2. Taylor draws her into a clutch and sends her down with a springboard arm drag. Before she can even begin to capitalize on said move, Lacey Von Erich blindsights her with a clothesline. Cue a very convenient wide-angled shot of a fan in the front row holding a “Lacey Von Botch” sign.
Madison regains control of the match with a swinging neckbreaker onto Taylor Wilde, but Taylor kicks out at 2. Velvet Sky requests a tag and makes the assist into a double reverse DDT. Taylor attempts to escape, but Velvet mounts her with a few punches and a very suggestive cover. Taking a moment to tease her competition, Velvet flattens Taylor with a stiff kick to the back and a running front dropkick. Taylor kicks out yet again.
There it is: the moment we all awaited with bated breath… Lacey Von Erich gets tagged into the match. Less than 5 seconds transpire before Lacey is subjected to the thoughts of the mass majority of TNA fans (and perhaps that of even Lacey herself) in the form of “You can’t wrestle” chants. Lacey quickly exits the ring; the scent of defeat is almost too rancid to ignore.
Velvet gets her second chance in on the action by which she traps Taylor in an Octopus stretch. Meanwhile, she bites the trapped arm out of the referee’s line of sight. When Velvet attempts to shift the maneuver a sunset flip, Taylor runs (or rather trips) into Velvet’s face. Hilarity ensues.
Both ladies make the hot tag. ODB charges into the ring, taking out the legal woman Madison. She also takes down Lacey Von Erich, which gets a rather positive reception from the audience. Leading Velvet into the ropes, ODB catches her in mid-air and drops her with the fallaway slam followed by a kip-up. ODB goes for a cover, but Lacey breaks up the pin. Sarita and Taylor take exception. However, in their effort to clear the ring of the excess plastic, they are sent out to the floor. This gives the Beautiful People an opportunity to set ODB up for a potential double team move. Instead, ODB overpowers their advances and takes Madison Rayne out with the TKO for the 3-count.
Somewhere during the 3-on-1 attack against ODB, a few of Lacey’s hair extensions fall out. One piece even finds its way into the hand of a lucky fan in the front row, who takes the liberty of twirling it around like a prize. Lacey then does something that will possibly put her my good graces for all of eternity. She stuffs a piece of her lost extensions down her trousers and does a little hoe down. From what we’ve seen in the past, Lacey is a master at not taking herself too seriously and being able to laugh at herself. As embarrassing as weave-tragedies can be, that purely awesome act alone almost defuncts any and all of my criticisms of Miss Lacey. Key word: almost.
While the outcome was predictable, all in all, I thought this was an impressive match. If an MVP had to be chosen, my pick would definitely belong to Madison Rayne. Madison has come leaps and bounds since her first run with the Beautiful People. Ever since the departure of Angelina Love, Madison has been able to exude personality and charisma. Ever since Angelina left, people supposed the leader position would fall under Velvet Sky or even Lacey Von Erich. However, I think Madison stands out as the one with the best balance between wrestling ability and temperament. That being said, I don’t imagine it will be over between the Beautiful People and Saritaylor. Velvet and Madison don’t strike me as the type that will rest until the belts are finally around their “pretty little waists.” As for Lacey? Well… between the Kong hug attempt and the weave fiasco, it’s safe to say that she is entertaining in her own right. Just keep her in the background, and I will be content. After all, we’re overdue for another Botchamania.
Next up, in the long-awaited steel cage match, we see an end to World War III aka Tara vs. Awesome Kong.
TNA Turning Point Predictions
TNA returns to pay per view tonight with two huge matches. ODB and Saritaylor will defend their gold in a six-Knockout tag team match against The Beautiful People. Then in what could be the biggest Knockouts match in history, Awesome Kong and Tara will battle in a Six Sides of Steel match. Who will win? The Diva Dirt team weigh in…
ODB & Saritaylor vs The Beautiful People
Erin: There’s no way in hell that Lacey’s winning the Knockouts Championship, and that’s the only way I see it going if her team won. Maybe they’d pull some strings and give it to Velvet or Madison, but it’d still be a travesty. All my inclinations are pointing me toward ODB and Saritaylor, and I realllly hope I’m right on this one.
Melanie: No chance in hell The Beautiful People will win this match. If they do, there’s something seriously wrong with TNA and we should all boycott. By no means do ANY of the TBP members deserve the Knockouts Championship and it would just make the so-called prestigious title a complete and utter joke. ODB and Saritaylor have to win this one. There’s no other option otherwise I’m done with TNA.
Steven: As I said on the Roundtable last week, this match is a train wreck waiting to happen. With the limited ring work of The Beautiful People, I doubt TNA will put all the gold around their waists. Expect ODB and Saritaylor to retain at Turning Point. If they don’t, I’ll be staying far away from Spike TV for next few weeks.
Tiffany: I’m going to go out on a limb and call this one out in The Beautiful People‘s favor. The Knockouts title has been needing a change of scenery, and I wouldn’t mind seeing the team of Madison and Velvet hold tag team gold. Lacey Von Erich as the Knockouts Champion would grind a few gears, and that’s enough to root for her. She’d already a shoe-in for being a more credible champion than Cody Deaner.
Kong vs Tara after the cut:
The Tiffany Guide to Impact: Business Just Picked Up…Kinda
With Knockouts pushed into the headlines and into the unemployment line this week, this has proven to be a rather dim past several days for TNA. In an effort to boost the Knockouts’ morale, the Tiffany Guide makes its long-awaited return – still finding a way into your hearts via a computer screen and still … Read more
The Tiffany Guide to Impact: Beatdowns, Behemoths and Ugly Sticks
This week on Impact, TNA gives us a double dose of Knockouts action. But first, we’re treated to the second installment of The Beautiful People’s ‘movie’, “Meanest Girls.” Oh joy… Watch below as Velvet, Madison and Lacey find a surprise while searching for the Tag Team Champs, Saritaylor:
Skip to 2:15
TBP make their way into the Knockouts locker room, expecting to terrorize Saritaylor, but are met by the Knockout Champion ODB instead. After tossing some insults their way, ODB gets the jump on the ‘STD Sisters’ (lulz) and takes Lacey out with a kick to the gut. As expected, the number game comes into play as TBP overpowers ODB, and give her a ‘makeover’ (now with full body bag!).
I hate to admit it, but I rather liked that segment. Maybe it was because of ODB’s foul mouth, but everything came together perfectly. Take note WWE, this is how a backstage segment should be done. All the dialog was delivered well without sounding like it was being read directly off a script. Well done, TBP. Now if you could only put on a decent match…
Next up, Hamada takes on Tara in singles action. Dream Match much?:
Two Huge Knockouts Matches Announced for Turning Point!
TNA has announced two huge matches for it’s November 15th Turning Point pay per view. For the first time in history, both the Knockouts Title and the Knockouts Tag Titles will be on the line in the same match. ODB and Saritaylor will defend their gold in a six-Knockouts tag team match against The Beautiful … Read more
Trick or Treat! Going Halloween Costume Shopping: Part 3
We’re baaack! You may remember us offering costume advice last year to Divas participating in the now-defunct Cyber Sunday Halloween costume contest. Well, we’re extending that tradition this year, extending the love to TNA’s Knockouts as well. We’ll offer costume possibilities to nearly every Diva and Knockout over 3 installments, all leading up to Halloween night. Get your popcorn ready! (Check out part 1 here, and part 2 here.)
Awesome Kong
Costume: Tinkerbell
Why?: 364 days of the year, Kong is an intimidating, destructive force that barely ever cracks a smile. For her Halloween costume, why not go in the complete opposite direction? Tinkerbell, Peter Pan’s fairy companion, is pretty much everything Kong isn’t–dainty, sparkly, girly–but she still can be pretty spiteful when crossed. I guess they’re more alike than I thought! I think it’d be hilarious to see Kong poke fun at her serious image (and we know she doesn’t take herself too seriously–just look at her Twitter page) by putting on the green dress, wings, and slippers, sprinkling pixie dust with her magic wand wherever she goes.
Get the look: Check out this website to see a variety of full Tinkerbell costumes.
Eve Torres
Costume: Sally Jupiter from “Watchmen”
Why?: Eve has a classic look about her, evidenced by some of the retro looks she sports from time to time. Considering all of that, a perfect costume for her would be that of 50’s-era Sally Jupiter–aka Silk Spectre, crime fighter from the “Watchmen” graphic novel and movie adaptation of the same name that was released earlier this year. Sally’s hot and she knows it, but that doesn’t keep her from stopping all kinds of evil-doers. She eventually gave birth to the second Silk Spectre, who eventually picks up where her mother left off, but not nearly with the same sense of style.
Get the look: Try this this costume, even though the wig’s not red. You’ll need to find your own boots and hosiery, though.
Gail Kim
Costume: Max from “Where the Wild Things Are”
Why?: In the book and movie, Max is a little boy who escapes into his imagination, voyaging to an island that inhabits large, wild creatures. With how Gail has been disappointingly treated since her return the WWE, one could suggest that a little escapism is in order for Gail. I mean, after losing to Kelly Kelly, wouldn’t you want to escape? (I’m kidding of course.. Maybe.) Gail would look adorable in Max’s wolf suit, needless to say. Of course, she would need Max’s crown too–what is a king without a crown?
Get the look: Splurge on an adult-sized costume. But at that price, you might end up wearing it year-round like Max.
Read on to see more costume suggestions.
Who’s Next for the Knockouts Championship?
ODB has successfully defended her Knockouts Championship against perhaps the two biggest challengers in the division, Awesome Kong and Tara, who will likely now be feuding on their own. Where does this leave the Knockouts Champ? Who will be the next challenger for the title? With seemingly the top contenders for the title now wrapped … Read more
TNA Bound for Glory 2009 Predictions
It’s the biggest night on the TNA calendar! Two Knockouts matches, two sets of titles on the line. ODB defends the Knockouts Championship in a triple threat match against Awesome Kong and Tara. Meanwhile Saritaylor put up the Knockouts Tag Team Titles against The Beautiful People. Who will be victorious tonight? The Diva Dirt writers weigh in:
Erin: ODB seems to be getting the short end of the stick in this–getting left behind by Kong and getting kicked in the face by Tara. It seems like this match is more about Kong and Tara’s issues than the Knockouts Championship, so I don’t see either of them coming out with gold. I have a feeling that Tara and Kong’s problems will take their full attention, which will give ODB the opportunity to sit back and let those two beat the tar out of each other before taking advantage of either one and sneaking out a victory.
Melanie: As badly as this has been built up [I mean did we ever find out why there so much tension between these Knockouts?] I think this could be a good match. These three are the heavyweights of the Knockouts division so it makes sense for them to go at it on the biggest event of the year. That said, as everyoneelse has pointed out, this one has been all about Kong & Tara with ODB as an afterthought. I don’t know why, but because it’s the biggest show of the year, I expect to see Tara finally get her WrestleMania moment… except at TNA’s WrestleMania. I can’t explain why, but I just feel like this is all about Tara and she’ll finally get that big moment here. Then she could go off and feud with Kong for the title, perhaps.
Steven: Even though this is a triple threat match, it seems like ODB is just being tacked on to the Tara/Kong feud. That said, I see Tara coming out on top this Sunday. I think it’s safe to say that Tara’s first title reign was a sham, so this could be the time for her to have a decent run with the title and a meaningful feud with Kong.
For Tag Team Championship picks, follow the cut:
Unwrapped: Eye Candy for the Week Ending October 17th, 2009
In order to consolidate our Eye Candy coverage, we’ve developed a new feature: Unwrapped! We’ll take all the new photoshoots from the week and grade (or “brand”) each based on the following criteria:
• Poses (are they versatile or just glorified statues?)
• Uniqueness (have we seen this photoshoot a billion times before?)
Grading scale: Sweet (Great)/Bland (Iffy)/Sour (Awful)
Brie Bella‘s Hallway Holdup
Appearance: In head-to-toe black, Brie’s wearing a fitted dress and a loose, cardigan-like vest. I’m sure it would look a lot worse if they were in any other color, but in black it looks like one piece. Her headband this time isn’t so bad, and her cork heels are super sexy and in its neutral color go perfectly with all the black. Damn, they’re high.
Poses: It looks like she’s sitting around in a hallway in the arena, using the massive curved wall of windows for a cool, futuristic setting. The way the light reflects on the floor almost makes it look like she’s sitting on a body of ice. She looks calm and relaxed in a good compliment to her casual look. I’d lose the chairs, though–they just look awkward coming out of nowhere.
Uniqueness: I love this setting, and it’s unique in its almost pristine feel, as much of what we see from non-studio settings in photoshoots is relatively gritty.
Grade: Sweet. Brie channels her unique style into a pretty cool photoshoot, not allowing her love for hippy-ish style to weigh her down, as the peace sign and headband are still prevalent, but in understated ways.
• Click to see the rest of the photoshoot.
Christy Hemme‘s Electric Blue
Appearance: Christy’s wearign a form of what’s become her in-ring signature: bikini top and a skirt or shorts in one solid color, this color being a pretty shade of blue. Absent however are shoes, which kind of irks me for some reason. I guess I just feel like the floor isn’t that clean, so going barefoot isn’t all that sexy. She’s got enough accessories to make up for them in weight, though, piling on the bangles, a shiny belt, and big hoop earrings.
Poses: It wouldn’t be Christy if there weren’t a few manic facial expressions, right? They’re here, along with a bizarre jumping shot and a few strange crouching poses. They just don’t look sexy to me, and for some reason give me a dirty Lindsay Lohan vibe, especially in the 2nd photo. I don’t mean to deliver such a cruel insult to Christy, but yikes..
Uniqueness: Nothing new here..
Grade: Sour. Maybe if she actually wore a complete outfit, it’d look like more than just a half-baked photoshoot.
• Click to see the rest of the photoshoot.
Eve Torres‘s Swept Up
Appearance: Eve’s wearing her signature ring gear, covered in silver and bright shades of green and purple. It’s kind of 80s-like in its coloring, but I like it. She almost looks like the 80s’ idea of sexy futuristic clothing. The cut of it is unique too, giving her a different look amongst her fellow Divas.
Poses: Her hair is the focus, with a well-placed fan giving her that wind-swept look that’s sending her locks flying around. It’s a little distracting, but it gives the photoshoot a unique edge to it, making it more than her just posing in her tights. It almost appears to be in slow motion, with her simple poses complimenting that idea. Some of the shots may look awkward, but most of them look artistic, almost graceful, in how her hair takes flight.
Uniqueness: Like I said, the wind-swept look gives the shoot a unique edge, and if I recall correctly, this is one of the few times Eve has posed in her ring gear.
Grade: Sweet. Nice ring gear and artistic hair placement? What more could a Diva ask for?
• Click to see the rest of the photoshoot.
Read more to see the rest of this week’s photoshoots and vote for your favorite.
The Tiffany Guide to Impact: A Beautiful Mess
This week on Impact, TNA finds new ways to bring the ratings lulz (SUPER 3 hour promo show… really?) while The Tiffany Guide finds its way into your hearts via a computer screen. Velvet Sky, Madison Rayne, and Lacey Von Erich take on Awesome Kong, Tara, and ODB in tag team competition.
First off, let it be known – I’m not a fan of choreographed entrances in any capacity. They just seem so unnatural, gratuitous, and rather lame. So… I’m not really feeling this new Beautiful People entrance. It just seems far too unrefined and hokey (not to mention homoerotic. Come on, Taylorita had that market cornered first). As relatively simple as it was, the original entrance was just fine. I was hoping that Lacey would just take Angelina’s place in the original choreography. Understandably, this new group will take some getting used to – the viewers need to get comfortable with the new lineup just as much as the members do. Plus, it seems like they might’ve been pressed for time and might’ve thought to just throw something together on the fly. That being said, the “Beautiful People” has slowly transformed into somewhat of a parody of itself. This entrance is merely Exhibit A. What was once comical and somewhat charming is now in-your-face and reminiscent of high school glory days. I can almost see it in Madison Rayne’s face – poor girl looks distressed, and who wouldn’t be? Though, Lacey (who has somehow managed to escape the notorious clown makeup and mini-skirt getup) looks pretty incredible. Looking at her, I feel like I should have no room to complain. Well, at least they all match right?
Tara makes her way to the ring (looking as stunning as ever), and Awesome Kong enters the Impact Zone with Raisha Saeed in tow. Funny thing is, I completely forgot about ODB. Her involvement in this match didn’t cross my mind until she made her entrance. What could be a testament to my ailing memory, I’d rather blame on TNA’s booking inability. The title holder and forefront of the division = forgettable? That’s rather unfortunate.
At the start of the match, Awesome Kong quickly takes down her squabbling partners. The Beautiful People fly in like vultures to pick at the leftovers. The boiling rivalry between Kong and Tara comes to a head yet again. Meanwhile, ODB endures the 3 on 1 onslaught. The Beautiful People continue to cut the ring in half with the Knockouts Champion until Tara crawls back to her rightful corner. ODB overpowers Madison Rayne (who has proven herself as the star of this match) which results in a near double count-out. Both ladies make the tag out to their respective partners. Tara hurries into the ring, bulldozing both Velvet and Madison down in her path. She appoints a nice slap across Lacey’s face for good measure. Tara sets Velvet up for a moonsault, but ODB makes a blind tag. ODB sets Velvet on top of her shoulders for the apparent finish, but Tara disrupts in retaliation. A staredown commences between the two Knockouts before Tara finally takes ODB down with a superkick. Velvet quickly makes the pin and picks up the win for her team. More gratuitous ass!
Somehow, I don’t feel so apologetic for discounting ODB’s presence. The way she’s booked, it doesn’t seem like TNA could give much of a care either. This three-way rivalry lost its purpose long ago; I’m just pulling for a conclusion come Bound for Glory.
On the other hand, Lacey did not get as much time in the ring – not that I expected her to, really. Lacey has plenty of time to prove her in-ring ability, and it’s in TNA’s best interest to be patient. At the very least, she has proven to have some amount of charisma thus far… right? She seems very comfortable in the role of a Beautiful Person (as opposed to Madison) and doesn’t seem to have many inhibitions. If all else fails, let Madison be the muscle (so to speak). She has already shown that she can work her way around a six-sided ring – at least with much more skill than her sorority sisters.
Next up: the Hamada vs. Alissa Flash grudgefest continues.
The Tiffany Guide to Impact: To the Victors Go the Spoils
This week on Impact marked a Knockout Elimination tag team match and a Knockouts Title match.
First, Team Hamada/Christy Hemme/Sarita/Taylor Wilde take on Team Velvet Sky/Madison Rayne/Traci Brooks/Alissa Flash.
Hamada and Traci briefly lock up, but Hamada takes Traci down. Hamada attempts a springboard moonsault, but Traci dodges in the nick of time. When Traci goes for the Sunset Flip, Hamada rolls out, allowing Traci the opportunity to avoid a kick and attempt a school boy roll-up. Hamada kicks out, ducks a clothesline, and finally connects with a kick. Hamada goes for the cover, but Traci gets the shoulder up.
Christy Hemme gets tagged in. She isn’t able to put up much of a fight before being eliminated ala a jawbreaker courtesy of Traci. Taylor then enters the match on her team’s behalf and covers Traci following a dropkick. Alissa Flash distracts Taylor for a moment, and Traci capitalizes with a clothesline before tagging in Alissa. Alissa bestows the Curb Stomp upon Taylor, who gets the shoulder up at 2. Taylor retaliates with a double knee backbreaker and a tag out to Hamada. Hamada drops Alissa with a resounding front dropkick from the top turnbuckle. With a bit of residual aggression from their bubbling feud, the fight between the two adversaries spill out to the back.
Meanwhile, Sarita takes Velvet to the limit with a series of armdrags. Velvet kicks out. Sarita tags in Taylor, and in a double team display, Velvet is taken down by a drop toehold and a dropkick. Velvet kicks out yet again. In yet another pinning predicament, Velvet kicks out of a double wrist clutch Northern Lights Suplex. In somewhat of a surprise element at play here, Velvet Sky is able to ensure a victory over Taylor Wilde with a DDT. It comes down to 3 on 1.
Sarita enters the match, attempting a dropkick but she misses. Velvet tags in Traci, who is quickly eliminated by a belly-to-belly suplex. The Beautiful People bum-rush Sarita and are able to get the upper hand for the majority of the remainder of the match. That is, until Sarita is able to outsmart the duo and eliminate Velvet with the Small Package. Madison Rayne goes for a suplex, but Sarita counters with yet another inside cradle. Madison kicks out, and she kicks out again from a schoolboy attempt.
Alissa Flash seems to be making her way down the ramp onscreen, at the perturbation of the referee. Back in the ring, Sarita takes Madison out with a powerbomb, however the referee is distracted long enough for Lacey Von Erich to approach the ring and plant Sarita with a lifting body slam. Madison gets the win for her team.
With a few high spots, this was an overall decent match. A few of the eliminations were just a tad weak, but it served its purpose – which was to sustain the feuds. Velvet was made to look somewhat strong in this match, being able to kick out of a few predicaments and to score a pinfall the way she did. That will be a rub going into the Tag Team title match. Lacey Von Erich also fulfilled her role rather fittingly. That lifting body slam was eloquently executed, and to her credit Lacey is already differentiating herself by adopting a less Diva-oriented moveset. Which, ideally, complements the whole “third generation” persona. In the words of Roddy Piper “old school is cool!” For what it’s worth, the Beautiful People now seem to work for the best interest of the team. Looking back, that isn’t something we’ve seen often from them. Definitely, a new side of Mi Pi Sexy in more ways than one.
Next, is the TNA Knockouts Championship competition between Tara and ODB.
The Tiffany Guide to Impact: Uninspired Impact is Uninspired
This week on the ever-so-inaptly-named program we’ve come to know as Impact, we saw two Playboy bunnies stink up the six-sided ring, a Knockouts title match, and the debut of TNA’s newest Knockout entity.
First Knockouts match on the card: Christy Hemme vs. Traci Brooks in a Playboy something-something match. I have no idea why Christy is dressed up as a Chippendale dancer, but the ever so bodacious Traci forces her against the ropes and into a pin attempt. Christy kicks out at 2, and Traci follows up with a mat slam. Traci follows Christy into the corner, but receives a boot to the face. Christy lands a charging 180 spinning facebuster. Christy delivers an axe kick to the back of Traci’s head, but Traci kicks out as well. Christy attempts the FFG, but the only thing catching her firecrotch is the unforgiving canvas. Traci covers Christy which results in a nearfall. A stinging chop to the tatas later… Traci falls into a Sunset Flip pin and Christy Hemme picks up the win.
Traci blindsights Christy from behind with an uninspired attack. So short, it was almost painless. As gracious as Traci Brooks is, I cannot bring myself to peg this match in a positive light, unfortunately. Not your best, TNA. Simply put, gimmick matches just don’t fit in with the M.O. of the Knockouts division. This Playboy exhibition was moreso reminiscent of WWE pre-2008. It just doesn’t seem right to put Christy Hemme over Traci Brooks, although I do realize that either one could do better. Moving on…
The Tiffany Guide to Impact: The Strong Shall Prevail
This week on Impact, the new Knockout Tag Team Champions, Taylor Wilde and Sarita take on Tara and the Knockouts Champion, ODB:
Taylor Wilde and Sarita’s entrance continues to rise many questions. Is this an ode to Patrick Swayze’s rendition of Dirty Dancing? Because I sense some major sexual tension between Taylor Wilde and Sarita in that entrance. Is that the vibe they are going for? If so, then they certainly hit the nail on the head: a lesbian couple in heat doing the tango. All that jazz and strobe lights – I feel like I’m watching an anime.
In somewhat of a dream match up, Sarita and Tara square off at the start of the match. As a show of respect, the two share a handshake. The two lock up and Tara overpowers Sarita with a headlock and a takedown. Sarita traps Tara between the legs with a headlock of her own. Tara flips out of the move and covers Sarita, but Sarita bridges out of the pin attempt. Tara attempts to counter the sunset flip, but misses the front dropkick. Sarita also misses an elbow. The two pause for a moment, but Tara goes back in with an arm lock. Sarita rushes to the corner. Tara catches her in what seems to be the makings of the Spider’s Web (fireman’s carry into a swinging sidewalk slam), but Sarita brilliantly counters that with a headscissors.
Taylor Wilde makes the tag and lands a diving crossbody from the top. With an assist from Taylor, Sarita lands a moonsault onto Tara and Taylor capitalizes with a senton for the 2-count. Meanwhile, the commentators banter about a piece of hair that has inconspiciously found its way into the center of the ring. All signs point to Tara. (Hmm…did anyone check Slick Johnson?) Tara grounds Taylor with a powerslam, but Taylor kicks out. Tara tags in the Knockouts Champion. ODB with a shot to the midsection, carries Taylor into the corner by the throat. An assault ensues…
The Tiffany Guide to No Surrender: Knockouts History Is Made… Again!
This year’s No Surrender marked a staple in Knockout history. Sarita and Taylor Wilde faced Madison Rayne and Velvet Sky for the TNA Knockouts Tag Team Championship.
Saritaylor debut some new music and a new entrance. It isn’t any better, but hey it’s different. In all honesty, now they really just look like a hot-n-heavy couple doing the tango. Keep trying ladies, I’m sure you’ll get it eventually.
Tazz continues to spoil the outcome of the match (like he has done from the very beginning of the tournament), but it’s not like the result wasn’t utterly predictable.
The Beautiful People make their way to the ring in such a ridiculous manner that makes me absolutely miss Angelina Love. Call me crazy, though I prefer “incredibly loyal.” There’s no TLC without Left-Eye, there’s no Alice in Chains without Layne Staley, and there sure as hell ain’t no Beautiful People without Angelina Love. Wherefore art thou, Love? This entrance isn’t nearly the same without you. Bleh…I guess I’ll just have to settle for this Knockout knockoff for the time being.
Mike Tenay hits the final nail in the coffin by mentioning Angelina Love’s release onscreen, which makes it “legit” in some way. He even pulls the “future endeavors” line…which, as everyone knows, is the wrestling version of “Rest in Peace.”
Earl Hebner and his (oddly fitting Nazi-authoritarian) mustache assert themselves as the officiator to this match, playing off of Slick Johnson’s past history with the Beautiful People.
Sarita and Taylor Wilde waste no time in starting off the matchup. Madison Rayne is sent to the outside while Taylor Wilde basically slams Sarita on top of Velvet Sky, in quite an unique showing of offense… if I do say so myself. Velvet Sky kicks out. Sarita maneuvers a brief headlock into an armlock into a series of pin attempts. Madison breaks up the count, however, during. Taylor forges a tag and takes advantage. She and her partner take down Velvet with a double back elbow, and Sarita elevates Taylor into a moonsault for the 2-count. Tsk tsk…that’s cheating, ladies. Old Hebner knows no difference as Velvet tags out to Madison Rayne.
Taylor effortlessly breaks down Madison with a drop toehold and an elbow. Sarita makes the tag this time and delivers an elbow of her own. Sarita is whipped into the corner and suffers a sudden burst of gonash from miss Madison, resulting in a near fall. Madison is perplexed, as she is not used to arguing with referees. Madison takes Sarita into the corner, who endures a few kicks to the midsection. Madison tags out. The Beautiful People attempt some tandem action with a double straight jacket neckbreaker. Velvet makes the cover, but Sarita kicks out at 2. Velvet doesn’t go apeshit just yet. Instead, she bides her time with a couple mat slams. Velvet tries a sunset flip, but cowers out of it, avoiding a dropkick in the process. So much for mat initiative. Eh. Velvet puts the boots to Sarita, but Sarita kicks out at 2. After a modified curb stomp to the throat, Sarita kicks out again.
Madison tags in and puts Sarita in a headlock and then drops into a spinning neckbreaker for the 2-count. The Beautiful People continue to cut the ring in half with the quick tags. Velvet becomes a bit overzealous, allowing Sarita to recover amidst a float-over DDT. Both competitors make the hot tag out to their respective partners.
Madison runs into a dropkick and a rollover fireman’s carry slam, as well as a swift backbreaker. Taylor tries to ensure a victory for her team, but Velvet Sky breaks up the pin. For the finish, Sarita lays a springboard dropkick onto Madison Rayne who is subsequently taken down with a German suplex for the win.
Sarita and Taylor Wilde make history as the first ever TNA Knockout Tag Team Champions. Victory dance! No? Okay. I guess Old Hebner and his ‘serious business’ ‘stache won’t allow it.
Next up commences a battle of the sexes for the TNA Knockouts Championship.
First Knockouts Tag Title Defence Announced
The new Knockouts Tag Team Championship will get their first workout this Thursday night on Impact. First ever champions, Sarita and Taylor Wilde will defend the gold against ODB and Tara. We’ll have live spoiler updates from the Impact Zone tonight.
TNA No Surrender Predictions & Discussion Post
No Surrender on pay per view tonight will see the first ever Knockouts Tag Team Champions crowned! Check out our predictions below: Knockouts Tag Team Championship: Sarita & Taylor Wilde vs The Beautiful People Erin: Even when ignoring the fact that the Beautiful People are half the team they used to be (literally), Sarita and … Read more
The Tiffany Guide to Impact: There’s No ‘I’ in Team
This week on TNA Impact presents Round Numero: God-Knows-What of the Knockouts tag team tournament. With a little something extra, of course.
First match of the night pits Velvet Sky and Angelina Love vs. Tara and Christy Hemme.
As the competitors make their way to the six-sided ring, I can’t help but notice just how awkward Christy Hemme looks while spazzing out next to Tara. Moreover, this must be the first (and inherently last) time I’ve ever seen Angelina Love and Velvet Sky actually match. Are we in Bizarro World?
Tara and Angelina start off the match. Velvet distracts Tara long enough for Angelina to capitalize. Tara suffers a stinging chop as a result. Angelina makes another attempt, but Tara counters and maneuvers Angelina into the Hair-pull Gory special. Tara flips Angelina face first onto the mat. Christy gets tagged in and is used for the essentially lifeless weight that she is. Angelina Love takes her down with a drop toe hold and Velvet Sky makes the tag. Play-fighting extraordinaire, Velvet, takes the moment to make a mockery of her opponents and even takes the initiative for the first pinfall of the match. Whaddyaknow? Christy kicks out and Velvet tags out to Angelina Love.
Christy is taken down with a snapmare and a bit of tandem action. Angelina goes for a cover, but there’s a kick-out at 2. When Christy regains her strength, both women are taken down with similar offense. Both ladies make a hot tag to her respective partners. Tara takes Velvet out with a snap suplex and with a standing moonsault for a near fall. Christy gets tagged in and serves a steaming mouthful of firecrotch to poor Velvet, but Angelina breaks up the pin at the 2-count. Tara takes the fight to Angelina to the outside.
Meanwhile, Madison Rayne makes a surprising appearance. There is an exchange among them that leads to Madison spraying hairspray in Christy’s eyes. Shocker. Velvet rolls Christy for the win.
After the match, Madison pleads her case to her former Mi Pi Sexy leaders with some half-assed apology. I don’t think I’ve ever felt so apathetic toward an emoticon. In any case, Angelina and Madison seemingly “forgive” and invite their lost lamb back into the stable.
Well well well, looks like this turn of events couldn’t have come at a more opportune time. Seeing as this was Angelina Love last TNA appearance (for the time being), Madison and Velvet will continue to live out the Beautiful People name in the tournament. No, I’m not ready to say goodbye to Angelina just yet! Not for nothing, but way to book Madison like such a pussycat. At least Madison seems to be right at home in the tag team circuit. Velvet? …eh, not so much.
The Tiffany Guide to Impact: More Backwards Booking
This week on Impact treats us to even more tag team competition and something a little extra. First in Knockout action is match numero tres of the 1st round: Taylor Wilde and Sarita vs. Alissa Flash and Daffney. Have I mentioned just how much I loathe Taylor and Sarita’s ring entrance?
Taylor Wilde & Alissa Flash begin the match with a test of strength. Taylor manages to outwrestle Alissa into an armbar, but Alissa slams her down. With a kip up, Taylor laces fingers with Alissa and tags out to Sarita. Taylor nails an arm drag with an assistance of the turnbuckles, and Sarita follow up with a flying arm drag. Those two invent and impose multiple inventive tandem offense that I won’t even attempt to call. A series of arial manuevers and arm drags later, Sarita attemps a dropkick, but Alissa braces herself against the ropes and charges back with a clothesline.
Daffney gets her chance to in on the action with a big uppercut to Sarita. However, Sarita counters that with yet another arm drag and a flip over. What is that, arm drag #304? Daffney kicks out at two, and Taylor Wilde gets tagged in. She attempts a sunset flip from the second rope, but Daffney rolls out before a count can be made. Sarita channels some poetry in motion. However, her not being the legal woman all encourages Slick Johnson to shoo her ass right out of the ring. Meanwhile, Daffney whips Sarita into the opposing corner where she suffers a cheap shot courtesy of Alissa. Alissa gets tagged in and goes back on the offense with a powerful scoop slam and a stomp to the face.
The “Lovely and Very Pasty” Daffney gets tag in again. This time, she takes Taylor down with a Shining Wizard now aptly referred to as “Daff-Knees” and then follows up with an abdominal stretch. Taylor wastes no time maneuvering out of the move with a knee to Daffney’s face. Both women make the hot tag to their respective partners. Sarita goes for a crossbody on both Alissa and Daffney, is abruptly stopped, but overcomes with a tornado DDT to Daffney. With an assist from Sarita, Taylor delivers some more impressive offense to the Future Legend. Sarita capitalizes with a splash, but Alissa gets the shoulder up 2 while Taylor and Daffney take the fight to the outside. Sarita drops Alissa with a belly-to-belly suplex for the win? WHAT? All of that aerial work and only a standard finish to show for it? Oh well. Taylor Wilde and Sarita advance.
Sarita and Taylor Wilde seemingly do everything that they can to reiterate the “tag team aspect” in this tournament. An overall good match, I find the constant aerial offense a bit gratuitous. While awesome, it does little to add to the storytelling element. Otherwise, “Taylor/Sarita” is the most believable team next to the Beautiful People.
Unwrapped: Eye Candy for the Week Ending September 5th, 2009
In order to consolidate our Eye Candy coverage, we’ve developed a new feature: Unwrapped! We’ll take all the new photoshoots from the week and grade (or “brand”) each based on the following criteria:
• Poses (are they versatile or just glorified statues?)
• Uniqueness (have we seen this photoshoot a billion times before?)
Grading scale: Sweet (Great)/Bland (Iffy)/Sour (Awful)
Brie Bella‘s Red Hot
Appearance: Both of the Bellas seem partial to the color red, as more often than not, they wearing red tights or are sporting red flowers in their hair. I can’t say it’s a bad thing, though–they look terrific in red. Their bright red ring attire may not be my favorite, but Brie’s dress in this photoshoot is absolutely gorgeous. It’s cute and sexy, but looks like something even your average girl could wear, unlike some of the more “ambitious” Diva outfits. The gigantic flower looks like it may give her a neck ache, so a downsize in that department wouldn’t hurt. The shoes are red as well, and have little rosettes on them. This hyper-coordination brings it just a hair away from overkill–black shoes would’ve kept the look from being too matchy-matchy. Though, as is, Brie still rocks it.
Poses: Sweet grins and knowing smiles are her obviously strong suit–she pulls them off without looking too try-hard or air headed. She’s a prime example that a Diva can look drop dead sexy without sticking out her butt or making fish lips all day long.
Uniqueness: Just your standard studio shoot..
Grade: Sweet. Red is her color, and though the look could use a bit of a reduction on that hue, she looks great. She looks very at ease in the photoshoot, and shows that even though the WWE seems keen on packaging the Bellas in a one-size-fits-all way, she’s got a spark of her very own.
• Click to see the rest of the photoshoot.
Christy Hemme‘s Untitled
Appearance: Sticking to the familiar ring attire she’s worn since the WWE, Christy’s wearing a teeny weeny bikini top and matching skirt. The color is gorgeous, and the ribbed fabric adds a little bit more substance to it. Her red hair compliments the color of the outfit really well–it just pulls the whole thing together, as simple as it all is.
Poses: TNA’s photoshoots are notoriously small, so a Knockout only has a few photos to show some variety. Christy does this pretty well, showcasing both her sex appeal and the spunkiness that she was so associated with in her time with the WWE. It’s all toned down compared to her more in-your-face shoots.
Uniqueness: Well, Christy is rarely this toned-down and mellow, so I suppose that gives this shoot a unique edge.
Grade: Sweet. With that beautiful greenish-blue outfit, how could I rate it any differently?
• Click to see the rest of the photoshoot.
Follow the cut to see the rest of this week’s photoshoots.
Saturday Supplement: What’s in a Name?
In the Saturday Supplement, the Diva Dirt team will aim to discuss a news story, a televised event or other relevant and current topics. The objective, like the average weekend newspaper, is to offer more indepth and lengthy discussion.
With last week’s debut of Courtney Taylor I thought, amongst other things, how awful that name was. But let’s be honest–for a girl that used to be named Wesley Holliday, you can only go “up” in the name department. That thought led me to think of how and why the WWE and TNA name their Divas and Knockouts the way that they do. Some names stick, some don’t, and others just boggle the mind with their awfulness. I’ll ponder that, and take a look at some of the aliases that have become some of the most recognizable names in business, as well as some that just don’t make a damn bit of sense.
Of course, a discussion on wrestling names wouldn’t be complete without mentioning Victoria, er.. Tara. The internet breathed a collective “Huh??” at the unveiling of the new name. After all, how would that sound on television? “Tara hits the Widow’s Peak!” Eh, not really feeling it. After having a name as fitting as Victoria, is was strange to see her suddenly have to change monikers. But let’s figure out why she had to do it: did the WWE have a trademark on the name? Probably, but WWE-to-TNA transfers have often found loopholes and ways to get around that. Christian Cage, anyone? After the recent debut of Lashley, who of course didn’t have to change his name from his recognizable WWE moniker, it makes me wonder if Victoria was forced into changing her name, and if so, why? She had a long, storied history with the WWE, and if any Knockout commanded respect right from the get-go, it was her. Unless I’m wrong and it was her idea to change names, I think it’s pretty crappy to make her switch from something she’s been associated with for so long. After all, don’t TNA love getting a rub from the WWE’s past successes? Why would they want to sever that mental tie to Tara’s success in the WWE by completely changing her name? And for the love of God, why Tara? It’s such an un-intimidating name (Yeah, I get the Tara-Terror connection), and just sounds silly in the context of a wrestling match. Maybe if she had a faux last name with it, it would be easier to digest. Though I will admit, it’s been growing on me after a while, but probably just because I’m getting more used to it.
But while we’re on the topic of TNA, that company has a pretty storied history of questionable Knockout names. ODB, for instance, stands for One Dirty Bitch, clearly a moniker fitting for her over-the-top character, but it’s so damn weird. All I think of when I hear it is the rapper Ol’ Dirty Bastard, which probably isn’t too far fetched, since he often went by the initials ODB as well. Now, I can’t knock her for doing something out of the ordinary, but I personally wouldn’t name myself a bitch. I probably wouldn’t drink from a flask on my way to the ring either, so we’re probably not destined to see eye-to-eye on much.
Knockouts Title Match for No Surrender… It’s a Doozy
TNA will announce on tonight’s episode of Impact that the Knockouts Championship will be decided in a match between ODB and Cody Deaner at September’s No Surrender pay per view. TNA’s er, General Manager(?) Mick Foley will seize the title until the pay per view on September 20th. I don’t even know where to begin…
The Tiffany Guide to Hard Justice: Hardly Any Justice
Warning: the following article might induce this reaction.
Last night, the 5th annual installment Hard Justice, marked a monumental moment in Knockouts history. As you all already know, a new Knockouts champion has been crowned. The reception surrounding this decision has been rather…controversial, to say the least. An outrage has been ignited, and with good measure. There are certain moments in professional wrestling that feeds the hand of those neither deserving nor rightful. In this particular instance, the sole-victor and luminary of this contest was deprived of the proper acknowledgment that is only fit for a suitable champion, exposing an underlying selfishness and intolerance that still plagues the wrestling world. An unfortunate event by which one Cody Deaner has fallen victim. However, with every cloud comes a silver lining, and with good grace, I have every faith that this affliction will one day be eradicated. Sure, the outcome may not have been what some of us would have hoped, but with time and patience, Cody Deaner shall overcome. We shall overcome. For now, we must accept.
Cody Deaner may have walked out of the Impact Zone with the title, but unfortunately this is not so. It has come to our attention that TNA has chosen to acknowledge otherwise. There are no words to adequately the describe the amount of outrage expressed by Deanermaniacs worldwide at the result of a such a dishonorable conclusion. Cody Deaner, the underestimated underdog from the meager upbringings of the Alabama backwoods overcame the odds last Sunday by scoring the 1-2-3 victory in a hard-fought battle for the coveted Knockouts championship. A contest that would surely go down in wrestling infamy was soiled by an injustice so present in today’s world of sports entertainment. In a perfect world, the rightful champion would have been declared. However, such stipulations have conveyed otherwise. Thus, Cody Deaner fails to stand today as the TNA Knockouts champion. What some would even liken to the “Montreal Screwjob,” thankfully, the remainder of the match was not nearly as unfortunate as the outcome.
Certainly a match-of-the-year contender, this now ironically titled event has gifted us with a wrestling clinic not seen since the days of Bret Hart. Thus, you can imagine my enthusiasm in dissecting and analyzing each and every aspect of ODB and Cody Deaner vs. Angelina Love and Velvet Sky. PWI, here I come.
Watch the match and more after the cut:
Hard Justice: ODB Wins Knockouts Title, But Wait There’s More…
Moments ago at Hard Justice, ODB and Cody Deaner defeated Angelina Love and Velvet Sky to take the Knockouts Championship. Deaner rolled up Velvet after a botched attempt to spray him in the eyes by Madison Rayne on the outside, she instead accidentally sprayed Velvet allowing Deaner to win. Afterwards, ODB was announced as the … Read more
TNA Hard Justice Prediction Post
TNA delivers some Hard Justice tonight on pay per view, as Angelina Love defends the Knockouts Championship against ODB. Though it seems the exact details of the match are ambiguous; TNA has teased that Angelina will team with Velvet Sky and ODB with Cody Deaner while the latest lineup on TNAwrestling.com suggests a singles bout. … Read more
The Tiffany Guide to Impact: The Ladies in Red
Last night’s edition of TNA Impact sought the anticipated return of Christy Hemme. Impact kicks off with Christy making her ever so energetic way to the ring (still donning her Smackdown vs. Raw 2006 attire) to an ever accessible Sojourner Bolt.
The match starts off with an exchange of hairpulling and headlocks as a test of strength. Christy takes Sojo down for the headlock, but Sojo counters into a headscissors submission. Christy powers out and puts the split-legged boot to Sojo for the 2-count. Christy takes a moment to situate a wedgie as Sojo finds her way to the ropes. Sojo runs the ropes and then proceeds to slam Christy down onto the mat. She takes her down for a backbreaker that renders a near-fall. Sojo leads Christy into a choke against the ropes. Some chants “Lets go Christy” chants resonate the arena as Sojo nails a slingshot elbow onto her opponent. She sets Christy up for a powerbomb, but Christy sandbags and sends Sojo over with a back drop. Sojo lands rather…dangerously and nearly on her head. Unconcerned, Christy riles up the crowd and then drops Sojo with a forearm and a spinning kneel-out facebuster. Christy misses a clothesline, but manages an uninspired cross body block. In what seems to be some failure in communication, Sojo cannot seem to muster up the strength to lift Christy, which results in a blown spot. So, Sojo charges Christy into the corner, instead. Sojo heaves Christy to the top turnbuckle. She attempts a superplex, but Christy knocks her down. Christy lands the “Flying Firecrotch Guillotine” (yes folks you read that right, the FFG) onto Sojo for the win.
Watch the match below:
Not the most impressive match, and we all pretty much knew the result going into it, but it was decent for what it was. Christy and her boobs looked good (can’t really comment on the firecrotch, though). Plus, Christy looks extremely pleased to be back home on the active roster:
I’m sure fans can’t wait to see what just might be in store for Christy now that’s she’s back.
Next up is the Four-Corners match among ODB, Victoria, Awesome Kong, and the Knockouts Champion Angelina Love.
Watch that match and more after the cut: